Dating for the ER community

[Amy T]

I don't see anyone talking about this so I'll put it out there. I believe there is a need for a dating app for the FI / ER community. How do you go about meeting someone when you have a list of requirements like financial independence, in my age range, active, etc.... The existing platforms and programs leave a lot to be desired. Great that you can find a personality match but if your relationship with money is a mismatch, you are in for difficulties. In this day and age why can't technology bridge the gap of having a culturally taboo discussion about money when you are just trying to meet a good match.
Have you found a dating app that you felt helped you find a good match without going through scams or endless scrolling through profiles without an idea if they even met your minimum requirements?
Anyone else ever thought about creating a new dating app for the ER community?

 

[frayne]

I don't think my wife would approve.

 

[athena53]

Short answer- no. I'm in a relationship that I think will end naturally when I move 3 hours away in a little over a month. I met him on Match and although he's a good person and he's smart (both important to me), he's a borderline hoarder and a financial train wreck.

I'm on Match and e-Harmony right now, both free versions, and Match at least is teasing me with more actual profiles while e-Harmony provides little and is still showing me blurry pictures of guys in my current town even though I've changed my location. I'll probably get a paid subscription to Match after I move. FaceBook is showing me ads for NicetoMeet, which is apparently gatherings at nice local restaurants for over-50s and I may look into that. I'm 73 and I don't know how the pickings are in that age group. I browsed OurTime 8 years ago and was not impressed. One guy's profile read, "I like outdoors, horseshoe and tractors". Another who Liked my profile was 20 years older, status was "legally separated" and he described himself as "lonely".

Anyone know about Hinge and Bumble? My impression is that they're for hookups. I haven't closed off that aspect of my life but please, not on the first date.

Finding a financial match is a challenge. Most pictures of me are in exotic places. Well, I need the exotic background since I'm not exactly drop-dead gorgeous. I think guys see that and smell money.

 

[braumeister]

Anyone know about Hinge and Bumble? My impression is that they're for hookups. I haven't closed off that aspect of my life but please, not on the first date.

I have neighbors who met through Bumble. They got married within about a year and are very happy.

 

[richardsok]

SO WHO WANTS TO MEET MY DAUGHTER? She's 40. She's gorgeous! She works! She's trim, athletic! NM. NO Kids! No tats. No vices. No debts. The men: They come. They go. I can't stand it no more.

Anybody? Anybody?

 

[G POP]

SO WHO WANTS TO MEET MY DAUGHTER? She's 40. She's gorgeous! She works! She's trim, athletic! NM. NO Kids! No tats. No vices. No debts. The men: They come. They go. I can't stand it no more.

Anybody? Anybody?

Like Frayne said, "My wife wouldn't approve".

Good luck to all of you singles out there. Rough scene indeed.

 

[aja8888]

I met my current GF on the free Facebook Dating app.

 

[athena53]

I met my current GF on the free Facebook Dating app.

I'd been hoping you'd respond! Glad you're still together. I may try that after I move.

 

[aja8888]

We’re are 7 months in and it looks like we will be together long term.

 

[Koolau]

We’re are 7 months in and it looks like we will be together long term.

Thanks for the update. I've been curious but didn't want to ask. Hoping for a long and wonderful relationship!

 

[Aerides]

I think the practical answer is there are so few in the position of being single (and wanting to meet someone), and having financial means, or FI/ER, that there's little commercial upside to creating and maintaining something like this. It's not cheap to run such a site, not to mention all the legal and privacy challenges, for such a small pool of potential users it would be an unlikely venture, at least, if it were done properly.

I'm sure there are no doubt some lame sites trying to do this, but they are probably more likely sites to mine their users for profit, under the pretense of a service.

 

[FlaGator]

I was on Match about 10 years ago and met a few nice women, spent some time with one of them. But she was not a long-term fit, being employed for the foreseeable future was one of the reasons. Met the current love interest through mutual friends.

Might want to look at the "old ways" - biking, boating clubs, etc.

 

[Amy T]

I think the practical answer is there are so few in the position of being single (and wanting to meet someone), and having financial means, or FI/ER, that there's little commercial upside to creating and maintaining something like this. It's not cheap to run such a site, not to mention all the legal and privacy challenges, for such a small pool of potential users it would be an unlikely venture, at least, if it were done properly.

I'm sure there are no doubt some lame sites trying to do this, but they are probably more likely sites to mine their users for profit, under the pretense of a service.

I think the limited pool is exactly why there is a need IMO. The risk reward of the existing sites is so bad. I also know there are people willing to pay good money to put themselves into a validated group.

 

[MarieIG]

One of my young friends (a professional) met several comfortable gentlemen though a high end matchmaker. She was not charged for the service as she fit the profile of the companion / possible wife sought. She did not choose any of them and eventually married another professional (also comfortable) whom she met though work.

I would think one has to be extremely wary of scams in the dating world.

 

[CO-guy]

I think the limited pool is exactly why there is a need IMO. The risk reward of the existing sites is so bad. I also know there are people willing to pay good money to put themselves into a validated group.

Unfortunately, I believe that's the issue. Regardless of how people meet, there's a general order to the dating process. I would describe it as a series of qualifying steps that start with whether there's mutual attraction and interest.

Determining whether there's things like sexual compatibility, intimacy and a sense of companionship take time to determine. Once successfully past that step, then financial compatibility might be next. Or it might be sussed out in the previous step.

Either way, a dating app for only wealthy older adults might as well be called "ER-Catfish" since I suspect that's how it would be used.

 

[Lorenzo]

Great that you can find a personality match but if your relationship with money is a mismatch, you are in for difficulties.

It's a broader issue than FI and ER. I have read a number of posts in this forum from people who expressed how happy they were to have found someone with a similar "relationship with money" before they were on track for FI or ER. And conversely, how some former relationship did not work out because the other person was not compatible in that respect. When I was dating, this was simply something I looked for along with the rest of my criteria. I don't think a specialized app or site would have been the answer--too limiting.

With regard to ER, if one is retired more than a few years before typical age, the pool of potential matches who are also ER must be darned shallow.

 

[athena53]

Either way, a dating app for only wealthy older adults might as well be called "ER-Catfish" since I suspect that's how it would be used.

I agree. Even on the "mainstream" sites I got the usual responses. "I'm 20 years younger but I'm European and age doesn't make a difference." Guys working on oil rigs or otherwise unavailable to meet in person. Vague "I like your smile" messages. Requests to communicate outside of the site right away ("my membership is about to expire"). When I changed my marital status to Single on FB (I figured I'd get more scammers if I used "Widow") I got quite a few from guys who were drop-dead gorgeous, maybe a few years younger and had no other connections in a recently-established account. A couple were in military uniforms and when I did a Google search on the photos I found they were real people- but not the posters behind the FB invitation. Really awful to se the good reputation of the military to create trust.

I'd be very concerned about being on a dating site for the wealthy unless they did a LOT of pre-screening, which would make it expensive.

 

[Amy T]

It's a broader issue than FI and ER. I have read a number of posts in this forum from people who expressed how happy they were to have found someone with a similar "relationship with money" before they were on track for FI or ER. And conversely, how some former relationship did not work out because the other person was not compatible in that respect. When I was dating, this was simply something I looked for along with the rest of my criteria. I don't think a specialized app or site would have been the answer--too limiting.

With regard to ER, if one is retired more than a few years before typical age, the pool of potential matches who are also ER must be darned shallow.

Exactly, very small pool. There is a need for technology to connect. Of course there will be those who try to "fish". I have ideas for validation.

 

[Amy T]

Unfortunately, I believe that's the issue. Regardless of how people meet, there's a general order to the dating process. I would describe it as a series of qualifying steps that start with whether there's mutual attraction and interest.

Determining whether there's things like sexual compatibility, intimacy and a sense of companionship take time to determine. Once successfully past that step, then financial compatibility might be next. Or it might be sussed out in the previous step.

Either way, a dating app for only wealthy older adults might as well be called "ER-Catfish" since I suspect that's how it would be used.

I think there is a difference in financially responsible and wealthy. I know "wealthy" people who are not responsible at all! It could be for those on the same FIRE path as well as those who have achieved FI.
Loneliness is as epidemic why not try and connect people especially older ones. Although I hear young people are dating less and less.

 

[Amy T]

I was on Match about 10 years ago and met a few nice women, spent some time with one of them. But she was not a long-term fit, being employed for the foreseeable future was one of the reasons. Met the current love interest through mutual friends.

Might want to look at the "old ways" - biking, boating clubs, etc.

Yes, Meetup is great for joining hiking groups and such. I'm making lots of friends and having loads of fun.

 

[TheWizard]

I seem to recall ads in a in-flight magazine some years ago that tried to connect higher income folks. My thoughts were along the lines of "golddigger" and "trophy wife", depending on where you're coming from.

But as mentioned in #19, I think that responsible financial management, living within your means in retirement, is a key point, irrespective of Net Worth.
I'm not sure how one can determine that with a new acquaintance without snooping or asking impertinent questions...

 

[RetiredHappy]

I seem to recall ads in a in-flight magazine some years ago that tried to connect higher income folks. My thoughts were along the lines of "golddigger" and "trophy wife", depending on where you're coming from.

But as mentioned in #19, I think that responsible financial management, living within your means in retirement, is a key point, irrespective of Net Worth.
I'm not sure how one can determine that with a new acquaintance without snooping or asking impertinent questions...

That is also my impression. It is about "rich" men trying to attract trophy wives or dates, rather than wealthy women looking for their financial equivalents.

 

[Dtail]

I agree. Even on the "mainstream" sites I got the usual responses. "I'm 20 years younger but I'm European and age doesn't make a difference." Guys working on oil rigs or otherwise unavailable to meet in person. Vague "I like your smile" messages. Requests to communicate outside of the site right away ("my membership is about to expire"). When I changed my marital status to Single on FB (I figured I'd get more scammers if I used "Widow") I got quite a few from guys who were drop-dead gorgeous, maybe a few years younger and had no other connections in a recently-established account. A couple were in military uniforms and when I did a Google search on the photos I found they were real people- but not the posters behind the FB invitation. Really awful to se the good reputation of the military to create trust.

I'd be very concerned about being on a dating site for the wealthy unless they did a LOT of pre-screening, which would make it expensive.

Do you play Pickleball? Lots of men (single and married) in your age range play the sport. They are usually in decent shape and retired. Not sure about the FI part, but probably a mix.

 

[Gary Smith]

I have been in several hiking clubs spread out over NC, TN, and KY. going back to 2009. My purpose wasn’t necessarily to meet ladies. But what I find interesting is how many attractive, educated, outdoorsy ladies I have met who were seriously looking for a match. Trouble is, 10 and 15 years later they are still looking. I call them professional singles. They will be looking till the day they pass.

Finding someone in older age is difficult because of the years of accumulated baggage. That and so many are looking for perfection. Politics seems to have become more polarizing than ever in seeking a companion. I still stay in touch with seven lady friends from the past dating back to the 1970s. Every one of them has health issues. At 79 I feel isolated in that most of my lady friends can barely walk, much less hike or run. That has forced me into hiking with ladies in their fifties. But they are all around my daughter’s age and old man/young lady is not my cup of tea.

 

[Lorenzo]

Exactly, very small pool. There is a need for technology to connect. Of course there will be those who try to "fish". I have ideas for validation.

I understand your point, but is one's "relationship with money" the ultimate filter people have for a match? To me, it was just one of a number of factors of similar weight. Would I have wanted to join a dating club limited to people who think about money so much?

But I have never been good at judging what appeals to other people.