getting accustomed to (relative) wealth

[medved]

I am retiring at the end of this year. For all practical purposes, I am retired now -- but it is official at the end of the year. Neither my wife nor I grew up with family money, and I am having some difficulty getting used to the wealth that we have. (It is not extraordinary wealth, but certainly enough that we don't have to worry about money). When I consider a $20,000 charitable gift or a $5,000 airline ticket or even a $500/night hotel room or a $200 bottle of scotch, I think "wow that is extravagant...." and maybe I should not do that. I drive a cheap car and buy clothes that I could afford when I was in university.

I can easily afford all of the above, with zero risk of running out of money, but in some ways my mind is stuck in a time when I had a lot less money....

Any similar experiences or thoughts about how to get past this mental block?

 

[audreyh1]

Common here.

 

[Koolau]

VERY common here.

Frugality becomes not only a habit but a way of life to most of us who have become Financially independent. Going from frugal to profligate is not an easy transition - and maybe that's good.

We find that we have s l o w l y upped our spending and opened the "spend" gates a little bit at a time. We'll still likely die with way more than we ever really needed. When I think of the alternative (like my proverbial BFF who died at 79 with half a million in debt) I think my way is better but YMMV. He would have said that HE was the winner as he had all the toys and experiences. All I have is money.

It's a process. Enjoy the transition. Heh, heh, when we began springing for the "economy plus" airline tickets, I knew we had turned a corner. It's the little things you notice first.

 

[MichaelB]

Common here.

VERY common here.

Sure is. Thrift and saving is what allowed most of us here to become financially independent. Retirement doesn't change that. There’s no “off switch”.

We’re older now (70’s) and have been loosening the purse strings for a couple of years, It’s enjoyable, but still not so easy.

 

[GrayHare]

it's the same reason spenders have trouble saving, old habits die hard

 

[Kings over Queens]

Any similar experiences or thoughts about how to get past this mental block?

I recently read the book Die with Zero and that helped, a lot. I also started spending some money, not a lot, but more than typical. $1,500 for tickets so my son could go to a bowl game with his buds, a monthly car payment for my daughter, and what this helped me see is that my net worth is holding steady...well, actually growing, but the point is that I can afford to do these small things. I enjoy the feeling I get doing them.

My mindset has shifted to where now the only utility I see in having money in the bank is to spend it on things I enjoy and the people I care about.

Good luck, and congratulations.

 

[razztazz]

In 2013 I was needing a new car. The old one was a 1993 Dodge Shadow. The last car I bought while I was working. I was wanting a Cadillac. I don't drive much or taken many long trips so I thought, maybe a used Caddy. Can't let a car like that just sit in the driveway. I ended up getting a well- cared-for 2010 Ford Focus. I still drive it and I don't feel like an idiot when it sits in the driveway for a whole week.

 

[timbervest]

We’re older now (70’s) and have been loosening the purse strings for a couple of years, It’s enjoyable, but still not so easy.

Same here. I always have to remind myself "what am I saving my money for at my age?". I know that income sources are sufficient to meet our expenses, that we have no debt, we can support charities, and that there will be something to leave to our heirs someday. Once I got my mind wrapped around "will I miss this money in three months?" it got alot easier to enjoy spending it.

 

[FIYes]

I seem to be in the frugal for life club. I did use miles to upgrade to economy plus on a trip this year. I’m at the age where I’m realizing that it’s now or never so I’ve loosened the purse strings a little. Old habits are hard to break. My big blow the dough expense this year is house cleaning help and I love it. Well worth the money! I have a cleaning lady come by twice a month for a half day each time.

 

[marko]

I'm presuming that this wealth didn't happen suddenly or recently. Rather, it likely grew over time and you knew it was there. It's likely been a long time since you "...had a lot less money..." as you say.

So it seems to me that your concern isn't suddenly discovering having the money and more about being able to spend it. It might have helped if you had spent some along the way but it's too late for that and a bit of a shame IMO.

As others above have noted, it's a pleasant but often difficult transition from being a saver to a spender. Enjoy your "newfound" wealth and have fun! YOLO and BTD! Things could be worse!

 

[athena53]

It takes time. I'm also frugal- that's what got most of us here- and have been driven my entire adult life by a fear of being old and poor. Ten years post-retirement I'm more relaxed. I'm numbers-driven and the pie has grown an average of 3% annually AFTER withdrawals. Forty percent of my expenditures are travel and charity so they can flex if necessary. I do gift DS and DDIL money every year and fund my 3 grandchildren's 529s but he's my only child, they're doing well and he says he doesn't want my money. What I spend in a year would fund LTC and at that point, housing, car and travel expenses would disappear (or be covered by LTC costs).

So- two days ago I bought Business Class tickets to Vienna in late April/early May. And today I went to the local grocery store to rack up my 30 cents/gallon discount on gas by buying $30 worth of stuff (this is the offer the day after every Chiefs game- one cent off per $ spent up to the number of points they scored).

I still made sure I didn't buy anything I could get cheaper at Costco.

 

[FIYes]

I don’t regret my frugality. It got me to where I am today. I have two friends/colleagues who earned an amount that was very similar to my earnings. They both ended up filing bankruptcy. Except for overspending on what seemed like junk to me they never had a better lifestyle than I did.

 

[Beldar]

Any similar experiences or thoughts about how to get past this mental block?

Yes, we were/are still in the same boat to a degree. We ER'd nearly a decade ago, and even though our net worth has increased by abt 75% we're still in the LBYM mindset. That's natural.

But we have no heirs and so slowly we're letting go and having mini BTD moments. Like replacing our 40 year old toaster oven this season...it still works great so why bother, right?

_B

 

[audreyh1]

The annual Blow That Dough thread has helped a lot of folks with important counseling (via example), ha ha:

Blow that Dough 2024

New year, new thread. Here is 2023 https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f29/blow-that-dough-2023-a-116450.html

www.early-retirement.org

Like most folks here it has been gradual for us.

 

[Focus]

Same here. I always have to remind myself "what am I saving my money for at my age?". I know that income sources are sufficient to meet our expenses, that we have no debt, we can support charities, and that there will be something to leave to our heirs someday. Once I got my mind wrapped around "will I miss this money in three months?" it got alot easier to enjoy spending it.

For me, the question is similar: "If I don't spend it now, in my 60s, when will I?" There's little I deny myself, but then I live a simple life. I think the change in mental attitude has mainly helped in situations where I've lost money due to circumstances outside of my control; in the past, I would have obsessed about the loss, but now I just let it go.

The real test for me will be travel. I've never paid for more than premium economy seats on flights and have taken relatively inexpensive cruises. I believe it's time to upgrade a bit.

There's little doubt the rising stock market has made spending easier for us frugal folks. If there were to be a downturn, I'm sure we'd tighten our purse strings quickly, and that's not a bad thing.

 

[audreyh1]

Yes, we are definitely in the “if we don’t spend it now when will we?” stage. I just turned 65, DH will turn 70 and start SS next year. We just don’t have that many years left, so we are very motivated to do more now, and also to do so in comfort/minimal hassle.

 

[MC Rider]

I'm also frugal- that's what got most of us here- and have been driven my entire adult life by a fear of being old and poor. Ten years post-retirement I'm more relaxed.

LOL, that first sentence is me. I never cared about getting rich, but for sure did not want to be broke and poor. We are not quite 2 years into retirement and it is not easy to loosen my grip on the money. I am trying though.

 

[razztazz]

I always have to remind myself "what am I saving my money for at my age?".

For me, the question is similar: "If I don't spend it now, in my 60s, when will I?

For me it's a nursing home or similar old age support. Unfortunately I cannot plan the war down to the last bullet so I'm making sure I don't run out.

 

[audreyh1]

For me it's a nursing home or similar old age support. Unfortunately I cannot plan the war down to the last bullet so I'm making sure I don't run out.

Well of course we make sure that old age medical care and living needs is reasonably well covered. Not going to blow through those funds.

 

[rk911]

I had the same issue...initially. We've been retired just over 19-years now and we've come to embrace BTD. I do the grocery shopping and my wife still wants me to use those silly coupons which I do to keep her happy but I frequently forget to use them. OTOH, we subscribe to cable and most streaming services and I'll likely get some sort of award from Amazon for all the stuff we're buying.

We tip service people and give to charities outrageously thru our DAF and QCD. My daily choice of clothing is a t-shirt, a pair of cargo shorts and sandals. When we 'go out' into the world I'll put on a polo shirt with a collar and jeans. Everyday and "going out" shoes are white SAS soft-sided. "Dress" shoes are black SAS soft-sided.

We still live in the same 3BR/2 Bath house in a middle class neighborhood. We did buy a new Jeep last year but our other car is a 14-yr old Jeep.

We have more $ than we could ever spend. Most of that will end up going to charities when we are both gone. Life is good!

 

[athena53]

For me it's a nursing home or similar old age support. Unfortunately I cannot plan the war down to the last bullet so I'm making sure I don't run out.

I agree. DS and DDIL live modestly and I don't want them struggling either to care for me when I can no longer live independently, find a place that takes Medicaid that isn't a warehouse, or, heaven forbid, try to fund my LTC.

"Die with Zero" is a catchy book title and, wile I agree with his general philosophy that you should spend money when you're young and mobile enough to enjoy it or see it doing good for others, zero is not my goal.

 

[RunningBum]

You don't have to up your spending on everything. Do it when you'd find value. I buy filet mignon rather than NY strip or hamburger. I fly first class for the 2-3 times a year I fly because I hate flying coach and now I don't hate flying. Just a couple of examples.

 

[pjm-7]

I am content with my frugal habits, and yes it's hard to let go of what got me here. I've been retired for 10 years and started my social security this summer since I have no reason to have the payment get any bigger. I spent one of the ss checks and bought a new e-bike, bike rack and a hitch of my car. I also, got what is actually a motorcycle lift to help me maneuver the bike rack onto the hitch. But then today I had to hit the local thrift store for senior half price day to stock up on Christmas candles. Interesting contradictions there!

 

[Luvtoride]

I recently read the book Die with Zero and that helped, a lot. I also started spending some money, not a lot, but more than typical. $1,500 for tickets so my son could go to a bowl game with his buds, a monthly car payment for my daughter, and what this helped me see is that my net worth is holding steady...well, actually growing, but the point is that I can afford to do these small things. I enjoy the feeling I get doing them.

My mindset has shifted to where now the only utility I see in having money in the bank is to spend it on things I enjoy and the people I care about.

Good luck, and congratulations.

Kings, well said and exactly the point of the book! I have embraced the philosophy of spending our wealth on experiences with my family, friends and charities I support. Isn’t it great seeing others enjoyment (and hopefully appreciation) of your generosity?
We had one of those awesome days today with my daughter, her husband and their kids 5 1/2 and almost 2. We are away in Aruba with them and we rented a car today. Went to the California lighthouse and climbed to the top with my 5 1/2 y.o. grandson and his mom. Then we went to Baby Beach and snorkeled and played in the crystal clear waters (the baby loved it) for hours. Finally stopped at a famous fresh seafood place for dinner on the way back to our resort. We live for days like this, at whatever the cost is….so worth it!

 

[street]

Very common, that is one of the treats we all have in common and that is way we are all here.