Half of American Parents Financially Support Adult Children...

[street]

I paid for 95% of my college and my son paid for a lot of his. He also worked and went to college and what he has he earned by himself.
I'm not an advocate of helping him out financially but I will step in if I see a need too. We did help with a second home he bought because he had one he bought and was getting married and buying another.
He and his family will get what is left when we are gone. They do very well the two of them, so I don't feel we need to help them. I'm not for handing out money they should do it on their own.

 

[HFWR]

I went to community college, then later night school at a local university, so there really wasn’t a cohesive graduating class at either to speak of. One less reunion to attend, I suppose.

 

[Trailwalker]

I was out the door at 18, and never looked back at high school after graduation. We have friends with adult children who dropped out of college and are still at home in their late 20's and early 30's. My daughter graduated from college at the beginning of the pandemic, took off for San Francisco in an old Subaru and found a job and life on her own. Very proud.

 

[Koolau]

My experience with my HS reunions:

• 50 year -- grand old time. Everyone looks old, everyone talks to everyone and most don't really remember the pecking order at HS anymore.

Looking forward to 60 is a few years!

At our 50th there was one "girl" who looked "just like" she did in HS. Back in HS she was one of those popular girls with the nice face, great figure, great hair and make-up. Just a real stand out if not a complete knock-out. Always had a posse around her.

As a 68 year old, she still had it all. I have to assume that she had a LOT of HELP! No wrinkles, hair was still perfect, make up was perfect, figure was still perfect. And, guess what. She still had her posse.

Our 60th is this June. I guess we'll see. Lots more empty chairs, of course.

Returning you now...

 

[imjustawarrior]

How do you find out about your HS reunions? Facebook?

I'm not on any social media and moved out of state 25 years ago, so I never hear a peep about reunions. I think it has been 25 years since I have seen or spoken to anyone from my HS.

I wouldn't mind having a reunion with my 3 best friends from HS. We met at work and went to different schools.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Like many on this forum I was an adult at 18 married to an airman moving around the country with a baby at 19. By 25 we had 3 kids.

I started college at 31 so did my life in reverse much to my parents distress. When I started college they helped with watching the kids on days off of school or when the kids were sick which I so appreciated.

 

[HFWR]

How do you find out about your HS reunions? Facebook?

I'm not on any social media and moved out of state 25 years ago, so I never hear a peep about reunions. I think it has been 25 years since I have seen or spoken to anyone from my HS.

I wouldn't mind having a reunion with my 3 best friends from HS. We met at work and went to different schools.

Am Facebook friends with many from back home, for better or worse. But I donate to the alumni scholarship fund, so they have my address. I still occasionally visit.

 

[jollystomper]

How do you find out about your HS reunions? Facebook?

I'm not on any social media and moved out of state 25 years ago, so I never hear a peep about reunions. I think it has been 25 years since I have seen or spoken to anyone from my HS.

I wouldn't mind having a reunion with my 3 best friends from HS. We met at work and went to different schools.

My HS has an alumni association that I get newsletters from a couple of times a year. From that they let you know which class reunions are coming up and where to get more information about them to sign up.

 

[Healthy Lifestyle]

Well still paying for his Phone service, lol.

 

[Kings over Queens]

Well still paying for his Phone service, lol.

We back charge for the cell phones. Our son put the spotify bill on his credit card and we couldn't figure out how to back charge everyone for it, so we moved the payment to my card and I gifted spotify to everyone. I'm tempted to do the same with the cell phones just not to have to have them venmo or zelle me the money.

 

[Koolau]

How do you find out about your HS reunions? Facebook?

I'm not on any social media and moved out of state 25 years ago, so I never hear a peep about reunions. I think it has been 25 years since I have seen or spoken to anyone from my HS.

I wouldn't mind having a reunion with my 3 best friends from HS. We met at work and went to different schools.

For whatever reason, our HS class is very into reunions. They have had our mailing and/or email address for all these years. So we never miss a notice of a death or a reunion. YMMV

 

[imjustawarrior]

For whatever reason, our HS class is very into reunions. They have had our mailing and/or email address for all these years. So we never miss a notice of a death or a reunion. YMMV

I have not heard a peep from my HS in the 40 years since I graduated. I'll have to ask my brothers if they ever hear anything. I don't know if I would go, but I seem to be getting more sentimental as I age. It would be so strange to see people after 50 years.

 

[G POP]

My kids know that my love is unconditional, but my wallet has fairly strict conditions. If you (they) are doing well my wallet is wide open. Plane tickets, meals out, car tires, etc... Start being dumb (drugs, alcohol, cheat on spouse, etc...) and my wallet will disappear.

 

[Koolau]

It would be so strange to see people after 50 years.

Oh, yeah! It is strange. Weirdly, there are people you recognize immediately and others you can't get your mind to adjust to - even when looking at the blown-up year-book picture they're wearing with their name tag.

 

[ddk70]

We have two adult millennial children. We paid for college with exception of a $5K loan I said they needed to take for college. It was their “job” to learn. Both paid back the Fafsa loan one year out of college.

When they graduated highschool, husband said to both, you can come home to live rent free for one year. After the year you will be expected to pay rent, nominal amount. D1 graduated 1998, S1 graduated 2001.

D came home to live for one year then bought a two bedroom condo. We helped with 3K for the condo as we wanted to ensure the windows would be safer and more insulated. She didn’t ask. She got stuck in the crash with the condo 2008. Her husband and she whom she married in 2013 carried the condo and rented it out for almost ten years while they improved their careers. She never asked for money. Some feedback only. She grew up fast during her experience of early home ownership.


When both kids got married message to them. I told them as my mother told me, try to solve your own problems / issues under your own roof. Come to dad & I when you are in a “crisis” be it financial or safety; otherwise dad & I expect and have full confidence you will be able to solve your own problems. She and her husband did solve the condo crisis.

S married Millennial 2023. Graduated from highschool never moved back home to get his “free” rent. Graduated college 2005 worked saved to build a career, recently married. He & wife bought a new home in 2024, both putting down $200k each they saved. Both work full time. Now with a one year old in July.
We spent $5K on a house gift as a way of him not ever making use of his “free rent”.

Give a man a fish he eats one day, teach a man to fish…..

Ps -I am a child of parents who married in the Great Depression, some of those lessons have been seared into my own brain from my parents. They survived, were educated physicians and lived full and productive lives. No one for them to call up and ask $$. They did help family members with in-kind medical. Some small gesture of reciprocal appreciation I recall from those aunts and uncles to my parents.

 

[HMMY]

My parents had 5 kids. Four left for college and never returned. The fifth dropped out of college and returned home. Eventually got a decent job, but because she lived at home and had no expenses, she bought a car that cost 75% of her annual salary and took out a 7-year car loan. Then she got pregnant and quit her job. The baby daddy never paid a penny in support. She finally started working again at her kid's school but doesn't make enough to support herself, let alone a child. My parents did her a huge disservice by supporting her for nearly 50 years. Economic outpatient care crippled her. We're all stressed about what will happen when my mom passes. My mom has already asked us to buy our sister a house. Hard pass.

 

[youbet]

Our 60th is this June. I guess we'll see. Lots more empty chairs, of course.

My 60th is this September! It was a pretty tough crowd there on dee Nort West Side of She.....caa....go back in the day! An alumnus/classmate (Jim Jacobs) wrote the musical "Grease," based on life at Taft in those days and it's a pretty good representation of what life was for us.

More interesting, to me, are our annual elementary school reunions which started a decade+ ago. There in the city, grammar schools drew from a small geographic area due to the housing density. Most of us met when we were 5 years old (unless we already new each other as neighbors) and were together from K - 12.

Those were very different times and places. No "play dates." I could stand on the front stoop of my parents' home and see the homes of many friends up and down the block. Or walk out the rear gate, down the ally and there were the homes of more friends. We took public transportation, unsupervised, starting at 7 or 8 yo. Younger if an older friend or sibling was with you.

Only 7 of us were there at this year's gathering. As you say, more empty chairs every year.

 

[Beachcomber]

A double income household requirement is necessary now, not like our parents times. If one spouse is ill or does not contribute a fair share, it is very difficult with kids and alimony expenses. I give my 2 stepsons, who have good careers, $2k/month each, and also help with thier kids education expenses. Fortunately, we can afford to help.

 

[athena53]

A double income household requirement is necessary now, not like our parents times. If one spouse is ill or does not contribute a fair share, it is very difficult with kids and alimony expenses. I give my 2 stepsons, who have good careers, $2k/month each, and also help with their kids education expenses. Fortunately, we can afford to help.

It depends on the area. DS and DDIL are doing fine on his salary in Iowa. He and I moved from NNJ in 2003 and that's a whole 'nother world. There you almost do need two incomes, plus free child care from grandparents and maybe help with the down payment.

 

[MissAnna]

I’m 63, life long single, no kids. I’ve been self supporting ever since I graduated from college.

My 60 year old sister, on the other hand, has been divorced multiple times, had substance abuse issues, had abusive relationships, and hasn’t worked in 13 years. Two kids by 2 different men who raised the kids when she left them. She’s been able to do this because my elderly parents always let her run back home.

Now my parents are gone, and my sister is just appalled that no one in the family will take her in. She is living with friends. My parents let her use the victim card so she could justify staying with them. They did not need her “caretaking”.

So for those of you helping out adult children, be aware of the eventual impact on your self supporting kids. In all likelihood, the dependent child will look to the self supporting siblings when you are gone. That’s not a fair position to put your kids in.

 

[Koolau]

I’m 63, life long single, no kids. I’ve been self supporting ever since I graduated from college.

My 60 year old sister, on the other hand, has been divorced multiple times, had substance abuse issues, had abusive relationships, and hasn’t worked in 13 years. Two kids by 2 different men who raised the kids when she left them. She’s been able to do this because my elderly parents always let her run back home.

Now my parents are gone, and my sister is just appalled that no one in the family will take her in. She is living with friends. My parents let her use the victim card so she could justify staying with them. They did not need her “caretaking”.

So for those of you helping out adult children, be aware of the eventual impact on your self supporting kids. In all likelihood, the dependent child will look to the self supporting siblings when you are gone. That’s not a fair position to put your kids in.

Yes I'm certain we all know friends or family who have found themselves with dependent people they never expected. But, for the most part, it's a choice.

My sister is 80 and both her kids lived with her on and off most of their lives so far. She helped raise their kids. She is now helping financially raise her son's kids (and sometimes being mom to them as well). He's been in jail a couple of times and she "had to" take in her grand kids into her home.

You can be certain that if you allow it, someone will take advantage of you. It's your choice whether you allow it. With family, it's more difficult to ignore but it's still a choice.

 

[rodi]

As far as class reunions I probably won't go to anymore. I went to the 30th and no one remembered me. (Huge class, about 1000 people - so understandable since I was (and still am) a nerd.)

Plus our class will always have the 'theme' of Fast Times at Ridgemont High". Cameron Crowe was "undercover" at our highschool my senior year - which was the basis for the book, and later the movie. We'll never have a normal reunion. FWIW - every guy who ever surfed or smoked a doobie thought they were Spiccoli. LOL. (My theory is that it was a mashup of two specific guys Jeff N and Keith D).

 

[Koolau]

As far as class reunions I probably won't go to anymore. I went to the 30th and no one remembered me. (Huge class, about 1000 people - so understandable since I was (and still am) a nerd.)

Plus our class will always have the 'theme' of Fast Times at Ridgemont High". Cameron Crowe was "undercover" at our highschool my senior year - which was the basis for the book, and later the movie. We'll never have a normal reunion. FWIW - every guy who ever surfed or smoked a doobie thought they were Spiccoli. LOL. (My theory is that it was a mashup of two specific guys Jeff N and Keith D).

I gotta ask: How can you stay away from THAT reunion?? I really want to know what happened to those people!

Heh, heh, is "Mr. Hand" still alive? Enquiring minds...

 

[rodi]

I gotta ask: How can you stay away from THAT reunion?? I really want to know what happened to those people!

Heh, heh, is "Mr. Hand" still alive? Enquiring minds...

If Mr. Hand is based on the teacher I think he was - he died a few years ago.

Like I said - every guy who was my class thought he was Spicoli. I had a friend sue Crowe for 'defamation of character' and got a guitar from Crowe's wife (Nancy Wilson of Heart) as settlement. He was the basis for Mark the Rat Ratner.

The book was less fictionalized - I was able to identify several people based on what happens in the book.

Here's an article about it: They are dead accurate when they identify Todd Floyd and Andy Rathbone.
Fast Times (Film) – Premiere Magazine – The Uncool - The Official Site for Everything Cameron Crowe

 

[Luvtoride]

I have not heard a peep from my HS in the 40 years since I graduated. I'll have to ask my brothers if they ever hear anything. I don't know if I would go, but I seem to be getting more sentimental as I age. It would be so strange to see people after 50 years.

My DW and I both graduated in the same HS class and live in the same town that we grew up in and went to HS. Our 50th class reunion is coming up this June and neither one of us has any interest in attending. We haven’t seen these classmates in over 45 years, why would we want to see them now