For the men here, how old were you when your father died?

[Diogenes]

... if you are currently 65 and white, your average remaining life expectancy is

• Both sexes: 18.4 years (83.4)
• Males: 17.0 years (82.0)
• Females: 19.7 years (84.7)

We see in this thread how certain habits (or experiences such as caustic jobs, or just misfortune) stunt life expectancy, whence so many of the fathers died while still in middle age. But once we clear a threshold of around 60, we might observe that...

1. Genetics seems to matter more than habits. The smokers/alcoholics etc. either overcome the consequences of their maladroit choices, or have already died. Whether one reaches 70 or 90, seems to be more a matter of genes than of choices.
2. The gender-difference in longevity attenuates. That's seen in the snippet that I quoted.

From an early retirement point of view, I'm of two minds. In the first, if I follow my own father's history, I better retire now, as the remaining years are less than the fingers on one hand. But in the second, if I do reach 60 or so, a then-early death becomes unlikely.

 

[Chris7]

Tough thread. 54/85. My mom had passed 3mos prior to my dad which was just back in January of 2024.

I had a good relationship. Lots of memories. He had a quadruple by-pass around 70 or so and it was amazing that he lived as long as he did.

Our family was into Boy Scouts, I have my Eagle. We loved skiing and camping. Our hikes almost always turned into adventures.

It has been hard to lose both parents so close together. Have felt very unmoored, anchorless. Very grateful for the good memories as many did not have that.

cd : O)

 

[marinauser]

38 and he was 63 after a 5 year cancer fight. My mother made it another 15 years.

 

[razztazz]

I was 27 he was 58. Started with heart attacks/strokes in his 40's and was what I call a "soft alcoholic." Only wine and never trashed but always buzzed. Yes, he was the kind who never took are of himself. Four pack-a-day filterless smoker. Not big on ambition or responsibility. Kept a roof and food but his catch phrase was "I don't want to be bothered" and "I don't want to know from nothin'."

Not a bad guy but didn't get to know him very well and he wasn't all that concerned with knowing the rest of us. I have no idea why he got married and had kids. And that goes for my mother too.

 

[Scrapr]

I was 62 & Dad passed at 86. He wasn't a very loving Dad. I think due to being a Depression baby. His Mom & Dad were on tough times. He always remembered that he slept outside on the porch in Klamath Falls one Winter. It gets very cold there .....0-20 degrees is not unusual. He made it through Engineering in college & met Mom. There were no hugs from him & not much empathy. When he passed it did hit me that I & my brother were the "older" generation in the family. When I married my wife I vowed not to be like him.

 

[Alan]

I was 55 when my Dad passed at age 84. I was 40 when my mom died at age 62.

 

[timbervest]

My father died at 77 of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma when I was 37. Hewas very active up until the last year -- took up golf in his 70's. A genuinely kind and dedicated family man with a passion for learning new things -- I often wonder what he would think of me as I approach that age. I hope he would be proud.

 

[Dash man]

I was 42 and he was 72 when he died of congestive heart failure. He wasn’t much of a father as I grew up, and wasn’t a very nice man. Didn’t speak to him for two years after he hit me and I followed up by decking him. After I left for college my parents divorced. I confronted him a while later and convinced him to find a church. He did and he met his second wife there. He got into an argument with my mother at my wedding. I later told him he needs to get his act together and change his life if he wanted me in it.
He eventually learned what faith can do in his life. We grew closer up until his death. His second wife had died a year before him, and he went downhill from there.

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

I find it so sad to read all the reports of fathers being so cruel or neglectful. This thread is an eye-opener.

 

[street]

I was 53 dad was 87. I had the best dad that anyone could ever have wanted.

 

[big-papa]

He was 91 when he passed and I had just had my 52nd birthday. Mom passed just a little over a year later. I still miss both of them terribly.

 

[MC Rider]

I find it so sad to read all the reports of fathers being so cruel or neglectful. This thread is an eye-opener.

Yeah. I did not get along well with my parents so well at HS and College school age.
But once I escaped their orbit things started to improve.
Glad to have a good Dad.

 

[Cujet]

Actually, according to the Centers for Disease Control, the average life expectancy at birth today is

• Both sexes: 77.5 years
• Males: 74.8 years
• Females: 80.2 years

I take no position on the editorial aspects of your post, but we should at least have the actual statistics in hand.

Life expectancy for men in U.S. falls to 73 years — six years less than for women, per study

American men's life expectancy is now 73.2 years, compared with women's 79.1. While women generally live longer than men, the gap has expanded in recent years.

www.statnews.com

Careful with government numbers. They back out little things like covid and certain sudden unexplained deaths.

"The picture is especially concerning for men, whose life expectancy is now 73.2 years" From the link above. But don't take my word for it. Even Google's AI says: In 2023, the average life expectancy for men in the U.S. was around 73 years, while for women it was around 79 years

 

[Cujet]

I find it so sad to read all the reports of fathers being so cruel or neglectful. This thread is an eye-opener.

That was actually one of the reasons I made the thread. I absolutely love the stories, good and bad. I find it easy to imagine more, to place myself there, to empathize with those who struggled and to celebrate with those who had great fathers.

 

[badatmath]

The reason is that men have significantly shorter lifespans, on average. My father certainly failed early, by 65 he was failing hard. He died at 70 despite a lifetime of eating carefully and exercising regularly. My mother is still thriving at 86, and still does 50 mile bicycle rides in Vermont. While some men live a very long time, most do not. Currently, the average mature American man dies at age 73. This is a sobering statistic, and is in direct contrast to what the Social Security Administration would have us believe.

Furthermore, men are traditionally the main earners and contribute 50% more than women to Social Security. Put another way, dad works hard to provide for his family, is very productive, retires late, dies early. And society gives not a care, nobody seems to care. That bothers me.

The 6+++ years of additional life American women enjoy (12+ years for Russian women) is used to statistically push men to work longer. My MIL is 97, FIL died 25 years ago. This is not uncommon.

This forum is about early retirement. One valid reason for early retirement is the very real potential for a man's early death.

I am 61 and retired, because of health. And I promise, my health issues are not my fault.

My mother and grandmother died at 56. I don't see early death as being limited to men. . . . I certainly don't see it as rare as my friends in their 50s have been disappearing and I just got word this morning from another friend his cancer has returned for the 2nd time (he is 56).

But I was just curious . . . .

 

[Sunset]

I was 16 when Dad age 55 had a large stroke and became incapacitated.
It was hard on me at 16, and being young I was not as good as I could have been.
When I was 26 he died age 65.

From all that I learned:
Take disability insurance at work.
Talk to old people as you won't hear their stories later.
Retire early.

 

[JBTX]

I’m 61, dad is 92, mom is 89. Dad has developed what is probably Dementia and has taken some falls and is now in a recovery facility but won’t likely come home due to cognitive decline and fall risk. Brother and I are flying in frequently to assist mom and take care of various things.

My dad was a good dad growing up - he mostly worked long hours and mom carried the lions share of child rearing, but he as always there and supportive. I think his biggest impact was the example he set of hard work, responsibility, right and wrong, etc.

 

[Gumby]

Life expectancy for men in U.S. falls to 73 years — six years less than for women, per study

American men's life expectancy is now 73.2 years, compared with women's 79.1. While women generally live longer than men, the gap has expanded in recent years.

www.statnews.com

Careful with government numbers. They back out little things like covid and certain sudden unexplained deaths.

"The picture is especially concerning for men, whose life expectancy is now 73.2 years" From the link above. But don't take my word for it. Even Google's AI says: In 2023, the average life expectancy for men in the U.S. was around 73 years, while for women it was around 79 years

The article you link is for 2021 statistics. The one I linked was for 2022 statistics. I would expect life expectancy to have risen as we emerged from the Covid pandemic.

Do you have any evidence that the CDC numbers are manipulated in any fashion, or is it just generalized conspiracy theorizing? Because Figure 4 in the document I cited counts Covid among the ten leading causes of death and shows how it changed from 2021 to 2022, which sure doesn't sound like it was "backed out" or considered a "little thing".

 

[USGrant1962]

Dad died at age 59 from a sudden heart attack after a life of smoking and later alcoholism. He beat the alcoholism for years before his passing. He had taken an early retirement package from IBM at age 55, which I think set me on the ER-at-55 path many years later.

I was 33 years old and my son, his first grandchild, was 6 months old. It sucked. His grandson turned 30 today.

 

[jldavid47]

35. Dad was 65. Lung cancer got him. 25 years ago this month. I got a bit spooked last month when I realized my son was the exact same age (in days) as I was when my dad died. He's now had me longer than I had my dad. I hope he appreciates that.

 

[calmloki]

Dad just made it to 49, I was 20. His family moved from Wyoming to Philadelphia and Mom got starry eyed over a tall (her fantasy) cowboy. He was a machinist, essential job, got into the Navy late in the war and was in California in electronics school with his new wife as the war ended. They took a surplus heavy truck to Alaska and homesteaded - I was first baby born in the new hospital in Valdez; sister was born at home in the house they built three years later. Moved to Oregon, Dad opened a machine shop, they worked hard, sold everything and took a VW bus trip with clamshell trailer (and 6 month old brother) around the States and Canada with a little air hop to Cuba (1959), then down through Central America.

Sold the Bus and Camper and took a tramp freighter through the canal back to Oregon. Dad started fresh, and by working back to back machinist jobs started clawing his way up through property. They wanted to raise their kids in the country on a cattle ranch. The houses were kind of habitable if Dad made them so in his spare time after the two jobs and stringing fence and caring for the cows. The places grew from 20 acres up to 140.

Then he was diagnosed with lymphoma, so he had to kick it into OD. Started another machine shop with a partner and had day and night shifts working.

I remember him when he was home, building a cattle squeeze with his welder with a burned out roll yer own stuck on his lower lip asking what I had done that day - he did NOT like to see me with my hands in my pockets.

Remember gathering some steers and getting them on a truck on a school morning - thought sure I'd be skipping, but no. He said school - and I should drive - his 1957 356 Porsche. Remember him sitting with his hands in his lap as I was losing it on a gravel corner. Remember the hint of smile as he said to drive it out after we came to a stop with the back end in a ditch, me shaking.

Another time remember him putting an arm on my shoulder and saying "You are my son". Demonstrative he was not, but a few words or moments carried a bunch of value for me. Lucky guy I am

 

[jollystomper]

There is a riddle: A child is half as old as his parent. The next year the digits of the child's age will be the reverse of his parents age. How old is the child and the parent?

That fits my dad and I. I was 36 when he died at 72. Had he lived another year, he would have been 73 when I was 37. More on that at the end...

My dad was definitely the quiet but strong type. He and my mom had 7 kids, and he focused on providing for us. But he made sure we understood that we needed to be independent. His mantra was "when you graduate from high school, you are going to college, getting a full time job in a trade, or going into the military. No ifs, ands. or buts". He discipline was more than balanced out by his words, acts of caring, and delights in our achievements. In addition, the neighborhoods we grew up in... it was necessary. In truth I probably resented him more until I went away to college - and then started to understand more of what he (and my mom) were trying to teach me.

One lasting image of him is, when in high school I had to leave in the morning before he went to work, of catching a glimpse of him and mom kneeling at their bed and praying. Later in life, I would ask him about that, he said their biggest prayers were that the 7 of us kids would always stay close and that whomever we met and married would also want to be close to all of us. It pretty much worked . Another impression - he was never big into receiving gifts, and would say to us "anything with the name or emblem of you college is fine". A few years before I retired, a work meeting brought me close to where he worked, and I stopped him to see him... and his work area was full of these items, representing the colleges his kids and grandkids attended. Education to him was the great equalizer in life, and as an immigrant from a non-English speaking country who got as far as an associate degree, he was proud of our education attainments (even if it did get him removed from a jury pool once ).

When he retired at 70 (after years of all us telling him to retire, but he had his good and valid reasons), I assumed many years of both him and mom (who was 6 years younger) in our lives. He delighted in being a grandfather, as he grew up in a foster home without parents, let alone grandparents.

He never spent a day in the hospital, was not overweight, and had no mobility issues. So his cancer diagnosis at 72 and death six months later was a shock to me. He died on Christmas Eve, and even though one of his last wishes was for us celebrate Christmas as normal that year, especially for our kids, I have felt a little different about that time since then. Not "bah humbug", but much less focused on the commercial aspects of it.

Now an interesting footnote, relating back to the riddle at the beginning: He died six days after our youngest son was born. That means that should I reach 72, that son will be 36. Sometimes I wonder if history will repeat itself .

 

[wrigley]

I was 46 my father was 69.

 

[Surewhitey]

47 & 71. He died a loner and wanted it that way. Quite a few of the family was there for the end. Unfortunately he distanced himself from anyone who he conflicted with (and was never wrong).

 

[VanWinkle]

I was 59 when my Dad died at age 90. I really miss that guy.