Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[AudiDudi]

Sounds about right

 

[REWahoo]

After my prostate exam the doctor left and the nurse came in. As she closed the door she whispered three words that I will never forget: "Who was that?"

 

[MuirWannabe]

Why didn’t the comedian like zoom meetings?

He wasn’t even remotely funny.

 

[Twilo123]

To the Moon, Alice!

 

[Cognito]

I wondered if there were more sponges in the sea would the sea level stop rising?

 

[38Chevy454]

I must be emotionally constipated, I haven't given a crap in 3 days so far.

 

[Qs Laptop]

It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.

I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.

 

[REWahoo]

 

[Twilo123]

 

[Twilo123]

 

[AudiDudi]

OK, then

 

[Twilo123]

 

[Twilo123]

 

[planuntilthefisthits]

Marriage is like a deck of cards: It starts with two hearts and a diamond, and if lucky, it doesn't end with a club and a spade.



(Stolen from the comment section of a WSJ article yesterday on pre-nups)

 

[Flute McG]

The purpose of this post is to pull the Funny Joke Thread back up to its rightful place on page 1 where people will see it and be reminded to contribute.
Don't let one of the best threads on this board die by burial!

Flute

 

[AudiDudi]

Sad, but true

 

[Davidhelp]

I eat vegetables. They are right next to my steak.

I am helping out vegetarians by eating all the tasty animals that eat the vegetarians plants.
Vegetarians should be happy that others are eating the animals that are eating the vegetables that vegetarians eat. It means more vegetables for themselves.

BTW how can vegetarians ignore the screams of the carrots being pulled out of the ground then diced up?...
Vegetarians are animals!

 

[Davidhelp]

You know you are old when....
Ron Howard / Opie Taylor is 71 years old and looks even older....

I watch Pluto tv and all the old shows are there that I remember watching as a kid from the 60's and 70's. I watch a show now and wonder if that actor or actress is still alive... The answer is mostly no....

You know you are old when people you saw live on tv shows when you were young are now old and making commercials for health care products.....

Jerry Mathers from "Leave it to Beaver" 50's tv show does a tv commercial for Revitive, a product that stimulates muscles to improve circulation.

Jimmie Walker from the 70's tv show "Good Times" does a Medicare Helpline tv commercial.

Joe Namath football player from the 60's does a Medicare tv commercial.

Terry Bradshaw football player from the 70's does a Safe Step walk-in tub and shower tv commercial.

 

[Twilo123]

 

[braumeister]

 

[AudiDudi]

 

[Twilo123]

 

[RetireBy90]

 

[AudiDudi]

 

[Twilo123]