SecondCor521
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How much should I help my son with his medical bill?
I'm sure opinions will vary widely, but y'all are usually good for helping me with thought provoking questions and things I didn't consider. Thanks in advance.
I'll try to provide what I think is the relevant context on him and me and the bill:
He is 26, finished about two years of a mechanical engineering degree and then left to start his own successful, growing, well respected business. He and his girlfriend of three years bought a house last fall and they're fully self supporting. The two of them are likely to get engaged and married at some point in the not distant future. Because he is a solo, successful entrepreneur, and a young, healthy guy, he has chosen to go without health insurance. (He's the middle of three kids; the other two are employees with typical to good employer provided health care coverage.)
I'm 57, retired, and received an inheritance from my Dad in the past month or two which added a significant bump to my assets such that I disclaimed some which went to my three kids, and gave some away. I've about doubled my spending and I'm at about a 1.36% net WR. Originally I was going to have the disclaimed amount count for house down payment / wedding / first car funds, but now I feel like I have extra I am thinking of gifting my kids for their weddings. (Weddings for the other two kids are not even on the radar screen at this point.)
This week he went to the ER due to blood clots in his arm. He was in the hospital for two days and had a thrombectomy procedure. He was diagnosed with thoracic output syndrome and will go back into the hospital to have his top rib removed on that side which will add at least one and maybe two more days inpatient. In addition to the ER visit, the procedure and the surgery and the three or four days in the hospital, there have been multiple imaging studies done, blood thinners, and a lot of blood tests to monitor the blood thinners and check for weird blood clotting diseases. A total SWAG but I'm thinking the bills could total somewhere between 2/3 of his annual net take home up to 1x his annual take home.
On top of the immediate bill, the business he owns is such that somewhere between three and six weeks post-op he won't be able to physically do work. He has an employee who can do a lot, and a friend who can pitch in, but he will have to rearrange / postpone appointments and will have lost business and have to pay his employee and friend more. This knock on effect is maybe a month of business income.
My thoughts so far:
I'd like to help. I'm his Dad, and I can afford it.
Throughout this week he's basically said he doesn't need his parents or anyone else to hover or help; he just wanted his girlfriend as his key support. I get that, and respect that, and when I reflect back on what it was like at his age, I felt the same way. And he and his girlfriend make a good team and their relationship is great and they have navigated through this experience very well so far.
He and I talked about health insurance multiple times before this happened, and he made a deliberate choice not to get it over the course of the past three years. And he's chosen to spend his money on a number of other things like nice cars and nice watches (i.e. he could have afforded insurance if he wanted to).
This medical event is quite rare. We have an ER doc in our family, and he said he's seen only a few cases in his 35 year career. My son's doctors were of a similar opinion - they knew about the condition and how to properly treat it, but he was a minor celebrity in the ER - "Hey, did you hear about the patient in room 15? 26 year old healthy guy with TOS!"
He could pay the bill from the funds I disclaimed. The disclaimed amount is two or three times the medical bill.
The wedding gift I was contemplating would be maybe 10% or 15% of the medical bill.
He's been told by various people that he can ask for a self-pay discount and perhaps a quick pay discount, although I'm not sure if he would be the type to ask for that based on what I know of his financial approach to life.
Long post, and I'm sure there's additional context I've left out because I usually do.
What would you do in my shoes if it were your kid?
Thanks in advance for all the thoughts.
I'm sure opinions will vary widely, but y'all are usually good for helping me with thought provoking questions and things I didn't consider. Thanks in advance.
I'll try to provide what I think is the relevant context on him and me and the bill:
He is 26, finished about two years of a mechanical engineering degree and then left to start his own successful, growing, well respected business. He and his girlfriend of three years bought a house last fall and they're fully self supporting. The two of them are likely to get engaged and married at some point in the not distant future. Because he is a solo, successful entrepreneur, and a young, healthy guy, he has chosen to go without health insurance. (He's the middle of three kids; the other two are employees with typical to good employer provided health care coverage.)
I'm 57, retired, and received an inheritance from my Dad in the past month or two which added a significant bump to my assets such that I disclaimed some which went to my three kids, and gave some away. I've about doubled my spending and I'm at about a 1.36% net WR. Originally I was going to have the disclaimed amount count for house down payment / wedding / first car funds, but now I feel like I have extra I am thinking of gifting my kids for their weddings. (Weddings for the other two kids are not even on the radar screen at this point.)
This week he went to the ER due to blood clots in his arm. He was in the hospital for two days and had a thrombectomy procedure. He was diagnosed with thoracic output syndrome and will go back into the hospital to have his top rib removed on that side which will add at least one and maybe two more days inpatient. In addition to the ER visit, the procedure and the surgery and the three or four days in the hospital, there have been multiple imaging studies done, blood thinners, and a lot of blood tests to monitor the blood thinners and check for weird blood clotting diseases. A total SWAG but I'm thinking the bills could total somewhere between 2/3 of his annual net take home up to 1x his annual take home.
On top of the immediate bill, the business he owns is such that somewhere between three and six weeks post-op he won't be able to physically do work. He has an employee who can do a lot, and a friend who can pitch in, but he will have to rearrange / postpone appointments and will have lost business and have to pay his employee and friend more. This knock on effect is maybe a month of business income.
My thoughts so far:
I'd like to help. I'm his Dad, and I can afford it.
Throughout this week he's basically said he doesn't need his parents or anyone else to hover or help; he just wanted his girlfriend as his key support. I get that, and respect that, and when I reflect back on what it was like at his age, I felt the same way. And he and his girlfriend make a good team and their relationship is great and they have navigated through this experience very well so far.
He and I talked about health insurance multiple times before this happened, and he made a deliberate choice not to get it over the course of the past three years. And he's chosen to spend his money on a number of other things like nice cars and nice watches (i.e. he could have afforded insurance if he wanted to).
This medical event is quite rare. We have an ER doc in our family, and he said he's seen only a few cases in his 35 year career. My son's doctors were of a similar opinion - they knew about the condition and how to properly treat it, but he was a minor celebrity in the ER - "Hey, did you hear about the patient in room 15? 26 year old healthy guy with TOS!"
He could pay the bill from the funds I disclaimed. The disclaimed amount is two or three times the medical bill.
The wedding gift I was contemplating would be maybe 10% or 15% of the medical bill.
He's been told by various people that he can ask for a self-pay discount and perhaps a quick pay discount, although I'm not sure if he would be the type to ask for that based on what I know of his financial approach to life.
Long post, and I'm sure there's additional context I've left out because I usually do.
What would you do in my shoes if it were your kid?
Thanks in advance for all the thoughts.
