Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[braumeister]

If laziness were an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth, just so I wouldn't have to climb up on the podium.

 

[Walt34]

This is terrible but I couldn't help it:

 

[Steelpony]

 

[REWahoo]

Some people take text messages far too literally...

 

[REWahoo]

I don't get it. What's delivered?

Edited to clarify text messaging.

 

[ArmchairMillionaire]

ArmchairMillionaire said:
I don't get it. What's delivered?

Edited to clarify text messaging.

Ahh...

The last text message I saw was on one of these:

Some would say that makes me old, but at 55, I'm one of the younger people here.

(deleted my old response)

 

[braumeister]

When I have a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children.
Just like the bottle says to do,

 

[Walt34]

Worthy news reporting:

 

[ArmchairMillionaire]

Worthy news reporting:

View attachment 61889

Hey! I resemble that remark!

 

[Steelpony]

Hey! I resemble that remark!

I still have high school cloths. No one throws out a letter sweater and a collection of 45’s. Also “souvenirs“ from the 40’s and 50’s, thats 1940’s and 50’s. Real toys made of metal. Better watch Antique Road show. Ok “seasoned” wood also.

 

[Original Wally]

Worthy news reporting:

View attachment 61889

AND he was RIGHT!

 

[Walt34]

Now here's a forecast that has meaningful calibration:

 

[Walt34]

Terrible to write about someone this way, but maybe she stiffed him:

 

[MichaelB]

<groan>

 

[frayne]

A husband looks at his wife one evening and says, “Honey, how come you never tell me when you’re about to orgasm?”

She doesn’t even look up from her book. “Because I don't like to call you at work.”

 

[Steelpony]

 

[REWahoo]

 

[REWahoo]

 

[Chuckanut]

View attachment 62087

We will consider the above joke for an honorable mention at the 2023 annual meeting of my local Procrastinators Club sometime later this year. Maybe.

 

[ls99]

We will consider the above joke for an honorable mention at the 2023 annual meeting of my local Procrastinators Club sometime later this year. Maybe.

Correct, can't be rushing things!

 

[Original Wally]

We will consider the above joke for an honorable mention at the 2023 annual meeting of my local Procrastinators Club sometime later this year. Maybe.

I intend to join, but.....

 

[jldavid47]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Toronto and orders a beer. The bartender, noticing the accent, asks him what brings him to Toronto. The Irishman replied, "Well, laddie, I was in a pub in Dublin and the coaster under my beer said 'Drink Canada Dry' so I thought I'd give it a shot!"

 

[38Chevy454]

 

[Steelpony]

 

[AudiDudi]