Do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age? Why is that?

[Lorenzo]

I guess that’s his retirement hobby.

I wonder if there is more to it. Is it common to develop a "sticking it to the man" attitude as we age? I'm reminded of that thread on free dinners for attending presentations. Maybe with age we tend to believe others are increasingly trying to take advantage of us older folks, and we're determined to not just get a fair deal but even get the upper hand in the game? Age has given us the wisdom to see through what they're trying to do to us, we might think.

 

[audreyh1]

I wonder if there is more to it. Is it common to develop a "sticking it to the man" attitude as we age? I'm reminded of that thread on free dinners for attending presentations. Maybe with age we tend to believe others are increasingly trying to take advantage of us older folks, and we're determined to not just get a fair deal but even get the upper hand in the game? Age has given us the wisdom to see through what they're trying to do to us, we might think.

I think that’s true for some people. Seems to come from bitterness and resentment and frustration.

 

[oscar1]

I retired early at 55. I don’t consider myself stingy but I am frugal. And getting better at it too! I’m convinced it’s because we all remember what we used to pay for things. The younger ones just think a $4 apple at the high end grocery store is normal (it’s not!).

 

[RetiredHappy]

I think the word value comes to mind. If I can get a similar product for something less, I am reluctant to pay twice the amount. I am willing to pay mark up of 10 to 20 percent for a similar product elsewhere out of convenience. I was at Ralphs supermarket yesterday and saw that each persimmon was sold for $1.99. Can I afford it? Sure, but I wasn't willing to pay for it when a couple of weeks ago, I could get a bag of 6 persimmons for $5.99. I don't think my mindset is different whether I was younger or now that I am older.

 

[sparky08]

My sister and BIL have 8 figures net worth and she will look at deals, like free french fries at some new McD's locations, and make my BIL drive her there to pick up the free french fries, and of course queueing for an hour... Their gas/petrol would cost them $5 to $10 to make the run. For her, it's winning the game. Gives me a headache just listening to her.

The thrill of the chase, I guess.

Does your sister know what those 'free' fries really cost?

 

[PristineSound]

Can't be done. Far more loving to accept them for who they are than try to "change" another person.

I'm not convinced of this at all. When my FIL got his phone, a ear to ear smile, then when he got home, he played with that phone for hours.

Many years ago, I remembered how he talked about a Bose surround sound system literally for years, never got one. Then when they moved into his retirement community, he was able to build his house with the Bose, he REALLY enjoyed it, every time he watches TV, he would turn on his Bose. After about 25 years, with newly daily enjoyment, that bose finally crapped out. He asked me if I can fix it, that damn thing is 25 years old with no more parts being available, of course not. I tried to convince him to buy a new one, he refuses and goes back to his frugal self, "I don't need it." I try to explain to him, of course you don't need luxury, luxury is never ever needed, it's meant to be wanted and you clearly want it.

Anyway, I need to make sure my DW and I never turned like that.

 

[MichaelB]

Of course I wasn't trying to upset anyone. I'm just trying to figure out why so that maybe my wife and I can figure out how to change this habit for my in-laws. Watching how they live in their golden years makes us feel bad, they don't need to live like this, far far from and they shouldn't be living like this. They should spend without too much calculation and worry and they should enjoy the "finer things" instead of the cheapest and the most basic without a second thought.

(In case anyone finds the term "finer things" controversial, please see my definition above.)

Is this your choice to make? Aren’t you imposing your values on the in-laws? Why not let them live their lives as they choose?

 

[Calico]

Of course I wasn't trying to upset anyone. I'm just trying to figure out why so that maybe my wife and I can figure out how to change this habit for my in-laws. Watching how they live in their golden years makes us feel bad, they don't need to live like this, far far from and they shouldn't be living like this. They should spend without too much calculation and worry and they should enjoy the "finer things" instead of the cheapest and the most basic without a second thought.

(In case anyone finds the term "finer things" controversial, please see my definition above.)

It's not judging, it's a terrible habit to have in your golden years when money is no longer an issue. You want them to enjoy themselves in the only life they have. It's love.

Oh the irony.

"Should/Shouldn't" are the absolute epitome of judgement.

 

[PristineSound]

Oh the irony.

"Should/Shouldn't" are the absolute epitome of judgement.

A judgement is when you freely analyze someone's behavior and/or other actions and then make conclusion as it relates to their personality, values, morals, economic standing or other social factors.

I made no assumptions nor conclusions. In fact, they will be the first one to tell me that they do in fact enjoy the "finer things," just that they are too cheap on themselves. The other day my MIL said, "He's (my FIL) has gotten better over the last few years). These are words that came out of their mouths.

So you tell me, what judgement am I making?

(Again, I understand the words "finer things" comes across as snotty, so please see my definition above and notice I put quotes on those words)

 

[Winemaker]

I will not buy a bag of Dorito's for $6.19. I love them and could afford to fill my pickup truck bed full of them, but it ain't happening. I will buy them around Super Bowl time when they're $2.89!

 

[PristineSound]

Is this your choice to make? Aren’t you imposing your values on the in-laws? Why not let them live their lives as they choose?

Of course it's not my choice to make, nor do I have the power to make that choice. But if I could withdraw money out of his bank account, buy the things he wants and then put it in his hands and control his mind to force him to use it, then maybe I would. But if I had God power to do that, I would just chose to win the lottery instead

 

[MichaelB]

I can’t believe this is a serious conversation.

 

[SnowballCamper]

My in laws are well off in retirement thanks to aggressive savings, persistent investments, multiple pensions and rental income. They are very generous with family and their church, but they are very very frugal and stingy on themselves.

My father in law needed a new phone as his old phone is almost 4 years old, it's getting slow, and the manufacturer no longer even have security patch updates for it. He insisted on getting a cheap phone, but we found out that his plan has an offer for a free upgrade. Only then he treated himself to a new Pixel 10 Pro. But he still had to mull over if he should spend $2.77/month to get 256GB storage, we had to push him to do it. After he completed the upgrade, he had a big smile on his face, so clearly he wanted "nice things."

My mother-in-law needed a new laptop, we saw one at Costco that is very powerful, which will last her for at least 7 years or more, it was on sale for $1k, I think that is a good deal, especially for how long she will keep it for.

We thought it would be too much for her to spend, but sent her a picture of the deal anyway. Sure enough she said it was too much. So we asked what is your budget, she told us $300-$400 dollars. My wife and I looked at each other and laughed, with this kind of budget you can only really buy those cheap Chromebooks that public schools give out to students.

Why do people get more and more frugal and stingy as they age despite that money can never be an issue for them anymore?

I have few theories, (a) their mindset is locked into the older pricing before all the inflation added up over the years, so everything seems so expensive to them (b) the frugal habit just exacerbates as you age (c) there is financial anxiety that they don't have enough.

Love for you all to chime in on this. And if you are one of those frugal ones even if money is no longer an issue, remember, you only live once, treat yourself good.

Maybe just be happy that they are generous to family...

If they're at the point where money can never be an issue for them, and they got there by being frugal, then what's the problem?

It sure sounds like the problem is that OP wants them to behave differently.

 

[pb4uski]

.. Maybe continuing to grow assets is a selfless act with the goal of leaving it to heirs or charity.
Seniors are generally set in their ways -if healthy and happy, is there really a problem?...

Knowing many of that ilk, yes, there is a problem. It might be forgiveable if it was as noble as you set forth in the first sentence above, but unfortunately, it's not that at all... it's just that they are cheap.

The problem is that they end up imposing on others, particularly family who hesitate to say no out of love. There are numerous examples just in this thread alone.

Like my great uncle who refused to go to the nursing home that he truly needed to be in because it was "too expensive', so he chose to live at home, often in his own feces and impose on a nephew. When he died his wealth went to his granddaughter and then it went up the granddaughter's nose. Sad.

 

[PristineSound]

Like everything on the Internet, people want to attack others because that's what they do on the Internet or get upset because their opinion and views are not shared or praised.

Some people are upset of my post because I am stating that my in laws are frugal on themselves. Somehow they twisted it to think that I am judging my in-laws, they think that I am forcing my values on them, they think that I should be grateful for them being generous to their family as if I am not grateful.

I am thankful to the many other members who actually understood the topic brought forth, which is: treating yourself when you want to, especially in your golden years.

 

[iloveyoga]

Of course I wasn't trying to upset anyone. I'm just trying to figure out why so that maybe my wife and I can figure out how to change this habit for my in-laws. Watching how they live in their golden years makes us feel bad, they don't need to live like this, far far from and they shouldn't be living like this. They should spend without too much calculation and worry and they should enjoy the "finer things" instead of the cheapest and the most basic without a second thought.

(In case anyone finds the term "finer things" controversial, please see my definition above.)

I think you can only change it for yourself.

 

[RetMD21]

If you want people to be more like yourself aren't you judging them?

Good point but…..

I don’t know ages but in my ancient culture you just replaced things you need with the least expensive new thing that does the stuff that’s important to you.

I've spent more money that I woud like to remember on technology items that were the latest and greatest at the time but mediocre 18 months later. Quality shoes, on the other hand, are unlikely to be supplanted by better technology.

 

[NameTaken2]

Knowing many of that ilk, yes, there is a problem. It might be forgiveable if it was as noble as you set forth in the first sentence above, but unfortunately, it's not that at all... it's just that they are cheap.

The problem is that they end up imposing on others, particularly family who hesitate to say no out of love. There are numerous examples just in this thread alone.

Like my great uncle who refused to go to the nursing home that he truly needed to be in because it was "too expensive', so he chose to live at home, often in his own feces and impose on a nephew. When he died his wealth went to his granddaughter and then it went up the granddaughter's nose. Sad.

Thanks for your perspective-
The OP regarded decisions about what phone and laptop to buy.
Responses raised the bar well beyond that.
My post addressed the OP -not "off the rails" behavior that imposes on others.
Your response paints with a wide brush: my first sentence should not be discounted.
Those people exist, and should be left alone if they do not impose on others.
Just my opinion -YMMV.

 

[MichaelB]

Like everything on the Internet, people want to attack others because that's what they do on the Internet or get upset because their opinion and views are not shared or praised.

Some people are upset of my post because I am stating that my in laws are frugal on themselves. Somehow they twisted it to think that I am judging my in-laws, they think that I am forcing my values on them, they think that I should be grateful for them being generous to their family as if I am not grateful.

I am thankful to the many other members who actually understood the topic brought forth, which is: treating yourself when you want to, especially in your golden years.

No one is angry and nothing is being twisted. Some are disagreeing with your perspective, and you asked for that. Most importantly, don’t make it personal and don’t turn the discussion into an exercise in virtue signaling.

 

[pb4uski]

Thanks for your perspective-
The OP regarded decisions about what phone and laptop to buy.
Responses raised the bar well beyond that.
My post addressed the OP -not "off the rails" behavior that imposes on others.
Your response paints with a wide brush: my first sentence should not be discounted.
Those people exist, and should be left alone if they do not impose on others.
Just my opinion -YMMV.

I totally agree on leaving them alone if they do not impose on others with an addition of if they are also not a danger to themselves. In my great uncle's case, and many others, you have seniors who should not be living alone not going into assisted living or nursing homes because they are too cheap.

OTOH, if they are wealthy but not a dange to themselves and cheap out and refuse to spurge a little on things that will improve their quality of life then that is thier choice, but it is still sad that they don't get to enjoy the better quality of life that their wealth can bring them.

 

[Lorenzo]

Maybe just be happy that they are generous to family...

If they're at the point where money can never be an issue for them, and they got there by being frugal, then what's the problem?

It sure sounds like the problem is that OP wants them to behave differently.

My impression is the OP just wants to make sure they aren't forgoing things they might enjoy because of some age-related mental block that prevents them from seeing their finances as they really are.

In more threads than this one the question has been raised if there is such a thing as an unhealthy level of frugality. There are stories in this thread of people forgoing something that they felt was "too expensive" only to cave in later and find that it gave them great enjoyment. Something unhealthy was impeding their judgment.

 

[Fermion]

OTOH, if they are wealthy but not a dange to themselves and cheap out and refuse to spurge a little on things that will improve their quality of life then that is thier choice, but it is still sad that they don't get to enjoy the better quality of life that their wealth can bring them.

But if they are eating healthy and getting exercise plus taking care of their medical needs, maybe refusing to splurge a little on things actually makes them happy? I have seen some wealthy people on MMM that seem to be happy reducing their lifestyle and impact. They might be perfectly happy with the $400 laptop over the $1000 one since they play Call of Duty on neither one. (I type this on a $400 laptop I got a year+ ago on Black Friday at Costco, 16.1" monitor, Intel core 5, 16gig memory, 512G SSD).

 

[disneysteve]

My impression is the OP just wants to make sure they aren't forgoing things they might enjoy because of some age-related mental block that prevents them from seeing their finances as they really are.

I agree. As I've said, we have this battle with my mom all the time.

You know those plastic headbands women wear to keep their hair back? It's just a stiff piece of plastic in a semicircle. We'll go over to see her and she's got one sitting on the table with the end broken off and taped back on. Well once it breaks, it doesn't work anymore. Taping the piece on doesn't provide the tension needed to stay on your head. Those things cost next to nothing. Tell us she needs new ones and my wife would happily pick up a pack for her.

 

[PristineSound]

Thanks for your perspective-
The OP regarded decisions about what phone and laptop to buy.
Responses raised the bar well beyond that.
My post addressed the OP -not "off the rails" behavior that imposes on others.

Let me take it a step further with my examples. In one of my earlier posts, I talked about my FIL dreaming about a Bose system that he can afford in his sleep hundreds of times over but was too cheap to buy. When he finally got one, he used it for 25 years till it died. He asked me to help him fix it, because he doesn't want to buy a new one. I wasted hours trying to find a replacement part online for him, few came in and didn't work. My time is also worth money and is also valuable, despite I don't mind it one tiny little bit because he is my FIL and it's an honor and privilege to help him when I can. I thought about just buying him a brand new system myself, so that I can see him continue to have enjoyment. If I had, that would of been $2k of my money that could of gone to my retirement fund. I didn't buy it for him in the end because it's not an essential and he is a grown man, who chose to be frugal at the cost of his own pleasure and enjoyment.

There are some more examples, which I won't share, because money is not an issue for us when it comes to family. At the end of the day, he DOES in fact WANT the "finer things", he DOES in fact, ENJOY the "finer things", he DOES in fact, TAKE PLEASURE in the "finer things." But he is just too frugal to buy it.

Is it the end of the world, it's it such a bad thing? In the grand scheme of things, of course not. This is only a first world problem, but because we live in a first world, so we are here discussing such first world problem of which so is ER, the epitome of first world problem.

 

[PristineSound]

No one is angry and nothing is being twisted. Some are disagreeing with your perspective, and you asked for that. Most importantly, don’t make it personal and don’t turn the discussion into an exercise in virtue signaling.

What exactly is my perspective that is being disagreed upon anyway? That my in-laws are frugal with themselves? That's a fact, not a perspective. That they are financially secure to splurge on "finer things" in life? That is also a fact, not a perspective.
That they do in fact enjoy the "finer things" in life? Also a fact, not a perspective.


Maybe my perspective is that they should not be frugal with themselves and to go ahead and treat themselves to these "finer things" that they do in fact enjoy? If that is a perspective that is being disagreed upon, explain to me how is that a judgement of them? How is that me forcing my values on them, by the expression of my perspective is me forcing my values on them?