Do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age? Why is that?

[Winemaker]

My younger unmarried DSister retired at 60; I directed her 403b, I know what she has stashed. I was the executor of DM's estate, I know how much she has in her taxable account. She has a great pension, her house has been paid off for years. She drives a 1998 SUV, and has never had a cell phone. She spends less than $20k/year, and while she would love to have been married, and have kids, she is as happy as a lark.

She is not getting more frugal, she just stays the same.

 

[Dtail]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

My father in law needed a new phone as his old phone is almost 4 years old, it's getting slow, and the manufacturer no longer even have security patch updates for it. He insisted on getting a cheap phone, but we found out that his plan has an offer for a free upgrade. Only then he treated himself to a new Pixel 10 Pro. But he still had to mull over if he should spend $2.77/month to get 256GB storage, we had to push him to do it. After he completed the upgrade, he had a big smile on his face, so clearly he wanted "nice things."

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

We thought it would be too much for her to spend, but sent her a picture of the deal anyway. Sure enough she said it was too much. So we asked what is your budget, she told us $300-$400 dollars. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed, with this kind of budget you can only really buy those cheap Chromebooks that public schools give out to students.

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I have few theories, (a) their mindset is locked into the older pricing before all the inflation added up over the years, so everything seems so expensive to them (b) the frugal habit just exacerbates as you age (c) there is financial anxiety that they don't have enough.

Love for you all to chime in on this. And if you are one of those frugal ones even if money is no longer an issue, remember, you only live once, treat yourself good.

I think all 3 of your reasons could apply.
Many on this site also have trouble breaking their frugal habits which got them to FIRE in the first place.
Just look at the withdrawal thread poll as one example.

 

[savory]

I guess I’m confused. Value is not based on what you can afford. It’s based on what it is worth to the purchaser. I have many personal purchases where my children wonder why I don’t trade up. If I did, I do not think I would feel better in most if not all casas.

 

[PristineSound]

Now on the laptop, unless your MIL needs Windows, I think a good quality Chromebook would be perfect for her. If it wasn't for my desire to have Quicken and tax prep data local and not in the cloud, I would go with a good quality Chromebook.

She doesn't do anything heavy duty, but she does teach Bible class at church where she uses it for prep work and does some graphic printouts for church. And at her age, learning a new platform isn't easy.

Slightly on a tangent, I often remind myself "the cost of being poor." What does that mean? When you are poor, you can only afford a pair $40 boot, that will last you 1 year. Had you been able to afford the nicer and better quality boot at $100, it would have lasted you 4 years. Because you couldn't afford the $100 pair of boots, you spent a total of $160 buying cheap quality boots that's uncomfortable over the course of the 4 years.

I apply this philosophy to buying quality products, rich or poor. She could buy a $600 laptop, with a small screen, 16GB of RAM, a mid or low end CPU and over a course of maybe 4 years, it can no longer handle the more intensive applications vs. $1000 laptop, with 32G. RAM, a high end CPU, that can last her 7 years and with a bigger screen and more features.

Anyway, growing up poor myself, I quickly learn the cost of being poor and I now (typically) will spend more money to buy quality products that matters. A recent example is that I upgraded to a new set of DeWalt tools from my cheapo Black & Decker that I frugally been using and had to replace the drill once because the motor burnt out.

 

[rk911]

Is it because you just honestly have no desire for "the finer things"?

Not sure what things are 'finer'. And 'Finer things' means different things to different people.

For the last 37+ years we've lived in a simple 1600sf 3BR/2bath split level in a middle class neighborhood in a middle class town. By contrast a buddy and his wife live in a 7000sf home on a very large lot in a very upscale neighborhood. We'd be lost in a home that large. We're comfortable here and have zero desire to move elsewhere. But our next move will likely be to a CCRC.

We've purchased two new cars in the last two years, both for cash. We've completely remodeled every room in our home over the last 20-years, also for cash. We donate heavily to charity fhru our DAF and QCD. We just spent bucks sending Christmas candy to 40-friends and family. We bought three motorhomes between 1986 and 2015, for cash. Traveled through the states in those RV's during that same time for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. We hire out lawn care and snow removal and have a house cleaner in every other week. We subscribe to cable TV and most streaming services.

We have simpler tastes than some. When we want a sit-down dinner it is usually at Olive Garden. And Friday night is pizza night! We sold the motor home and no longer travel due to my wife's health. My buddies and I go to breakfast once or twice a month; my wife with her girlfriends a bit less often.

But nobody knows anything about any of this, in a financial sense, other than what they think they know. Only my nephew and his wife have an *idea* of our financial situation and then only because they're our successor trustees. Heck, the ER forum members know more about our financial situation then our close friends and family.

So, I think we're free spenders. We enjoy our life.

 

[PristineSound]

Not sure what things are 'finer'. And 'Finer things' means different things to different people.

For the last 37+ years we've lived in a simple 1600sf 3BR/2bath split level in a middle class neighborhood in a middle class town. By contrast a buddy and his wife live in a 7000sf home on a very large lot in a very upscale neighborhood. We'd be lost in a home that large. We're comfortable here and have zero desire to move elsewhere. But our next move will likely be to a CCRC.

We've purchased two new cars in the last two years, both for cash. We've completely remodeled every room in our home over the last 20-years, also for cash. We donate heavily to charity fhru our DAF and QCD. We just spent bucks sending Christmas candy to 40-friends and family. We bought three motorhomes between 1986 and 2015, for cash. Traveled through the states in those RV's during that same time for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. We hire out lawn care and snow removal and have a house cleaner in every other week. We subscribe to cable TV and most streaming services.

We have simpler tastes than some. When we want a sit-down dinner it is usually at Olive Garden. And Friday night is pizza night! We sold the motor home and no longer travel due to my wife's health. My buddies and I go to breakfast once or twice a month; my wife with her girlfriends a bit less often.

But nobody knows anything about any of this, in a financial sense, other than what they think they know. Only my nephew and his wife have an *idea* of our financial situation and then only because they're our successor trustees. Heck, the ER forum members know more about our financial situation then our close friends and family.

So, I think we're free spenders. We enjoy our life.

When I say "finer things" I mean luxury, more than the bare minimum, things of higher quality. It can be organic food, it can be a full home renovation, or not one, not two but three motorhomes like you did.

So it sounds like you do enjoy the "finer things," as defined by you, which I am glad!

My in-laws are human like all of us, they too enjoy "finer things" in life, they too enjoy luxury, but they just can't get themselves to spend the money, even if money in all practicality isn't an issue at this stage. My wife and I don't want them to live like this in their golden years

 

[Koolau]

Tell that to my husband. He is 77 yo and accelerating spending every year. He figures he has better spent all that money before he gets sedentary and kicks the bucket.

When couples disagree on spending, it's often worse on a marriage than infidelity.

I've been blessed with a wife who is (reasonably) similar to me in spending habits. We each have some things we spend on that the other person "just doesn't get" (she loves cheap costume jewelry and I buy used CDs and DVDs by the hundreds).

On the big things (cars, houses, furniture, major appliances) we always consult each other and offer veto power.

We're likely more frugal than most - especially given our relatively robust savings. We are both into "value" for the money. We don't need "the best" nor "the cheapest." We want the most value possible for the money we spend.

 

[RetiredHappy]

When couples disagree on spending, it's often worse on a marriage than infidelity.

I've been blessed with a wife who is (reasonably) similar to me in spending habits. We each have some things we spend on that the other person "just doesn't get" (she loves cheap costume jewelry and I buy used CDs and DVDs by the hundreds).

On the big things (cars, houses, furniture, major appliances) we always consult each other and offer veto power.

We're likely more frugal than most - especially given our relatively robust savings. We are both into "value" for the money. We don't need "the best" nor "the cheapest." We want the most value possible for the money we spend.

I don't put my foot down unless I think it is outrageous, like he wanted to replace our less than a year old $80K car with another car. When he spent $5K on a few new clubs last Nov, and then another $4K on another brand of clubs to replace what he replaced 6 months before but I was OK with it. Heck, anything to get the golf score down. I am definitely the more frugal of the two but I am not frugal when it is spending for the two of us. We have enough assets and income to support our expenses, so it is really not an issue.

 

[disneysteve]

A lot of the current oldest generation are still children of the Depression. They were raised with a scarcity mindset. Although the world has changed drastically since then, that's what is wired in their brains.

I do think mental price anchoring is part of it. "I've always gotten that thing for $20 so I'm not about to spend $50" even though that thing hasn't been $20 for 15 years or more.

I think another factor, which I see with my mom, is "I'm not going to be around much longer so why spend the money". She will wear stained and worn out pajamas rather than spend $20 on a new pair, for example.

I'm relatively frugal but over the past year or two have been spending a lot more freely, since retiring. Nick Maggiulli's work has also really influenced me to realize that spending modestly more simply won't matter in the big picture. An extra $100 or $200 or even $500 here and there just isn't enough to move the needle all else being equal.

Nobody should spend just for the sake of spending but if the expenditure will increase your comfort, safety, or enjoyment of life, go for it.

 

[CalBird]

Most people don’t change spending habits after certain age. That’s why many people here find it’s very challenging to spend down the portfolio after years of frugality.

 

[Lorenzo]

Most people don’t change spending habits after certain age. That’s why many people here find it’s very challenging to spend down the portfolio after years of frugality.

Clearly. But do some actually get more frugal as they age?

 

[Car-Guy]

More frugal after retiring? No, not me anyway. Never was frugal and retirement didn't change me. Matter of fact, I spend more now than before retiring. I guess when I worked, I didn't have a lot of time for spending a lot more than needed. Now I do.

 

[audreyh1]

No, not me anyway.

Us neither.

 

[disneysteve]

Clearly. But do some actually get more frugal as they age?

I can see it happening if they are watching their savings dwindle and they’re worried about outliving their money. Maybe they’ve seen friends end up needing costly care that wiped them out.

 

[RetiredHappy]

More frugal after retiring? No, not me anyway. Never was frugal and retirement didn't change me. Matter of fact, I spend more now than before retiring. I guess when I worked, I didn't have a lot of time for spending a lot more than needed. Now I do.

My hero!

We were spending around $350K before retirement and now we are down to about $250K, so I guess we have become more frugal. Seriously, if I were to lose my spouse first, I think I could go down to $150K a year, unless I move back to California to be closer to my son, then I can probably go down further to $120K a year. On my own, I can see myself getting more frugal as I get older.

 

[skyking1]

I did observe a general contraction of spending in older people when I was younger. I did not delve into the reasons for it, I just noticed it.

 

[Gumby]

To the best of my ability to predict, the young wife and I will never run out of money. Moreover, we have no heirs to worry about. And, yet, we did not get to our current condition by being stupid; so we insist on getting value commensurate with our spending. What we value may not be what others value, but it is the linchpin of our spending. So we buy what we need and want, we give to causes that are important to us, and we live the life we want to live. It is not much more complicated than that.

 

[CalBird]

Clearly. But do some actually get more frugal as they age?

Well, when people age, the options of BTD become less and less, except healthcare spending.

 

[calmloki]

Cost doesn't necessarily correlate with value. New doesn't mean appreciably better. We've way more than needed to get us both to the end. What we have works and we're satisfied with it. I am a bit looser than my parents, who were of the "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without" era.

 

[audreyh1]

Well, when people age, the options of BTD become less and less, except healthcare spending.

Except that people can choose to spend more to live in comfortable surroundings and avail themselves of better healthcare. That’s what some of these stories show that they don’t want to spend on that.

 

[CalBird]

Except that people can choose to spend more to live in comfortable surroundings and avail themselves of better healthcare. That’s what some of these stories show that they don’t want to spend on that.

To be (frugal) or not to be, that is the question.

 

[6miths]

I can think of two reasons off hand. i am sure that there are many.

As I get older I find that I can remember what things used to cost and it becomes harder to pay what seems like an unreasonable amount of money for the same (or in many cases, inferior or smaller) item. This is probably especially true for individuals whose income is not growing at at least the rate of inflation.

Also as people get older they care less what others think so keeping up with fashion or the Jones's becomes less of a motivator to spend.

Another that occurs, as someone has no doubt pointed out above is that with age comes wisdom and some realize that the greatest joys do not come from 'things'.

Oh, reflecting as I write. I've just got to damn much junk already!

 

[COcheesehead]

It’s simple:
Go go
Go slow
No go

 

[1242Vintage]

100 year old FIL has plenty of money, yet he shops the sales at the local grocery stores to get the best deal on canned beans … literally.

Going grocery shopping with him is literally an all day affair because it involves shopping at multiple stores for all the sales.

I think spending the least amount of money on an item is a game for him. Even when he really doesn’t need the items. It’s his way of “sticking it to the man”.

 

[Sunset]

100 year old FIL has plenty of money, yet he shops the sales at the local grocery stores to get the best deal on canned beans … literally.

Going grocery shopping with him is literally an all day affair because it involves shopping at multiple stores for all the sales.

I think spending the least amount of money on an item is a game for him. Even when he really doesn’t need the items. It’s his way of “sticking it to the man”.

I'm amazed at 100 that he has the energy and ability to shop so much.