Former coworkers want me to keep in touch

[Happy Homebody]

I have been retired a relatively short time.

A couple of work friends gave me their personal email and told me to stay in touch.

When I left, the workplace was very stressful. My last couple weeks, I was told to stop saying "I am glad I only have a few weeks left." It made other people who were not in a position to retire and couldn't find different jobs feel bad.

So now I wonder what to say in an email. Would they feel happy for me? Or would it make them feel worse about their current situation?

Or maybe just ask how they are doing without saying much about my life.

 

[aja8888]

It's nice to stay in touch with work friends, I do it and I have made a couple of long time friends out of those contacts.

 

[Lewis Clark]

Many people say "Let's keep in touch" and then never actually mean it.

Do you want to be in touch with them? If not, say nothing until they contact you. If they do contact you, you can decide how to respond.

If you do want to be in contact, think about what you would say to any friend.

 

[rk911]

You aren't and can't be held responsible for other people's emotions. Me? I'd stay in touch and, in fact, I have kept in touch with several co-workers and I go to breakfast with a few on a regular basis.

 

[braumeister]

I have been retired a relatively short time.

A couple of work friends gave me their personal email and told me to stay in touch.

What are they willing to pay for the privilege?

Seriously, I would take "stay in touch" to mean nothing more than "keep me in mind if you hear of a great opportunity I might be interested in."

When I left my last paying job my former cow-orkers kept sending me leads for consulting gigs I might like. Eventually they came to realize that I was really and truly retired, but it was interesting for a while.

 

[CO-guy]

Did you normally spend time with these people outside the office before leaving? If not, what would there be to stay in touch about?

As someone that left a "dumpster fire" relatively recently, I've lost touch with several of the friends that I did hang out with outside of work. Frankly, their lives seem incredibly stressful compared to mine and they have precious little free time to do anything.

 

[COcheesehead]

If you are struggling with what to say, did you really have a relationship with them?
My wife calls people like that situational friends. When the situation changes so does the relationship

 

[Aerides]

I think it's just what people say to be nice. "Oh you must stay in touch!" - but nah, they aren't really expecting you to follow up on that.

Unless they were already friends you met outside of work, in which case staying connected would be a no brainer, then...nah. IE, you never had their personal contact info before the day you retired? They aren't friends. They are colleagues. And now former colleagues.

 

[MarieIG]

I do keep in contact with a number of former colleagues. But, prior to leaving the particular employer, I had built relationships with them that went beyond just work.

I spoke to someone earlier today whom I haven't worked with for 25 years - but we do keep in touch. I did retire much sooner, but I am sympathetic / sensitive to his situation - as I am sensitive to others employed in a high stress / difficult job.

Whether or not they would be happy for you, I don't know. My friends were. But your co-workers' feelings towards you may depend upon how you communicate with them. You got a big hint about what not to do before you left your former job.

If you contact former co-workers you might start with asking about them / their families / updates on something not work related. You can give a little snippet about what you've been up to, i.e. spending more time on a particular hobby. If you asked how you feel about retirement, you can respond in a low-key positive manner, i.e. I am enjoying some quiet time at home or with DH. If the particular relationship grows, so will the communications.

Obviously, if you don't want to reach out to a particular former co-worker, don't.

 

[mountainsoft]

My wife did a few things with former coworkers when she first retired. Two years later, she has little contact other than what she sees on Facebook. I think she "unfriended" most of her old coworkers as there was little point in following their lives now. About the only time folks catch up these days is at retirement parties or funerals for an old coworker.

I've been self employed for nearly 30 years and haven't had any contact with any of my old coworkers. I tried to reach out to a couple many years ago, but it ended there. We're in different worlds now.

 

[imjustawarrior]

Ask how they are doing. If they are really friends, then they will be fine with hearing how you are doing.

Did you retire early? I ask because there just a handful of ways that people react to that, and I don't think it is based on how they know you.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Keep in touch if it suits you but don’t expect it to be the same. Likely 90% of what you talked about before was work. For one of you, that is no longer relevant and your insights are getting more stale by the day. You may find some of them quite boring.

I found that I have more fun with other colleagues who have also left our former employer. We have very explicitly declared that when we get together we are not allowed to talk about megacorp.

 

[jazz4cash]

I stay in touch with colleagues that are also retired. There are a handful of groups that meet monthly or quarterly plus a Facebook page. Once per year I travel back to home office to attend the official retiree meeting and usually see a few that are still working. They all seem happy to see me. It’s very rewarding to see others enjoying their well earned retirement The common sentiment among the still working crowd is “you wouldn’t like working here now”. I count my blessings.

 

[pjm-7]

To me "stay in touch" is a general term. When I retired almost eleven years ago I had a social circle for events that continued. However, over time people slowly dropped by the wayside, either they moved or just quit coming to gatherings. This past weekend when I went to Denver I realized that I no longer knew anybody there. Don't take it personally if people don't respond to a chance to meet up again. Life goes on.

 

[Dtail]

Personally, I have no contact with anyone from my former career. I loved my career, but just don't wish to hear all the details of this one and that one.
Retirement is my 2nd career and I love this too.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Be available if they reach out.

Never turn down an opportunity to have a friend.

If it is about work, I would stop.

 

[martyp]

I sent out an email to my current and past co-workers announcing my retirement. I had generally nice things to say about my career and my experience of working with them. It was their option to respond . . . or not . . . and most did respond respectfully. After my retirement I would meet up with former employees and co-workers for lunch every couple of months. I follow some as Facebook friends. I've since moved abroad but I meet up with them when I am in town. The last meetup was at a retirement party for one of my former colleagues. That was 12 years after I retired. So I do keep in touch.

 

[Alex The Great]

I try to keep in touch with former coworkers but not all of them. Mostly from the team I managed for 15+ years. It is always nice to see them. Nobody retired yet, although one guy is one year older than me.

 

[aja8888]

I still stay in touch with a few of the people I have worked with since the mid 1980's. I actually play golf with one twice per year in a local event. It's all been good.

 

[Koolau]

I stay in very loose contact with a couple of old bosses. Only close contact from w*rk life is a lab mate. We were friends at w*rk for 20 years.

 

[Midpack]

If they contact you, you can decide if you want to engage. But you’re under no obligation to reach out unless you want to. They might be inclined to keep you up to speed on what’s happening at work, something most retirees don’t want to hear anymore, at least I know I didn’t.

Probably doesn’t matter much anyway, they will all lose touch eventually. I had a few former coworkers who kept in touch for a year or two, but we lost touch by now. Now I hear from one or two completely out of the blue if someone retires or dies, maybe.

 

[marko]

Twenty years later the people who I thought would stay in touch never did and those who I thought didn't care about me still stay in touch.

Our "in touch" lately however is mostly about who has died, dying or lost a spouse. Health updates are also a main topic. Over time, the regularity has also diminished but that's fine with me.

 

[Music Lover]

I have been retired a relatively short time.

A couple of work friends gave me their personal email and told me to stay in touch.

When I left, the workplace was very stressful. My last couple weeks, I was told to stop saying "I am glad I only have a few weeks left." It made other people who were not in a position to retire and couldn't find different jobs feel bad.

So now I wonder what to say in an email. Would they feel happy for me? Or would it make them feel worse about their current situation?

Or maybe just ask how they are doing without saying much about my life.

It shouldn't be a difficult decision. If you think you can be friends then contact them. Friends are good to have. I've been retired 9 years and still have several friends that I made while working.

If you have no interest in friendship ignore them.

 

[marko]

It shouldn't be a difficult decision. If you think you can be friends then contact them. Friends are good to have. I've been retired 9 years and still have several friends that I made while working.

If you have no interest in friendship ignore them.

+1. I did have my right-hand man try to contact me last month after 20 years. I had tried to get in touch a few times early on but he always blew me off. Wouldn't even take my calls.

Now he wants to be friends?? How 'bout "no".

 

[MarieIG]

+1. I did have my right-hand man try to contact me last month after 20 years. I had tried to get in touch a few times early on but he always blew me off. Wouldn't even take my calls.

Now he wants to be friends?? How 'bout "no".

IIRC, you had mentioned him once before and under those circumstances, I can't say I blame you.