Half of American Parents Financially Support Adult Children...

[imjustawarrior]

And we can probably all agree 18 shouldn't be considered an adult.

Adult starts at 18 in my book. I lose most if not all of my parental rights when the child turns 18. If I don't have the legal rights, then the 18 year old does. In my book, that means the 18 year old is an adult.

 

[ponyboy]

Adult starts at 18 in my book. I lose most if not all of my parental rights when the child turns 18. If I don't have the legal rights, then the 18 year old does. In my book, that means the 18 year old is an adult.

Yeah, I know the law says this. But it's silly. Your brain isn't even full developed until around 25.

The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for high level cognitive function isn't fully developed until 25ish.

Kind of frightening to think back at all of the decisions you have to make before you turn 25.

 

[Gumby]

Before I was 25, I was standing watch as officer of the deck underway on a US Navy nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine. For six hours each and every night, I was entrusted with the proper operation and safety of a multibillion dollar warship, a 78 megawatt nuclear reactor, 16 ICBMs and 120 sailors, who could all die if I screwed up badly enough. During that time, I was answerable only to the captain (who was usually asleep since it was the middle of the night).

It's really amazing how much young adults can do if you just expect it of them and don't tolerate excuses.

 

[imjustawarrior]

Before I was 25, I was standing watch as officer of the deck on a US Navy nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine.

I imagine a large percentage of our military is below 25. I know I was. I was enlisted, so I only had a multi-million dollar tank with live ammunition. We were guarding western Europe from the USSR.

 

[athena53]

I don't know if this is OT since it's not cash handed over to adult children- but I see MANY of my contemporaries (mostly women) providing free child care for grandchildren. Not just taking over so parents can go on a vacation or have date night (my own grandparents did that) but a 5 day/week commitment. One friend was commuting from KC to Springfield, MO (about 3 hours) to spend the week taking care of her grandson. Daughter is a psychiatric nurse and frequently works nights. That ended when friend's husband had a serious accident and she became his caregiver- not sure what daughter and son-in-law did after that. A friend in NJ was sharing grandchild care with the other grandmother who had to come up from southern NJ and stayed a couple of overnights every week because the commute was so bad. She also had a husband at home.

My grandchildren are treasures but I'm profoundly grateful I'm not committed to taking care of them FT to save DS and DDIL the costs of child care.

 

[misanman]

Before I was 25, I was standing watch as officer of the deck on a US Navy nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine.

Another example - when I was 23, I was an enlisted man in the Pentagon doing computer simulations to predict US Army losses. I don't think I'd be in favor of bringing back the universal draft and the Vietnam war was a terrible waste of our youth, but the military did force many of us to grow up fast.

 

[HFWR]

Imagine being a midwestern farm boy, and a year later having to storm Omaha beach…. And I’m sure some Nam vets had similar experiences.

 

[ponyboy]

Before I was 25, I was standing watch as officer of the deck on a US Navy nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine. For six hours each and every night, I was entrusted with the proper operation and safety of a multibillion dollar warship, a 78 megawatt nuclear reactor, 16 ICBMs and 120 sailors, who could all die if I screwed up badly enough. During that time, I was answerable only to the captain (who was usually asleep since it was the middle of the night).

It's really amazing how much young adults can do if you just expect it of them and don't tolerate excuses.

Absolutely. Heck im amazed what my 4 year old is capable of. Even very young kids are not given enough credit. They pick up on things really quick, decent at problem solving and their recall is probably better than mine.

 

[ncbill]

I imagine a large percentage of our military is below 25. I know I was. I was enlisted, so I only had a multi-million dollar tank with live ammunition. We were guarding western Europe from the USSR.

One kid, under 30, flies a ~$40 million aircraft for Uncle Sam.

Hoping they go career.

 

[Route246]

I grew up in a wealthy community. We were blue collar kids as my father had a small contracting business, successful but we lived a modest life growing up where my classmates would often jet off to Switzerland to go skiing during the holidays. I did not feel much insecurity or intimidation at the time because I was always one of the top academic students so I "had something on them" but there was always this sense of being "outclassed" socially. I figure I was bottom 10% financially among my classmates in terms of household income. My mother told us we would go to college and we had no choice in the matter. She said they would mortgage the house if necessary but we would go to the best college we could get accepted to. It was a strong message. We were not spoiled but we never had issues affording food or clothing or necessities.

That said, I always had this small chip on my shoulder to make sure I fulfilled my parents' dream of having a better life than they did financially. I would attend HS reunions and I remember the 30th in particular when I was chatting with some of the female classmates who were huddled around and I came to realize that a common theme with most of them is they were frustrated in their lives with not being able to live a better life than they had growing up in the wealthy community. Some succeeded but they mostly became the butt of the Millionaire Next Door crowd, those who put on a good facade but had little savings for retirement, etc. These girls and this boy (me) were all grown up and the playing field was now level. I felt satisfied that I had met my expectations to have a better life than I had growing up (financially) and felt a bit of empathy for those girls who did not. I'm still friends with many of them now, at least through social networking since most dispersed out of the area. What I find most satisfying is that although I maintain stealth wealth I'm pretty sure I'm near the top of my graduating class in terms of FI and I achieved it without inheritance and just through hard work and saving. I show up to the reunions and enjoy a sense of quiet satisfaction as most follow reunion etiquette and we don't inquire about how someone is doing now unless it is volunteered. It is sensitive because I know most of my classmates have underachieved compared to how they grew up. My bar was so much lower than theirs and I feel it was a huge advantage in my life. My parents committed to funding college and that was about it.

For those in this group who chose the military I have this subtle envy for you. It tends to make you grow up, teaches you how to follow orders and provides a sense of responsibility. I've worked in engineering environments with veterans and as a generalization they know how to follow process, how to respect the hierarchy and have a mature way of dealing with politics that us civilians usually have to learn the hard way.

 

[Koolau]

I show up to the reunions and enjoy a sense of quiet satisfaction as most follow reunion etiquette and we don't inquire about how someone is doing now unless it is volunteered. It is sensitive because I know most of my classmates have underachieved compared to how they grew up. My bar was so much lower than theirs and I feel it was a huge advantage in my life. My parents committed to funding college and that was about it.

My situation was pretty similar. My dad was disabled and had zero opportunity for "normal" empl*yment. He started a small retail business and we struggled financially until I was at least 10. Until then we really never had more than survival.

But though I lived most of my life in the same city where I went to HS, I never kept track of classmates though I'd run into them once in a while and attended most of the reunions.

I wouldn't say I particularly compared myself to them over the years. I felt (and feel) good that I achieved what I believe to be success in my chosen c@reer. I'm happy that I could retire early with "enough." Other than that, I guess I don't think too much about it. When I do, I am thankful and feel very blessed.

 

[marko]

Nothing new. Went to high school with a bunch of trust fund kiddies. Now in their 70s, they still never had a real job and they're still living off of great-grandad's quarterly checks.

The trend has just moved further down the social ladder. Kid next door is 35, doesn't work and spends his days lounging around mom's pool and playing golf while she and dad go to work.

 

[HFWR]

Nothing new. Went to high school with a bunch of trust fund kiddies. Now in their 70s, they still never had a real job and they're still living off of great-grandad.

Alas, one grandad couldn’t rub two nickels together. The other was a butcher, and later postman, so better off, but no trust fund.

 

[imjustawarrior]

Nothing new. Went to high school with a bunch of trust fund kiddies. Now in their 70s, they still never had a real job and they're still living off of great-grandad's quarterly checks.

The trend has just moved further down the social ladder. Kid next door is 35, doesn't work and spends his days lounging around mom's pool while she goes to work.

It made me think of Fortunate Son by CCR

It ain't me. I'm not a fortunate son, but I am blessed.

 

[Route246]

My situation was pretty similar. My dad was disabled and had zero opportunity for "normal" empl*yment. He started a small retail business and we struggled financially until I was at least 10. Until then we really never had more than survival.

But though I lived most of my life in the same city where I went to HS, I never kept track of classmates though I'd run into them once in a while and attended most of the reunions.

I wouldn't say I particularly compared myself to them over the years. I felt (and feel) good that I achieved what I believe to be success in my chosen c@reer. I'm happy that I could retire early with "enough." Other than that, I guess I don't think too much about it. When I do, I am thankful and feel very blessed.

One classmate in particular who I really had serious feelings for in HS has done just OK but certainly not to how she had it growing up. She is still a good friend and has hinted that she could have done better. For what it is worth, I just remind her that we both currently have our health and families so there isn't much else to wish for and she agrees.

I know my father went to his grave extremely financially insecure even though he had FI and equity in our family home well north of $3M. He told me I should never quit working and to let them fire me when I became incapable of producing. He had that work ethic in him. He was proud of me when I told him how much we have, mainly proud that we have that much, which he really couldn't believe, but more proud that we didn't waste it, squander it or show it off. He told me I have more than enough but not to quit my job. We always got a laugh out of that in his final months with us.

You should feel good that you were able to FIRE comfortably. You won. It is a nice achievement. Congratulations.

 

[Koolau]

One classmate in particular who I really had serious feelings for in HS has done just OK but certainly not to how she had it growing up. She is still a good friend and has hinted that she could have done better. For what it is worth, I just remind her that we both currently have our health and families so there isn't much else to wish for and she agrees.

I know my father went to his grave extremely financially insecure even though he had FI and equity in our family home well north of $3M. He told me I should never quit working and to let them fire me when I became incapable of producing. He had that work ethic in him. He was proud of me when I told him how much we have, mainly proud that we have that much, which he really couldn't believe, but more proud that we didn't waste it, squander it or show it off. He told me I have more than enough but not to quit my job. We always got a laugh out of that in his final months with us.

You should feel good that you were able to FIRE comfortably. You won. It is a nice achievement. Congratulations.

Thanks. My dad certainly instilled a w*rk ethic in me. Heh, heh, he also convinced me that I didn't want to do grunt w*rk in a small business all my life (OUR small business).

 

[HFWR]

Thanks. My dad certainly instilled a w*rk ethic in me. Heh, heh, he also convinced me that I didn't want to do grunt w*rk in a small business all my life (OUR small business).

Yep, a few days on chicken moving duty will help motivate!

 

[timbervest]

One classmate in particular who I really had serious feelings for in HS has done just OK but certainly not to how she had it growing up. She is still a good friend and has hinted that she could have done better. For what it is worth, I just remind her that we both currently have our health and families so there isn't much else to wish for and she agrees.

My experience with my HS reunions:

• 10 Year -- hey great to see everybody again!
• 20 year -- Folks looking around at who looks prosperous and who's not. Also who has the better looking spouse/partner
• 30 year -- can pretty much figure out who's made it and who didn't. Bullies and nerds start to reconcile as old alliances fall away. Talk about kids if you have 'em. Express surprise at who's died.
• 40 year -- time, the great leveler. Nobody cares who made it or didn't. Note that the women aged better the men at this stage. Talk about kids if they are doing well; not if they're not. Fond memories of those who passed.
• 50 year -- grand old time. Everyone looks old, everyone talks to everyone and most don't really remember the pecking order at HS anymore.

Looking forward to 60 is a few years!

 

[TickTock]

The only reason I'd go to a high school reunion is to laugh at the people that used to bully me. And that's petty, so I won't do it in person.

Work ethic is *great*. It doesn't always have to be focused on making more money.

 

[HFWR]

My fifty year was “Who the hell is that?”

 

[Gumby]

I went to a different high school in an entirely different state for my senior year, so I only knew the people with whom I graduated for a little over 8 months. Then I joined the Navy immediately upon graduation and never went back. So, I've never been to a high school reunion and have not seen any of my fellow alums in almost 48 years.

 

[HFWR]

So, I've never been to a high school reunion and have not seen any of my fellow alums in almost 48 years.

And that’s not a priori a bad thing. Though I attended the 25 and 50.

I’m from a small town, graduating class of ninety something. Have known most for as long as i can remember. But I’ve been gone for forty-two years, and lifestyles have diverged, so many interactions were friendly, though soon a few of us gravitated to our own table, wine glass (solo cup) in hand.

 

[Route246]

Thanks. My dad certainly instilled a w*rk ethic in me. Heh, heh, he also convinced me that I didn't want to do grunt w*rk in a small business all my life (OUR small business).

My mother told my brother and me that she did not want us to come home every night exhausted from working so hard as my father did. She wanted us to get a college education and get an "easy desk job" so we would not have to know that hard life. She's right, I have an easy desk job and I actually enjoy it but it pains me that she was so right about this and I never really got a chance to thank her for this. BTW, in spite of working to exhaustion as she characterized my father, he did outlive her to the age of 99 so I'm not sure if it was necessarily a bad thing that he worked that hard and kept in great shape.

My experience with my HS reunions:

• 10 Year -- hey great to see everybody again!
• 20 year -- Folks looking around at who looks prosperous and who's not. Also who has the better looking spouse/partner
• 30 year -- can pretty much figure out who's made it and who didn't. Bullies and nerds start to reconcile as old alliances fall away. Talk about kids if you have 'em. Express surprise at who's died.
• 40 year -- time, the great leveler. Nobody cares who made it or didn't. Note that the women aged better the men at this stage. Talk about kids if they are doing well; not if they're not. Fond memories of those who passed.
• 50 year -- grand old time. Everyone looks old, everyone talks to everyone and most don't really remember the pecking order at HS anymore.

Looking forward to 60 is a few years!

This is a great summary and matches my experiences. At the 20 year you also figure out that the cute girls, cheerleaders and charming ones suffered the greatest contrasts and started aging. Only one of my classmates, the one I mentioned I had feelings for has aged well, she's still the prettiest one in the room at any age but then that is probably just my bias. Regarding the bullies and nerds reconciling, the big reconciliation I had was the nerds (me) and the cutest girls seemed to be the most friendly towards me when at HS they were busy with the jocks and tough guys and didn't really pay much attention to me and my nerd friends. I think they could sense me being grounded, focused and prosperous and probably found this attractive after the jocks and bullies got fat and bald (genetics have been good to me as I am neither) and underachieving in life. My 50th is this October, the day after I plan to retire so I look forward to meeting all of those

 

[jollystomper]

I have only gone back to one of my high school reunions, the 10th. it was fine. I had mainly good times in HS, but was never par of the "super popular" crowd (which I did not care about then). My high school was huge (1000+ in the class), and there were a few folks there I knew - it helped being on the football team, even as a "scrub". Mainly I met folks that we just passed by each other in the hall since then. DW was curious, since she went to a "rival" high school in that city. We also went to her 10th HS reunion, which is the only one of hers we have gone back to.

I am, however, going to my 50th high school reunion occurring soon, with DW. More out of curiosity, plus it will make for a good date weekend .

Since we are in the same college class, that is much easier to go back for, and we have to all of the reunions (every 5 years) except one, when my Mom was dying. Those have always been enjoyable, even if many of our classmates are well beyond us in their finances .

 

[jollystomper]

I don't know if this is OT since it's not cash handed over to adult children- but I see MANY of my contemporaries (mostly women) providing free child care for grandchildren. Not just taking over so parents can go on a vacation or have date night (my own grandparents did that) but a 5 day/week commitment.

We have a couple of friends who had to put their foot down with their kids and tell them "1 day, 2 days a week on occasion, is fine, but we have lives too". It caused a little friction but the families all seen to have settled down about it.