Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?
- Thread starter MichaelB
- Start date
Qs Laptop
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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A shepherd was out with his flock on a peaceful night and said, "This is nice."
"Not for me," said one of his sheep, "all you do is boss me around all the time!"
"What did you say?" asked the shepherd.
"You herd me."
"Not for me," said one of his sheep, "all you do is boss me around all the time!"
"What did you say?" asked the shepherd.
"You herd me."
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
lauradrops
Recycles dryer sheets
A wife and husband are at the doctor’s office. The doctor finishes the check-up on the husband and looks concerned.
“How’d I do, Doc?” the husband asks.
“Sir,” the doctor says, “I’d like to ask if you would give me a few minutes to speak to your wife privately. Please have a seat in the waiting room and we’ll call you in just a minute.”
The husband says sure, and he gets up and heads out of the exam room, closing the door behind him. His wife looks at the doctor.
“What is it, doctor?” she asks. “Is … Is my husband going to die?”
The doctor looks pained. He takes a deep breath. “Ma’am, I’m afraid I have very bad news for you. Your husband is terribly ill. It’s one of the worst cases I’ve ever seen. He’s … He’s on his way out.”
The woman gasps; her hand flies to her mouth. “Is there anything to be done, Doctor??”
An intense look comes over the doctor’s face and he takes the wife’s hand. Very gravely, he says, “Yes, ma’am. There is one thing you can do to save your husband.”
“Tell me, please!”
The doctor takes a deep breath and says, “You must treat him like a king among men.”
The wife is confused. “What?”
“You must cook and serve him his very favorite foods. Any movie he wants to see, any sporting event — grab the keys, get in the car. You drive. He gets to play on his phone. If he wants to golf, go with him. Buy him presents. If he wants sex, you must have sex with him. You must have more sex with your husband than you’ve had in the past 35 years of marriage! And if he wants you to read to him, rub his feet, or scratch his back, you must do it. If you do all this, ma’am, your husband can expect a full recovery.”
The woman thanks the doctor and leaves the office to find her husband in the waiting room reading a magazine.
“What’d he say?” the husband asks.
“You’re gonna die.”
“How’d I do, Doc?” the husband asks.
“Sir,” the doctor says, “I’d like to ask if you would give me a few minutes to speak to your wife privately. Please have a seat in the waiting room and we’ll call you in just a minute.”
The husband says sure, and he gets up and heads out of the exam room, closing the door behind him. His wife looks at the doctor.
“What is it, doctor?” she asks. “Is … Is my husband going to die?”
The doctor looks pained. He takes a deep breath. “Ma’am, I’m afraid I have very bad news for you. Your husband is terribly ill. It’s one of the worst cases I’ve ever seen. He’s … He’s on his way out.”
The woman gasps; her hand flies to her mouth. “Is there anything to be done, Doctor??”
An intense look comes over the doctor’s face and he takes the wife’s hand. Very gravely, he says, “Yes, ma’am. There is one thing you can do to save your husband.”
“Tell me, please!”
The doctor takes a deep breath and says, “You must treat him like a king among men.”
The wife is confused. “What?”
“You must cook and serve him his very favorite foods. Any movie he wants to see, any sporting event — grab the keys, get in the car. You drive. He gets to play on his phone. If he wants to golf, go with him. Buy him presents. If he wants sex, you must have sex with him. You must have more sex with your husband than you’ve had in the past 35 years of marriage! And if he wants you to read to him, rub his feet, or scratch his back, you must do it. If you do all this, ma’am, your husband can expect a full recovery.”
The woman thanks the doctor and leaves the office to find her husband in the waiting room reading a magazine.
“What’d he say?” the husband asks.
“You’re gonna die.”
That's funny. There has been a movie made named "Coyote vs Acme" Coyote is suing Acme for all the products that backfired on him. However at this time it has been shelved even though several streaming services have bid for it. Something about using it as a write off, which doesn't make sense to me, but it is in the news. coyote vs acme - Google Search
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Little known fact:
Ebeneezer Scrooge had an identical twin brother Ezekiel who shared his brother's disdain for Christmas. They were almost impossible to tell apart but people soon learned an easy trick to identify them due to Ezekiel being severely dyslexic. You need only say "Merry Christmas!".
If the response was "Bah, Humbug!", it was Ebeneezer.
If the response was "Hum, Bahbug!", it was Ezekiel.
Ebeneezer Scrooge had an identical twin brother Ezekiel who shared his brother's disdain for Christmas. They were almost impossible to tell apart but people soon learned an easy trick to identify them due to Ezekiel being severely dyslexic. You need only say "Merry Christmas!".
If the response was "Bah, Humbug!", it was Ebeneezer.
If the response was "Hum, Bahbug!", it was Ezekiel.
HFWR
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I shot down one of them there drones…
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REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
folivier
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2009
- Messages
- 2,324
Yes, but how often do you see them working properly? Quite a few times I've seen them where it's obvious someone else has wiped their hands and not pulled down to a new section. Or it won't pull down at all.
GalaxyBoy
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
That's OK. My cousin introduces his current wife as "my first wife."
GamblingMan
Dryer sheet aficionado
Scientists have discovered a significant hereditary link to Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).
They say it runs in the genes.
They say it runs in the genes.
Dtail
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Slightly better than introducing her as his future ex.
From an R/C model forum:
If your wife is mad at you, go out and buy a new airplane.
She'll still be mad at you, but you'll have a new airplane.
If your wife is mad at you, go out and buy a new airplane.
She'll still be mad at you, but you'll have a new airplane.
Tetto
Full time employment: Posting here.
On one of my birthday cards this weekend:
“Alexa, remind me to go to the gym”
“I’ve put gin on your shopping list”
“Alexa, remind me to go to the gym”
“I’ve put gin on your shopping list”
ArmchairMillionaire
Full time employment: Posting here.
Happy Birthday!
