For the men here, how old were you when your father died?

[statsman]

That's tough. Care to share more?

I would say mostly an unhealthy lifestyle. Heavy smoker and heavy drinker. Open heart surgery at age 34. Pacemaker at 35. None of that stopped the smoking and drinking.

His father passed away at 59, brother at 63, and mother at 64. It's difficult to ignore that when thinking about my own potential lifespan.

 

[NeilDH]

I was 34 and my dad 54. I am now the age he was when he died. My dad was a smoker and alcoholic, in a Joe Six-Pack kind of way. We knew he was in bad shape and tried to get him help. He had become out of work (in the trades), and there was no ACA at that time, so how to get him help without health insurance was a big problem. My sister, an HR leader, was working on getting him onto (expensive) Cobra when he dropped dead in his condo, basically from hardened arteries; I found him three days later.

A couple of weeks earlier he had a dizzy spell in our presence and had to gather himself. It's so obvious now that we should have rushed him to an ER, but it didn't sink in to us what was happening. That's a big regret, but we also learned that he had been having dizzy spells in front of friends and he stubbornly refused help. So he wasn't helping himself, and we also knew then that had we gotten him to doctors, it'd be a mess and he'd be a pain. We now also realize that he was suffering depression.

He was a big influence in our lives and it's sad. I happened to pick up my mom's traits of never wanting to smoke (ever) or drink much, not out of protest or lessons learned from Dad; I just never did. He'd be both proud and envious (with a few snarky comments I'm sure) about my FIREing now.

 

[Aramis]

My Dad died just 5 weeks after I turned 16, on New Years Day, from a heart attack right in front of me. He was only 50 - and a heavy smoker. He had been having what he described as "bursitis" shoulder pains for several weeks before his death. In that time he drove the family 10 hours, each way, to visit cousins for Christmas. We got back 4 days before he died during what he labelled a flare-up of his bursitis......

We never had the chance to get past the "emerging young man" / "somewhat threatened father" stage, which is something I really regret.

 

[6miths]

My dad had just turned 73 when he died instantly of a cardiac arrhythmia. He was standing prepping the weed whipper for another summer on a beautiful spring day. I was 42. Unfortunately DW and I had been overseas for 2 years with our young family and were scheduled to come home for 8 weeks in the summer but just missed making it home. We had had a great chat on the phone two days before. It will be 22 years ago in May. He was in decent health and sharp as a tack but was known to have atherosclerosis most related to smoking cigarettes to age 30 and then a pipe to 65 or so. His father passed when my dad was 18 also of heart disease so some genetics too. He was a great dad, and grandfather, and taught me countless valuable lessons. To this day, the hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell my 9 year old son that his poppa had passed away. I just had lunch yesterday with a fellow who worked for my dad 50 years ago, we shared some good memories and laughs. Many fond memories.

 

[RunningBum]

I would say mostly an unhealthy lifestyle. Heavy smoker and heavy drinker. Open heart surgery at age 34. Pacemaker at 35. None of that stopped the smoking and drinking.

His father passed away at 59, brother at 63, and mother at 64. It's difficult to ignore that when thinking about my own potential lifespan.

Not to be critical of your dad in any way, but maybe to give you some hope. My dad was a pretty heavy smoker and drinker too. In his mid 50s he decided to stop drinking. I think some work associates had commented to him that he was drinking a lot more. A couple years later he had a major heart attack. Jokingly blamed it on sobriety but never resumed drinking. He quit smoking then, and to my knowledge never had another cigarette or drink. He made it to 90 even after dealing with prostate cancer in his early 60s. I think his mother died around 50 (alcoholism) and father 75.

 

[wearefinishedworking]

So many early deaths due to heavy smoking and drinking; sadly that lifestyle was very common back then!
My DH lost his Dad at age 36, our son was not quite 2. He died of esophageal cancer at age 71.

 

[imjustawarrior]

57/90. He is still going strong. He still lifts weights 5 days a week. Recently, I told him he needed to increase his protein intake. He says he has been adding muscle.

My retirement planning has to take this into account. Nothing is free.

 

[Koolau]

57/90. He is still going strong. He still lifts weights 5 days a week. Recently, I told him he needed to increase his protein intake. He says he has been adding muscle.

My retirement planning has to take this into account. Nothing is free.

That is amazing. Here I was sorta proud of myself for losing weight. Your dad puts me to shame. Good for him.

 

[brett]

88. I was 56.

I was one of the lucky ones. In every respect.

He lived in his own home. Died after going into a coma after a stroke. Painless. No seniors home. No suffering. Exactly what he would have wished for himself.

He retired early at 59. Same age that I FIRED.

I only hope that I am able to go in somewhat the same manner. If not...it will be MAID for me.

 

[frayne]

So many early deaths due to heavy smoking and drinking; sadly that lifestyle was very common back then!

70/88 My father was a WWII pilot and mechanical engineer who quit smoking in his forties. My mother, on the other hand, smoked well into her 70s and ultimately died of emphysema at 78. I believe many from the Greatest Generation passed before their time due to heavy smoking. Growing up in the '50s and '60s, I can’t recall many places where smoking was prohibited. In addition, the small town I grew up in <6,000 people probably had ten or more drinking establishments, literally a bar on every corner in the downtown area. Alcoholism as well destroyed many lives back during that era.

 

[skipro33]

I was 64, diagnosed with cancer and receiving chemo infusions. My dad was 87 and it was the height of COVID. Dad had Alzheimer's and I had placed him in a memory care facility just before the shut down of senior care facilities because I couldn't take care of myself and him at this time and my wife was caring for me. Dad lived with my wife and I a little more than 2 years prior.
I worked out a deal with a staff worker; l would call, he'd see my number, not answer and unlock the sliding door from his patio to his room so I could sneak in. In exchange, id leave a $100 bill under Dad's TV. When I left, I'd call again so he could lock the door again. I visited Dad 3 times a week for 2 months before he passed away.
I harbor hard feelings for the government preventing families from attending to their loved ones and dieing alone.

 

[Koolau]

I was 64, diagnosed with cancer and receiving chemo infusions. My dad was 87 and it was the height of COVID. Dad had Alzheimer's and I had placed him in a memory care facility just before the shut down of senior care facilities because I couldn't take care of myself and him at this time and my wife was caring for me. Dad lived with my wife and I a little more than 2 years prior.
I worked out a deal with a staff worker; l would call, he'd see my number, not answer and unlock the sliding door from his patio to his room so I could sneak in. In exchange, id leave a $100 bill under Dad's TV. When I left, I'd call again so he could lock the door again. I visited Dad 3 times a week for 2 months before he passed away.
I harbor hard feelings for the government preventing families from attending to their loved ones and dieing alone.

What a sad story - and there are many thousands like it. Maybe if there is a next time, we'll have learned something.

 

[shotgunner]

I was 47 he was 79, he was suffering from dementia for about 5 years prior and was in a skilled nursing facility when he passed in 2004. I miss him and think of him often.

 

[shotgunner]

I harbor hard feelings for the government preventing families from attending to their loved ones and dieing alone.

I have several friends whose parent died in a nursing home and they could not visit and be with them when they passed. Those people who made those decisions should be charged with human rights violations and prosecuted.

 

[skipro33]

I have several friends whose parent died in a nursing home and they could not visit and be with them when they passed. Those people who made those decisions should be charged with human rights violations and prosecuted.

Another ill-conceived decision was that my dad was a Korean War vet and The Department Of Veteran's Affairs (VA) National Cemetery Administration ruled that services at VA cemeteries were suspended indefinitely, even though it's an outdoor venue. When military services were again allowed, they were limited to only 10 attendees wearing masks. I was too heartbroken and couldn't pick and choose only 10 people and I certainly did not want masks for those who were grieving and unable to offer each other sympathy through facial emotion. I had Dad cremated and we waited until restrictions were lifted so everyone who wanted could attend.

 

[Salaryman]

Dad was 87, I was 55. Passed after a long fight with multiple C's. He was a tough immigrant, a fighter to the end.
We figured all the years running the drycleaning business didn't help with his health, he died for his family.
Losing his family in his early teens due to Korean war, experiencing the occupation by the Empire of the Sun (he refused to speak their language until the end), starting and restarting lives in various countries and giving his kids a chance at the American Dream when it was still viable, and tolerating a force of nature wife for nearly 60 years I'd say he lived a very full and interesting life. His love of travel, bit of mischief and good food/drink passed down to me and his grandkids.
I miss him, and look up to his quiet and gentle manhood/leadership which is so different than the toxic masculinity corrupting modern day culture. He didn't need to shout that he was tough protector of his family. Deed speak louder than words.
Thanks for allowing me to remember him again today.

 

[Koolau]

Dad was 87, I was 55. Passed after a long fight with multiple C's. He was a tough immigrant, a fighter to the end.
We figured all the years running the drycleaning business didn't help with his health, he died for his family.
Losing his family in his early teens due to Korean war, experiencing the occupation by the Empire of the Sun (he refused to speak their language until the end), starting and restarting lives in various countries and giving his kids a chance at the American Dream when it was still viable, and tolerating a force of nature wife for nearly 60 years I'd say he lived a very full and interesting life. His love of travel, bit of mischief and good food/drink passed down to me and his grandkids.
I miss him, and look up to his quiet and gentle manhood/leadership which is so different than the toxic masculinity corrupting modern day culture. He didn't need to shout that he was tough protector of his family. Deed speak louder than words.
Thanks for allowing me to remember him again today.

And thanks for sharing. I often think when I hear such stories that a book should be written. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but my dad's and your dad's life would likely make a good read.