Mental and emotional recovery after retirement

[Cassius King]

I had a work acquaintance who worked in collections. He was always pleasant to talk to and grab lunch with. About a year or two after he retired I ran into him during lunch and could hardly recognize him! All the stress from work had vanished. Looked refreshed and younger.
It was amazing to see the transformation of being retired and the stress of work being gone. Sealed the deal for me!

 

[Koolau]

Talking about anticlimactic. I was the site manager and had worked there for 30+ years. Everyone was still working from home. Covid was basically over, but we didn't return to the office. On my last day, I went into an empty office and laid my laptop and badge on my desk and walked out. No one was there. I didn't even bother to turn on the lights. On the way home, I got a breakfast burrito to celebrate.

It was a little sad, but all of my friends had been laid off years before. Oh well. It was emotional driving home, but I got over it quickly. The new found vocational freedom was amazing, and I adjusted instantly. I have not spoken to anyone from work since I left 2 years ago. I did visit one of my friends in SD who had been laid off about 5 years before I retired.

Interesting take on "friends" from w*rk life. I keep track of exactly one person I used to w*rk with. Of the hundreds of people I dealt with - most of whom I was business-cordial - he is the only one I ever speak with or visit with from that old life.

I think my lack of having a foot still in the old life (as suggested by such a few old contacts) and my easy detachment from w*rk-life upon retirement suggests that I was just never all that "connected" to w*rk life in the first place. It was more a means to an end than any kind of social connectedness. My "friends" were almost all from outside contacts - not w*rk. YMMV

 

[Flyfish1]

I retired from a pretty intense surgical subspecialty with lots of on call nights and weekends. Busy office, masses of test results, messages, crazy hospital administrative nonsense, middle of the night emergency surgeries....etc....
I still have a sort of PTSD to a certain text tone that the hospital used to tell us the incoming bad news/emergencies. Major trigger to this day.

So, I thought it would be a piece of cake, just move leave it all behind and get more involved with woodworking, fishing, boating and travel, meet new neighbors . Yeah...not so easy for me. I still wake up before 5 am, phone is always by my bedside, the slightest noise and I pop out of bed. It will be two years next month and I'm not going to say I'm healed or completely at peace. I spent the first year in a semi perpetual happy hour phase. Finally graduated from that into a better place, yet still not settled. One thing I did right was not dive into commitments in the area. I had plans to volunteer here or there but once I retired it just didn't feel right to dive in. Thank goodness I did that, I think I personally was too "burned out" to engage in anything else and just needed time to adjust.

Today I was painting the outdoor shower area and was smiling in the sunshine listening to music on the middle of a Monday afternoon.

 

[Markola]

Yes! One hour of yard duty, and chill. One appointment, and chill. One house task, and chill.

Haha. This. For the afternoon post-walk chill, I usually wake up with a sleeping cat on my chest. Then it’s time to get supper together for DW and me. It’s not saving the world but it will do for me.

 

[Amethyst]

Our old neighborhood had a rule "Two hours of working around the house per day and that's it" (Boat work excepted and open-ended). We'd even keep track and then start hassling the violator.

I would hate that rule and flout it (peer pressure wouldn't faze me). I like working around the yard. I take plenty of breaks, so it probably isn't much more than 2 hours at a time, but it looks to the neighbors like I'm out there constantly in my old clothes, battered hat and big sloggers shoes. Of course they enjoy the results, too, since the previous owners were slobs.

 

[target2019]

Haha. This. For the afternoon post-walk chill, I usually wake up with a sleeping cat on my chest. Then it’s time to get supper together for DW and me. It’s not saving the world but it will do for me.

My daughter has an 11-year old cavapoo. Lived here for a few years and taught me how to be a docile manic. Lol.

The dog knows how to fill up empty space on bed or couch, right next to you. Too cold? Head on lap. Too warm? Get further away.

 

[Gumby]

Interesting take on "friends" from w*rk life. I keep track of exactly one person I used to w*rk with. Of the hundreds of people I dealt with - most of whom I was business-cordial - he is the only one I ever speak with or visit with from that old life.

I think my lack of having a foot still in the old life (as suggested by such a few old contacts) and my easy detachment from w*rk-life upon retirement suggests that I was just never all that "connected" to w*rk life in the first place. It was more a means to an end than any kind of social connectedness. My "friends" were almost all from outside contacts - not w*rk. YMMV

In my 27 years of practicing law, I always lived farther away from the office than anyone else (at least an hour commute one way, sometimes two hours one way), so I spent almost no time with my colleagues except when we were actually working together in the office. And I did most of my cases solo.

 

[HFWR]

In my 27 years of practicing law, I always lived farther away from the office than anyone else (at least an hour commute one way, sometimes two hours one way), so I spent almost no time with my colleagues except when we were actually working together in the office. And I did most of my cases solo.

I moved to DFW for employment. Had no social life outside of w*rk, but had enough buds there to provide hours of needed enjoyment.

When the layoffs hit, there went the friends.

As for preferring solo to teaming, both in college and at corporate, teams were ten people, two of whom completed the task, and eight who took credit…

 

[big-papa]

Everybody's situation is going to be different. In my case, I ended the nearly 40 year run with a new boss who was somebody at the same company who I knew for years. After he took on the role, in our first 1:1 he asked what my runway was to retirement. We discussed it and I agreed to stay long enough to help find and train my replacement. That took longer than we thought, but 7 months later the replacement had transferred into the group and 8 months later I retired. In those last 8 months, it was something of a glide-path as I transferred the team I was responsible for over to him, and then slowly taught him what I know, letting go of more responsibility and stress as the days and months went by.

In the last couple of months before I left, I was responsible for shutting down the local site where I worked, turning off the lights and handing over the keys to the office building's management.

By that time, I was fully and completely mentally "checked out".

Cheers.

 

[Amethyst]

Oh man. I remember in our RVing days one man was out there in this fancy resort washing his big rig almost every day for hours. I figured the guy didn’t have anything else to do.

Just like the people who track what neighbors do and how long they spend doing it, lol.

 

[HFWR]

Just like the people who track what neighbors do and how long they spend doing it, lol.

He lives next door to me…

 

[marko]

I would hate that rule and flout it (peer pressure wouldn't faze me). I like working around the yard. I take plenty of breaks, so it probably isn't much more than 2 hours at a time, but it looks to the neighbors like I'm out there constantly in my old clothes, battered hat and big sloggers shoes. Of course they enjoy the results, too, since the previous owners were slobs.

I hear ya. But this was a somewhat unique place. A true drinking community with a boating problem. A quiet enclave with a private beach.

Everybody was living in their deceased grandfather's house and we all knew each other since childhood.

4 PM every night, a small parade would form as we'd all go house to house, have a shot, a few kind words and move on to the next.

 

[Harris4crna]

My entry into FIRE is well documented here. In short, the transition was difficult not because I couldn't handle retirement, but rather the loss of professional identity. I chose to return to work as a semi-retired. This became therapeutic for me, and continues to be. I work 6-8 days per month. I'm 1099 as an independent contractor in a GI clinic. This allows me to pick my own days and if I want to take time off, I do. Last month I put 8k miles on my 4runner touring the US. I love to car camp (overland)off grid, haha...crazy. I even work in a different state so I camp on the beach enroute home. Best thing, the DW allows me to be crazy me. She calls me homeless despite being FI.

Retirement is what you make it. It's not cookie cutter. Find your niche and go for it.

 

[HFWR]

I have found that any scheduling that doesn’t involve dinner and drinks, or something similar, is too much.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

It took 6 months before I went a day where my brain wasn’t trying to thrash thru some old megacorp problem and having stress about it. After more than 20 years, it was all just built into my wiring.

The stress part of that has gone away, but even tho I don’t own equity in the company anymore, I still keep half an eye on the stock out of curiosity and concern for my friends that are still there.

 

[Koolau]

It took 6 months before I went a day where my brain wasn’t trying to thrash thru some old megacorp problem and having stress about it. After more than 20 years, it was all just built into my wiring.

The stress part of that has gone away, but even tho I don’t own equity in the company anymore, I still keep half an eye on the stock out of curiosity and concern for my friends that are still there.

Interesting. In the mid '70s, Megacorp went through a major potential calamity. I was right in the middle of it. A huge portion of our sales were in jeopardy.

My old boss called a few months ago and asked me if I recalled what he and I were doing 50 years ago. Truth is I hadn't thought about it in years. But at the time, I was w*rking 12 or 15 hours a day 7 days a week. Amazing how I was able to almost totally forget that period of time.

 

[badatmath]

This will not be popular here but I find retirement stressful. . . mostly cause I do not have enough money, (Retired after layoff and was a mistake). Not my best choice. Nothing I can see to do now but try to make the best of it (for various reasons).

 

[COcheesehead]

Men as they age can shows signs of depression in the form of anger. The angry old man is really a depressed old man.

 

[Ronstar]

I worked 1-2 days a week for my last 2 years of work. About half remotely. I spent much of my free time those 2 years building up hobbies and traveling. So there wasn't much of a transition when I fully retired. I was already about 80% there.

 

[imjustawarrior]

This will not be popular here but I find retirement stressful. . . mostly cause I do not have enough money, (Retired after layoff and was a mistake). Not my best choice. Nothing I can see to do now but try to make the best of it (for various reasons).

I am sorry for your situation. A lack of security would stress most people.

I guess you have looked into w*rking, and it just isn't feasible? Maybe you have posted about this before, but if you have not, maybe you should start a thread. There are a lot of smart people around here who may be able to help.

 

[pacergal]

DH and I both worked for the same large govt. entity. Even though we are not stressed about work/post work, we still talk about it almost weekly, if not daily. Almost 70 years between us at that place, and it had, still has, a bunch of stuff to talk about! lol!
Often times we simply shake our heads and are thankful we are out of it. The work itself was fine, the politics was crazy, working around the requirements for grants that changed yearly or whenever a new one was received.
Any day in retirement, even a "bad" one, is better than one at work for us.
We still live within a budget, but do feel financially OK, so far.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Any day in retirement, even a "bad" one, is better than one at work for us.

I worked my tail off on our beach house/rental property yesterday and was exhausted. I looked at DW and said “still better than a staff meeting”

 

[brett]

One of the huge benefits for us was the ability to do last minute travel. Last month we decided on a Tuesday that we wanted to get some sun. Thursday found us flying to Mexico for a few weeks. Or...we can do one way flights to Europe and then decide to return home when we wish.

Early on in our retirement there was a last minute offer in my inbox for January air to Thailand. We had never been. Six days later we were at the airport. Liked it so much we did five more snowbird trips to Thailand!

We do exactly the same for accommodation in Banff. We live near by and for Alaska cruises because we can drive to port. The plus, besides the rates, is that we know what the weather will be prior to booking.

More than makes up with any emotional stress of not working or finding purpose in working!

 

[Koolau]

This will not be popular here but I find retirement stressful. . . mostly cause I do not have enough money, (Retired after layoff and was a mistake). Not my best choice. Nothing I can see to do now but try to make the best of it (for various reasons).

I'm sorry to hear this. As someone mentioned, there are people here who can make suggestions if you're interested in a thread on the subject. But if you're handling it and don't want to think about it, I'd completely understand. I hope things w*rk out for you. Blessings.

 

[surprising]

One of the huge benefits for us was the ability to do last minute travel. Last month we decided on a Tuesday that we wanted to get some sun. Thursday found us flying to Mexico for a few weeks. Or...we can do one way flights to Europe and then decide to return home when we wish.

Early on in our retirement there was a last minute offer in my inbox for January air to Thailand. We had never been. Six days later we were at the airport. Liked it so much we did five more snowbird trips to Thailand!

We do exactly the same for accommodation in Banff. We live near by and for Alaska cruises because we can drive to port. The plus, besides the rates, is that we know what the weather will be prior to booking.

More than makes up with any emotional stress of not working or finding purpose in working!

I agree! When we go on our RV trips we have no set schedule (other then the main RV parks that might get crowded) or timeframe, just go until we are ready to come back home. Heading to Utah shortly to visit many of the national parks there.