Dating for the ER community

[Mulligan]

Interesting.
What is this nurse with a purse thing??

That is being real greedy. I always heard the term to be “Nurse or a purse”, not both, ha. It basically means an older guy looking for a relationship in which the lady feeds, washes his clothes, and/or takes care of his chronic health issues. The purse part is simply getting a lady that has the economic means to improve his lifestyle at the expense of her bank account.

 

[FlaGator]

Agree. This thread has run its course. And some women wonder why they can’t find a man. Not a popular opinion but anyone that uses an online dating service is automatically off my radar screen. They are the types that will be searching till the day they die. The best relationships arise from happenstance, not the forced settings of an online dating site.

If it has for you, put it on ignore.

Male/Female interaction is fascinating to me all my life, especially since I was widowed years ago. Took the plunge, had some short-term successes and failures. This thread is a very low-cost opportunity for me to be more successful next time.

 

[Flieger]

I just don’t understand all of the aggressive conversation in here. Ridiculous.

Flieger

 

[Major Tom]

I also feel sad about people who are on the streets and mentally ill, even though they may be perfectly happy with their lot in life. I guess I shouldn't wish they they had a fulfilling "other" option?

I don't think that's a fair comparison. I somehow doubt that a mentally ill person who is living on the street feels fulfilled and happy. You appear to think that a romantic relationship is an essential part of happiness and fulfillment and without it, something is lacking. I know that a lot of people feel that way, and it is no doubt true for them. I fully understand that a healthy long-term romantic relationship can be a wonderful route to growth, self-knowledge, happiness, and a lot of other great things. I don't think it's the only way though. I agree with RetiredHappy; I think you're projecting your own belief that a romantic relationship is the main/only way to achieve happiness onto others. I do *hope you find what you're looking for, but we're not all looking for the same thing.

(*Maybe you already found it!)

 

[FlaGator]

I just don’t understand all of the aggressive conversation in here. Ridiculous.

Flieger

The block button can be your friend. Only a few for me, but it does keep the BP down.

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

I don't think that's a fair comparison. I somehow doubt that a mentally ill person who is living on the street feels fulfilled and happy. You appear to think that a romantic relationship is an essential part of happiness and fulfillment and without it, something is lacking. I know that a lot of people feel that way, and it is no doubt true for them. I fully understand that a healthy long-term romantic relationship can be a wonderful route to growth, self-knowledge, happiness, and a lot of other great things. I don't think it's the only way though. I agree with RetiredHappy; I think you're projecting your own belief that a romantic relationship is the main/only way to achieve happiness onto others. I do *hope you find what you're looking for, but we're not all looking for the same thing.

(*Maybe you already found it!)

Thank you, but it is not projection. It is a sentiment. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been in a happy marriage for over 40 years.

And while I trust you can allow me to have my sentiments, I’ll also grant you the right to believe that the mentally ill who live on the streets are not happy there. The fact that they remain there even if offered housing does complicate the argument.

 

[kumquat]

Well, if this is it for the thread, I'll make my final contribution. After several years of 'just friends' my relationship with my recently deceased DW evolved into a 49 year marriage. I still see a few female friends of me and DW and love the support they gave me when she died. I have no intensions of entering any relationship more than 'just friends'. I'm simply too old. As for the physical stuff, I don't even know if those parts of me still work (DW was in bad health for the last 10 years).

As for dating stuff, not interested. I can't believe I read this entire thread.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I got married last month. I'm 70, she 57. We met through a matchmaker. The matchmaker organized singles meetups. After the first meetup I got 5 messages from women (43-55 age range) the next morning. I dated 3 of them. All very nice women. A month later the matchmaker sent me a photo and asked if I wanted to meet her too. I did, I stopped all the previous dates, and after a year of dating we married.

I've been living in Thailand for 9 years. She is, of course, Thai. University graduate. Restaurant owner. Loves to travel.

I like that story.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

Since MartyP mentioned matchmakers, a quick matchmaker story, the only one I'm aware of personally.

There was a gathering for dinner after some medical thing I don't remember. Maybe 10 Dr's, and 2 +1's, me and a guy married to a Dr.

I hadn't met the woman that was married to the guy before. You'll have to take my word for it that she was attractive from the neck up and below the neck. Seemed like the nicest person there. Everything good.

During the evening conversation, I asked how the two of them met. She responds "Through a matchmaker". I was fascinated by this, since I never met anyone who had used one. Or if they even existed where I live.

Turns out she was added to the matchmaking catalog free, and her husband paid up for matchmaking services (No surprise). He refused to tell how much he paid, wife swears he won't tell her either. So I'm guessing a few thousand??

I thought it was interesting that she had to use a matchmaker to get married, even though to me she had everything going for her (Including a 400+K salary as well as pleasant and attractive).

If anybody has any further questions about this couple, post them here. I'll be seeing them in 4 weeks at another gala.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Talking about matchmaking, I have a Sikh friend who was my MBA classmate, and he was very handsome but culturally he had to go through a matchmaker. The matchmaker found him a very nice girl from India (Punjab) and they got married. My girlfriends from my MBA class were surprised because he could have found a nice girl for himself, but with his culture, he was not allowed to do that. Anyway, they went on to have 2 children and are still happily married after 30 years. They seem to have alot of hobbies in common, including biking, hiking and traveling.

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

Just read an interesting article in the NY Times about decision theory. The article made several references to dating, with suggestions for strategies that maximize good outcomes vs ultimately not coupling.

Here is a free link, courtesy of the NYT:

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/opinion/decision-making-herbert-simon.html?unlocked_article_code=1.oVA.lDSA.kyiT0707MQvn&smid=url-share

Basically, better outcomes follow strategies that satisfice, rather than maximize. Too many options lead to poorer/no decisions.

A number of posters here touched on the basic premises of the research.

 

[Amethyst]

This is a huge problem with our young folks. Young females tend to liberal, young men moderate to conservative. Which is all fine except these young women are far more likely to reject a match that does not accept her political "leanings". So this makes it hard for a match to be made in some cities and parts of the country especially.

And we see marriage occurring later and later or not at all. And the birth rate continues to fall.

Sharing beliefs I think can be ok important. But females who marry and have children tend to become more conservative. So I think flatly rejecting someone for politics at say 20 or 25 is probably a bad plan for someone who wishes to live happily ever after.

Just my fact based opinion.

Throughout my life, it's seemed to me that men who openly identify as conservative, also tend to feel for some reason that women are subordinate to men, whereas independent thinkers of both sexes t

"Hi, my name is..." is a first line that will never work. In Chicagoland, all you need to say is "How bout those Bears?" The person's reaction will provide more than enough information on how to proceed.

Wordsmith it all you want. The point is, grownups can introduce themselves. Basic life skill. If you want someone, you gotta go after them, and not expect them to carry the load for you.

 

[Montecfo]

Throughout my life, it's seemed to me that men who openly identify as conservative, also tend to feel for some reason that women are subordinate to men, whereas independent thinkers of both sexes t

I love the "openly identify". Seems you are suggesting these folks should be smart enough to keep something that damaging under wraps.

Not sure what else you were going to say but that is certainly a very extreme view. You probably should get out and meet and really get to know some folks of differing views.

I do love the "independent thinkers" phraseology. Is that what the above reflects?

And I do wonder how you see a statement like yours as advancing the discussion we are having here.

 

[street]

I love the "openly identify". Seems you are suggesting these folks should be smart enough to keep something that damaging under wraps.

Not sure what else you were going to say but that is certainly a very extreme view. You probably should get out and meet and really get to know some folks of differing views.

I do love the "independent thinkers" phraseology. Is that what the above reflects?

And I do wonder how you see a statement like yours as advancing the discussion we are having here.

Very segregated view.

 

[Flieger]

The block button can be your friend. Only a few for me, but it does keep the BP down.

I have only used twice, and prefer to limit. Seems that this particular topic is bringing out the worst (ideological) in some but I am holding off on that button as this seems to be the primary driver for these folks, while maintaining in other threads/topics.

Flieger

 

[Flieger]

I love the "openly identify". Seems you are suggesting these folks should be smart enough to keep something that damaging under wraps.

Not sure what else you were going to say but that is certainly a very extreme view. You probably should get out and meet and really get to know some folks of differing views.

I do love the "independent thinkers" phraseology. Is that what the above reflects?

And I do wonder how you see a statement like yours as advancing the discussion we are having here.

+1000

Flieger

 

[Aerides]

I love the "openly identify". Seems you are suggesting these folks should be smart enough to keep something that damaging under wraps.

Not sure what else you were going to say but that is certainly a very extreme view. You probably should get out and meet and really get to know some folks of differing views.

I do love the "independent thinkers" phraseology. Is that what the above reflects?

And I do wonder how you see a statement like yours as advancing the discussion we are having here.

Of all people here Amethyst has gotten "out there" and dated probably more than 98% of the forum and is sharing her experiences.

I'm sure the opposite is true that someone very conservative might not be able to be comfortable with a partner with liberal views. If she had said she couldn't date someone who agrees with xyz progressive idea I'm sure many here would agree.

It all comes down to values and compatibility. Differences in anything might be attractive at first but become challenging over the long haul, for many couples. Religion, culture, finances, education, and yes, politics can all produce hurdles which one may not want to take on, especially later in life.

But let's leave this topic please for those that are finding the larger ideas of interest.

 

[Flieger]

Of all people here Amethyst has gotten "out there" and dated probably more than 98% of the forum and is sharing her experiences.

I'm sure the opposite is true that someone very conservative might not be able to be comfortable with a partner with liberal views. If she had said she couldn't date someone who agrees with xyz progressive idea I'm sure many here would agree.

It all comes down to values and compatibility. Differences in anything might be attractive at first but become challenging over the long haul, for many couples. Religion, culture, finances, education, and yes, politics can all produce hurdles which one may not want to take on, especially later in life.

But let's leave this topic please for those that are finding the larger ideas of interest.

I was going to respond to your first (initial) post which has now been (IMO correctly) edited.

Flieger

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

Since MartyP mentioned matchmakers, a quick matchmaker story, the only one I'm aware of personally.

There was a gathering for dinner after some medical thing I don't remember. Maybe 10 Dr's, and 2 +1's, me and a guy married to a Dr.

I hadn't met the woman that was married to the guy before. You'll have to take my word for it that she was attractive from the neck up and below the neck. Seemed like the nicest person there. Everything good.

During the evening conversation, I asked how the two of them met. She responds "Through a matchmaker". I was fascinated by this, since I never met anyone who had used one. Or if they even existed where I live.

Turns out she was added to the matchmaking catalog free, and her husband paid up for matchmaking services (No surprise). He refused to tell how much he paid, wife swears he won't tell her either. So I'm guessing a few thousand??

I thought it was interesting that she had to use a matchmaker to get married, even though to me she had everything going for her (Including a 400+K salary as well as pleasant and attractive).

If anybody has any further questions about this couple, post them here. I'll be seeing them in 4 weeks at another gala.

Talking about matchmaking, I have a Sikh friend who was my MBA classmate, and he was very handsome but culturally he had to go through a matchmaker. The matchmaker found him a very nice girl from India (Punjab) and they got married. My girlfriends from my MBA class were surprised because he could have found a nice girl for himself, but with his culture, he was not allowed to do that. Anyway, they went on to have 2 children and are still happily married after 30 years. They seem to have alot of hobbies in common, including biking, hiking and traveling.

I acted as a matchmaker once. Other than savings some lives, it is one of the most satisfying things I’ve done in my life: I played Pickeball regularly with a retired guy. Super nice and always very helpful to everyone. He lost his wife to a long cancer battle two years beforehand.

I took it on myself to be a matchmaker, but I didn’t know anyone who would be a match. So, I ask my hairstylist, who is very sociable, if she knows anyone who is seeking a partner. She says yes, I tell my friend and ask him if he is interested and send me a good picture of himself. Meanwhile, hair stylist does the same. We show the parties the pics and thumbs up are given. They have been together for two years now.

 

[Amethyst]

Agree. This thread has run its course. And some women wonder why they can’t find a man. Not a popular opinion but anyone that uses an online dating service is automatically off my radar screen. They are the types that will be searching till the day they die. The best relationships arise from happenstance, not the forced settings of an online dating site.

I shall have to share your views with my husband, whom I met on eHarmony.

 

[Redbugdave]

I am enjoying the thread and opinions. My wife and I have been married 49 years so far. It sure seems less than that. Where does the time go? I cannot see living or hunting up another woman if something happened to my love.

For you guys and gals out there...my advise is to get on with the things you like to do and people find each other. We originally found each other in the Carolina Mountain Club. Just get out and enjoy what you like to do.

And a bit of Larson that hits my funny bone:

 

[GrayHare]

This thread has caused me to rearrange the order of ER posters I'd enjoy meeting, not that anyone should care. It has brought out different sides of various posters.

 

[Amethyst]

Pardon the assumption. And yes I wish rude people were the worst thing that has happened to me.

It isn’t just the Mean Girls from high school, though I’m sure they didn’t help with the social anxiety issues I dealt with and worked on most of my life.

Before I met DGF I was at the local pizza pub waiting at the bar for my friends. A nice looking woman sat next to me at the bar, I complimented her outfit and we had a nice conversation for 15 minutes until my friends showed up. Next time I saw her a month later -she was at the same place with a few girl friends - I thought I’d ask her out. She didn’t even let me get the whole sentence out before she said “Eww No!” I apologized for bothering her and whole leaving heard her say “Can you imagine?” To her friends.

This was a 50 year old woman. And I felt I did something wrong other than thinking I was fortunate to dodge that bullet.
Some Mean Girls grew up to be Mean Woman.

Of all people here Amethyst has gotten "out there" and dated probably more than 98% of the forum and is sharing her experiences.

I'm sure the opposite is true that someone very conservative might not be able to be comfortable with a partner with liberal views. If she had said she couldn't date someone who agrees with xyz progressive idea I'm sure many here would agree.

It all comes down to values and compatibility. Differences in anything might be attractive at first but become challenging over the long haul, for many couples. Religion, culture, finances, education, and yes, politics can all produce hurdles which one may not want to take on, especially later in life.

But let's leave this topic please for those that are finding the larger ideas of interest.

It looks like I accidentally sent an unfinished post attached to another one., and that unfinished post caused a scurry because I said "conservative" to someone who said "liberal." Oh, the humanity! For a fact, I'm not as nimble on the phone screen as on the laptop. As for having dated more than most, that is a surprising idea to me. I wasn't allowed to date until my junior year of high school. In college, I lived at home and had a curfew until I was 21! And I was married for 35 years to a man I met at work. But I had to learn early on to represent myself to other people, or I couldn't have survived, let alone gotten ahead at work. I thought almost everyone has had to learn that skill.

 

[Montecfo]

It seems there are two conversations going on here. One is a general conversation about dating. Very interesting, enjoyable and enlightening.

The other seems like a bit of axe grinding or fault finding based on specific experiences. Also interesting and revealing a lot about some reasons why finding a match at any age can be challenging.

I am always for an interesting positive discussion. I hope this is one can continue in the positive vein that most I think are enjoying.

 

[Aerides]

It looks like I accidentally sent an unfinished post attached to another one., and that unfinished post caused a scurry because I said "conservative" to someone who said "liberal." Oh, the humanity! For a fact, I'm not as nimble on the phone screen as on the laptop. As for having dated more than most, that is a surprising idea to me. I wasn't allowed to date until my junior year of high school. In college, I lived at home and had a curfew until I was 21! And I was married for 35 years to a man I met at work. But I had to learn early on to represent myself to other people, or I couldn't have survived, let alone gotten ahead at work. I thought almost everyone has had to learn that skill.

I meant more recently, as many of us in this thread haven't done so at all in years.