Kids and inheritance

[Dash man]

Just saying that even if you do not put strings on their living in your house THEY can assume that there are some and hold a grudge...

As an example... you call to ask to come see the GKs and they might feel obligated to let you even if they have something minor to do and might not want you to come... not saying it is here but it can be...

You must be a glass half empty kind of person. They didn’t have to move to PA from Seattle. We offered and they made arrangements with their employer for the transfer. They were in Seattle with no family support. They wanted their son to know his grandparents. At least the only ones who made the effort to visit when their son was born. We live 15 minutes away. If they’re busy, we can visit another day. We do have family get togethers, but nothing is a surprise. Nobody shows up without notice. Our grandson loves his cousins and always asks about them. Life is good!

 

[kgtest]

DW and I went through a rough patch. Not only did DMIL gift us some dough for our wedding and a down payment for a home, she also gifted us the costs of marriage counseling so we didn't need to stress about the cost of the counseling on top of the already stressful situation.

Still happily married with ups and downs. Got a little nasty and hairy for a while though.

Had we behaved differently, we could have easily burned it down to the ground.

 

[kgtest]

You must be a glass half empty kind of person. They didn’t have to move to PA from Seattle. We offered and they made arrangements with their employer for the transfer. They were in Seattle with no family support. They wanted their son to know his grandparents. At least the only ones who made the effort to visit when their son was born. We live 15 minutes away. If they’re busy, we can visit another day. We do have family get togethers, but nothing is a surprise. Nobody shows up without notice. Our grandson loves his cousins and always asks about them. Life is good!

My late sister used to show up unannounced from time to time and it would drive DW crazy. She would even somewhat call my sister out to her face.

FF almost 3 years since she passed and what I wouldn't give for her to knock on my door unannounced just one more time!

Now my wife and I discuss this exact situation and we agree it was part of what made my sister amazing. She would divert her life to say hello to people on a whim. You just needed to know that about her.

 

[Dash man]

My late sister used to show up unannounced from time to time and it would drive DW crazy. She would even somewhat call my sister out to her face.

FF almost 3 years since she passed and what I wouldn't give for her to knock on my door unannounced just one more time!

Now my wife and I discuss this exact situation and we agree it was part of what made my sister amazing. She would divert her life to say hello to people on a whim. You just needed to know that about her.

Yes, sometimes we need to try to see their intentions through their eyes.

 

[Texas Proud]

You must be a glass half empty kind of person. They didn’t have to move to PA from Seattle. We offered and they made arrangements with their employer for the transfer. They were in Seattle with no family support. They wanted their son to know his grandparents. At least the only ones who made the effort to visit when their son was born. We live 15 minutes away. If they’re busy, we can visit another day. We do have family get togethers, but nothing is a surprise. Nobody shows up without notice. Our grandson loves his cousins and always asks about them. Life is good!

I was not trying to say one way or the other on your situation... just that there is always the other side of any situation and you might think everything is copacetic but the other person does not and never says anything to you...

This has nothing to do with someone in your house... but when my mom was in her late 80s early 90s I would talk to her about when she might want to go to a senior citizen place..... that she might want to ask around and get some info as some places have waiting lists... IOW, plan ahead...

Well, years later I heard from my sisters that mom was telling them that I wanted to put her in a home NOW...

Funny thing about it is that when the rest of the family was trying to put her in a home I found a nice condo in a high rise with good security that was close to me and my oldest sister... some complained that we would have to move her again in a year... but IMO having another year living independent would be good for her.. well, she lived there 8 or so years... and LOVED it..

 

[Luvtoride]

We just made a change with our inheritance plans. Instead of gifting to our 3 children, we will bypass them and gift to our 6 grandchildren...plus they have to be at least 30 years old to receive the gift. This bypasses the issue of divorce in the children, but there is still the potential for divorce in the grandchildren that is not addressed.
While we are alive, we can be a financial safety net if it is needed...fortunately, all the sons are doing vey well financially.

Interesting approach. We do much for our grandchildren also. Rather than gifting or giving $$ to our daughters, we do things like paying for summer camp directly (the camp bills us).
We have also purchased large whole life insurance policies on our daughters lives that will be fully paid for in a few years with significant cash value. We own the policies and During our lifetime we can borrow against the cash value if needed (which we don’t anticipate). They each will have it to borrow against for future education needs etc.

 

[Koolau]

I was not trying to say one way or the other on your situation... just that there is always the other side of any situation and you might think everything is copacetic but the other person does not and never says anything to you...

This has nothing to do with someone in your house... but when my mom was in her late 80s early 90s I would talk to her about when she might want to go to a senior citizen place..... that she might want to ask around and get some info as some places have waiting lists... IOW, plan ahead...

Well, years later I heard from my sisters that mom was telling them that I wanted to put her in a home NOW...

Funny thing about it is that when the rest of the family was trying to put her in a home I found a nice condo in a high rise with good security that was close to me and my oldest sister... some complained that we would have to move her again in a year... but IMO having another year living independent would be good for her.. well, she lived there 8 or so years... and LOVED it..

When my mom had Alz. I would visit every day to insure she had food, had taken her pills, I performed any little tasks she needed done, etc. etc. Several people from church would tell me that "Your mom says you never come over to see her." Whatareyougonnado?

 

[Dash man]

I was not trying to say one way or the other on your situation... just that there is always the other side of any situation and you might think everything is copacetic but the other person does not and never says anything to you...

This has nothing to do with someone in your house... but when my mom was in her late 80s early 90s I would talk to her about when she might want to go to a senior citizen place..... that she might want to ask around and get some info as some places have waiting lists... IOW, plan ahead...

Well, years later I heard from my sisters that mom was telling them that I wanted to put her in a home NOW...

Funny thing about it is that when the rest of the family was trying to put her in a home I found a nice condo in a high rise with good security that was close to me and my oldest sister... some complained that we would have to move her again in a year... but IMO having another year living independent would be good for her.. well, she lived there 8 or so years... and LOVED it..

We’ve been through that same scenario. Dealing with elderly parents is tough. We have one 91yo DFIL remaining who still drives, though he shouldn’t.

 

[Time2]

If one is going to buy a house for their kids, this looks like a very good way to do it.

I didn't want the added liability if someone tripped on a blade of grass. I own half a house with my sister that she lives in, we inherited from my mom. For years I have been thinking I should just give up my share, to get rid of the liability. She can't afford to buy me out.

 

[Time2]

We’ve been through that same scenario. Dealing with elderly parents is tough. We have one 91yo DFIL remaining who still drives, though he shouldn’t.

I'm about to go to leave for breakfast, in our group is a 99 year old, he still drives! He should not.

 

[Dash man]

I didn't want the added liability if someone tripped on a blade of grass. I own half a house with my sister that she lives in, we inherited from my mom. For years I have been thinking I should just give up my share, to get rid of the liability. She can't afford to buy me out.

Having the kids and grandkids nearby, in good neighborhoods and schools, is worth the liability risk. They both live in townhomes and we’re well insured.

 

[Jerry1]

I have been thinking I should just give up my share, to get rid of the liability.

Having the kids and grandkids nearby, in good neighborhoods and schools, is worth the liability risk. They both live in townhomes and we’re well insured.

Insurance is a good thing and an umbrella policy is a good value. Part of the reason we signed off our share of the house to my DD/SIL was liability, but mostly, we just wanted them to see it fully as their own. We still have a good size umbrella policy.

 

[marko]

I didn't want the added liability if someone tripped on a blade of grass. I own half a house with my sister that she lives in, we inherited from my mom. For years I have been thinking I should just give up my share, to get rid of the liability. She can't afford to buy me out.

Instead of getting rid of the house, get some decent liability insurance and line up a good lawyer. Those two things should get you through any liability worries.

 

[jgrdarrash]

That's not fair. What if you are talking about pre-nups from when they are younger and even before they meet their prospective partners? Does it change if it's a conversation at 18 and 22 and you tell the kids you are getting $5m at 30 and you probably should consider a pre-nup with anyone?

And yes my mom is thinking about it. The estate from my mom stands right now at ~$5m for 2 kids to split. She's got a house and condo and investments she doesn't touch plus her pension and SS that's over $10k/month now she doesn't spend it all. My in-laws are the same with a multiple million dollar condo in canada, and they are the only grandchildren on both sides. Our parents were civil servants and we did not expect them to be so financially set. In fact it's rather shocking considering they started out driving cabs, dry cleaners, cleaning houses as immigrants and poverty level starts. We're not from money.

They get my mom's estate at 30 if she's passes before then. It is a considerable sum i think from my mom. And her investments will likely grow since she doesn't touch it and the properties as well. If she lives as long as my dad it's another 20 years before they inherit it.

So she mentioned asking them for a pre-nup. They are young so I don't know what to think. It certainly did not happen for DH and I, but we didn't or weren't expecting to inherit so much money. My mom even said she didn't expect to have so much to leave the kids but it just happened.

So I'm sorry that i'm going to be the least favorite parent/grandparent for mentioning this. And I suppose my kids partners will hate me for bringing it up even before they meet.

I'd like to think with multiple seven figures on the line it's worth thinking about. If it were DH and I when we were in our 20s, I think maybe we would have had the conversation at that time.

Why doesn't she just set up a trust? Wouldn't that protect the assets?