Living With Your Children

[yakers]

While diverse in approaches to finances one thing that appears to be a pattern in this 'self selecting' group is an apparent absence of people who live with their children. (Not you Nords, I mean adult children. BTW, I still have one teenager in the house.) Over long periods of time this was a common pattern. I still remember my grandmothers living with us when I grew up. But is this gone altogether or at least in this group?
I know I am making plans to be financially independent of my kids but I wonder what it would take for different generations to choose to live together. My Mom is 85 and in a senior home she likes. Several of the kids would be happy to have her live with them.

How about FI/RE land, anyone living with or planning to live with the kids?

 

[REWahoo]

How about FI/RE land, anyone living with or planning to live with the kids?

Only as an absolutely last resort.

 

[yakers]

Only as an absolutely last resort.

Yeah, I was wondering if I asked about the "third rail" of retirement. The thing is I really think it would work for some folks. The 'kids' in my family are fighting to take my Mom in. Now my MIL, both her kids would have to see the street as an option before considering it and even then wife & I and BIL would probably rather pay for her to have her own place. I liked having my grandparents around when I was growing up. But I think this group is so independent that it would be a last resort.

 

[Brat]

I absolutely adore my Mother, however, her care needs are 24/7.  There is no way I could provide the socialization she needs and the day-to-day hands on assistance.

In her Mother's day few lived long after needing assistance with several activities of daily living.  I could have managed for a year, but not for six years or more (and after a short while she would have been bored out of her mind!).

FYI, my Mother has Parkinson's and very brittle bones.  If all she needed were bed and board we would be having a great time!!

 

[haha]

I can imagine that your kids may not be too impressed if you stop working at 40, then amuse yourself for 30 years, then move in with them.

It's not quite the same as what Grandma did when Grandpa finally keeled over behind the plow at age 82, and Grandma moved in with the son who took over the farm.

Ha

 

[BUM]

Live with the kids?! I just got rid of them.

 

[Outtahere]

I lived with my grandmother to help with expenses until she passed, I'd move in with my dad or have him move in with me if needed. I don't see that happening but dh and I discussed moving his mother in with us at one point too. I don't look at it as a chore infact I love having the then around. As for myself, no kids of my own so I don't have to worry about it, once dh is gone I'm sure I'll be long forgotten by his offspring, unless of course I have gobs of money they think they will someday get their hands on and I'll make sure that won't happen!

 

[cube_rat]

Only as an absolutely last resort.

I heard that

 

[JPatrick]

Live with them?    Not likely, but I am working overtime to convince them to live near us so I can continue enjoying their company with the ability to toss them whenever I want 

 

[Nords]

Live with them?    Not likely, but I am working overtime to convince them to live near us so I can continue enjoying their company with the ability to toss them whenever I want 

Our parents-in-law lived with us for a couple months while they were moving here and waiting for their rental home to open up.

It was a potent reminder of why we joined the Navy.

 

[grumpy]

My parents lived in a continuing care community when they could no longer manage a household. Same with my inlaws. There was no way they wanted to live with us nor did we want them living with us. Our plan is to find a similar arrangement when the time comes. I would not burden my kids with caring for me in my dotage.

Grumpy

 

[JPatrick]

Our parents-in-law lived with us for a couple months while they were moving here and waiting for their rental home to open up.

It was a potent reminder of why we joined the Navy.

  In-Laws  
A whole different ballgame 

 

[Andre1969]

I don't have any kids, and don't plan on having any, so I guess it's a moot point with m. However, my family does have a habit of boomeranging, or whatever the word is called. My Dad lives with my Granddad, and it probably works out for the best. Granddad is 91 now, and still gets around pretty well, but at that age it's probably not a good idea to live alone.

On my Mom's side, my uncle lives with my Grandmother, and I live right across the street from them. Grandmom's cousin lives next door to me, and she has a son living with her.

In all of these cases though, it's the parent supporting the child, not the other way around! It makes me wonder what will happen when the older generation dies off, and these "stay at home kids" who are now in their 50's or even 60's suddenly have to make it on their own. I hope they don't come beating a path to my door! Actually, I could deal with my uncle because he's really cool, but my Dad would drive me up the wall. And my Grandma's cousin? Well he has a kid. Let her or some other family memeber deal with him!

 

[kz]

Our oldest son expects that, someday, one of us will live with him and his family. He also expects the younger son to just send money.

Love them dearly...but ain't going to happen!!

 

[kat]

I don't have kids, but it has crossed my mind to live with one of my two unmarried siblings some day. We all get along, and they (my brothers) probably think I'd do the cooking and cleaning. I'd just nag them to do it, at least half the time.

It's a long, long way off.

kate

 

[SteveR]

My kids were raised to be pretty independent and unless some major issue befalls them I don't expect any boomerangs. Likewise, I would not impose myself on them. My mother has declined living with either my brother or me and enjoys her freedom despite her health issue. We are planning on taking care of ourselves in our Golden Years.

 

[AltaRed]

Do not have any interest in my 87 year old Mom living with DW and I, nor would we want to live with our adult sons, nor them with us. We are all way too independent for that and we don't like sharing space.

However, we do like to be near family and DW and I will re-locate to Calgary when I retire in 2006 for that specific reason.

 

[Outtahere]

Even though I said I wouldn't mind it I don't think it will happen (living with dad) We own houses next to each other so that's probably as close as we'll get. Although I can see myself being the care giver and running back and forth between the two houses. I also know that nothing will pry my father out of that house so I'm here for the long haul. I don't mind though because I love where I live, small paid off home that will see dh and I through retirement.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

My daughter (in college now) has offered to take us in, probably feeling guilty that she refused my offer to send her to medical school. We aren't planning to take her up on it, of course. Even assuming compatability when that time comes, the way the world is today, I expect that young people will have to move a lot, like we have to now. Not very practical.

My brother kids that he will build an extension on his house for us to live. We are all great friends and we would have a grand time. Can't take that too seriously, though.

Ed

 

[Momtwo]

My sons went off to college, graduated and got their own apts. They have married wonderful women, have their own homes and are pretty successful! I think if their father and I needed assistance that they would be there in a minute; however, that said, we don't plan on it!

Momtwo

 

[Kitty]

How about FI/RE land, anyone living with or planning to live with the kids?

If it comes to that I hope someone justs shoots me. They were trouble when they lived at home they are trouble now. I would rather live under a bridge

Kitty

 

[KB]

I still have a kid at home and the other one just moved out last month.

I can't even think about living with them some day. I do need to figure something out since I'm single.
But at 53, I expect I have time to do that...

 

[Mr._johngalt]

If it comes to that I hope someone justs shoots me. They were trouble when they lived at home they are trouble now. I would rather live under a bridge

Kitty

Just one more reason I keep several guns nearby.

JG

 

[Kitty]

Just one more reason I keep several guns nearby.


That just struck me as so funny It must be the turkey overdose or something
Kitty

 

[dunc0029]

It all depends on personalities.  If you have a mutual respect for each other, it can work, but there are eldercare forums filled with horror stories from stressed-out children.  My dad moved in with me this past year ( the alternative was the street or the Vet's home ).  Allowing him to move in was the biggest mistake I've made and he's out by Feb at the latest, even if it means the street.  I should have known better, but I can be a softie.  He's pathologically irresponsible and dependent ( which is why he's 62 with no job, no savings, no car, no house, no unburned bridges with relatives ).  He's been various degrees of estranged from family for the last 20 years ( I am 27).

Personally, I would never impose on my kids ( if/when I have them ).  If I get to the point of needing care, it will be in assisted living.  On the other hand, if my kids are the responsible type that I was, I would definitely let them live with me to cut their expenses in their early adult years.  Otherwise, they will have to stand on their own feet.