Cindy, my heart goes out to you in your shock and grief. I lost my beloved husband after caring for him through a very long illness, and that was so terrible that I cannot fathom dealing with a sudden loss like yours. You have been deprived of the chance to say good-bye. I am so sorry.
Please recognize that this burden is simply too much, that it's every bit as unfair and dreadful as you think it is - and more! and that you need to, must lean on others to help you bear up and do what needs to be done as far as a funeral service, transferring assets into your name, and ensuring you receive whatever benefits, e.g. life insurance, pension, SSO etc. that may be due to you.
At a time like this, any emotions you feel are completely justified. Let me tell you, I was not ashamed to break down and cry when asking for help, and that is not normal for me.
Let me know if there is anything I can do.
Amethyst
This has been tough for me to respond to since seeing your news.
My wife of 30 years died of cancer at 54, leaving behind 2 preteens. It was a slow inevitable decline and outcome, so there was time for me to think about what might lie ahead.
As others have said, it's difficult, might get easier with time, but it may not. I occasionally get sad 10 years on thinking about how my world would be different today.
As Amethyst said, lean on your friends and those willing to help today. My experience was those helping hands fade away quickly, I hope your experience is different. The hard part for me is figuring out the life ahead after so many years of talking about the future and now finding I have to do all it without that long-time companion.
I cry in public more now than I did in private before, and I don't care. Success against all odds, a committed relationship in a movie, friends' long and supportive marriages can all make me tear up, happy for the really good things in life. And there are many that should be celebrated. I've had my share of those, perhaps you have too. I didn't always acknowledge them along the way, but now know I should have.
I realize this is may not be uplifting or hopeful. After so many years together, it's hard to think about anything different, even if it "works" or is "good enough", and I've experienced both of those since being alone. I learned there were too many years and shared experiences together to think what I had could be replicated. Whatever happens next will be different than how I expected to be spending these years.
I am sad this has happened. Whether sudden or some notice, it's difficult to go forward without the thought of how it would be different. But we can, and we must. The only other option is surrender and become a hermit. It's been better for me to not to do that, and I hope you make the same choice over time. Live while we can.
My best wishes to you and I hope you find a good way forward.
