Discussing finance with family and friends seems fruitless

O

orbops

Recycles dryer sheets
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Mar 4, 2022
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Since I retired at 50 and am now 58, I've noticed that when I bring up any financial questions to my friends, classmates and family, no one seems to want to talk about their experiences, questions, or even how they're preparing for retirement. I would think that especially for classmates that are my age, discussing upcoming retirement financial issues & strategies would be a no brainer, but it seems like financial questions are just taboo. Maybe it's just easier for people to have these discussions in forums like this one? Do others have these same issues when it coming to financial discussion?
 
orbops said:
Since I retired at 50 and am now 58, I've noticed that when I bring up any financial questions to my friends, classmates and family, no one seems to want to talk about their experiences, questions, or even how they're preparing for retirement. I would think that especially for classmates that are my age, discussing upcoming retirement financial issues & strategies would be a no brainer, but it seems like financial questions are just taboo. Maybe it's just easier for people to have these discussions in forums like this one?
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Probably because you remind them of something that they should do but are procrastinating.
 
None of my siblings or friends seem receptive to discussing personal finance. The 2 friends I brought up the subject of investing or managing taxes in retirement both stated they have a finance “guy” who manages everything for them. So yes, it seems a very personal subject that many are not comfortable discussing even with family.
 
Yeah, OP, I agree. It is very taboo. Family and friends will talk about real estate they bought, or invested in a company, but in depth financial discussions are taboo. I don't know why that is in our case. One reason might be we just have our own way of doing things. A very good friend said bring that up to your guy when we were talking about 2025. I said we are DIY, I don't have a guy. My DB invests in options and many stocks on a daily basis. I can't talk to him. He thinks treasuries are stupid. I only "hear" things every so often but don't know if they're true.
 
Yes, it's hard to discuss experiences without strong hints about folks overall situation coming out and nobody wants to get into a discussion about how much money they have or don't.

When I ran a department, I put on a lunch and learn about a few basics (I didn't know much at the time, but got the message across to contribute to the 401K to get the company match, buy index funds, save at least a little in addition to the 401k).

Had similar talks with the kids, though with much more detail relevant to their employers and situations.

Those were the only successful conversations. When I try to bring up the ease of buying an index fund and the big savings of not having to pay an advisor, I invariably get glassy eyed looks and am told "our financial guy handles that." So I think the reality is that most folks that have enough money to even have a discussion with have decided it's too hard to understand and they farmed it out.
 
It is definitely taboo. Although do not assume that they haven't got it all together already and they maybe in much better financial shape than you. Many people are FI long ago but continue to work.
 
It's pointless, a total waste of time.
  • I told my brother and sister about this forum. Lot's of good information, you'll learn a lot I said. Not interested.
  • My sister's money is in Edward Jones. I explained how she's paying too much in fees. I found out she has two abandoned 401k accounts. I urged her to move them to a discount broker, since she considers herself a good stock picker. Instead she moved the funds to... Edward Jones.
  • I asked my brother if he is going to teach his 20 something daughters about investing. Maybe open a brokerage account for them. Nope, he laughed, they'll just learn from Tik Tok and Instagram.
  • We discussed buying a low cost ETF like VOO or VTI. They still are buying individual stocks.
  • They are worried about their retirement income, I pointed them to FireCalc. It's been months and no one has even attempted to run their numbers. Too hard. And these are smart, successful people. I don't get it.
 
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Interesting. I'm also 58 and retired at 50 ha!

Family , for the most part, is open to discussing, but friends don't and I don't press it because like others have said I think theres a degree of embarassment , maybe jealousy?
 
In my w$rking days I would talk about the benefits of investing but some people took it as bragging. A few asked questions but unless they were willing to do some research themselves anything I had to say didn't really sink in.

Among family/in-laws, they know we've had success in the market but I'm worried that any discussion comes across as "I know more than you" so I now refrain.

I have opened discussions on social security and medicare but that's it. And I don't want to be preachy because what's right for us may not make sense for them. Also I'm afraid if someone does take my advice and it doesn't work out, well...
 
I have a childhood friend that I can discuss finances with. He is very well off so we can enjoy money talk with no pettiness. I am thankful for a good friend to have these conversations with as the rest of our friends and family are a definite no for financial discussions.
 
badatmath said:
Besides being a very sensitive topic it isn't exactly fun at parties.
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Consider any two people. They won't have saved the same amount. There's a high risk of bad feelings.
 
I think your experience is common. It’s amazing the number of folks who pay thousands in fees to a FA or CFP, but don’t want to learn how investing works on their own.
 
I sure wish it wasn't so taboo. But the upside is this forum!

The latest anecdote: A few months ago DW and I went to visit one of her friends, another dual military couple in retirement. We talked about how to pay for kids college and the other couple was adamant about not sharing (with their own kids) any details of their college money available to the kids. DW and I were baffled. It's so amazing because these are the issues that everyone in America deals with, but the vast majority can't or won't talk about it, even within their own families in many cases. I grew up with the same taboos, but I'm sure not continuing them within the family.
 
Gumby said:
I think most people looking at the way I dress would conclude that I obviously have no money, so there would be no point in talking to me about it.
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Me too, much of the time, but recently I've decided I'm no longer wearing jeans with holes in them for the cool half of the year.
I can afford to buy new ones.

Getting back to the main topic, retirement finances are pretty much a taboo topic, yes.
I sometimes touch in this at a quarter century club gathering but generally, it doesn't go anywhere...
 
Family? On one side there is no wherewithal but I have helped them with few obvious things. Other side? Not as well off, discuss specific issues here and there.

I have a couple of friends that ask me financial and investing questions. That's enjoyable.

The people who farm it out are the most hopeless I think. That's why they farmed it out: not knowledgeable and feel it is beyond their grasp.
 
Montecfo said:
Family? On one side there is no wherewithal but I have helped them with few obvious things. Other side? Not as well off, discuss specific issues here and there.

I have a couple of friends that ask me financial and investing questions. That's enjoyable.

The people who farm it out are the most hopeless I think. That's why they farmed it out: not knowledgeable and feel it is beyond their grasp.
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"Farmed it out" = hired a SHARK to steal 1% or more of their investment portfolio each year...
 
I’d like to but it seems to make everyone uncomfortable if I bring it up, including me. I had one buddy when I was working but he has lost interest in retirement.
 
I actually have a very close friend and we discuss investments, risks, returns, withdrawal strategies, etc. He's got an idea what I have, and I have an idea what he has. But neither knows for sure. It's nice to have a real person to discuss topics with. My brothers on the other hand, no discussion at all.
 
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