Father of the bride...Help!

[imjustawarrior]

Maybe your son would prefer his children not be at the wedding so he can have more fun.

If your son is not offended, then move on with your daughter's wishes. If you son is offended, then things get a little more difficult, but that is between your daughter and your son.

 

[RunningBum]

At my wedding, my now ex-wife insisted on no kids. My sister in law and mother were not happy that my 1 yr old nephew was not allowed. We arranged day care in a side room of the church. They said he would be fine, but I didn't give in. When they arrived in town they related how he cried the whole time on the flights. That ended the discussion. A crying baby at a wedding can ruin the event, especially for the bride. And if a baby starts crying, one of the parents will have to take it about of the church, so now you have an adult missing the ceremony. How is that better than very young children missing it?

OP, you need to get over it. Yes, you are paying for the wedding. No, you don't have much say in the details unless it is extravagant things that take it way over budget. That's how it is. It's the bride's day. You are just going to alienate her and your wife. If you can find a room in the church for the kids they can be retrieved for pictures, but make it just one or two so the picture process doesn't grind to a halt waiting for the kids to pose acceptably.

 

[cathy63]

Are you sure your son and daughter-in-law actually want to expose their unvaccinated newborn to 250 people? I think most pediatricians would recommend against that.

Also, if the mother is planning to breast feed, it may not be possible for her to be away from the infant for the duration of a wedding and reception. Hire a sitter for the children to give her a couple of hours break, but expect that she'll need to leave early anyway.

If they're willing to come and stay with you for a few days, you can take your family photos the day before the wedding.

 

[marko]

Just came back from a wedding last week. Young children (8 months to 4 years old) in attendance. Wasn't pretty. Lots of crying, screaming and running around during the actual ceremony. Very distracting.

Reception got extremely loud during music/dancing time. I mean rock concert LOUD which has been the case in the past few weddings I've been to. I bring ear plugs.

Kids weren't happy, parents weren't happy, other guests wondering why these little ones were being subjected to the noise. Parents wanted to stay and have fun but had to leave because the kids were so unhappy.

Bad scene.

Oh! And one kid threw up all over his mom's nice dress. Memorable.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Is there a reason your daughter is okay with the other children coming but not her own nieces? Why are those people’s kids more special to her than her own family’s kids? Her decision may drive a wedge between your children that might not ever go away—your son and DIL will be hurt and take it personally if they see other children there. Have a babysitter or two in a side room at the ceremony and reception for any kid who comes (our DD’s wedding was definitely no kids invited but we had two college kids just in case). Your son and DIL could show your granddaughters off for a minute and then ditch them, and the other parents who brought kids might appreciate it too.

 

[pacergal]

Our daughter had a no kids rule,(except for the flower girl) even the members of the bridal party kept their kids home.
We offered to hire a sitter, but the wedding was planned far enough out that they all declined.
Many weddings are "no kids" now and I can understand that. Kids are noisy and unpredictable.
Weddings are quiet and boring to little ones.

Perhaps as mentioned above, if your son and daughter in law stay with you, you can have a sitter at the house. A newborn definitely doesn't need to be at a wedding, exposed to germs.

Congratulations on your DD upcoming wedding! It will be a beautiful day, I am sure.

 

[HarveyS]

I don't understand why the bridal party can bring their kids. Those adults will be busy with various duties during the ceremony and the beginning of the reception. Who will watch their children at these times? My 2 cents - 1) DD making a big error in saying no kids but then allowing certain kids. Will make several guests irritated and stain their memory of the day. 2) OP, you don't get a say in this. Sorry about that, but that's the way I see it.
(My DD getting married in 6 weeks. My role is to be enthusiastically supportive.)

 

[RunningBum]

And threatening to stay home? Wow, what a terrible idea. I'm surprised they are even talking to you after that.

 

[Music Lover]

And threatening to stay home? Wow, what a terrible idea. I'm surprised they are even talking to you after that.

He's paying for a 250 guest wedding.

 

[marko]

I love how weddings always bring the best out in people! Second only to the reading of grandpa's will. Heartwarming.

 

[Music Lover]

I love how weddings always bring the best out in people! Second only to the reading of grandpa's will.

I'm a little surprised that the person paying for most of the wedding is being told by several people that he doesn't get a say.

 

[marko]

I'm a little surprised that the person paying for most of the wedding is being told by several people that he doesn't get a say.

Well, I DO get that. Some things are just NOT about the money (or who's paying). Weddings are one of them IMO. This day is about emotions and tradition, not the bottom line. It's the bride's day.

Daddy's job is to foot the bill, smile through gritted teeth, walk her down the aisle and be gracious.

(BIL had to come up with over $350k for his little girl's three day extravaganza...15 bridesmaids and groomsmen. Luckily he can afford it)

 

[Texas Proud]

Just throwing something out... why not hire a few people to be babysitters and have all the kids in a room far away from the actual wedding... they can be there but not 'there'... and does not require parents to figure out what to do... that is if they are OK to be at reception...

As far as your money your rules... I was a bit like that earlier... had a sister tell me that I should not try and control my kids... IOW, we are paying money for college (I did set a limit of what I pay) and will do so for DD's wedding (again, a limit of what I will pay)... after that I have no say in where it is spent as long as it is for the intended purpose...

 

[Samething]

I was at a wedding Friday. There were many kids in attendance. 6 flower girls that were very adorable. It was a beach wedding with a reception following the ceremony. The little kids had fun but some of the adults were having a little too much fun. If your going to have an open bar the kids should not attend the reception IMO.

 

[RunningBum]

He's paying for a 250 guest wedding.

Not really relevant. Read my previous post. Besides, aren't he and his wife paying for it? So she would have an even say (if they even get one) and she has sided with the bride.

But maybe they keep money for such things separate and he really is paying for it alone. Doesn't matter. If he continues to insist he get his way on this, doesn't go, or even more extreme decides not to pay for the wedding since he doesn't get his way, a divorce will cost him a lot more. That's the way it goes. Money doesn't buy everything.

 

[Music Lover]

Not really relevant. Read my previous post. Besides, aren't he and his wife paying for it? So she would have an even say (if they even get one) and she has sided with the bride.

But maybe they keep money for such things separate and he really is paying for it alone. Doesn't matter. If he continues to insist he get his way on this, doesn't go, or even more extreme decides not to pay for the wedding since he doesn't get his way, a divorce will cost him a lot more. That's the way it goes. Money doesn't buy everything.

That's a bit of an extreme take.

Anyway, allowing some people to bring kids and telling others that they can't is foolish.

My suggestion of renting a separate room for the kids makes sense.

 

[pb4uski]

Wow! Surprised at responses like this. If I had this^ attitude with my DD when she got married three years ago, she would most likely not be speaking to me. And she would be right. Money with strings attached. Wow!

+2. And while the posters of such responses might become a G POP they might not ever see the grandkids with a my money/my rules attitude. Attitudes like that make me wonder if those posters have kids. They risk ending up sitting home alone and counting their money.

Stay off my lawn!

 

[rk911]

He's paying for a 250 guest wedding.

I'd have to dig pretty deep to find 50-people that I'd want to invite to anything much less 250.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

OP here. All I wanted was to have a chance to see my wife, our two children and their spouses and two grandchildren together at the same place and time. I thought our daughter's wedding would be a good opportunity. We can't even get a family photo because the grand children aren't invited. We all live hundreds of miles apart. It seems it is more important to throw a party for three hundred strangers than have a family moment.

Modern wedding rules allow this. I can't believe we are having a family gathering where 250 people are invited and our grand children aren't. I could not care less who is paying for it. I just want to say this. If 250 people can be at one of the biggest moments in my family's life I would like my two grand daughters to sit on my lap.

If I was to die, about 5 of these 250 people would be at the funeral. But, our grandchildren would be invited.

At the end of the day everyone. Your family will be there for you. I feel like I am letting my grandchildren down missing out on a family event where they'll never see everyone together at the same place and time again.

 

[HFWR]

I'd have to dig pretty deep to find 50-people that I'd want to invite to anything much less 250.

Closer to five…

 

[SevenUp]

It does seem the prospective bride and groom are overly concerned with the wedding, and not concerned enough about the marriage.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Not really relevant. Read my previous post. Besides, aren't he and his wife paying for it? So she would have an even say (if they even get one) and she has sided with the bride.

But maybe they keep money for such things separate and he really is paying for it alone. Doesn't matter. If he continues to insist he get his way on this, doesn't go, or even more extreme decides not to pay for the wedding since he doesn't get his way, a divorce will cost him a lot more. That's the way it goes. Money doesn't buy everything.

Don't worry about the money, DW and I don't spend a dollar unless we both agree on it. You are getting way too carried away about a divorce. Take it easy Running bum. don't talk about suggesting about a divorce to a stranger on the internet. You took this to an Extreme about me not paying for the wedding because I didn't get my way. DW agreed to pay for it all no strings attached.

Here is my original question Running Fella. If your daughter was getting married and had a 250 person guest list ( I don't care who is paying for it) would you want your 2 grand children to be there with you for at least a little while ?

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Our daughter had a no kids rule,(except for the flower girl) even the members of the bridal party kept their kids home.
We offered to hire a sitter, but the wedding was planned far enough out that they all declined.
Many weddings are "no kids" now and I can understand that. Kids are noisy and unpredictable.
Weddings are quiet and boring to little ones.

Perhaps as mentioned above, if your son and daughter in law stay with you, you can have a sitter at the house. A newborn definitely doesn't need to be at a wedding, exposed to germs.

Congratulations on your DD upcoming wedding! It will be a beautiful day, I am sure.

Thank you.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

At my wedding, my now ex-wife insisted on no kids. My sister in law and mother were not happy that my 1 yr old nephew was not allowed. We arranged day care in a side room of the church. They said he would be fine, but I didn't give in. When they arrived in town they related how he cried the whole time on the flights. That ended the discussion. A crying baby at a wedding can ruin the event, especially for the bride. And if a baby starts crying, one of the parents will have to take it about of the church, so now you have an adult missing the ceremony. How is that better than very young children missing it?

OP, you need to get over it. Yes, you are paying for the wedding. No, you don't have much say in the details unless it is extravagant things that take it way over budget. That's how it is. It's the bride's day. You are just going to alienate her and your wife. If you can find a room in the church for the kids they can be retrieved for pictures, but make it just one or two so the picture process doesn't grind to a halt waiting for the kids to pose acceptably.

You mention your wedding and your now ex wife ? Any other marriage advice on weddings?

 

[Taco]

I feel like I am letting my grandchildren down missing out on a family event where they'll never see everyone together at the same place and time again.

It is odd that the rules are “No kids”, but then those rules aren’t applied to everyone equally.

But with ages of 2 and newborn, your grandkids will have no recollection of the event. YOU will be missing out on having them there, but they won’t miss a thing.