Do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age? Why is that?

[PristineSound]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

My father in law needed a new phone as his old phone is almost 4 years old, it's getting slow, and the manufacturer no longer even have security patch updates for it. He insisted on getting a cheap phone, but we found out that his plan has an offer for a free upgrade. Only then he treated himself to a new Pixel 10 Pro. But he still had to mull over if he should spend $2.77/month to get 256GB storage, we had to push him to do it. After he completed the upgrade, he had a big smile on his face, so clearly he wanted "nice things."

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

We thought it would be too much for her to spend, but sent her a picture of the deal anyway. Sure enough she said it was too much. So we asked what is your budget, she told us $300-$400 dollars. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed, with this kind of budget you can only really buy those cheap Chromebooks that public schools give out to students.

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I have few theories, (a) their mindset is locked into the older pricing before all the inflation added up over the years, so everything seems so expensive to them (b) the frugal habit just exacerbates as you age (c) there is financial anxiety that they don't have enough.

Love for you all to chime in on this. And if you are one of those frugal ones even if money is no longer an issue, remember, you only live once, treat yourself good.

 

[Steelpony]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

My father in law needed a new phone as his old phone is almost 4 years old, it's getting slow, and the manufacturer no longer even have security patch updates for it. He insisted on getting a cheap phone, but we found out that his plan has an offer for a free upgrade. Only then he treated himself to a new Pixel 10 Pro. But he still had to mull over if he should spend $2.77/month to get 256GB storage, we had to push him to do it. After he completed the upgrade, he had a big smile on his face, so clearly he wanted "nice things."

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

We thought it would be too much for her to spend, but sent her a picture of the deal anyway. Sure enough she said it was too much. So we asked what is your budget, she told us $300-$400 dollars. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed, with this kind of budget you can only really buy those cheap Chromebooks that public schools give out to students.

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I have few theories, (a) their mindset is locked into the older pricing before all the inflation added up over the years, so everything seems so expensive to them (b) the frugal habit just exacerbates as you age (c) there is financial anxiety that they don't have enough.

Love for you all to chime in on this. And if you are one of those frugal ones even if money is no longer an issue, remember, you only live once, treat yourself good.

Good point but…..

I don’t know ages but in my ancient culture you just replaced things you need with the least expensive new thing that does the stuff that’s important to you.

I talked to 3 kids 20 years ago that had new secure entry level jobs, so early 20’s, that leased new cars and lived with mommy and daddy. One paid $500 a month, remember it was 20 years ago, for a sports car. WTF!

I think you need to cut your in laws some slack. Make them feel comfortable in “their” culture. Sometimes you might gain some wisdom.

I don’t think I’m frugal or stingy. I often think what things are going to cost for younger people someday. Sometime ignorance is a blessing until it isn’t. Better have about 5 mil saved by retirement if you’re in your 40’s. No joke.

 

[L-5Player]

It's all about what matters to people, which dictates what they are willing to spend their money on. I think as people age, they are able to do less and possibly appreciate fewer things. So the universe of undesirable expenses expands.

Your MIL needs a new laptop, but wishes she didn't. It's something she doesn't want to spend money on. Having not researched what new laptops actually cost, she came up with a ludicrously inadequate budget.

I feel the same way when we have a plumbing emergency. I don't want to spend money on that, so I concoct an unrealistic price in my mind before seeing the bill. Of course it is twice what I imagined, and I have to pay it regardless.

Now, put me in Europe, where I happen to be right now, and send me to a nice restaurant, and I won't care at all how much I spend on food and wine. I won't even check the bill, and I will tip generously even when the culture doesn't demand it. Because this type of experience matters to me.

 

[PristineSound]

I don’t know ages but in my ancient culture you just replaced things you need with the least expensive new thing that does the stuff that’s important to you.

Is it because you just honestly have no desire for "the finer things"?

 

[Ronstar]

Spending money becomes more difficult as we age. Buying a new vehicle is a PITA. Don’t have room for more stuff. Hiring a contractor to do work is a crap shoot. Travel becomes more difficult.

It’s just easier to stay home and watch tv.

 

[PristineSound]

It's all about what matters to people, which dictates what they are willing to spend their money on. I think as people age, they are able to do less and possibly appreciate fewer things. So the universe of undesirable expenses expands.

Your MIL needs a new laptop, but wishes she didn't. It's something she doesn't want to spend money on. Having not researched what new laptops actually cost, she came up with a ludicrously inadequate budget.

I feel the same way when we have a plumbing emergency. I don't want to spend money on that, so I concoct an unrealistic price in my mind before seeing the bill. Of course it is twice what I imagined, and I have to pay it regardless.

Now, put me in Europe, where I happen to be right now, and send me to a nice restaurant, and I won't care at all how much I spend on food and wine. I won't even check the bill, and I will tip generously even when the culture doesn't demand it. Because this type of experience matters to me.

But you are willing to spend money on yourself if you find joy in it. My in laws have a very hard time spending money on themselves, regardless if they find joy in it or not.

 

[Sunset]

For me, I think some of my frugality comes from understanding, and witnessing that sometimes the price of an item is higher simply because the seller wants to charge more figuring they can, even though there is zero extra cost for them, or a better benefit.
A cruise company charges for an ocean cruise $10,000 , the same cruise now is $5,000

I've read articles, where sellers said to make something more attractive, they raised the price and now sell more items than before when it was cheaper.

Do I want to be the fool that overpays for something even if I could afford it ?

 

[Sunset]

But you are willing to spend money on yourself if you find joy in it. My in laws have a very hard time spending money on themselves, regardless if they find joy in it or not.

I also remember all the times I was disappointed in something, that turned out to be not nearly as good as imagined. After a lifetime of buyers remorse, it's just hard to get excited about the wonderfulness of something new.

 

[L-5Player]

My in laws have a very hard time spending money on themselves, regardless if they find joy in it or not.

You mentioned that they are very generous with family and church. Perhaps that legitimately gives them joy, while things that typically are joyful for others don't impress them. Or, depending on their age, they have a "Silent Generation" mindset of perpetual asceticism and sacrifice.

Ramit Sethi says that how people feel about money is highly uncorrelated with the size of their bank account. I believe this to be true. We don't easily let go of the financial values that underpinned us at a young age, even when circumstances drastically evolve over time.

 

[Walt34]

I also remember all the times I was disappointed in something, that turned out to be not nearly as good as imagined. After a lifetime of buyers remorse, it's just hard to get excited about the wonderfulness of something new.

There is that. There was a time when I got all excited at the prospect of buying a car, never mind that it wasn't even a new one. Now buying a new car is "meh". It's just another machine to cart my butt around in and as long as it's reliable I really don't much care what year it was made, what color it is, or what others think about it.

 

[Gumby]

In my experience, calling things "the finer things" is just market speak designed to get you to pay more for them. My Timex watch from the Goodwill tells the time just as well as a Rolex, which is the reason I have a watch in the first place. And I can't taste the difference between the $20 bottle of Zinfandel and the $30 bottle, so why should I bother? I just want something that tastes good with my smoked ribs. My sole criterion in spending money is whether it satisfies me, not whether someone else thinks I can and should spend more.

 

[Lorenzo]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

. . .

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I believe that those who worked hard and saved can rarely truly accept that they will not run out of money during their lifetimes nor inconvenience their potential heirs even if they buy those things that seem "expensive" by their standards. You can show them the numbers, and their logical brains will understand perfectly, but the deepest most primitive part of the brain responsible for survival instincts just can't accept it. I believe the fewer years we see ahead of us, the more this instinct takes over.

 

[GrayHare]

Non-financial frugality reasons probably vary by person. Ensh?tification means new things too often don't work as well, or as long, as older models (appliances come to mind). New items too often mean wasteful relearning, particularly in tech. Some may outgrow being the kid on the block with the new toy. Could be increasing environmental corcerns, too, like why should I send a perfectly good item to the landfill? Then there's human life expectancy. Why should I buy an item when there's a reasonable chance I won't even be here 10 years from now. Heck, maybe I won't be here next year.

 

[PristineSound]

You mentioned that they are very generous with family and church. Perhaps that legitimately gives them joy, while things that typically are joyful for others don't impress them.

Yes it absolutely give them joy. In fact, the most joy.

But other things also give them joy, clearly that phone did by that ear-to-ear smile on my father-in-law's face. Spending on themselves is a very hard thing for them to do.

My dad on the other hand, he has no issues spending money on himself. He upgrades one luxury car after another, orders his favorite wine from California by the case regularly. When he travels, he would never schedule it for a cheaper price if it is inconvenient for him at the slightest. Every time I tell him how much something costs, his reply: "oh, that's not so bad; you have to take inflation into consideration."

Yet, he grew up more poor than my in-laws, worked blue collar jobs all his life. He wasn't always this liberal in spending money, he used to be pretty frugal too. The reason why I'm thinking so much about this is because I don't want to be like my in-laws when I get old or when I retire.

 

[MichaelB]

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

There’s a world of difference between frugal and stingy. Just because someone can afford something doesn’t mean they should buy it, and not buying doesn’t mean they are stingy. Consuming goods isn’t the only source of personal happiness.

I think it’s ironic that we admire individual frugality but collectively live beyond our means.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Tell that to my husband. He is 77 yo and accelerating spending every year. He figures he has better spent all that money before he gets sedentary and kicks the bucket.

 

[Midpack]

Probably depends largely on how secure your retirement is and your personal risk tolerance. If it’s close, you’d be wise to get more frugal. If you have more than you could ever spend, why sweat it. And of course there’s a continuum in between. So one persons answer may have zero bearing on someone else…

 

[CaptTom]

I can only answer for myself. When I'm in the supermarket and I see something which used to cost under $1 just a few short years ago, now selling for $3 or $4, I find that kind of infuriating.

Maybe comparing today's prices with what they used to be is a factor driving frugality. Imagine having an even longer history of prices in your head.

 

[Steelpony]

Is it because you just honestly have no desire for "the finer things"?

Ha. Ha. You’re really funny. Phones and computers are the finer things? That proves my point.

 

[pb4uski]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

My father in law needed a new phone as his old phone is almost 4 years old, it's getting slow, and the manufacturer no longer even have security patch updates for it. He insisted on getting a cheap phone, but we found out that his plan has an offer for a free upgrade. Only then he treated himself to a new Pixel 10 Pro. But he still had to mull over if he should spend $2.77/month to get 256GB storage, we had to push him to do it. After he completed the upgrade, he had a big smile on his face, so clearly he wanted "nice things."

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

We thought it would be too much for her to spend, but sent her a picture of the deal anyway. Sure enough she said it was too much. So we asked what is your budget, she told us $300-$400 dollars. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed, with this kind of budget you can only really buy those cheap Chromebooks that public schools give out to students.

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I have few theories, (a) their mindset is locked into the older pricing before all the inflation added up over the years, so everything seems so expensive to them (b) the frugal habit just exacerbates as you age (c) there is financial anxiety that they don't have enough.

Love for you all to chime in on this. And if you are one of those frugal ones even if money is no longer an issue, remember, you only live once, treat yourself good.

I think I have evolved on this. Now that our WR is well below 3% so we have no fear of financial ruin within reason, I am perfectly willing to splurge on things that make our lives more easier and more convenient. For example, we have shifted from Motorola Moto phones, which are fine phones that we happily used for years, to Google Pixel phones which I consider to be a better phone albeit more expensive than the Motos that we bought.

At the same time, I see some of my family in my anuts/uncles generation that are stuck as you describe. They can well afford anything they want with 7-figure portfolio in their early 90s but still are reluctant to spend.

My attitude is that my kids get what is leftover after DW and I enjoy a comfortable but not oppulant retirement if there is something left which I fully expect that there will be.

Now on the laptop, unless your MIL needs Windows, I think a good quality Chromebook would be perfect for her. If it wasn't for my desire to have Quicken and tax prep data local and not in the cloud, I would go with a good quality Chromebook.

 

[pb4uski]

I can only answer for myself. When I'm in the supermarket and I see something which used to cost under $1 just a few short years ago, now selling for $3 or $4, I find that kind of infuriating.

Maybe comparing today's prices with what they used to be is a factor driving frugality. Imagine having an even longer history of prices in your head.

I'm having that issue with meats these days which generally seems to be ridiculously expensive compared to years past, so I just try to buy meat when it is on sale or special.

 

[PristineSound]

Ha. Ha. You’re really funny. Phones and computers are the finer things? That proves my point.

Of course a better phone and a better computer is finer than some cheap crap. A better phone takes better quality photos, faster, bigger screen. A better computer has a GPU, you can do things such as video editing, that a cheaper computer can't handle.

I can keep taking it further: I recently brought myself a set of DeWalt tools, an upgrade from the Black & Decker matrix I been frugally using for years. One use, you can clearly tell the difference with a DeWalt than some cheapo Black & Decker. The motor has more torque, it's more efficient, it runs cooler, for longer as a result of a high quality brushless motor, it's got ergonomic design with vibration absorption, metal housing for durability. The list goes on and on.

Now if these things doesn't matter to you, that's a different story than a better phone is not better, or it's not the "finer things" in life. Or if it's a philosophical reasoning of what "finer things" are to be not material, that still doesn't negate some cheapo product with quality products.

 

[brett]

It is not an issue for us. Not only spending when we want to but also planning to move monies down to our each of our two children.

Was not a problem for my parents.

Having said that...we still buy on value, not price. We are both always willing to pay a premium for a quality product, something either of us us wants, travel experience, etc if we feel the value is present. We will not buy trash or what we consider to be an inferior product simply because of price.

I cannot fight inflation. At the supermarket I buy what I want. High coffee prices or food prices have not changed what we buy.

 

[Flyfish1]

The reason why I'm thinking so much about this is because I don't want to be like my in-laws when I get old or when I retire.

My guess is you won't be like them, but more like your father. You are clearly cognizant of the patterns here and as long as you have your marbles you will BTD responsibly. If you screw up all your "friends" here will call you out....lol
Best.

 

[athena53]

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

I bought a laptop from Costco in that range. After 2 years it stopped charging via the electrical connection. The techs at Best Buy told me that for $85 they could open it up and check it out but if the charging port was integrated with the motherboard they'd pretty much have to replace the guts. I hadn't saved the receipt so didn't return it to Costco. I managed to back up everything before it got down to 0%.

On the OT- I've always been frugal with nickels and dimes. I don't go from store to store to pick up the cheapest of every item on my grocery list but I do go to the local grocery chain to spend at least $X the day after a Chiefs game to get X cents per gallon off gas when X is the number of points they scored.

At 72 with an extremely good chance of not outliving my savings I'm spending more for comfort and convenience and I'm being more generous that I was maybe 20 years ago when I was still trying to make sure I had a secure retirement.