Friend in need of Financial Assistance

[lem1955]

I have a friend who is in need of financial management assistance. She is experiencing early signs of dementia. Her finances are a mess and I've been told she doesn't have a lot in savings. Her partner is new to the relationship, not highly skilled in personal finance, and overwhelmed by the needs. The friend has no family who can help, so a group of friends is mobilizing to do what we can for her. My first thought was that I could help get her organized but that I shouldn't take on Power of Attorney for Finances. But I am sure that she doesn't have adequate resources to hire that service. So I'm now thinking I am probably the friend best equipped to take on that responsibility. Am I nuts?

 

[DrRoy]

It will be time consuming, so be prepared. You may need power of attorney to do many things.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I agreed to be POA for an older relative. I had a condition that someone else in her family audit the financials MONTHLY.

 

[VanWinkle]

You are being a good friend and I'm sure you are willing to do what is needed for her.

 

[badatmath]

Guessing friend probably doesn't have a will and healthcare directive either.

 

[Gremlin]

Bless you for even considering it!

 

[COcheesehead]

I did something similar for my sister. My family thought I was nuts, but I took the time to get my arms around her finances, will, etc. She was hell bent on retiring though she had very limited finances. It took a lot of time initially and lots of follow up time. It eventually worked, but be prepared to do more than you think.

 

[lem1955]

I agreed to be POA for an older relative. I had a condition that someone else in her family audit the financials MONTHLY.

This is wise advice. It may have to be another friend, but I should have someone look at what I'm doing.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I became both a guardian and financial power of attorney for a good friend when her husband was dying of cancer. Her stepson was also willing to operate in the finance area and eventually was willing to take it over completely, which was great because I had enough on my plate just being her guardian.

I had to place her in a home and then visit regularly to ensure she had decent care and of course to keep her company. It was a lot of work, but I don’t regret it for one minute because she would’ve become a ward of the state which would’ve been horrible. as a former social worker I know what happens in these types of situations if there’s no one to monitor their care and be an advocate for them.

 

[pb4uski]

I have a friend who is in need of financial management assistance. She is experiencing early signs of dementia. Her finances are a mess and I've been told she doesn't have a lot in savings. Her partner is new to the relationship, not highly skilled in personal finance, and overwhelmed by the needs. The friend has no family who can help, so a group of friends is mobilizing to do what we can for her. My first thought was that I could help get her organized but that I shouldn't take on Power of Attorney for Finances. But I am sure that she doesn't have adequate resources to hire that service. So I'm now thinking I am probably the friend best equipped to take on that responsibility. Am I nuts?

From what you wrote it sounds like the big piece would be bill paying, and that is easy. I did that for my DM and a great aunt who went into a nursing home.

While you might be able to get away with doing it on the sky with electronic access to her accounts, I think it would be preferable to have her add you as a joint owner to her checking account, making it clear that you are well positioned and don't need her money and that it is her money but that adding you to the account will enable you to make sure that her bills get paid when due.

The other option is to get appointed as her guardian. Done that a couple times and it is only a slight hassle IME.

 

[Texas Proud]

If you mentioned I did not see... what about her family?

I would not want to take this on if there were any family in the picture... if she passes and someone comes out and says you stole her money and sues... then you have to pay out of pocket to defend yourself...

See if there are any senior services around that might be able to help... not ideal but keeps you out of it...

 

[Luvtoride]

Very sad story. I'm sure your intentions are pure but it seems like a potential hornets nest you might be getting into. Be careful.

 

[Sojourner]

The friend has no family who can help, so a group of friends is mobilizing to do what we can for her.

So, "no family who can help", but what about family generally? Any living siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.? If so, I would echo what others have said about being very careful here. If you do take on the POA role, be sure to document your every move in an unimpeachable way, just in case there are later legal challenges. For example, setup video screen captures of everything you do online in her accounts, so that it's crystal clear that you are behaving in a strictly ethical fashion at all times.

 

[lem1955]

So, "no family who can help", but what about family generally? Any living siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.? If so, I would echo what others have said about being very careful here. If you do take on the POA role, be sure to document your every move in an unimpeachable way, just in case there are later legal challenges. For example, setup video screen captures of everything you do online in her accounts, so that it's crystal clear that you are behaving in a strictly ethical fashion at all times.

She has a sister with advanced Alzheimer's, a brother she doesn't talk to, no nephews or nieces I've ever heard of. (We have been friends for close to 50 years.) She is 74. I am 70. I will check with a lawyer about my potential liability and a friend who is a CFP for general advice.

 

[shortstop14]

I had a situation with a good friend where I should have been more proactive with his finances and health care as he was moving into dementia. But he was resistant to help, and protective of his privacy, so that made it difficult. No family in the picture. It turned out he was really living on the edge financially, paying minimums on maxxed out credit cards to supplement his small pension, and always looking for a new card. He decided to sell his truck, and gave the keys to a potential buyer who stole it. Then he bought a new truck (I'm not sure how he qualified for the loan) and returned it not long afterwards because he scared himself trying to drive, taking a sizable financial hit he couldn't afford.

We helped him a lot with day to day life, but he was very defensive about his finances and health. Took him to his VA appointments where he was somehow able to pass the dementia screens, and some minor surgery. He died while we were out of the country. We ended up cleaning out his apartment and finalizing his finances. Mostly dealt with telling credit card companies that there were no assets remaining, and a final tax return.

I regret not providing more assistance while he was alive, although we did try. I think we could have improved his quality of life and anxiety, but his resistance was hard to crack.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

When you say "no family that can help" does that mean that they are not potential heirs that will come out of the woodwork when they get their chance when the relative that cant help dies?


A lot of folks are much closer family to a loved one or a relative once one of them dies. Then they are best of family and friend.

I admire you. Never turn down a chance to help a friend. But be careful of the potential heirs, I have been there and almost got bit. I carried out my cousin's wishes to give her estate to her mother when she was dying. My cousin didn't have a will, or a husband or children which was good since in testate it couldn't be contested. She had a step mother and sister that wanted it all, but they couldn't contest the state of Minnesota's will that my cousin defaulted to.

I had POA and Quit claimed everything to my cousin's mother when my cousin was on her death bed. It avoided probate and a contest from a will that didn't exist. Crazy stuff... I didn't keep a postage stamp to do the work and time it took. I was just ashamed from the stuff that came out of nowhere once potential heirs found out someone was dying.

Never under estimate what somebody may want or expect from your will or estate.

Relatives will create themselves as Loved Ones when a kin folk with money dies......or even sooner.