Helping Aging Parents - How much is too much?

[GrayHare]

Note that APS sometimes defers care responsbility to the person that contacted them.

 

[Route246]

I'd say in all likelihood, if your dad doesn't die suddenly, he will need the proceeds of the sale of his house to live in a nursing facility when something goes terribly wrong with his health. So inheriting much is unlikely. I had great relationships with both my parents, BUT, even though I stood to inherit, there was nothing left due to nursing facilities taking it all (including the house proceeds).

Since your dad won't do what you want him to do, you have a choice. Continue to assist him - 'cause he's your dad and you love him - or just walk away and let him take what comes. In either case, don't worry about it. Nature will take its course.

You have no power to force your dad to do anything, so it's up to you how you respond. Just don't allow the situation to get to you.

All the best.

Oh, and welcome to the Forum.

Koolau always has good takes and I agree 100% with this take. He is your dad which may count for something. He needs help but also seems to have some self-destructive personality behaviors. There isn't much you can do at this point since he is a grown adult. My only advice is if and when something goes terribly wrong do not shoulder that burden on yourself for not doing enough. You're in a complicated situation, you are being extremely thoughtful and if the time comes when something happens you need to accept it, as difficult as it is and judge yourself, don't let others judge you. You are reaching out here in the forum so it is obvious you do care and you do have feelings. Sometimes things just happen and there isn't much that can be done about it. Best wishes on this.

 

[ImaCheesehead]

How is he possibly managing a mortgage payment, property taxes on a 400k house, insurance, utilities and food, etc. on 1200 per month? I know you stated that his utilities have been cut off but it seems as if that number is not even possible.

Also, dead animals in the house? Trash everywhere? Adult Protective Services needs to get involved here I think.

 

[aaronc879]

How is he possibly managing a mortgage payment, property taxes on a 400k house, insurance, utilities and food, etc. on 1200 per month? I know you stated that his utilities have been cut off but it seems as if that number is not even possible.

Also, dead animals in the house? Trash everywhere? Adult Protective Services needs to get involved here I think.

It's doable. He has had the house for around 30 years so he may have only paid $100K for it so the payment is probably $500 or so. Another $100/mo for insurance and $200 for utilities. Probably gets food stamps to cover most if not all of his food. I know several people who live on $1200/mo or less in retirement. They do get some help though like food stamps and maybe heat assistance, ect.

 

[marion10]

If you have no contacted the local Area Office on Aging in the country where he is located,I would do so - they vary widely from place to place,but they might be able to give you some pointers. You may need to contact Adult Protective Services. If he does not agree to giving you POA, there is not much you can do- you could se about getting guardianship of him but that is likely to be expensive.

 

[Koolau]

If you have no contacted the local Area Office on Aging in the country where he is located,I would do so - they vary widely from place to place,but they might be able to give you some pointers. You may need to contact Adult Protective Services. If he does not agree to giving you POA, there is not much you can do- you could se about getting guardianship of him but that is likely to be expensive.

And guardianship is difficult to get if the person opposes it. If the court appoints an ad litem, you'll likely pay for them.