Kids living at home

[Sorcerer]

Nearly 50% of "kids" ages 18-29 are living at home. I know several different families who have kids in this age group still at home. And no, they are not in college. Several of them have grand ideas of being contractors/starting a business. The problem is, they have no experience. They worked for a company in the area a couple months but didn't like it...meaning it was too tough.

Parents really need to start encouraging their kids to work. Get multiple jobs if need be until you can find something that pays more.

Also, parents need to stop telling their kids that houses are too expensive, rent is too high, everything costs too much, blah blah blah. This discourages them from even bothering to better themselves. What they hear is, what's the point, I'll never own anything. Parents are part of the problem. That's obvious.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I would love for my "kid" to continue to live with me but my husband wanted to move out of state but he doesn't to, we ended up with our home and my "kid" had to buy his own home. It is a cultural thing as in my culture, children live with their parents until they marry and start their own family. But it has turned out well because my "kid" has become more independent in understanding the costs of everything and knows how to manage his finances. He pays his property tax bills in full when they come in and ensure all utilities are paid promptly.

 

[TripleLindy]

Our 29yo son got a divorce last year and moved back in with us. He has a great job and works from home. We’ve told him he can stay as long as he wants. We have plenty of space that would be going to waste otherwise and he helps out around the house. He is able to save the majority of his income and will buy a home soon. It’s more of a pragmatic thing, as he can easily afford to be out on his own. This way, his money is working for him early in life, as his expenses are very low. He’s been on his own, so it’s not like he needs to learn how to support himself. It was a decision we made as a family.

 

[Spock]

In our family, my "generation" seems to be the dividing line between kids graduating into functional adults and kids becoming stay at home basket cases.

A BIL 5ish years older the I am raised 2 sons that grew to be well adapted, job holding, married with kids, and home owners.

The younger BIL and my own brother 3-5 years younger than I am have 19-30yo sons that can't do anything for themselves. Living at home, afraid to drive their own car (in a town of 20K), if they have a job they don't contribute anything to household expenses and mommy still does their laundry.

 

[Redbugdave]

If not obese, do not have a record, or serial drug user...I recommend going into the service. Serve your country, get into a technical field (gain knowledge and experience), grow up, and have Adventure along the way. That's what I did and it was the best move I ever made.

 

[Sorcerer]

Divorce would certainly throw a wrench in the gear. I wonder if it's more of a kids just not wanting to be independent anymore? I know a lot of kids couldn't care less if they drive a vehicle. When I was 15.5 years old, everyone was excited to get their learner permit. How awesome was it to be that young and legally drive on the road. Now, no one cares.

 

[Texas Proud]

Our 29yo son got a divorce last year and moved back in with us. He has a great job and works from home. We’ve told him he can stay as long as he wants. We have plenty of space that would be going to waste otherwise and he helps out around the house. He is able to save the majority of his income and will buy a home soon. It’s more of a pragmatic thing, as he can easily afford to be out on his own. This way, his money is working for him early in life, as his expenses are very low. He’s been on his own, so it’s not like he needs to learn how to support himself. It was a decision we made as a family.

I am OK with helping out but a couple of things go against what I would do...

I would never say you can live here as long as you want... I would want a plan for them moving out.. and stick to that plan..

I would also never want them to live for free... doing chores IMO is expected, so I would want rent... you can give some rent free months but then start to collect.. and the rent goes up the longer you stay...

It might just be me but if a child is living at home (except for the cultures who encourage it) when they are over 25 I see that as a failure of the parents...

 

[TripleLindy]

I am OK with helping out but a couple of things go against what I would do...

I would never say you can live here as long as you want... I would want a plan for them moving out.. and stick to that plan..

I would also never want them to live for free... doing chores IMO is expected, so I would want rent... you can give some rent free months but then start to collect.. and the rent goes up the longer you stay...

It might just be me but if a child is living at home (except for the cultures who encourage it) when they are over 25 I see that as a failure of the parents...

You do you. I’d never ask your opinion. Our kids are as successful, well-rounded and level headed as any out there - all college graduates, one Fulbright Scholar and all gainfully employed. I certainly wouldn’t want to raise them to judge others and call them out as failures on based idiotic criteria. They’re much better than that.

 

[Kings over Queens]

It might just be me but if a child is living at home (except for the cultures who encourage it) when they are over 25 I see that as a failure of the parents...

As long as you're comfortable passing judgement without any context, who am I to say? I don't know what goes on inside someone else's house, and why they make the decisions they make and unless you do, then yeah...it might just be you.

 

[wrigley]

I think this is a family thing and should be worked out by the family. IMO, if parents are not encouraging their children to better themselves, and pursue realistic dreams/goals to help better themselves, the parents more than likely didn't experience any of that either. I will always help my children if and when they ask, but there needs to be boundaries/solutions!

 

[OnTheBeach]

I have 2 children in college and we will allow them to return home after college for a year or so until they get jobs and save some money. They are getting degrees at good colleges and one will have a job after graduation and the other will attend graduate school before getting a job. We require them to work full time or volunteer/intership during the summers.

 

[marko]

My brother lived at home right after college.
He was still there at 30.
He was still there at 50.
He was still there at 68 when mom died.
He's 72 now.
He's still there.

 

[Aerides]

18-29 is a big range, and there is a world of difference between a 21 yr old at home vs a 27 yr old.

 

[CO-guy]

I remember the toast my mother made at my college graduation dinner. She ended it by saying, "you'll always be welcome back home anytime.........to visit."

Afterwards, I drove back to my apartment and continued unpacking.

 

[Kings over Queens]

Nearly 50% of "kids" ages 18-29 are living at home. I know several different families who have kids in this age group still at home. And no, they are not in college. Several of them have grand ideas of being contractors/starting a business. The problem is, they have no experience. They worked for a company in the area a couple months but didn't like it...meaning it was too tough.

Parents really need to start encouraging their kids to work. Get multiple jobs if need be until you can find something that pays more.

Also, parents need to stop telling their kids that houses are too expensive, rent is too high, everything costs too much, blah blah blah. This discourages them from even bothering to better themselves. What they hear is, what's the point, I'll never own anything. Parents are part of the problem. That's obvious.

I finally saw the internet meme that likely prompted your thread, but if you'd like to reference it, that would clear any confusion. "Nearly" 50% was actually less than 50%, but nevertheless, this means that more than 50% of kids 18-29 have launched and living assumingly productive lives. Not too shabby.

I don't know how many several means to you, but for arguments sake, lets say its 4, and of those assumed 4 family's, several of there kids (4) have dreams of being contractors and starting businesses. It takes time to become experienced and I think unreasonable to judge a mid 20's something for not being experienced enough to start a business.

These parents you seemingly know aren't encouraging their kids to work but what's worse they aren't encouraging them, their kids, to follow their dreams. Those parents are the problem, and that's a shame.

I'm thinking perhaps you need better, or different friends.

 

[YellowSubmarine]

I was on my own since 18...so you know my opinion on the matter. I know many (too many) kids, lazy kids/clueless kids/dependent kids, that were inspired by good meaningful parents but parents failed to see the ramifications of clipping the wings and never allowing the kids to grow up/be independent. Always a friend but never a parent. Lyrics says it all...'honey I live with it for the rest of my life' . That's sad. Assisting a child in overcoming a life obstacle/set back is a different story with positive merit. But dragging the event out does no one any good. My friend once said "why buy a cow when you can get your milk for free". Many lazy kids embrace that approach.

 

[old medic]

It depends on the kid.... Our Daughter moved back in twice, A couple months between colleges, and a few weeks after college.... Our son did to twice.... Him and the fiancé after they bought property to build a house near by.... Almost 2 years... then later after they split.... it took a year before the DW became a mad woman and chased him down the driveway telling him she didn't give a damn if he lived in his truck.... its now 12 years later and he still hints at moving back with us... NOT!
Then you have the MIL that came for a short visit and took 18 months to get her to leave......

 

[Pointby2]

My great-nephew moved back home to Colorado after quitting his job in Tennessee. He's 27 and he's been back in his mom's home now for over a month. He plays video games and works out and isn't interested in even looking for work. My sister and niece are not too happy about it, especially my sister, who is my generation.

 

[pacergal]

Every family is unique, and family culture is different. Both of our kids have moved back with us, usually during difficult life situations. When at home again, things are very different than when they were there as "youngsters". They are now adults, and contribute to the household.
They are welcome to stay as long as they are working positively towards whatever goal/issue/etc that caused them to need a non judgmental, safe place to be.

My family culture was one that welcomed others into the fold. My maternal grandparents lived with us when I was growing up, as did another relative and even some neighborhood kids off and on for several months.

 

[Dtail]

Well, my fiancee's son lives with us. It is 2 years now. He is training for a new career. However, he now has a deadline of a max of 4 years living with us no matter what the circumstance is at that time.
He does work hard at his upcoming craft, but is also not a really good planner.
P.S. The fiancee is onboard with this.

 

[Gallaher]

I have been on my own since I was 18. Love my kids but I always wanted them to experience the wild circus rodeo I lived until I was 25 and I didnt want to know about it. Just like my parents didn’t know about it.

 

[Montecfo]

I wonder if it's more of a kids just not wanting to be independent anymore? I know a lot of kids couldn't care less if they drive a vehicle. When I was 15.5 years old, everyone was excited to get their learner permit. How awesome was it to be that young and legally drive on the road. Now, no one cares.

Life has been a bit too cushy for some, in my opinion.

Reminds me of friends we knew who could not get their teen to get a job.

"Where does he get spending money?", I asked.

"He comes to me and I give it to him," the dad replied.

Not sure if learning took place then but unfortunately the root of problems is often parents, not kids.

It is tough to build resilience into kids in their 20s when parents protected them through their lives to that point.

But it is not impossible.

 

[Sorcerer]

My coworker has two kids who are mid 20s. Both work full time jobs but live at home. Both kids blow their money on guns, new vehicles and dirt bikes. I keep telling coworker to tell his kids to start a Roth IRA. It falls on deaf ears. Crazy how you can just see some people never getting out of the consumerism trap. They will always live paycheck to paycheck. Oh...coworkers brother who is around 63 never left home. He still lives with his 90 year old mom. Sad.

 

[target2019]

Charity begins in the home.

 

[Qs Laptop]

Also, parents need to stop telling their kids that houses are too expensive, rent is too high, everything costs too much, blah blah blah. This discourages them from even bothering to better themselves. What they hear is, what's the point, I'll never own anything. Parents are part of the problem. That's obvious.

For "kids" ages 18 to 29 houses are too expensive, rent is too high, everything costs too much. I'd be curious to know where you're getting your "facts".

My youngest son just bought his first house. I'm well aware of the costs that kids face nowadays and it's tough. He locked his mortgage at 6% the day before the war started. (Rates have gone up since.) His mortgage payment will be $3,600 a month. He had been paying $2,600 a month in rent for a two-bedroom home, about 1600 sq. ft.

Yes, he's got a good paying job and no student loan debt. He got no financial help from me to purchase his house.

Do those expenses sound affordable for the average "kid" making $65K a year with student loan debts?