Mental and emotional recovery after retirement

[goodtogo]

I was a deputy sheriff just shy of 30 years. Took quite a while to decompress. Still have some PTSD but it is what it is. Happy to be alive, healthy and active!

 

[Closet_Gamer]

I caught up with a colleague who is still working at my old megacorp. He shared with me all of the drama and nonsense.

I consider it a victory that while I still know all of the players and the situation, the conversation caused me zero stress.

No flashbacks.
No “why don’t WE do xyz”

Just someone else’s problem!

 

[Christopher13]

You’re absolutely in the right place, and what you’re feeling is very real. I retired recently, and it honestly took me a few months to come down from the constant stress of work. I expected relief right away, but my body and mind stayed on high alert for a while. Yes, it takes time—but you can help the process. Here’s what worked for me: Light structure: Daily walks, small routines—not intense, just enough to feel steady. Take care of your body: Stress lives in the body too. Stretching, long showers, even just breathing deeply helped more than I expected. Talk it out: It might not feel like a “therapy” issue, but chatting with someone helped me realize I wasn’t broken—I was just burned out. Be patient: It took about 4–6 months before I felt like myself again. The stress unwinds in layers. And yeah—fun stuff helps, but don’t force it. Sometimes healing looks like rest, not adventure. You’re not alone.

 

[badatmath]

I am sorry for your situation. A lack of security would stress most people.

I guess you have looked into w*rking, and it just isn't feasible? Maybe you have posted about this before, but if you have not, maybe you should start a thread. There are a lot of smart people around here who may be able to help.

Perhaps some day. Thank you.

 

[Happy Homebody]

Thank you everyone. I am fortunate that I had several hobbies before retirement, so I have things to do. I am pondering the question of whether what I planned to do in my retirement is really what I wanted.

I am not an adventurous person, so I didn't have big plans. I do a lot of very simply crochet patterns. I had various plans like trying some intermediate level crochet patterns. Right now I do feel up to the challenge.

I may feel like it later. I might not. I think I will just take it easy for awhile and decide later.

Just give myself permission to not do much.

 

[Koolau]

Thank you everyone. I am fortunate that I had several hobbies before retirement, so I have things to do. I am pondering the question of whether what I planned to do in my retirement is really what I wanted.

I am not an adventurous person, so I didn't have big plans. I do a lot of very simply crochet patterns. I had various plans like trying some intermediate level crochet patterns. Right now I do feel up to the challenge.

I may feel like it later. I might not. I think I will just take it easy for awhile and decide later.

Just give myself permission to not do much.

I think you've got this!

 

[deserat]

Thank you everyone. I am fortunate that I had several hobbies before retirement, so I have things to do. I am pondering the question of whether what I planned to do in my retirement is really what I wanted.

I am not an adventurous person, so I didn't have big plans. I do a lot of very simply crochet patterns. I had various plans like trying some intermediate level crochet patterns. Right now I do feel up to the challenge.

I may feel like it later. I might not. I think I will just take it easy for awhile and decide later.

Just give myself permission to not do much.

+100 on the crochet...I alternate between simple patterns and challenging ones...gotta use up those scraps! The scrap afghans end up being some of my best outside some seriously challenging kits I have by Jane Crowfoot. I have five projects going and hope to finish them all before I start probably one of my most challenging-an afghan based on a Roman Bath...all different squares when put together have the layout of a Roman Bath...I'm excited but nervous....I found the rhythmic use of the hook is soothing and helps relieve stress...add exercise and some reading. I do travel a bit, too, but always bring some crochet to work on....

 

[Allytx]

I retired 10 yrs ago from a very high stress job. Now I do whatever I want and I mostly have peace of mind. Occasionally, like yesterday, I have a terrible dream of going back to work and re-entering all the stressful situations again. When I wake up, it sure makes me appreciate my retirement!

 

[RetiredandReady]

I hope this is the right place to talk about mental and emotional health.

I have heard people talk about it often taking around six month to unwind and recover after their job.

My last couple months at work were very stressful, but before that I was also dealing with "normal" workplace stress and burnout.

Is this something that just happens naturally? Are there things you can do to help the process along? Or is it mostly just relaxing and doing fun stuff?

It doesn't really seem like a therapy kind of thing. Stressful things make me stressed. It isn't an issue to work through.

Totally get where you’re coming from. I went through something similar after leaving a high-stress job. For me, the decompression wasn’t automatic—it took time and intention. What helped most was getting into a steady routine that included simple things like walks, journaling, and saying “no” without guilt. It wasn’t about fixing anything, just giving my mind room to breathe. It’s okay if it doesn’t feel like therapy-worthy stress—it still takes a toll, and rest is a real kind of work too.

 

[street]

Yes, totally the right place to visit about recovery from the stressful work years. Many topics on the subject since I been here.

My total decompression took about one year. I had plenty to things that I retired to so staying busy wasn't a problem. The problem for me was having the job still on my mind when I did have idle time.
After 9 of FIRE in just a couple of weeks I consider myself a pro at this retirement thing.

 

[pacergal]

The nice thing about retirement is that you can usually change plans on a daily basis!
Do what you desire on a daily basis.
Even eight years in, DH and I still talk about work and I keep in touch with some co workers.
I did go back on call for a few years also.
But any work related stress seemed to melt away fairly quickly.

 

[Redbugdave]

I planned for years about retirement and set myself up to be right on schedule at my earliest date for full benefits. And I did...now 11 years ago. Even for me there was a bit of adjustment. I guess with everyone there is to some extent.

It is very important to push yourself and do new things outside of your comfort zone. You will meet new people doing it, too. Pretty soon you will discover a new wonderful world out there just waiting on you. Also, life needs purpose...and like when I was working...I always make lists of what I want to accomplish for each day. For me tomorrow's list is already there. But the neat thing of being retired I can change my day on a whim. I can live just like my dog...totally in the present. I think it must be like the lives of those super rich people that never had to work for a living with the silver spoon in their mouth. Guess what? You now have a silver spoon! We are better off than 99% of the others and what the economy does means nothing.

 

[candidman]

When I first retired, I kept myself busy with a variety of chores, deferred maintenance on the house, lawn, garden, etc. But after six years, I have finally perfected the art of doing nothing much.

Couldn't have said it better. Feels good not worrying about the retirement police anymore.

 

[Jheroine]

I retired end of December, 55.25 years old. Most friends say I'm too young to retire but I just wanted to get away from all the stresses of work, still have lots of stress from my elderly mother living with me since my Dad passed away a few years back. I meant to go to the gym 2 to 3 times a week, after my 3 week trip back from the Philippines and Singapore. Have not gone once. I've been too busy trying to fix an electrical issue in the house with an electrician and now a new problem with plumbing, which I will get to looking for a plumber after another trip. I spent a lot of time prepping my garden for the Spring plantings so that was that exercise I needed. Bonus was since I was outside doing weed pulling and digging, no time to snack on sweets and chips so I lost 10 pounds already. Hoping to lose more. Like one of the other posters have said, if I do thing a day, I'm fine. Of course if I do nothing and just take a nice nap, I'm fine too, haha. Enjoy your retirement at your own pace.

 

[TickTock]

I am fortunate that I had several hobbies before retirement, so I have things to do. I am pondering the question of whether what I planned to do in my retirement is really what I wanted.

A good question to ponder. Take your time and know that you can change your mind. Do what's best for you.

Just give myself permission to not do much.

An excellent permission!


I'm just over a year retired. It took me a full year to decompress and get (and get used to) a new routine. I now rarely have w*rk-related dreams. It was bittersweet walking out of the gate for the last time, but I got over that relatively quickly.

 

[TickTock]

I retired end of December, 55.25 years old. Most friends say I'm too young to retire but I just wanted to get away from all the stresses of work, still have lots of stress from my elderly mother living with me since my Dad passed away a few years back.

I retired at 56. Haven't had anyone tell me I'm too young to retire. But if they did, I'd ask, "Why?" I suspect the answer would tell me a lot more about them than about me...

Minimizing stress is, IMHO, a great driver to retire!

 

[NeilDH]

I started to decompress even before I left the job, when I announced that I was leaving. But when it did finally end, it felt weird to be sure. It was late October, so the holidays came and that kept us busy but not too busy — I actually got to enjoy the relaxed time for the first time in years. (My career had me working many holidays or figuring out who would.) Then January came, a time during my career where I eagerly got going on the new year’s work, and I really had that nagging feeling I should be doing something. I am indeed one of those Type A’s. So I took a course to pursue what I thought would become a side gig. It was a self-paced course — “self-paced” are such magic words. I worked on it on a part-time basis. We were busy with little family trips and otherwise relaxing some.

Then warm weather came and I indulged in biking even more than ever. I did very little else over the summer besides that. I finished off the course stuff in the fall. Yet I still didn’t feel like I found my new routine.

Then this year I’ve gone all in on the biking, including creating my own website on it, and now I’ve totally found my rhythm. And still no boss but myself. All in all, taking -time- on things, from home projects to vacations, is so fantastic. I have a personal no-rush policy. I got very nice advice here to give yourself a couple of years to figure out your new life; I really appreciated that.

 

[RapmasterD]

It looks like I'm a Lone Ranger on here. After nearly 11 years, I still can't say I'm settled in. I retired at 54, mostly due to burn out, imposter syndrome, and in hindsight...WAY too much of an obsession with Mr. Money Mustache....PLUS the fact that in my tech career (software product marketing), aging in place doesn't happen. At the time, most of my colleagues were mid-30s max.

I can't say I've really found a purpose or meaning to fill my days in all these years. I got a certificate in high performance coaching (Brendon Burchard) but then got somewhat nauseated by the style and approach of successful coaches in that arena. And early on, I did a bit of product marketing consulting. The one saving grace, and it's a HUGE one. I literally saved my wife's life because I was by her side when she had a subarachnoid hemorrhage. There is no question she wouldn't have made it if I weren't there. Other than very minor memory loss, she has suffered no long term consequences. Amazing!

Yes, I work out every day. Yes, I meditate a few days per week. Yes, I do the food shopping, 90% of the cooking, run the finances and pay the bills. But still....

(Oh, and I'm incredibly grateful for what I and we DO have, which is quite a lot.)

 

[HL SAT]

My entry into FIRE is well documented here. In short, the transition was difficult not because I couldn't handle retirement, but rather the loss of professional identity. I chose to return to work as a semi-retired. This became therapeutic for me, and continues to be. I work 6-8 days per month. I'm 1099 as an independent contractor in a GI clinic. This allows me to pick my own days and if I want to take time off, I do. Last month I put 8k miles on my 4runner touring the US. I love to car camp (overland)off grid, haha...crazy. I even work in a different state so I camp on the beach enroute home. Best thing, the DW allows me to be crazy me. She calls me homeless despite being FI.

Retirement is what you make it. It's not cookie cutter. Find your niche and go for it.

Same here. Retired, then 7 months later was too restless and came back as a 1099 2 weeks per month.

 

[Koolau]

It looks like I'm a Lone Ranger on here. After nearly 11 years, I still can't say I'm settled in. I retired at 54, mostly due to burn out, imposter syndrome, and in hindsight...WAY too much of an obsession with Mr. Money Mustache....PLUS the fact that in my tech career (software product marketing), aging in place doesn't happen. At the time, most of my colleagues were mid-30s max.

I can't say I've really found a purpose or meaning to fill my days in all these years. I got a certificate in high performance coaching (Brendon Burchard) but then got somewhat nauseated by the style and approach of successful coaches in that arena. And early on, I did a bit of product marketing consulting. The one saving grace, and it's a HUGE one. I literally saved my wife's life because I was by her side when she had a subarachnoid hemorrhage. There is no question she wouldn't have made it if I weren't there. Other than very minor memory loss, she has suffered no long term consequences. Amazing!

Yes, I work out every day. Yes, I meditate a few days per week. Yes, I do the food shopping, 90% of the cooking, run the finances and pay the bills. But still....

(Oh, and I'm incredibly grateful for what I and we DO have, which is quite a lot.)

Thanks for sharing your experiences after retirement. It just shows that we are all different in how we adjust.

I my case, I don't think I ever thought of my w*rk as much more than a "phase" of my life. Important, yes, but central, no. Leaving was a transition but I had a total life outside of w*rk, so now I had more time for that "phase" of my life.

Thanks for sharing about your wife. I'm glad her recovery has been so successful. Blessings on her and on you during this phase of your lives.

 

[LadyIJ]

For me, it is about having discipline with my thoughts. I can either dwell on all the injustices and wrongs I have suffered (real or imaginary) or I can remember the positive things or live in the moment or think about the future. It takes discipline for me. I like to replay events in my head. I also like to plan for possible scenarios that may occur. Too much of this, and I go crazy and get stressed.

You will decompress at your own rate. You can speed it along by not dwelling on the past, forgiving others, and moving on.

Just what I needed to read right now. I am dwelling on injustices and it’s taking up valuable rent in my head. I think once retired we have more time to think but feel we have less time on this earth and injustices become more apparent and hurtful.

 

[Lee94joyce]

Everybody handles it differently. You find you have to reinvent who you are and what you do with your days. You can no longer say, "I am an Engineer" for example. As someone mentioned, you don't have to cram all your chores and projects in a week end. I fish a lot and used to take a couple of hours on the weekend to prep and maintain my gear. Well... being a former Enigineer, after I retired I took four days to prep and maintain my gear. I disassembled everything and cleaned and oiled and put new line on organized my tacklebox and everything! It was wonderful.
Your new motto can be, "If I get nothing done today, I can finish doing nothing tomorrow". Of course you won't do that because you will find joy in doing many things old and new. Just don't stagnate! Keep moving!

 

[candidman]

I was ostracized the last 10 years on my job, until I was forced out, and had to fight for early retirement, which was very expensive, and took a year and a half. This happened many years ago, and there's a lot more to this story...but retirement was the best thing that could have ever happened. As far as being bored in retirement, I can easily turn that off now, and still get paid. While I was working, I couldn't do anything about it, and had to stay to get paid, knowing they work coming after me.

I never talked much here about what really led to me wounding up FIRE...or you can almost say fired. However, Project 2025 seems to be worst. But when you're going through it alone, like I had to back then, that can feel worst too. When I think of those who are faced with Project 2025, and don't qualify for any of the retirements, then worrying about being bored in retirement would make one sound spoiled.

 

[1242Vintage]

Took a few months post retirement to overcome the immediate “what’s the effing issue now” stress reaction when the phone rings.

No one ever called me at work to say … the project is running smoothly, under budget and ahead of schedule.

 

[Lee94joyce]

Took a few months post retirement to overcome the immediate “what’s the effing issue now” stress reaction when the phone rings.

No one ever called me at work to say … the project is running smoothly, under budget and ahead of schedule.

Yeah... my last project was about 450 million. We finished 3 months early and $30 million under budget. I got a customized RTIC Cooler!