Dating for the ER community

[Ronstar]

Good taste in hats. I have a Tilley as well and really like it.

+1. Hard to beat a Tilley. Wore one today while kayaking. I and every guy I know where hats almost every day. Mostly ball caps.

DW seems to think that wearing ball caps as much as I do is inappropriate. So maybe wearing ball caps daily would be a negative for a guy looking for dates.

 

[street]

I'm not a baseball hat guy either. I do wear western style hats when out at the ranch and doing some outdoor activities. In town I wear no hat if I do it is a flat hat or a western full brim felt or straw. I prefer The Gus style western hats.

I also have a full head of silver hair been gray since 60 years old.

 

[shortstop14]

The opposite here, baseball hats are frequently in the mix. But I do spend a lot of time on baseball fields, so there's that.

 

[Chuckanut]

I’m 82 and will not be caught dead wearing a ball cap (anywhere). But, I have full head of silver hair…and my new lady friend doesn’t care for them either.

Have you see the photo you show with every message you post?

A nice hat is a great way for men to look a bit snazzy. The type of hat worn has to go with the overall look. A top hat at the baseball game or theaters might not go over so well with those behind you. the Fedora almost always looks good.

 

[Chuckanut]

Ok…Dang it Aja. I always envisioned you as the front and center person in the photo with the hat and sunglasses on, ha!

The guy upfront is not nearly sexy to be Aja enough according to the females in my life. I’ll trust their judgment.

 

[badatmath]

I like a man in a ball cap. But the truth is I have found that the men who are overly dressed up are either vain or too uptight to suit me. I prefer someone who blends into whatever is going on.

IDK since I have never tried OLD I don't think I will have to worry about any new suitors.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Ok…Dang it Aja. I always envisioned you as the front and center person in the photo with the hat and sunglasses on, ha!

I always thought the same thing as you!

 

[citrine]

I don't know.... dating has been a crazy adventure, and I am not interested in it anymore. I don't like to approach men and am very shy if I like someone, so will not make the first move. I did go on a few dates and was involved in a short, long-distance thing but it became way too complicated and crazy (he was) for me.

I am not interested in getting married again or even co-habiting with anyone except a dog. I always get strange looks when I tell people I am semi-retired and have been since my mid 30's. My ex-husband did not have a good financial foundation when I met him; however, we did create a substantial net worth during our marriage.

I like what others have said.... find your hobbies, create community and maybe you will meet someone in the wild. I go to a lot of AA meetings during the day, unfortunately the men are a lot older than I am

 

[badatmath]

I realized why this hat topic was sticking in my head. Anyone remember this group Men Without Hats? Frankly no idea what else they sang.

 

[aja8888]

Aja has the beautiful silver hair. As long as we're talking about hats, my husband also has a full head of hair and wears a hat (a brimmed Tilley, a gift from me) against the sun. We don't like to think about this, but hair doesn't protect us entirely against skin cancer. But Aja should do as he pleases ;^>

Yeah, no history of skin cancer with me and I do use sunscreen. I try to avoid lengthy periods in direct sun with no hat on and only wear one on the golf course. My dermatologist has been pleased with my checkups. Not to change the subject, but hat wearing is plain out of control everywhere . Should be a thread on this..

 

[Amethyst]

All that is to say that starting to date again is a huge step, but it can be broken into smaller steps.

What surprised me was how awkward some men in my age group were about asking for a date. I guess I expect everybody, male and female, to have at least a little conversational finesse by this age. Telling me he's been watching me at the gym and wondered if he could "instigate" a conversation? Not a good start. Go do your instigating somewhere else.

 

[TheWizard]

What surprised me was how awkward some men in my age group were about asking for a date. I guess I expect everybody, male and female, to have at least a little conversational finesse by this age. Telling me he's been watching me at the gym and wondered if he could "instigate" a conversation? Not a good start. Go do your instigating somewhere else.

Using the wrong verb is a major mistake, yes...

 

[Mulligan]

What surprised me was how awkward some men in my age group were about asking for a date. I guess I expect everybody, male and female, to have at least a little conversational finesse by this age. Telling me he's been watching me at the gym and wondered if he could "instigate" a conversation? Not a good start. Go do your instigating somewhere else.

Looking back, “Fortune favors the bold and brave” is a saying I personally found very applicable to both my dating and even earlier era “lady chasing” days.

 

[GravitySucks]

What surprised me was how awkward some men in my age group were about asking for a date. I guess I expect everybody, male and female, to have at least a little conversational finesse by this age. Telling me he's been watching me at the gym and wondered if he could "instigate" a conversation? Not a good start. Go do your instigating somewhere else.

67 years old and I still often get tongue tied trying to strick up a conversation with a woman. Maybe chalk it up to him being a bit nervous.

 

[CO-guy]

What surprised me was how awkward some men in my age group were about asking for a date. I guess I expect everybody, male and female, to have at least a little conversational finesse by this age.

They don't. Or rather, it's surprising how many people have lost whatever conversational abilities they had for making friends back in elementary school.

Same with hygiene. Someone earlier thought it was absurd to suggest that a man should get a manicure. However, I have to hide my disgust every time some guy tries to get me to shake his grimy hand. It's as though a line of black dirt under the nails is the guy equivalent of "French Tips."

 

[CO-guy]

I'm not a baseball hat guy either. I do wear western style hats when out at the ranch and doing some outdoor activities. In town I wear no hat if I do it is a flat hat or a western full brim felt or straw. I prefer The Gus style western hats.

I also have a full head of silver hair been gray since 60 years old.

Not sure if this is what you mean by a Western style hat, but when I moved to Colorado my great aunt made me a "Honky Tonk" hat. She's from the Caribbean and has never been to Colorado, but said I needed a proper hat to wear to the Honky Tonk. The pinch in the front is for easy grabbing and it's sized for my head, though I wear it with a buff to absorb sweat.

 

[street]

Not sure if this is what you mean by a Western style hat, but when I moved to Colorado my great aunt made me a "Honky Tonk" hat. She's from the Caribbean and has never been to Colorado, but said I needed a proper hat to wear to the Honky Tonk. The pinch in the front is for easy grabbing and it's sized for my head, though I wear it with a buff to absorb sweat.
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I would wear that and nice looking hat! I had a straw hat on all day today. You need one if under the sun at the ranch working. Your eyes are in the shade everything is bettah.

 

[Amethyst]

Using the wrong verb is a major mistake, yes...

The whole approach was awkward and unwelcome.

 

[Amethyst]

Using the wrong verb is a major mistake, yes...

The whole approach was awkward and unwelcome

I would wear that and nice looking hat! I had a straw hat on all day today. You need one if under the sun at the ranch working. Your eyes are in the shade everything is bettah.

Love western style hats.

 

[Aerides]

They don't. Or rather, it's surprising how many people have lost whatever conversational abilities they had for making friends back in elementary school.

Same with hygiene. Someone earlier thought it was absurd to suggest that a man should get a manicure. However, I have to hide my disgust every time some guy tries to get me to shake his grimy hand. It's as though a line of black dirt under the nails is the guy equivalent of "French Tips."

A woman is looking at your hands and deciding where they might go, so, please, do. Also, a pedicure. Nothing like getting stabbed in the night by a stray foot, or by a flying toenail shard from a DIY'er.

 

[Amethyst]

They don't. Or rather, it's surprising how many people have lost whatever conversational abilities they had for making friends back in elementary school.

Same with hygiene. Someone earlier thought it was absurd to suggest that a man should get a manicure. However, I have to hide my disgust every time some guy tries to get me to shake his grimy hand. It's as though a line of black dirt under the nails is the guy equivalent of "French Tips."

67 years old and I still often get tongue tied trying to strick up a conversation with a woman. Maybe chalk it up to him being a bit nervous.

Nervous, good heavens. How did he ever manage to make a living if a simple old woman does that to him? I find it off-putting in someone old and experienced. It's like, what other simple stuff can't he do? Will I have to carry every social encounter?

 

[Amethyst]

A woman is looking at your hands and deciding where they might go, so, please, do. Also, a pedicure. Nothing like getting stabbed in the night by a stray foot, or by a flying toenail shard from a DIY'er.

Indeed, consider where *anything* might end up going, and sanitize accordingly...

 

[Montecfo]

I’m not so sure of that. Many young people today have lost the ability to simply approach a person at a social site and start talking. A guy at my church found his current wife (they’ve now been married 20+ years) when he returned an item at a retail store. He asked the attractive clerk, whom he had never seen before, if she had time for a drink after work. She replied that she did not drink with strangers. He stopped right there, thinking he had struck out. As she finished with his return, she added “But, I would enjoy a walk in the nearby park”. That was all it took.

Guys just don’t know how to approach and talk to gals these days. And it’s not just the younger ones. And gals don’t know how to signal interest. Perhaps we should go back to ladies dropping their handkerchief in front of an interesting man hoping he will pick it up. Or bumping carts in the grocery store? Who knows?

So true. Our young males have been taught that approaching an unknown female in the wild is "stalking" and "creepy".

This is both sad and silly.

 

[Aerides]

So true. Our young males have been taught that approaching an unknown female in the wild is "stalking" and "creepy".

This is both sad and silly.

I think it's more that they haven't learned to read the cues to determine how that would be received. If you have made no eye contact, and have no context for what the situation is, and launch into an attempted pick up, it can be very awkward, and yes, creepy.

Have these young males been taught the art of a simple flirt? Say at the grocery store, "can I help you reach that?" "oh I've been meaning to try that, is it good?" - all far better than "hey I was watching you and wanna go out" or something.

Reading the room in a skill one develops before charging in.

 

[Montecfo]

I think it's more that they haven't learned to read the cues to determine how that would be received. If you have made no eye contact, and have no context for what the situation is, and launch into an attempted pick up, it can be very awkward, and yes, creepy.

Have these young males been taught the art of a simple flirt? Say at the grocery store, "can I help you reach that?" "oh I've been meaning to try that, is it good?" - all far better than "hey I was watching you and wanna go out" or something.

Reading the room in a skill one develops before charging in.

You are saying things WE know. But that is different from what youngs are being TAUGHT.

Yes, they can learn the things we know but some unlearning must take place first.

Funny for me approaching and chatting with someone I have never met comes easily. But then again I am taking little risk.