Group Social Activities - Have Times Changed?

[CaptTom]

We were at a get-together the other day at a relative's condo. One of their neighbors was there, who had been in the condo development for 35 years. Really? They had condos back then?

Anyway, she was saying that the condo residents used to have all kinds of social events on the grounds. Pool parties, cook-outs, pig roasts, lawn games, whatever. Now, nothing.

We've been saying the exact same thing about our marina. It's supposed to be a "club" but now it's more like a place to park your boat. Everyone smiles and nods, but there's no real social cohesion. For us it's only been 15 years, and the change has really only come in the past 5-10 years, as the old members started aging out.

I've heard similar things elsewhere. The usually comment is "People are so busy these days." I don't buy it. We were all busy back then, too. Probably more so. We worked overtime too. We raised families. And we didn't have work-from-home options.

Is anyone else seeing this? What has changed?

 

[njhowie]

My belief is that what's changed is that folks are less social in real life these days because there are so many "social" options online. Further, when you go online, you don't have to be concerned with individual quirks your friends/neighbors have. You don't have to put up with those who rub you the wrong way, and so on. If you need entertainment, you have a smart TV with most any movie or TV series ever produced available instantly. You have plenty of games available on your phone to keep you busy. You have a continuous news flow from sources around the world. Whether you use Facebook, E-R.org, or some other forum, there is one for things you are interested in and others who have similar interests...you have an immediate circle who can relate. If you get into an online spat, you mute the person, take a break from the forum, or just check out. No hard feelings, you'll never see the person in real life.

I think for lots of folks, it works just fine. Personally, I need to get out and interact with real people. Are we really living if we become hermits and all we do is roam around the internet and eventually metaverse? You know that there will be some who live on the Holodeck 24x7.

 

[Aerides]

It's not that times have changed, but your micro-environment has aged and the same folks who were social 10 years ago are now older and less inclined to go out. Yes that means even 4 doors down.

My parents are in that group. Mum has sciatica and Dad a bum knee, so they go to their activities with less frequency than before.

They might say they are busy if asked, vs. telling others of their woes and pains. What we tell people to avoid burdening them with the truth is usually done with kindness or a desire for privacy.

(and yes a lot of condos are much older than 35).

 

[REWahoo]

Anyway, she was saying that the condo residents used to have all kinds of social events on the grounds. Pool parties, cook-outs, pig roasts, lawn games, whatever. Now, nothing.
...
Is anyone else seeing this? What has changed?

There is less need to get together to socialize now that it is done via social media.

 

[Jerry1]

I don’t think it can really be attributed to aging and health. The same thing happened at work. People use to go out after work and interact with each other. A lot of it was going to the bar after work so less drinking may be in play. However, even things like department picnic or bowling leagues have declined drastically.

 

[CaptTom]

Good point about work socializing, too. Obviously for those still on the job, the whole work-from-home thing changes the dynamic. But members of my former department used to get together a couple of times per year, and that hasn't happened in a while, either. So there's more to it than that.

Funny thing, I've been on line since before most people even heard of the internet. I was doing social media when that meant Compuserve or AOL. Never impacted my interest in getting together IRL. Still, that is certainly a factor today.

As for getting old and not wanting to go out as much, that's no excuse for the younger crowd. I guess what surprised me is that they're not coming up to replace those who are aging out of these social scenes.

 

[Mark1]

We were at a get-together the other day at a relative's condo. One of their neighbors was there, who had been in the condo development for 35 years. Really? They had condos back then?

Anyway, she was saying that the condo residents used to have all kinds of social events on the grounds. Pool parties, cook-outs, pig roasts, lawn games, whatever. Now, nothing.

We've been saying the exact same thing about our marina. It's supposed to be a "club" but now it's more like a place to park your boat. Everyone smiles and nods, but there's no real social cohesion. For us it's only been 15 years, and the change has really only come in the past 5-10 years, as the old members started aging out.

I've heard similar things elsewhere. The usually comment is "People are so busy these days." I don't buy it. We were all busy back then, too. Probably more so. We worked overtime too. We raised families. And we didn't have work-from-home options.

Is anyone else seeing this? What has changed?

Part of it might be related to the turnover of the units and the loss of the original owners. For example, when we moved into our neighborhood back in 1998 it was a new street, with all new house and everyone was knew everyone and socialized quite a bit. By the time we left in 2016, due to the turnover of the houses, many folks didn't know each other and/or hang out together anymore. Just a slow drift from the original excitement of us ALL moving into the neighborhood at the SAME time.

 

[HawkOwl]

I think the need is still there. Social media is inherently shallow and transitory compared to real in person relationships.

 

[Dtail]

Another vote for social media.

 

[Breedlove]

I wonder if Covid could have ended a lot of it . Our group used to have a monthly dinner. But after Covid we just couldn’t get people to come out. I play music at wineries and it seems business is not like before Covid.

 

[Surewhitey]

I find just small groups are more intimate and interesting as you can dig deeper into topics instead of the veneer of things. We have gone to Taco Thursday 2 times this month after church with 5 others and the first time maybe 20 others. They also had a chilli cook off a few weeks ago with ~100 in attendance. Seems it takes 1-2 people to get the ball rolling and it comes together, but you have to have that spark person.

We also work on yard and cleaning duty together with the more responsible folks showing up, but it's a good time either way.

We also have a neighbor who is the glue for the street. If they moved, I wonder if it would continue.

 

[Lorenzo]

I lived in a 30-unit condo building for 20 years, and the extent of the communal social activities varied depending on who was on the condo association board at any given time. There were years when we had board members who really got into the idea of socializing and scheduled regular get-togethers, and there were other years when we had board members who were not so into the idea. I did not detect any sort of trend over time. In fact, when I moved out a couple of years ago the then-current board president was all about this sort of socializing. The building had an eclectic group of residents, with an increasing number working from home and also retirees, so it was not surprising that they were more interested in socializing.

 

[pacergal]

Times have changed, and people are more mobile. Maybe they don;t stay long enough to create friendships? I know the rental home next door has had different families almost every year for the past 5 years or so it has been a rental.

I live in the neighborhood I grew up in. While a child, we had neighborhood parties, 4th of July picnics, several families went camping together. When we first moved back here 30 years ago, there would be a yearly neighborhood ice cream social on the school grounds nearby. And our immediate neighborhood had a yearly get together where we closed off the streets, rented a bounce house, etc. All of that has gone by the wayside. Now the only yearly thing is an ice cream social in the park, but it is a ruse to get you to sign up for yard and groundskeeping at the park and school!!

 

[GrayHare]

covid was the nail in the coffin for many group get togethers

 

[Midpack]

covid was the nail in the coffin for many group get togethers

+1. That's probably part of it. And there usually has to be someone who initiates/pushes activities - if you lost that person or group, social activities die off. I play golf regularly with 20+ guys, about 6 of us drive all the activities (golf, concerts, dinner out, etc.) while the other guys chip in once in a while or not at all (ever). If the 6 of us didn’t push the others, nothing would happen to get us together - guaranteed.

 

[pb4uski]

My experience is very different.

Our Florida condo association was mostly retirees and very active with 2 golf groups, monthly pot luck socials, two cards groups, book club, mahjong, periodic corn hole socials, etc.

Similarly, our new Texas Del Webb community is very active with three golf courses, 4 amenity centers with fitness and pools, and over 50 clubs.

 

[Winemaker]

Other than times when we travel or go out to a restaurant/winery/family, we are home, in the yard, garden, cooking in the outdoor kitchen, and sitting on our deck. I see my son and his family on the other side of the state, more than I see the family of 5 next door, who moved in 2 years ago. My local grandkids play on their swing set/gym more than kids that live there do.

We do shower and brush our teeth, and we are down wind from them so it's not an odor issue.

 

[Chuckanut]

My neighborhood is mainly DINKs. The cheap homes are over $600,000. They are too busy working to make their huge mortgage payments.

 

[CaptTom]

My neighborhood is mainly DINKs. The cheap homes are over $600,000. They are too busy working to make their huge mortgage payments.

I think this might be a factor. To afford a house, or condo, or boat slip these days, you need to be in an income bracket where maybe socializing with others who can't help your career or social status just isn't a priority. Things like pot-lucks or pig roasts are more of a middle class thing; a cheap night out. Why bother if you can dine at high-end restaurants whenever you want?

 

[Badger]

I have been in my home since about 1985. I have been in this neighborhood longer than anyone. All but a couple of houses were torn down and replace with new construction and new neighbors in the past 1 to 8 years. Most people know the neighbors to wave and say hello but that is about all. Everyone is busy working or playing golf.

 

[silvor]

As for getting old and not wanting to go out as much, that's no excuse for the younger crowd. I guess what surprised me is that they're not coming up to replace those who are aging out of these social scenes.

I heard a discussion on the radio a couple months back on this. people used to go to the bars to meet the opposite sex. But now, it’s all done online, so there’s no need to go to the bars anymore.

 

[Chuckanut]

My neighborhood is mainly DINKs. The cheap homes are over $600,000. They are too busy working to make their huge mortgage payments.

Also, the few non DINKs are like me, older, retired, and bought years ago for merely two or three hundred grand.

 

[Koolau]

Our Condo has over 100 units and we never have anything social going on. The pool is mostly for screaming grand kids. If folks don't w*rk, they are stay-close-to-home types. Folks rarely use the BBQ pits. It's a true bedroom community. Very un-social without being anti-social. YMMV

 

[rembrandt]

In 20 years when boomers die out, there will be no more "social clubs". If one does exist, it will be looked upon as an anachronism.

 

[easysurfer]

Another vote for social media.

+1

Social media is great for introverts like me so I can socialize on my own time.

I gave my "LIKE" on someone's birthday post. My job is done .