Just for the Women

[Amethyst]

Eegh, I thought everybody did this....I cannot get within three feet of anyone's halitosis. Let alone get into bed with it!

C) brushed/flossed/mouth-washed mouth before bed


INDEED! An often underappreciated aspect of foreplay. Perhaps by both sexes.....
Good hygiene is always the basis of good sex.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Oh my ladies, I’m here in it with you all! 48 and it has been hellish the past at least 4 years.

I can’t remember the last truly decent night of sleep I’ve had, even though I moved bedrooms from DH so I could have a window unit A/C blowing on me all night.

Anxiety, anger, depression, hot flashes, night sweats, and so many more. Libido nosedive as well. Ugh.

I’m on Effexor, but cannot take any HRT so there’s not really much I can do but wait it out and feel sorry for my husband.
It is the worst thing ever!

I do think that doing some “self care” in whatever form that is to you can help. I started doing meditation, went to directed therapy with a great therapist for a while, spend time with my animals, and generally try to take care of myself when possible and that seems to help.

 

[sgood]

So we should explain then, by extended foreplay you mean:

A) cooked dinner and/or cleared dishes
B) watched a movie with you and cuddled for a bit
C) brushed/flossed/mouth-washed before bed
D) and then the parts they are already thinking

A++) https://www.amazon.com/Authentic-Hitachi-Original-Magic-Wand

Right?

 

[CindyBlue]

For those of you who reported increased anxiety- did it get better over time?

I don't normally struggle much with anxiety EXCEPT if I wake up in the 2-3am hour. Then my brain reviews everything I've ever done wrong in my life, all the things I could have done differently, and anxiety about the future. I sure am hoping this goes away in time.

I had no idea that this might be associated with menopause...I do this pretty much every night. Lots to worry about though, what with my dad starting to show signs of memory loss and having to deal with rescuing his finances for the past three months...sigh...

 

[Boho]

I'm a guy too and I'm not even a moderator. I see "cotton" isn't mentioned in this thread. You need breathable blankets. I wake up hot too but I've been using a poly-fill comforter. I'm switching to two woven cotton blankets. I like the extra weight of cotton too.

 

[audreyh1]

I had no idea that this might be associated with menopause...I do this pretty much every night. Lots to worry about though, what with my dad starting to show signs of memory loss and having to deal with rescuing his finances for the past three months...sigh...

I believe that chronic low level anxiety is a symptom of the drop in progesterone that occurs during perimenopause.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Also since our male interloper mentioned it, sleep hygiene is something to look at.
I tried a weighted blanket for a while and did like it, but it wasn’t a magic bullet for my middle of the night insomnia. Magnesium does seem to help, though.

Cindy, I sympathize with your familial anxiety. Much of what we experience in “midlife” is anxiety-inducing, as we are caught in the squeeze of caring for parents and dealing with our own lives as well.

 

[simple girl]

I’m on Effexor, but cannot take any HRT so there’s not really much I can do but wait it out and feel sorry for my husband.
It is the worst thing ever!

I feel your pain! It's extra tough when you aren't able to take any kind of HRT. Hang in there. I am now about 7 years out from my instant chemo-menopause and although my hotflashes are still pretty wicked when they occur, they are much less frequent. I know everyone is different, but for me the first 3-5 years were the worst.

 

[simple girl]

Regarding sleep, I just gave in and asked my doc to prescribe a sleeping pill. I take Restoril oh maybe twice a week. I suffer through the other nights. Sound sleep is so important for your mental and physical health. I feel so much better after a night sleeping using a sleeping pill. It keeps me going. I figure if I don't take it nightly I am not as likely to get toooooooo dependent on it.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Regarding sleep, I just gave in and asked my doc to prescribe a sleeping pill. I take Restoril oh maybe twice a week. I suffer through the other nights. Sound sleep is so important for your mental and physical health. I feel so much better after a night sleeping using a sleeping pill. It keeps me going. I figure if I don't take it nightly I am not as likely to get toooooooo dependent on it.

Good thoughts and advice. I’m seriously considering marijuana edibles for my sleep if I can figure out a good source and dosage.

I do think it comes in waves—some weeks I actually feel “normal” and others make me want to kill someone.

 

[simple girl]

Good thoughts and advice. I’m seriously considering marijuana edibles for my sleep if I can figure out a good source and dosage.

I do think it comes in waves—some weeks I actually feel “normal” and others make me want to kill someone.

The MJ edible could be a great idea, too. Is that the kind that doesn't cause an actual high? I can't use the real kind - makes me paranoid instead of happy. Uh, that's exactly the opposite of what it is supposed to do! Such a drag!

It definitely comes in waves for me. Sometimes I will go weeks now with nothing, and then...BAM, the hot flashes start up again. I try to just put my hair up, get my fan, and move on. Acceptance of what is gets easier when it's not all the time, lol!!! And that acceptance mindset really does help with the overall stress you feel about your body not being friendly to you like it used to be. Oh well, beats the alternative!

 

[Aerides]

I believe that chronic low level anxiety is a symptom of the drop in progesterone that occurs during perimenopause.

What surprised me about learning this (and like most of you, I learned because I started feeling it too and then googled), why isn't more shared by our Gyns' in advance? It should be "Ok you're 40, start mammograms, and here's a booklet to prep you for the rest of it."

I've never been pregnant, but I'd have to live under a rock to not know about morning sickness and stretch marks, about back pain, kicking, post-partum, the impacts of a C-section vs. natural - you name it! Arguably, most women will spend more time dealing with menopause than multiple pregnancies.

Books on amazon:
Peri-menopause: 290
Menopause: 4000+
Pregnancy: 50,000+

 

[Amethyst]

The gynecologists I've had, except for the last one, who was about 70 and just retired, were all vastly more interested in women who might still be able to have babies. They just aren't very interested in us any more, once our reproductive functions stop. And I do think there was a pervasive attitude of "Write her an Rx for Premarin, and that'll take care of whatever." Certainly, that was true in my Mother's day.

What surprised me about learning this (and like most of you, I learned because I started feeling it too and then googled), why isn't more shared by our Gyns' in advance? It should be "Ok you're 40, start mammograms, and here's a booklet to prep you for the rest of it."

+

 

[Sarah in SC]

Yes to both of you! I try to do my part to inform my younger friends about what’s coming because I had no clue for the longest time. I just knew I was angry and depressed and couldn’t sleep. The other, more obvious symptoms came later.

If it weren’t for our roommate googling and telling me what I had going on, I’m not sure how long I would have been clueless. Certainly my then-Gyn, a baby man, didn’t bother with anything but some head-patting. Grrr!

Mom has been on HRT for forever, so I agree with your comment on that part as well.

It’s like something that no one talks about and we are left floundering around on our own a lot of the time. My new doc is younger, and more sympathetic, and willing to suggest things that will actually help.

 

[Amethyst]

I think the trouble with telling young friends what's coming (assuming they want to hear) is that all of us have such different experiences.

One woman might scare the dickens out of everyone with her horrible symptoms (the way some of them tried to do to us about pregnancy and childbirth, remember?)

Another might claim that she sailed through without a hitch, and that it's all a matter of willpower and clean living.

Yes to both of you! I try to do my part to inform my younger friends about what’s coming because I had no clue for the longest time. I just knew I was angry and depressed and couldn’t sleep. The other, more obvious symptoms came later.

If it weren’t for our roommate googling and telling me what I had going on, I’m not sure how long I would have been clueless. Certainly my then-Gyn, a baby man, didn’t bother with anything but some head-patting. Grrr!

Mom has been on HRT for forever, so I agree with your comment on that part as well.

It’s like something that no one talks about and we are left floundering around on our own a lot of the time. My new doc is younger, and more sympathetic, and willing to suggest things that will actually help.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Well, I just forge ahead, whether they want to hear or not, lol, with the caveat that it might not be so bad for them.

I guess I’d rather scare a few than have them wondering what the heck happened to their sunny disposition and sex drive when they hit 45! And also that they should probably really enjoy 35-45 because there’s no telling what’s on the horizon.

My sister had a relatively easy transition compared to me, so she didn’t bother to give me a heads-up. I try not to hold that against her!

 

[bclover]

lol, another sister in the fight here.

So the"sleep deprivation caused by night sweats thing" was about to do me in. LOL now I'm a baker so pretty much telling me to lay off sweets is akin to telling me to commit hari kari. ain't gonna happen.

here's a few things that help me.
1) cotton. cotton every thing. I've been sleeping in old tee shirts. it's breathable and really does help.

2) no caffeine. unfortunately I do like soda, not alot but gotta have a ice cold soda with pizza.

3) magnesium and vitamin d supplements.


now personally I'd ditch the gyn and see if you can find a women's medical center. this is my doctors office

https://www.virtua.org/locations/womens-primary-care-wellness-moorestown

So my gp is the one who reminds me of getting all my wellness testing, answers all my questions and really is a "whole" life approach. I moved about 1 hour away and still use them because they are really great.

 

[Rascal]

I had nasty hot flashes, mood swings and decreased sex drive when I reached "that certain age". Yes, I was a bitch to be around when that was happening. My doctor (a woman) was adamant about giving me only bio-identical estrogen + progesterone. She said Premarin, which is made from pregnant horse urine, and Medroxyprogesterone were very dangerous and could cause depression and blood clots. The bio-identical hormones are very safe, safer than birth control pills, when prescribed and monitored by your doctor.


I'm a happy girl now and so is my partner!

 

[Amethyst]

My doctor told me "Hormones are hormones" and there is no chemical difference between so-called "Bio-identical" E and P, and any other kind. Any difference is likely to be in the dosage.

With the all-year-round birth control pills, I wonder why women don't just stay on them, and avoid periods and menopause together?

I had nasty hot flashes, mood swings and decreased sex drive when I reached "that certain age". Yes, I was a bitch to be around when that was happening. My doctor (a woman) was adamant about giving me only bio-identical estrogen + progesterone. She said Premarin, which is made from pregnant horse urine, and Medroxyprogesterone were very dangerous and could cause depression and blood clots. The bio-identical hormones are very safe, safer than birth control pills, when prescribed and monitored by your doctor.


I'm a happy girl now and so is my partner!

 

[timo2]

Guy here. I just wanted to add a link to a movie one of my SIL worked on a while back titled 'Hot Flash Havoc'. Home - Hot Flash Havoc

 

[PointBreeze]

For those of you who reported increased anxiety- did it get better over time?

I don't normally struggle much with anxiety EXCEPT if I wake up in the 2-3am hour. Then my brain reviews everything I've ever done wrong in my life, all the things I could have done differently, and anxiety about the future. I sure am hoping this goes away in time.

+1

This was a TERRIBLE part of perimenopause! My doc prescribed a very small dose of amitriptyline (aka Elavil). It was a life saver.

 

[tmm99]

My doctor told me "Hormones are hormones" and there is no chemical difference between so-called "Bio-identical" E and P, and any other kind. Any difference is likely to be in the dosage.

Wow, that’s what we women have to deal with. We really need to educate ourselves so we can recognize it when we run into uneducated doctors.

 

[Vacation4us]

Hormones are hormones is absolutely true. I might add it won't be your Gyn doc who treats your stroke.

I assume the intelligent women on this forum are also aware the majority of medical research uses only male subjects.

Female issues aren't really a priority in medicine except maybe breast cancer, which actually effects males as well. I worked with a nurse who's husband died from breast cancer.

Hot flashes, insomnia, decrease sex drive, anxiety and wicked bitchiness sucks but dead or disabled is not worth the risk of HRT. Also HRT for life once prescribed is senseless. If you risk HRT the shortest duration possible is best.

 

[rodi]

I feel very fortunate that my menopausal night sweats and hot flashes aren't that bad.... I can deal with it by kicking a foot out from the covers.... Tucked covers are not allowed on my side of the bed... I kick a foot (or entire leg) out... then I get cold and pull it back under the covers... It happens a few times each night... but doesn't disturb my sleep too much.

Perimenopause was a whole nuther thing.... Mood swings.... completely erratic (and often super heavy) cycles, more mood swings... general bitchiness (more than usual, lol).... That was 10 years of awfulness... Surprised my husband and kids still talk to me. Aerides post on the first page of this thread gives good advice about never going on vacation without menstrual cycle supplies..... The erratic (and frequent) nature of things during perimenopause was super frustrating.

 

[Rascal]

My doctor told me "Hormones are hormones" and there is no chemical difference between so-called "Bio-identical" E and P, and any other kind. Any difference is likely to be in the dosage.

Your doctor is misinformed. Synthetic forms of hormones are distinctly different molecules chemically. Bio-identical means it's the same as human hormones. There are many scientific studies documenting the danger from medroxyprogesterone and horse urine derived hormones. Estradiol is the most biologically active form of estrogen. Premarin is deprecated. Premarin does not contain estradiol and consists of is 50% estrone sulfate, 25% equilin, 15% eqilenin. Estradiol Valerate is actuality derived from Mexican yams by the pharmaceutical manufacturer.

My doctor, who is a woman and very well versed in HRT, is adamant about what she will prescribe. I'll stick with the real thing, thanks.