Is this true about loneliness in retirement.

[harllee]

I think it is largely true, which is why it is important to have something to retire to. This is one of the appeals of CCRC and active retirement communities; you get opportunities to make friends where you live.

So true. I also live in a CCRC and I have more friends than I ever had before

 

[walkinwood]

Thanks for sharing that very insightful post.

This dynamic holds true in other situations too. Move to a new home & you'll leave behind quite a few neighborly friendships. Have your kids grow up and you'll leave behind more than a few children/school related friendships. Leave any group and you'll leave a few friends behind.

I'm convinced that as we age, we have to treat being social/having friends or community, just the way we treat having to exercise and eat well. We have to work at it. I think the rewards are worth the effort.

 

[skipro33]

I not only never stayed connected with anyone I worked with, and I worked for over 30 years with the same company, I'd be hard pressed to remember their names. Occasionally I'll see someone I recognize from work and turn the other way just because I don't recall their name and want to avoid that situation. But I knew this to happen well ahead of retirement as it has been repeated every time I make a change in my life; grade school, high school, military and work. It's not that those relationships didn't have meaning, but that they served their purpose and time to move on. The only relationships I keep are family. Probably because inside, I know those are the only people who put me above themselves and I too, with them.

 

[Winemaker]

I have two very good friends (and their wives) that I w*rked with over the years. Dinners, parties at each other's homes, concerts, we travel together sometimes, and they are part of my crush/press team during wine season.
This year is our 50th anniversary of HS graduation, no word of reunion. I was close friend of one of my classmates in my adult life when I coached my son in sports, but unfortunately he passed away 2 years ago. He was a good acquaintance in high school, but became closer when our sons went to grade school and high school.

 

[jollystomper]

Most of my work companions were not what I would classify as "friends". They were friendly, they were colleagues, we got along great, but few made it to what I considered a true "friend" level. Perhaps because of work moves, and my work requiring a lot of travel, so many of the folks I worked closely with were not from my area. Or many because I am not quick to call someone a real "friend" just because they are friendly .

I knew that, as much as I was known in Megacorp for my particular expertise, as much as i spoke at technical conferences, worked with clients, published white papers, etc., many of those connections would fade after I retired. I am fine with that, since I already had strong family, community and college alum connections (which were certainly impacted by all the travel I had to do). I guess it boiled down to not letting my identity get wrapped up only in my work.

after 7+ years of retirement, there are maybe 3-4 real "friends" from Megacorp I still have. Our families have socialized together, visited each others homes, and been present with each other in both both good times and bad times since then. There are many others, if I respond to a post of theirs on linked in, will respond back and ask how I am doing, and we will have a short dialog. But that is fine with me. In fact, in truth I do not have a lot of time for a lot of talk and contact work former work colleagues, I am too busy enjoying my retirement .

 

[old medic]

My work life friends and I have share some horrific things in common. A lady I spent many nights working with still stops in if she sees me outside.... and hugs my wife if shes here. We just spent the evening the other night with a someone I've worked nearly 30 years with. I feel honored that many of the folks I worked with still show me love.

 

[Car-Guy]

I guess it gets down to the definition of friends. From my POV, I've only had four or five real friends in my adult life. Two are still living. One I see about once a month, the other one maybe twice a year. Never been lonely and I'm very comfortable living out in the country with nobody around, except the DW.

 

[Winemaker]

I failed to mention another w*rk buddy who moved 3 states away. We next several times during the week, sometimes about the weather, or fellow employees who have passed. he and his wife will use our place as a stopover when visiting their daughter down south.

 

[CalBird]

The biggest human fear is loneliness. Read the Nobel winning book “ One Hundred Years of Solitude”

 

[Ronstar]

The article is spot on, as are the above posts. At least from my experience. I have had 1 or 2 conversations per year with former coworkers since I retired 12 years ago. Got a text from our receptionist a few days ago wanting to know if I was still around. I called the office and we chatted for a while, but there really isn't much in common any more to talk about.

 

[pacergal]

If your only connection is work, they are likely to drop off after you retire. If you do activities with some folks from work frequently, ie meals out, etc. more likely you are developing a friendship that will continue, if both people maintain the connection.
I still go out to lunch with 2-3 former co workers, but I consider them more like a close acquaintance than a true friend, as we don't do anything other than the meal out.
I am an introvert, so having lots of close friends is not on my radar. I have a few who I have stayed connected with for over 30 years, have traveled with, etc.
I maintain some connection with former co workers via Facebook, but don't feel that is a friendship.

 

[Dtail]

I have not stayed in contact with anyone from my work career and I really liked my career and most of my colleagues. Retirement is retirement though and have made a whole new set of friends, with many through Pickleball.
However, the relationships in general are less close than friends outside work during my working days. This aspect is totally fine with me.

 

[rk911]

What surprised me was the light speed at which "friends" at work disappeared.

I'm fortunate. My two closest friends have been friends for decades either from work. I met who became my closest friend, my 'Brother From Another Mother' back in 1978. He was my supervisor at the 9-1-1 center and was largely responsible for my promotion to shift supervisor after just 6-mos. He left shortly thereafter to try his hand with something else but came back about a year later. I was now his supervisor.

My other close friend was a Commander with one of the police depts who I met when his department joined our department in 1980. My wife and I go to dinner with him and his wife a few times a year but he and I do a lot together. We're both hams and errected his radio tower, installed radios in cars for others, and made the annual pilgrimage to the Dayton, OH ham radio Hamvention for at least a dozen or more years. Charlie had to retire three times before it 'stuck'. The three of us and a bunch more get together for breakfast 12-15 times a year.

 

[Midpack]

There is a lot of truth to the observation about work relationships. IME a fulfilling retirement depends on your ability to make (many) new friends unless you’ve maintained childhood friends, kept non work friends during your career and/or have family close enough for very frequent interaction.

Anyone whose world was dominated by work friends could be in for a tough transition. I consciously avoided work friends out of necessity, as I was the boss the last half of my career - my peers were in other locations too far away. And DW and I were Army/Navy brats, and I relocated for career many times, so we had to make new friends all our lives.

IOW how we handle the change is unique to each of us…

 

[badatmath]

I find it hard cause my long time friends are dying . . . despite being 65 and under. The most recent had a sudden heart attack while traveling. Had no idea he was even ill.

 

[Music Lover]

If your only connection is work, they are likely to drop off after you retire. If you do activities with some folks from work frequently, ie meals out, etc. more likely you are developing a friendship that will continue, if both people maintain the connection.
I still go out to lunch with 2-3 former co workers, but I consider them more like a close acquaintance than a true friend, as we don't do anything other than the meal out.
I am an introvert, so having lots of close friends is not on my radar. I have a few who I have stayed connected with for over 30 years, have traveled with, etc.
I maintain some connection with former co workers via Facebook, but don't feel that is a friendship.

If you work with someone for 20 years and never do anything outside of work with them then they're a colleague, not a friend. No one should be surprised when those relationships end.

I've been retired for 10 years and still have several friends from work. But back in the day we used to do things outside of work...golf, play on ball teams, meet at a local watering hole, cookouts on the deck, etc.

Two of my work friends (and still friends outside of work, of course) have come down for a week to visit us in our snowbird rental in Mexico. A third friend is coming in a few weeks. My wife has had even more former work friends visit, maybe 4 or 5 of them so far.

 

[Theophrastus Bombastus]

100% true.

"Oh, friends, there are no friends. He who has many friends really does not have a single friend."
Variously attributed to Aristotle and others.

"Be a loner. It gives you time to wonder and search for the truth. Have holy curiosity and make your life worth living." Einstein

Aside from the initial shock after leaving, I have grown accustomed to precious solitude. I prefer time in quiet nature to noisy crowds.

MOST people I knew and worked with were acquaintances, not friends. We just drifted apart. That said, I am at a point where many of those I knew or worked with have died or are dying with frequency.

"The realities of life do not allow themselves to be forgotten." Victor Hugo

 

[FI FELLOW]

Being a bit of a lone wolf, the lack of work "friends" is more of a feature than a bug. My wife keeps the important connections going on Facebook et.al , and I am great friends with my 1976 TR6 with which I spend most of my time. I know that car better than I've ever known a human, I think...

 

[HMMY]

Working full time, caring for kids and parents, I also chose to eat lunch alone and usually spent my lunch time running errands or making calls. I never went out with work people after work. I did not have work friends, but I had friends I made at work. At each job, there are one or two people with whom I had things in common (our love of tennis, reading, travel, etc) that I spoke to everyday. We rarely did anything outside of work because I saw them every day. It was only after I left each job that we started making plans to see each other. Since I retired, I text or see my work friends weekly (the retired ones) or monthly (those still working). I never bothered to spend time with people I didn't like just because we worked at the same place.

 

[TheWizard]

Same as high school isn't it? "Friends for life" and all that. Then.....life invades and you never see them again.

The problem with school, career, changing jobs, moving and finally retirement is that every 10 of 15 years or so you need to make new friends.

I was 34 years with the same company. Like many here have noted before, the people I thought were good, long term friends--I never heard from again. The ones who I thought couldn't care less about me still stay in touch.

That depends.
My smallish central Kansas high school has a surprisingly active alumni situation for my class, originally 125 folks, now maybe half that. We have reunions every five years minimum and sometimes additional gatherings in between.

My former employer has an active quarter century club with two free gatherings per year which I attend whenever possible. But too many folks are dying off, dammit...

 

[candidman]

I kinda agree and disagree, as far as how retirement affects friendships. It's more a par with changing jobs and how you hung out within them off the job. If you can stay friends with them after one of you leave the job, then you're most likely to stay friends with them after one of you retire from the job. I had several friends I stayed in touch with well after we switch jobs. These were friends who hung out with me off the job. The reason I'm not in touch with most of them now would have more to do with us just going our separate ways, which I don't think has much to do with retirement. There were only four who fell into the category of friendships on and off the job. Even long distances won't separate long time friends if y'all really had chemistry. I only know one that disappeared, but he was a little too young to be my friend to began with.

Anyway, I'm one of those who retired and relocated. I stay in touch with only one of those four buddies today, and he left the job almost 30 years ago, although this friendship has faded since then. But this friendship would have probably faded even if I didn't move. As a matter of fact, I once went without speaking to him for almost two years, which was a few years before I moved. The other two, I remained friends with them for like 20 and 25 years after leaving the job we met on. Tbh, I'd rather had stayed in touch with one of them two, but they changed a little too much, and a lot of it was because they retired with either poor health or not too many assets, or both, especially compared to how I retired.

But I retired at 44, and my experiences may not be the same as an older retiree, since me and my friends were much younger when they changed jobs, or when I retired and moved. It seems like most of the work friendships this article is based on, are friends that didn't hang out much off the jobs, like happy hours, clubs, fight parties, etc...

With all said, at 64, I feel like I'm going to have to start making some new friends in this area for the first, although I've been here for almost 20 years. What stopped me from volunteering was, many of those places make you feel like you're at work. But I finally got this passion to go back too school and take a few classes in financing, so I can help younger people get on the right path of saving and investing. I guess I got tired off watching so many you tube videos off young people saying they can't retire, and will have to work until they drop, etc. I also want to get around some people who still have dreams, like the future doctors, lawyers, dentist, financial planners , etc. Since I live in GA, and I'm 62 or older, I can take classes at any public university in GA free. I'm looking forward to this. The good thing is, I won't be doing it for the money, and you can't flunk out under this program...lol.

 

[pdxgal]

That article is written by a bot for a content farm bait website.

I wondered about that.

 

[pdxgal]

Even if the article was by a bot, I found it insightful. Especially the part about the time aspects of friendships fading, especially without face time (and not online).

What I hadn't anticipated in ER is that my friends don't have the physical and/or financial ability to do many of the things I like to do (and those who are still working don't have the time).

 

[Amethyst]

There is a lot of truth in what he says. More women are better at this than men. We often rely on them to maintain our social networks.

I am not good at it. I must not be a woman. (Shades of Khan - for those who remember her!) What I think is the case, is that women care more about the socializing stuff, and thus feel called upon to do it. Not that they are actually "better" at it.

My husband has natural charm and would be better at it if he wanted to be, but he does not care about socializing except with me and his son.

 

[Amethyst]

I find it hard cause my long time friends are dying . . . despite being 65 and under. The most recent had a sudden heart attack while traveling. Had no idea he was even ill.

My Facebook friends list is becoming an "in memoriam" list. I miss them all, including the ones I never met IRL.