" Maybe you retired too soon?"

[Midpack]

I’m polite about it, but the older I get the less I care what most other people think. But I always try to make people, including friends and family, think we’re much less well off than we actually are, like jollystomper noted above. So if someone I know said ‘maybe you retired too (financially) early’ - I’d be happy to let them think that…mission accomplished.

 

[Ronstar]

"maybe you retired too early" - I find this laughable coming from a guy who can't retire for several more years. due to lack of funds. And besides - who cares what anyone else thinks?

 

[Andre1969]

Eh, I sort of think of it along the lines of "When you tell somebody somethin', it depends on what part of the country you're standin' in... as to just how dumb you are." (courtesy of Burt Reynolds)

Meaning, that words and phrases have different meanings to different people. For instance, sometimes I'll just say "I can't afford it" and leave it at that. "I can't afford it" is just a broad phrase, that can mean a broad variety of things, to "buying/doing that would bankrupt me" or "it's really not in the budget right now so I'd have to plan for it" to simply "I don't feel like paying for/doing that, even though I easily could" or "I don't see the value of wasting my money on that."

Plus, usually "i can't afford it" tends to stop the discussion cold, in my case at least.

This friend sounds like they could be one of those types who has to comment on everything, and constantly judge/value things. Upon hearing "not really in the budget right now" most people would take the cue, and know to drop it and that there's nothing to debate. But no, this person had to close with the parting shot, the judgement call of "maybe you retired too early."

Now, if this person was a good friend, where you'd regularly talk about finances, retirement, budgeting and so on, and someone with whom you shared that type of camaraderie, I could see that type of comment being brought up. But, considering the circumstances of the meeting (work friends at a party out of state), and the fact that the comment stung, I gather this is not that type of friend.

 

[NeilDH]

I’m in my rookie year of RE, and I still worry of people’s judgment, rightly or wrongly. I’m mindful not to gripe about finances (because, sure, I could go back to work if it’s such a problem); you were kinda forced to quickly explain your situation and kinda got judged for it. I also feel judged by people who work in my old field, for not continuing the noble work when I could. (I certainly know how the field is full of workaholics, because I was one.) I’m trying to adjust to the judgments. Fortunately I also get a surprising amount of support for RE, and know plenty of people (even aside from this site!) who RE (OK, they often have pensions); it’s very reassuring. And then I say little about how I’m able to do it, because it’s easy to sound like I’m judging — I saved for a long time, and planned and invested wisely (implication: you should have, too, which is true but we can’t condescend). I’m learning to navigate all such conversations (“so are you really done working?”).

 

[mystang52]

I think we've all said things that came out either unintended, or worded improperly. I'd give the friend a pass on that comment.

 

[brett]

I’m polite about it, but the older I get the less I care what most other people think. But I always try to make people, including friends and family, think we’re much less well off than we actually are, like jollystomper noted above. So if someone I know said ‘maybe you retired too (financially) early’ - I’d be happy to let them think that…mission accomplished.

Ditto. We are huge proponents of MYOB. Nothing worse than a busybody.

That is where we are. We do not discuss our finances with anyone...not even with our two children. They have no idea.

We could care less what anyone thinks of our financial situation, our retirement plans, our lifestyle..etc.

Some of the comments can be so silly that we are forced to ignore them for fear of being rude.

After downsizing and selling our house we traveled for 7-8 months. We decided to rent when we came back. Not certain what we wanted and the market was in the toilet. Someone actually implied that perhaps we could no longer afford to buy because we spent our money travelling! It takes all kinds to make a village.

 

[marko]

Ditto. We are huge proponents of MYOB. Nothing worse than a busybody.

That is where we are. We do not discuss our finances with anyone...not even with our two children. They have no idea.

We could care less what anyone thinks of our financial situation, our retirement plans, our lifestyle..etc.

Some of the comments can be so silly that we are forced to ignore them for fear of being rude.

After downsizing and selling our house we traveled for 7-8 months. We decided to rent when we came back. Not certain what we wanted and the market was in the toilet. Someone actually implied that perhaps we could no longer afford to buy because we spent our money travelling! It takes all kinds to make a village.

Ha! +1. My born-to-FI uncle always drove big, big luxury cars. Rotated them every year.

Back in the early 70s he got himself a new two seater Porche (forgot the model but it was expensive).

One of his elderly neighbors said " oh my, we never thought you'd be driving a small car, but we all have to economize in this economy dont we?"

 

[brett]

^ Not unlike the comment 'why would you want to go there' when someone asks where were are going next.

The last time that happened my spouse leaned over and casually said it because I was raised as a 'why not' person instead of a 'why' person.

That put an end to it.

 

[CO-guy]

I think we've all said things that came out either unintended, or worded improperly. I'd give the friend a pass on that comment.

+1 and an amen to that.

One of my oldest friends (who hopes to never retire), doesn't do well when it comes to planning, but regularly invites us to spur of the moment things (e.g. "meet us in Nashville for the weekend" or "we're going to see some show at the Las Vegas Sphere on Saturday and I can get you tickets"). Often, when I decline, he'll say something like, "What? You don't have the money?" My standard response is to thank my friend for the offer, let him know we already have plans, and explain that, with more notice, we would welcome the opportunity to join them in the future.

.......yada, yada, yada......water off a duck's back.

 

[ModestNestEgg]

I wouldn't want to spend a week with "such a friend".. anywhere!

This raises a good point, which is friends should generally be supportive of each other, or express concern with kindness that raises no doubt that the other friend's best interest is what is in mind when raising a concern with a path they are choosing. The very best of friends and best of people can say thoughtless things, so it's worth giving the person some grace with some caveat (see next paragraph).

So while it would be an overreaction to end a friendship over something like this, it may be a good alert to the OP to see if this is a one-off statement or if there's a bigger pattern where this friend isn't supportive. If it's the latter, then it may be prudent to reevaluate the friendship and at least cool it down to some degree.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

goes along with we live on less because we're a one income family

 

[ransil]

I send pictures of my travels to former co-workers , I make sure to do it during the work day.