steakis4closers
Dryer sheet aficionado
My father had a stroke at 66, he can still walk but is pretty wobbly. Can't say he does it well now. Mentally he is about half as sharp as he was he says, perhaps less. He has mostly lost use of one arm / hand.
He is an alcoholic, has depression, anxiety, diabetic (refuses to take his insulin), has sleep apnea (refuses cpap, ect). He does not see very well now, I think due to diabetes, he definitely needs a new pair of glasses adjusted to his eyes. Health is overall pretty poor, sadly i doubt he has many more years with us.
He did not plan for retirement, he only gets 1200 a month from SS. He still has a house payment, about 23000 left to pay off on the home. He has no savings. He still lives in the same home he lived in since he was in his 30s. He reallly cant maintain it anymore. Can't fix things, can't update them, can't replace them ect. Calls me over to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, ect.
He has not coped well since his long term girlfriend died early in her 60s. He does not clean his home ever, there are cobwebs, trash everywhere, dead animals, dirty dishes he never washes, you name it. It's disgusting. He just leaves the trash out and never picks it up.
He no longer cooks really, he just microwaves everything or puts in on a skillet.
Ive had to conference call his electric company/ heating company on two separate occasions now to help him make a payment as he forgot to pay. One time they had shut off the power and the 2nd time they had put in the request to do so, but it had not gone off yet.
A bit of backstory, growing up I was fond of dad, my parents were seperated early on and I have a step dad who mostly raised me. But I saw my biological dad, the one I was describing frequently, weekends mostly. He would buy me gifts on occasion, we would do things, race miniature cars, watch movies, get pizza, ect.
Dad really never has gotten along with mom, and when i was about 10 he told mom and my step dad he was going to stop seeing me if they did not waive the right for child support. So legally my mom/ step dad waived the right and in doing so, my biological legally has nothing to do with me. As in, i am not legally his son anymore and will not inherit anything by law unless my father specfically names me in a will.
I have asked him to name me in his will, and offered to help him get one done. He does not currently have one. He said I should be the one who inherits but refuses to get the will done, saying he will do it later, which means never basically. If he were to have a stroke again today and die, his home, which is worth about 400000 if it wasn't in need of repairs, would go to his brother and sister by law if there is no will stating someone else.
I have been helping him on occasion, as any good son would. He needed a new freezer, so I bought him one. Ive bought him groceries every now and again, usually stock him up for a month ect. If he asks for help I come and help him. He lives about 35 minutes away without traffic and I am honestly a busy guy. I have a 16 month old son, a wife, full time job, two other part time gigs (very part time), and some other responsibilities ect.
Dad wont name me Power of attorney for finances or for health. Says he will do mostly anything but he wont do that. He has asked me to handle his billls moving forward. Of course that is harder when he wont give me POA.
Ive been thinking of trying to convince him to come move closer to me, so I can try to make sure he takes his insulin more regularly. If he lived in my home town i could swing by each day before or after work and give him his shot. Take out the garbage, bring him groceries, take out the garbage, ect. Help take care of him.
After having the stroke, he was assigned as social worker who has said he should submit a medicaid packet so he can get help bathing, cleaning, some cooking, ect. They wont give him his insulin shots though. That way he could stay in his home, 35 minutes away from me.
I worry about him. And I am angry with him that he wont put me on the will, and put me as POA.
Another option, he could go to a nursing home. He isn't keen on that option. I think he probably wants to stay in his home. But he can't really afford it that well. The moment something big goes wrong he gonna call me all panicked asking for help I believe. If for example his heat goes out and he needs new furnace, ect. I dont think in his current condition he should be managing his own affairs really. I do insurance for my job, and i see so many folks that shoudln't be in charge of their own affairs and sometimes i think tahts my own father too. He has no idea how much his policy costs, no idea what it covers, ect.
I am not sure what to do with him. It bothers me, his situation. i am sort of caught in the middle as he wont just let me take it over and take care of him and its not easy seeing a parent like this. He doesnt' wash his clothes, he doesn't take showers often at all, smells terrible, teeth rotting, needs dentures.
What do you think I should do? Any advice? Thank you.
He is an alcoholic, has depression, anxiety, diabetic (refuses to take his insulin), has sleep apnea (refuses cpap, ect). He does not see very well now, I think due to diabetes, he definitely needs a new pair of glasses adjusted to his eyes. Health is overall pretty poor, sadly i doubt he has many more years with us.
He did not plan for retirement, he only gets 1200 a month from SS. He still has a house payment, about 23000 left to pay off on the home. He has no savings. He still lives in the same home he lived in since he was in his 30s. He reallly cant maintain it anymore. Can't fix things, can't update them, can't replace them ect. Calls me over to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, ect.
He has not coped well since his long term girlfriend died early in her 60s. He does not clean his home ever, there are cobwebs, trash everywhere, dead animals, dirty dishes he never washes, you name it. It's disgusting. He just leaves the trash out and never picks it up.
He no longer cooks really, he just microwaves everything or puts in on a skillet.
Ive had to conference call his electric company/ heating company on two separate occasions now to help him make a payment as he forgot to pay. One time they had shut off the power and the 2nd time they had put in the request to do so, but it had not gone off yet.
A bit of backstory, growing up I was fond of dad, my parents were seperated early on and I have a step dad who mostly raised me. But I saw my biological dad, the one I was describing frequently, weekends mostly. He would buy me gifts on occasion, we would do things, race miniature cars, watch movies, get pizza, ect.
Dad really never has gotten along with mom, and when i was about 10 he told mom and my step dad he was going to stop seeing me if they did not waive the right for child support. So legally my mom/ step dad waived the right and in doing so, my biological legally has nothing to do with me. As in, i am not legally his son anymore and will not inherit anything by law unless my father specfically names me in a will.
I have asked him to name me in his will, and offered to help him get one done. He does not currently have one. He said I should be the one who inherits but refuses to get the will done, saying he will do it later, which means never basically. If he were to have a stroke again today and die, his home, which is worth about 400000 if it wasn't in need of repairs, would go to his brother and sister by law if there is no will stating someone else.
I have been helping him on occasion, as any good son would. He needed a new freezer, so I bought him one. Ive bought him groceries every now and again, usually stock him up for a month ect. If he asks for help I come and help him. He lives about 35 minutes away without traffic and I am honestly a busy guy. I have a 16 month old son, a wife, full time job, two other part time gigs (very part time), and some other responsibilities ect.
Dad wont name me Power of attorney for finances or for health. Says he will do mostly anything but he wont do that. He has asked me to handle his billls moving forward. Of course that is harder when he wont give me POA.
Ive been thinking of trying to convince him to come move closer to me, so I can try to make sure he takes his insulin more regularly. If he lived in my home town i could swing by each day before or after work and give him his shot. Take out the garbage, bring him groceries, take out the garbage, ect. Help take care of him.
After having the stroke, he was assigned as social worker who has said he should submit a medicaid packet so he can get help bathing, cleaning, some cooking, ect. They wont give him his insulin shots though. That way he could stay in his home, 35 minutes away from me.
I worry about him. And I am angry with him that he wont put me on the will, and put me as POA.
Another option, he could go to a nursing home. He isn't keen on that option. I think he probably wants to stay in his home. But he can't really afford it that well. The moment something big goes wrong he gonna call me all panicked asking for help I believe. If for example his heat goes out and he needs new furnace, ect. I dont think in his current condition he should be managing his own affairs really. I do insurance for my job, and i see so many folks that shoudln't be in charge of their own affairs and sometimes i think tahts my own father too. He has no idea how much his policy costs, no idea what it covers, ect.
I am not sure what to do with him. It bothers me, his situation. i am sort of caught in the middle as he wont just let me take it over and take care of him and its not easy seeing a parent like this. He doesnt' wash his clothes, he doesn't take showers often at all, smells terrible, teeth rotting, needs dentures.
What do you think I should do? Any advice? Thank you.
