How much to spend on an engagement ring?

[F.I.R.E User]

$0. I believe it’s a marketing gimmick. It’s just a piece of rock that isn’t appreciating in value to profit later.

 

[reneeh63]

How much should you spend? Depends, how much is she spending on you? Shocks me that in this day with equality and all that women still expect to be given a very expensive gift during a marriage proposal but give nothing in return except a commitment to get married which shouldn't require a one-sided large gift. I say propose and if she insists on a ring then find a different woman. Use the money for a nicer wedding or honeymoon or something else that you can both enjoy.

At the very least, propose without a ring and after she says yes then go shopping together. That way you aren't getting her something the price of a car that she doesn't like.

There are a lot of details you're not privy to...did she actually ask for a "very expensive 'gift'"? If she did, what does "very expensive" mean to her? How do you know what 'gifts' she has given him such that an engagement ring is one-sided? From the sound of the OP it didn't seem particularly insistent.

People can do whatever they want...and can give and receive whatever gifts they want. We're not talking about a young couple out of college with debt and desire to buy a house soon. They've already been traveling so a honeymoon-like expense doesn't seem to be on the table Couples in their 50s have far more disposable income, especially on this website. Few on here need to "scrimp" at all, except by choice.

"Liberated" or not - lots of men like to give big gifts to those they love, without strings attached - the two things can be quite uncorrelated so there's no need for such a myriad of assumptions.

 

[reneeh63]

$0. I believe it’s a marketing gimmick. It’s just a piece of rock that isn’t appreciating in value to profit later.

Diamonds are quite poor investments that typically don't appreciate unless they are virtually unique. Selling diamonds can usually get you a third to a half of what you paid unless you got a heckuva wholesale price from a buddy - still lucky to break even.

 

[winyaz]

For example, let’s say I could afford a 3 carat diamond, I would not want her wearing that in public in the areas we intend to travel.

My wife and I had a simple solution for that. We bought cheap gold bands as secondary rings that we could wear places where we were concerned our primary rings might be at risk. An additional benefit for me is that my secondary rings fits a little tighter, so I often switch to that one when it is cold and the primary ring is a little loose.

Re. how much to spend. I didn't want my wife to have something unwieldy that she would have to take off to do day to day tasks, so I targeted about 1 carat for the primary stone with good color and didn't really care about issues that could not be seen with the naked eye.

 

[spirit]

Hello. First of all...congratulations on your future engagement. Your future fiance sounds like a nice woman.
Some people go shopping for a ring together. That way, you both can see what would look good on her hand.
Three months salary for a 25 year old man and an older man is probably quite a huge price difference, but that is old advice. Mostly marketing hype if you really want to know what I think.
As for travelling. Many women have fake jewelry to travel with. I had a nice fake diamond ring that only cost me a few hundred dollars. I wore it because I was used to having a ring on that finger. If I lost it or it got stolen, I would not be in a panic.
Go to some nice stores and look at what you can afford. If you want to surprise her, then make sure that the store offers a take back if the ring needs resizing or looks horrible on her hand.
My best friend, who has short, stubby fingers, has a 1/3 carot ring and thinks it is just fine. Her and her husband are much more financially well off than we are, but my ring is a 1 1/2 carot diamond ring that I bought second hand when I upgraded my wedding ring. She still enjoys her first ring because it looks good on her hand where a ring like mine would not.
So.....I would not worry about this ring too much. Just love the woman more than the jewelry. How you treat her is more important than the size of rock on her hand!!!!

 

[Old Microbiologist]

I know this is controversial and can be a challenge. Personally, having been married three times I see the ring as merely a symbol. I also believe the diamond business is absolutely corrupt and am not willing to support these horrible people and the conflict issue just adds to that. So, I shopped around and bought my wife an excellent Moissanite set which is large enough to be beautiful but not so much as to be ostentatious. Moissanite looks great and is nearly identical to a diamond and if anything looks better. My wife understands my feelings on this and loves the set. My ring is a titanium ring I got because I have lost a wedding ring in literally every ocean of the world so don't waste money on something I am guaranteed to lose. The same for sunglasses by the way. Anyway, the ring set was far less expensive but looks just as good. If this is a big deal to the woman then maybe she has unrealistic expectations. My wife is VERY thrifty as well so would be upset if I blew $20k on a ring. She already has $250k worth of jewelry (mostly inherited) she never wears but she wears the rings whenever we go out but not while at home. I very rarely wear mine and generally only if we are out at something special. We are both on our third marriages so this is not a big issue for either of us. We each have 50 years of marriage if you add the three marriages up and we have been married to each other 15 years now and going strong. This is actually the best marriage for me and I think her as well.

 

[RocketGirl]

I was never big on a showy ring, I have a nice (probably .75 ct) solitaire. I think it's lovely and I would have been uncomfortable if he'd spent much more. I prefer we keep our funds in investments, our rental properties, and the occasional experience rather than on my finger. By today's "standards" it's not impressive but I didn't want him to sink a bunch of cash into a ring. In fact, had he given me a head's up I'd have suggested a manufactured diamond, they are pretty nice as well.

 

[Beachcomber]

Back in 97, i got my wife a 2.62 pear shaped diamond engagement ring in the Diamond District in NYC. Paid about $8k, had it shipped, no sales tax, and it appraised at $25k.

She loved it and still does! If they have a diamond district on the west coast where you are located, go there!

Took my step son to the same place when he proposed, great time!

 

[rodi]

I'd like to congratulate you and your future bride.

Totally agree with talking to her. I never wanted the standard diamond solitaire for several reasons, not the least of which is that I'm clumsy and a solitaire setting can let the stone get knocked out of the setting pretty easily. DH figured out that part about me and made a design choice of a bevel setting. I let my husband know, when things were getting serious to the point we both knew an engagement would be in our near future, that I preferred a sapphire, my birthstone. He was surprised by that. - It had never occurred that he should get anything other than a diamond. But he took note and when he proposed he presented me a beautiful .8 ct Sapphire, bezel set, in platinum. Saved him at least $2k getting me a good size sapphire vs the same size diamond. And I love it more.

 

[Badger]

Years ago it was tough enough to afford a 1/2 carat ring on my income but my fiancee doesn't care about jewelry. She can do without flowers or adult beverages. Lucky me! However, she would appreciate a nice bike, tennis racket, or backpack. We went backpacking for our honeymoon. Five years ago on our 30th anniversary I did surprise her with a nice ring with a number of baguet diamonds she had admired one day. That is the only jewelry she wears.
Diamonds are just rocks that are artificially inflated. There are so many other inexpensive gemstones that are prettier.

Cheers!

 

[FLJim]

Diamonds are highly over-rated and have virtually nothing to do with whether a marriage will be successful or not.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Congrats to you both. Whatever she wants. Sounds like you can afford it so go for it. Let her pick what she wants. Sounds like that's more important (to her taste).

I have something super small and cost $1000. I don't even wear it. I wear nothing. Now would i wear a 1 carat or 2 carat diamond now? I don't know.

 

[Vacation4us]

My ring, second marriage for me third for him, both 50’s is pretty flashy. 2.5 carat center stone and another 2 carats in the setting. It’s very unique but large. Looks great on my large hand.

Bought at the jewelry mart in Los Angeles from a jeweler that’s been in business for more than 30 years and well established doing business with multiple of my family members. DH paid 13k appraisal was 30k.

But DH will not let me wear it on vacation out of the US, so I bought myself a vacation ring for 1k. Also unique. Although I prefer the ring DH bought me I like them both.

DH had just been promoted to Lt and is very proud of the ring he bought me. I used to tease him that he needed to buy me a bigger ring than my ex cause he was supposed to love me more. He surpassed my old ring by quite a bit.

We went to the mart together choose the setting first and then the diamond. I wanted a round stone but a square stone looked better in the setting. I did try to convince DH that the 2 carat diamond was all I needed but he decided he preferred the 2.5 carat stone.

At Tiffany’s you are paying for the name. Overrated in my book.

PS my first ring came from the same jewelers 25 years prior , no way would I let a man I loved be ripped off by a mall jeweler.

 

[Music Lover]

It seems that the appraised value of a diamond isn't based on reality because everyone who buys a diamond is told that the appraised value is 2 or 3 times what they actually paid.

We're common law, will get married one day. We'll probably spend a couple hundred on rings but most likely will just buy $20 rings from some guy on the beach in Mazatlán. A shiny rock is just another shiny rock.

 

[RobbieB]

And $20 of tequila!

 

[cyber888]

It's either $20 bucks or $100,000. $20 if it's the thought that counts, $100,000 if money's no object

 

[Badger]

It seems that the appraised value of a diamond isn't based on reality because everyone who buys a diamond is told that the appraised value is 2 or 3 times what they actually paid...

...A shiny rock is just another shiny rock.

+1

Cheers!

 

[Magus]

Ah, Diamonds, The greatest marketing campaign in world history. Even DeBeers is into the created diamonds these days which are in every way like natural diamonds except cheaper and more brilliant, plus no ethical issues.

 

[brett]

It seems that the appraised value of a diamond isn't based on reality because everyone who buys a diamond is told that the appraised value is 2 or 3 times what they actually paid.

We're common law, will get married one day. We'll probably spend a couple hundred on rings but most likely will just buy $20 rings from some guy on the beach in Mazatlán. A shiny rock is just another shiny rock.

The appraisal certificate is meaningless. It has become a retail tool.

Who actually believes that the jewelry store clerk is actually going to sell you a a ring for $5K that is appraised at $10 or $15K?? Gold and valuable stones are a commodity. The differences in price become attributable to overheads, cost of sales. My understanding from those in the business is that at the shopping center jewelry store markups are 3X

Just try selling that ring back to another jewelry store. My guess is that you would be very lucky to get $2000 to $2500. Markups are high. The cost of carrying and insuring consignment goods is high. The good salespeople are leveraged. Especially in the Caribbean.

My spouse lost a stone in a ring years ago. We made a claim. The adjuster put us straight about this appraisal con game and sent us to a hole in the wall jeweler who replaced the stone. That jeweler laughed when he told us about appraisals. Said he could write one up for us.....how much did we want on the certificate for insurance purposes? The insurers love it. It boosts premiums.

Our small local jeweler stopped keeping inventory. He cannot compete with Costco or Blue Nile on the price/quality scale. He actually sends customers to Costco. Pick the stone and he will replace or modify the setting to suit. He now does custom settings only or redesigned settings.

 

[Vacation4us]

There is a huge price difference in a mall store and a jewelry mart price. I can say from experience that my rings were far cheaper and nicer than friends who bought a ring at The mall.

Why over pay? Tiffany is a guaranteed overpriced item.

 

[Music Lover]

There is a huge price difference in a mall store and a jewelry mart price. I can say from experience that my rings were far cheaper and nicer than friends who bought a ring at The mall.

Why over pay? Tiffany is a guaranteed overpriced item.

Maybe a jeweler offers a better deal, but it's still nothing but a small shiny stone. Some people see value in that, thankfully we don't. To us all shiny stones are overpriced.

 

[reneeh63]

So much judgement attached...get your lady what she wants and if you disagree then either compromise or 'just call the whole thing off'! Kidding, but try not to ascribe too much significance as though her preference looks into her soul somehow. If you're surprised (at the macro level) by what she wants then you might not know her as well as you think.

And it may not even be a completely rational thing - I'm a big saver and investor but I still wanted what I wanted - not crazy big (about 3/4 carat with rubies on the sides and affordable given our incomes). And believe me, we divorced BECAUSE I was the saver...ha.

 

[Dtail]

So much judgement attached...get your lady what she wants and if you disagree then either compromise or 'just call the whole thing off'! Kidding, but try not to ascribe too much significance as though her preference looks into her soul somehow. If you're surprised (at the macro level) by what she wants then you might not know her as well as you think.

And it may not even be a completely rational thing - I'm a big saver and investor but I still wanted what I wanted - not crazy big (about 3/4 carat with rubies on the sides and affordable given our incomes). And believe me, we divorced BECAUSE I was the saver...ha.

Almost 3 yr old thread, so hopefully he is married by now.
My fiance loves jewelry. Got her a 2.5ct beautiful ring for 28k. She stares at it everyday.

 

[athena53]

Two fast thoughts: lab-grown diamonds are ridiculously cheap compared to naturals. I think this will make naturals a poor investment (if diamonds ever were an investment). Second thing: my niece's fiance just gave her the diamond when he proposed. That gave him reasonable control over the total cost but she hot to choose the setting.

 

[audreyh1]

Ancient thread!!!