Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[Purslane]

Husband inexplicably develops a compulsion to wrap himself, head to toe, in Saran Wrap. Exasperated, wife says I can’t take it anymore. You have to get help. Husband agrees to see a professional. Doctor takes one look and states immediately, I can’t help you. Husband asks in disbelief, why not?! Doctor tell him, I can clearly see you’re nuts.

 

[FiveDriver]

The church way back in the hills is of the Baptist persuasion. After each Sunday sermon, one of the church ladies always invites the Pastor over for a Sunday supper. Linda Sue is known for her Fried Chicken. And Bobbie Jean makes a wonderful Pork Roast.

Emmy Lou is famous for her Baked Beans and it's her turn next Sunday. But she's wondering what to serve with that big bowl of beans. She finds magazine a photo of a nice green salad with a poppy-seed topping. However, there are no poppy-seeds to be found anywhere in the county.
She has some shotgun shells. Emmy Lou breaks one open and sprinkles the powder on some greens. "This'll do just fine," she says.

That Sunday, the Pastor delivers a fire and brimstone sermon. He's working hard for his supper, really bringing down the thunder.

At Emmy Lou's house he has a big bowl of baked beans and a heaping helping of salad. Another bowl of baked beans, and another bowl of salad. More beans and more salad. "Thank you, Ma'm," says he.

After dinner, he's walking down her driveway to leave when he notices his shoelace is untied. He bends over to tie his shoe.....and he shot out the headlights on her pickup truck !!

 

[Walt34]

Driveway fix:

 

[CaptTom]

Or this:

 

[Walt34]

True romance never dies....

 

[aja8888]

True romance never dies....

View attachment 54272

LOL!

 

[FiveDriver]

True romance never dies....

View attachment 54272

I think somebody's messing with the Godiva Chocolates display !!

 

[timbervest]

What's the difference between New York and Minnesota?

New York is where the Big Apple is and Minnesota is where the Minneapolis.

 

[REWahoo]

 

[REWahoo]

To all my friends up north: Your weather is down here in my yard, drunk. I'm gonna need you to come down here and get it.

 

[Fotodog]

Two elderly gentlemen were playing golf, and as they approached the green one of them sees a frog and picks it up. Much to his surprise, the frog starts talking, saying “I am actually a beautiful girl trapped in the body of a frog. If you kiss me, I will transform back into a beautiful girl and will do anything you want, satisfy your every desire. It will be the best time of your life “. The old man thinks a bit and puts the frog in his pocket. His friend can’t believe it, asking why he did that. He replies, “Well, at my age, I would rather have a talking frog “.

 

[Walt34]

Make the best of a bad deal....

 

[REWahoo]

 

[Walt34]

Is there a cure?

 

[RunningBum]

 

[aja8888]

LOL!

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

asdf

 

[MichaelB]

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme.
But read and lead don't rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

 

[aja8888]

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme.
But read and lead don't rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

I guess I am getting too old to get this joke, but, then again, English was not my first language. I think I get it now.....slowly, of course.

 

[Chuckanut]

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme.
But read and lead don't rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Have you wondered why we drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway?

 

[sdtech]

The same reason we have tolls on a freeway?

 

[Walt34]

Right in line with the above....

 

[RetireBy90]

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[RetireBy90]

 

[RetireBy90]