Former colleague asked for a "favor"

[skyking1]

summary entirely appropriate.
" So weird"

 

[MTB4me]

While I 100% agree with your declining this request, I think simply stating that your STR was fully booked would have been sufficient. When you felt the need to explain that you “run a business, not a charity”, I could see how that could have been taken negatively. Since you were already fully booked, why the need to explain any further?

 

[Sunset]

While I 100% agree with your declining this request, I think simply stating that your STR was fully booked would have been sufficient. When you felt the need to explain that you “run a business, not a charity”, I could see how that could have been taken negatively. Since you were already fully booked, why the need to explain any further?

But they were asking for charity, while spending a lot of money paying someone else.

 

[CO-guy]

While I 100% agree with your declining this request, I think simply stating that your STR was fully booked would have been sufficient. When you felt the need to explain that you “run a business, not a charity”, I could see how that could have been taken negatively. Since you were already fully booked, why the need to explain any further?

We might all wish to say things differently in hindsight. In answer to your question, I responded initially the way I do when anyone reaches out to us about accommodations when our STR is booked. There's a nearby hotel we recommend or other STRs we're familiar with, depending on their needs.

After realizing the 'boldness' of their expectations, I responded by making my boundaries clear before pivoting back to the most relevant piece of information, which was that our STR was not available. Was my "business not charity" response based more on feeling like a line had been crossed than about the availability of the rental? Yup.

 

[Koolau]

We might all wish to say things differently in hindsight. In answer to your question, I responded initially the way I do when anyone reaches out to us about accommodations when our STR is booked. There's a nearby hotel we recommend or other STRs we're familiar with, depending on their needs.

After realizing the 'boldness' of their expectations, I responded by making my boundaries clear before pivoting back to the most relevant piece of information, which was that our STR was not available. Was my "business not charity" response based more on feeling like a line had been crossed than about the availability of the rental? Yup.

I kinda envy your ability to just lay it out like that. I tend to be an "avoider" in such situations. "We're full up" is probably what I'd come up with. If it were untrue, I would feel guilty.

You respected them enough to tell the full truth. "We don't give it away!"

GOOD ON YOU!

 

[Dalton]

With my cup half full this morning, I'll suppose the person may have earnestly just happened to see you in the store, had a sudden "brilliant idea" that would solve an issue they were having, didn't take the time to think it through (obviously), and came out looking like a dummy, as would be expected.

Seems more likely than them staking out your house and following you to the supermarket, doesn't it?

 

[NameTaken2]

Sounds like your basic self-absorbed person-
We all know them. Never ask about you during conversation, or have any interest or a follow-up Q for anything you share. It's about them.
Focused on their life and what they want, with no self-awareness for what others think of them.

 

[CO-guy]

Sounds like your basic self-absorbed person-
We all know them. Never ask about you during conversation, or have any interest or a follow-up Q for anything you share. It's about them.
Focused on their life and what they want, with no self-awareness for what others think of them.

Pretty much so. We mostly have wonderful guests with our STR, and most are returning guests that visit repeatedly, so hosting takes little effort for us. In fact, a neighbor of my former colleague has stayed in our rental at least 4 times in the past 2 years while they were doing work on their own home.

However, we do occasionally get booking requests from guests that want to book dates that are blocked off or they say that they're not going to be paying certain fees (e.g., "We don't pay cleaning fees because we're very tidy"). We decline those requests 100% of the time. Last year I messaged someone that submitted a request wanting to stay at a time already booked by another group. My response explained we were already booked and they replied, "Cancel the other reservation." Not only did I not do that, but I blocked the person making that demand.

 

[RunningBum]

I have a friend like this, always looking for freebies and discounts and begging to get into events that are already at capacity. He says "it never hurts to ask" except that he's a pain in the ass about it. He's not brave to ask these things, he's obnoxious. I have too many stories to tell about him. I'm with the OP on this.

 

[easysurfer]

I have a friend like this, always looking for freebies and discounts and begging to get into events that are already at capacity. He says "it never hurts to ask" except that he's a pain in the ass about it. He's not brave to ask these things, he's obnoxious. I have too many stories to tell about him. I'm with the OP on this.

I think another word for that kind of friend is a mooch.

 

[Koolau]

I think another word for that kind of friend is a mooch.

Or a technical word is likely "narcissist."

 

[Texas Proud]

You said it was booked... so no need to say anything about it being a business...

But if it were available, I would say that the going rate is X and I would be glad to have them there...

 

[luckydude]

Yesterday I bumped into a former colleague or, more accurately, they walked up to me while I was in the supermarket and asked me for a "favor." They're having their home renovated and were hoping that their contractor could stay in our STR. I suggested a nearby hotel which she described as "too expensive." When I pointed out that a luxury apartment is going to be more than a low-end hotel room, she said that she was hoping her contractor could stay in our STR "as a favor."

My response was to tell her, "we run a business, not a charity," and that favors are things like picking up the mail or watering planter beds if someone's out of town for the weekend. A favor is not a mortgage payment, and (thankfully) our place is fully booked for the summer. They seemed irritated, but I was unapologetic before wishing them well and walking away.

For reference, I haven't spoken to this person since they retired over 5 years ago and we weren't 'buddies' before then. So weird.

Wow, the ex-colleague's sense of entitlement is really astonishing. Some people are just truly shameless.

 

[chris2008]

But if it were available, I would say that the going rate is X and I would be glad to have them there...

and, of course, payment long time in advance.

 

[CO-guy]

You said it was booked... so no need to say anything about it being a business...

But if it were available, I would say that the going rate is X and I would be glad to have them there...

We've rented to many former colleagues when they have relatives in town. The typical request is something along the lines of:

"My parents are in town (from....to...) and I saw your place is available online. Can I reserve it with you or should I have them book through the website."

Maybe 10 years ago, many of our colleagues were having kids, and there was a constant stream of in-laws using our rental for several years. Fewer now, but still a steady stream of former colleague's in-laws. Not once has anyone ever asked for a "favor" or haggled on price.

 

[MarieIG]

That was a huge imposition!

While I probably would have just answered "No" or "No, that would not work for me" simply because I don't like giving explanations to those who don't deserve it, I have to give you kudos for nipping that in the bud.

 

[athena53]

Wow, the ex-colleague's sense of entitlement is really astonishing. Some people are just truly shameless.

But they get lucky once in awhile. I've been a terrible people-pleaser all my life and can think of many incidents in which someone took advantage of that. I THINK I've gotten better at saying "No" over the years.

I clearly remember a long article in the London Times travel section by a woman who had bought a beach house in the south of France. "Friends" and family would arrive (not sure whether invited or not), drink up all their wine, drip water onto the hardwood floors as they came in from the beach, and ask what was for dinner. She and her husband sold the place. Unfortunate that they couldn't just send the freeloaders away.

 

[CO-guy]

That was a huge imposition!

While I probably would have just answered "No" or "No, that would not work for me" simply because I don't like giving explanations to those who don't deserve it, I have to give you kudos for nipping that in the bud.

It was an overreach for anyone, let alone some random person from my past, though I do appreciate the alternative perspectives others have given. It's difficult to put into words what this former colleague conveyed after I suggested a hotel as a reasonable option. IMO, the tone was very much:

"No you dope. I know what a hotel costs. I'm telling you that I need a favor."

FWIW, she retired at 75, although it was clear she would have died at her desk if not given a dignified option to exit. I'm not even sure if she knows I resigned several years ago, but the condescending attitude toward anyone with less seniority (regardless of position) was pretty on brand at the dumpster fire where we were colleagues.

 

[MarieIG]

^^^ Wow, even worse!

 

[Sojourner]

It was an overreach for anyone, let alone some random person from my past, though I do appreciate the alternative perspectives others have given.

This is what really would've galled me about the situation. She wasn't even a close friend! Just a former work colleague!

My DF once had a neighbor who would, on a semi-regular basis, ask for various favors. My DF didn't particularly like this woman and (politely) went out of his way to avoid interacting with her. There is no way this woman didn't know that she and my DF weren't friends, yet she would shamelessly ask to borrow things (including his boat!) as if they were lifelong best friends. She would even ask if her friends and relatives could come onto his property to use various amenities... while he wasn't even at home!! And when my DF's answer was "No, sorry, I don't allow anyone on my property other than family and close friends" she would respond with something like "Interesting that even after being neighbors for 20 years I am not considered 'close' or a 'friend'." I don't think the words "gall" or "audacity" could do this woman justice.

 

[latexman]

. . . but the condescending attitude toward anyone with less seniority (regardless of position) was pretty on brand at the dumpster fire where we were colleagues.

So, I’m guessing it did your soul good to spoil her mood!

 

[skyking1]

We've rented to many former colleagues when they have relatives in town. The typical request is something along the lines of:

"My parents are in town (from....to...) and I saw your place is available online. Can I reserve it with you or should I have them book through the website."

Maybe 10 years ago, many of our colleagues were having kids, and there was a constant stream of in-laws using our rental for several years. Fewer now, but still a steady stream of former colleague's in-laws. Not once has anyone ever asked for a "favor" or haggled on price.

Your place was a "known quantity", and that is worth a great deal. No hassles, disappointments, problems for them.

 

[Scrapr]

We used to have a 2nd home in a popular mountain town. Our full time neighbors had an au pair & the au pair family were coming to visit. They asked if we were going to be using the house. We weren't so it was super easy for the family to visit. Of course it was no charge. (we really liked our neighbor) After the visit I was about an hour ahead of my wife on getting to the house. OMG what a mess. Cans & bottles everywhere, hairspray on the counters. No garbage taken out. Furniture scattered. I knew my wife would freak if she saw the condition so I started cleaning as fast as I could. She didn't see the worst of it but it was bad. We never lent out the house again.

 

[GrayHare]

Sometimes when asked for freebies, I remind the person if I give a freebie to them, I have to do the same for others in order to be fair.

Sometimes I ask why they feel they are entitled to something for free. It can be fun to watch them fumble and stumble then come up with only nonsense.

 

[Koolau]

This is what really would've galled me about the situation. She wasn't even a close friend! Just a former work colleague!

My DF once had a neighbor who would, on a semi-regular basis, ask for various favors. My DF didn't particularly like this woman and (politely) went out of his way to avoid interacting with her. There is no way this woman didn't know that she and my DF weren't friends, yet she would shamelessly ask to borrow things (including his boat!) as if they were lifelong best friends. She would even ask if her friends and relatives could come onto his property to use various amenities... while he wasn't even at home!! And when my DF's answer was "No, sorry, I don't allow anyone on my property other than family and close friends" she would respond with something like "Interesting that even after being neighbors for 20 years I am not considered 'close' or a 'friend'." I don't think the words "gall" or "audacity" could do this woman justice.

I guess that's why it's better not to give an explanation. Just "no". That way, there's nothing to argue about (about the terms, for instance). If asked why, then say "it's just my policy."