For the men here, how old were you when your father died?

[HFWR]

Neither of my parents were drinkers, aside from the occasional night out, and pretty much none as they got older. My dad smoked unfiltered Kools when I was a kid, then switched to low tar/nicotine for many years, finally quitting in his early 60s.

Given that history, and the usual men dying early, I guess, to the extent I thought about it, that I always figured Dad would go first. Alas, Mom passed at 74 from cancer, but Dad made it to 93.

 

[pacergal]

Not male, but:
My Dad died at age 86, was a smoker and moderate alcohol drinker.
My paternal Grandfather died age 42, heart issues.

DH father died age 31, accident.
Paternal grandfather at 71

 

[ponyboy]

Just finished listening to a podcast with Peter attia. He talks about the 4 leading causes of death, he terms it the four horseman.

Cancer
Cardiovascular
Type 2 diabetes
Dementia/Alzheimer's

After going through this thread most fit this model.

 

[Diogenes]

Given that history, and the usual men dying early, I guess, to the extent I thought about it, that I always figured Dad would go first. Alas, Mom passed at 74 from cancer, but Dad made it to 93.

Evidently, mortality/longevity depends on four factors:

1. Genetics
2. Environment/behavior
3. Psychology/willingness to live
4. Luck

Only (2) and (3) are controllable. The genetically-blessed and the otherwise lucky, might live to 90, despite being obese alcoholic chain-smokers. The teetotaling star athlete might get pancreatic cancer at 55, and die at 56. It's remarkable how, beyond some obvious things, so little remains within the purview of our control.

Then there's the psychology. An acquaintance is 73, but in horrible physical health. Diabetes, obesity, all sorts of ailments related to... whatever it is. And he's been on-again/off-again suicidal for the better part of 20 years. If he had a bathroom medicine cabinet, it would be overflowing with prescription vials... instead, the vials are strewed about the floor, the couch, everywhere... and he doesn't often remember to take them all. His will to live is negative, and yet, he soldiers on, somehow. Still others, are maybe 20 years older, frail and organized and well-sorted, with incredible will to live.. they also soldier on. Not sure that I have a concerted point here, other than to note, that psychology is scattershot and variable... but somehow, it also has to matter.

 

[wmc1000]

I was 70 when my Father passed at 97.

 

[Tekward]

would say mostly an unhealthy lifestyle. Heavy smoker and heavy drinker. Open heart surgery at age 34. Pacemaker at 35. None of that stopped the smoking and drinking.

His father passed away at 59, brother at 63, and mother at 64. It's difficult to ignore that when thinking about my own potential lifespan.

I hear you. This year I am +20 years beyond the average age of my parents passing.
I'm 67 and living with much better habits.

I always considered that genetics would be a limiting factor for me, but research indicates it is a much smaller component of longevity <10% per a 2018 research report: https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/06/health/genetics-longevity-study/

 

[FI_RElater]

Children of military servicemen and women get my respect. My father was active combat duty for the WW2 and Korean era. He was a draftee. His mind was in the military for years after he was discharged (discharged in 1953 died in 2010). He never liked the military and never identified as a soldier, though he was one.

Once he got out he settled down and we never had to move.

Thank you to the wives and children to the veterans who moved often.

military brat here...
Ol' man was a "lifer".... first theatre was Europe in WW2, last "in country" was Nam where he lost his barracks in a mortar attack during Tet. He later did tours in Phillipines and Okinawa.

For us, when he was stateside, we normally were in trailers (with one time in base housing) but moved a bit, as I was in eight different schools from third to seventh grade. (Prior to that, when we were overseas, we were in base housing, but very early they just had a singlewide trailer. RE: overseas, I still have the dogtags they issued to us when there) They finally got a house when he retired.

Typical of lifers, he smoked a lot and, unfortunately, was an alcoholic (passed out drunk). He was gone just before 62, whereas she was gone earlier at 52; I was 34 when he passed and was presented his flag.

 

[YellowSubmarine]

I was 59, my Father was 94.

My Father had a most stressful life as he served on an USS Bunker Hill , aircraft carrier in WW-2...very hard hit ship. Then he has seven children and worked a blue-collar job on the river (locks man). My life is significantly less stressful...I'm optimistic with my prospects.

 

[breger1]

My Father was 78 and I 29 when he passed. I have been blessed with both a wonderful Father and Mother. Though it has been 35 years since he passed I am still both very thankful for him and miss him in my life. He set a great example as a father and husband. His picture is still on the wall above my desk.

 

[Timeisprecious]

Well, I'm very happy to write that my father is still alive at the "ripe old age" of 93. However, I just lost my wonderful wife about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I miss her like crazy, but I know things will get better. It's just incredibly hard right now.

 

[jgrdarrash]

Well, I'm very happy to write that my father is still alive at the "ripe old age" of 93. However, I just lost my wonderful wife about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I miss her like crazy, but I know things will get better. It's just incredibly hard right now.

So sorry for your loss. Hopefully your memories of your wonderful wife will provide comfort in time.

 

[skyking1]

@Stormy Kromer and others, my dad was similar to yours in that he did not care for it did not identify as a soldier.
He lied about his age and signed up at 17 after Pearl Harbor, and was 18 when the 4th Marines went to war.
Kwajalein, Saipan, Tinian and finally Iwo Jima. He did not speak about it. I had to ask an uncle who gleaned some from the time before I was born.
The actions beat him down until he finally broke on Iwo. They sent him back in as a stretcher bearer and he had to make life and death decisions on who was a good candidate for the trip back to the aid station.
He had alcoholism from before the war, we think. It just bloomed after coming back.

 

[threeonesix]

My dad passed at 77, I was 45. He was fine until a stroke 6 months earlier. After that was paralyzed. He wanted someone to "help him" swallow a bottle of pills. We all said sorry, but no. Then he had a heart attack and refused to let the doctors treat him. They fought that pretty hard so I had to threaten them with lawsuits if they did anything other than put him in hospice and give him pain meds. He lasted another 10 days, long enough for everyone to say their goodbyes. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad, but it was a relief when he passed. He was a very, very angry and mean person after the stroke. He just wanted to die but couldn't do it himself.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Well, I'm very happy to write that my father is still alive at the "ripe old age" of 93. However, I just lost my wonderful wife about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I miss her like crazy, but I know things will get better. It's just incredibly hard right now.

I'm sorry for your loss. I wish you well. Are you in Grand Rapids Michigan, or Minnesota?