More time for "visiting," but do you want to?

[NeilDH]

So in FIRE life, we presumably have more time to visit with people, probably even if they work. But do you *want* to visit more with people? This may depend on whether you're an introvert or extrovert. I'm finding that having the flexibility for visits is quite nice, but still, maybe less is still more. Plus, I can visit primarily on weekends when people "normally" do -- which is a plus for me because I had worked nights and a lot of weekends before.

 

[flyingaway]

I retired just because I didn't want to see many people.

 

[audreyh1]

Generally we don’t visit. We’ve had close friends but over time either we’ve moved, or they’ve moved away. We really only have one local friend we sometimes visit. She’s moved to another county but we occasionally travel to see her. We don’t socialize much in our retirement community anymore - there has been an almost complete turnover since we’ve moved here. We do visit family - they are all spread out.

After family we probably do most of our socializing while traveling.

 

[Koolau]

So in FIRE life, we presumably have more time to visit with people, probably even if they work. But do you *want* to visit more with people? This may depend on whether you're an introvert or extrovert. I'm finding that having the flexibility for visits is quite nice, but still, maybe less is still more. Plus, I can visit primarily on weekends when people "normally" do -- which is a plus for me because I had worked nights and a lot of weekends before.

I'm kinda in the same school of thought. I'm off the scale introvert though I do like to visit with people. I just want to limit visiting and keep it to a small group for the most part. I don't consider myself antisocial and I like people. I just prefer small doses to large. YMMV

 

[CO-guy]

So in FIRE life, we presumably have more time to visit with people, probably even if they work. But do you *want* to visit more with people? This may depend on whether you're an introvert or extrovert. I'm finding that having the flexibility for visits is quite nice, but still, maybe less is still more. Plus, I can visit primarily on weekends when people "normally" do -- which is a plus for me because I had worked nights and a lot of weekends before.

Same as above. I'm an extreme introvert, but I do still make time to visit friends and family. This past year was my first since leaving my "full-time" career, and I used the added time and flexibility to reconnect with childhood friends. Many I hadn't seen in over 5 years, and longer since I had actually visited with them, at their house, with their family. I generally time my trips during weekends and it's been overwhelmingly positive. Some have expressed remorse that they haven't come to visit me, but that's not always possible with a spouse, kids, and a career. The traveling doesn't bother me, so it's just nice that they're able to set aside a weekend to relax with an old friend.

 

[Dtail]

Don't wish to see too many people overall.

 

[marko]

My work life was not a 9 to 5, five days a week situation. Global in responsibility, for 30 years it required a lot of entertaining, weekends, evenings and very often an emergency call from the other side of the planet at 3 am. DW was an intricate, (unpaid) part of the effort.

We now absolutely relish the quiet, privacy and anonymity! No interest whatsoever in visiting, making new friends or expanding our outside interests. Just leave us alone!

 

[jollystomper]

I guess it depends on how one defines "visit". Though I consider myself an introvert, I do not mind seeing other people when an activity is involved - games, sports, visual entertainment, etc. I am not big on visiting just to sit and talk, other that in exceptional circumstances (like visiting the mother of DW's late roommate every few months in assisted living before she died).

We tend to do these more on weekends, while weekdays are more our time. We tend to see people more at "events" and less in their homes.

 

[Aerides]

The only thing that's true is that you have more time. There's no obligation to visit more people, or more often, unless that is how you want to spend this extra time.

Outside of close friends and family that you actually want to see more, why would you?

 

[catii]

After running my consulting company for 35 years, I'm happy not to be getting calls & messages from all over the planet! My cell-phone number is non-published, as is our land-line, & although DW keeps a public number, she's good at filtering out PITA calls. Most of our friends are at least 2500 miles away, & that's fine with us!

 

[rk911]

My 'visiting' pre and post retirememt usually revolve around events...breakfast, lunch, parties, other events....hamfests, computer expo shows, Strictly Sail show, etc. I can't recall ever just going to someone's home to 'visit' (relatives excluded).

 

[Koolau]

We just had a small birthday party for one of our old friends. We held it at a local restaurant and invited mutual friends. We ate and talked and caught up for an hour and a half and then all went home. Perfect!

 

[NeilDH]

I'm in the camp of visits based around events, rather than sitting and talking -- including with relatives .

 

[pacergal]

Introvert here--luckily, immediate family is all within 40 minutes of each other. My siblings and I get together once a month for a meal and visit, and once a year we gather all nieces/nephews//grandkids for a day, usually around the holidays.
See our kids regularly, at least weekly.
Once a year or so, we visit with long time good friends in California.
Maybe every few years, my siblings and I fly back to old home Indiana and visit with cousins, most who still live there or nearby and come to see us at the hotel.
When I first retired, I had 4 co workers that I would have lunch with. That has dwindled to very rare. and I am Ok with that. Work was work, and passing time has moved us on.
That's it.
I am a homebody and very OK with that.

 

[Koolau]

Introvert here--luckily, immediate family is all within 40 minutes of each other. My siblings and I get together once a month for a meal and visit, and once a year we gather all nieces/nephews//grandkids for a day, usually around the holidays.
See our kids regularly, at least weekly.
Once a year or so, we visit with long time good friends in California.
Maybe every few years, my siblings and I fly back to old home Indiana and visit with cousins, most who still live there or nearby and come to see us at the hotel.
When I first retired, I had 4 co workers that I would have lunch with. That has dwindled to very rare. and I am Ok with that. Work was work, and passing time has moved us on.
That's it.
I am a homebody and very OK with that.

Most of my w*rk friends have died off and I'm now down to a grand total of (wait for it) one. We get together a couple of times in the summer when I'm back "home."

All the "family" kids/GKs, inlaws and outlaws are all slowly gathering around the old homestead (no farther than 60 miles now.) At one time they were separated by thousands of miles. No longer. In fact I'm the only one now separated by an ocean. So in the summer, I get to see everyone in the family (those remaining) several times. They're welcome to visit, but most don't like that 10 hours in the air thing to come see us. YMMV

 

[youbet]

Same as above. I'm an extreme introvert, but I do still make time to visit friends and family. This past year was my first since leaving my "full-time" career, and I used the added time and flexibility to reconnect with childhood friends. Many I hadn't seen in over 5 years, and longer since I had actually visited with them, at their house, with their family. I generally time my trips during weekends and it's been overwhelmingly positive. Some have expressed remorse that they haven't come to visit me, but that's not always possible with a spouse, kids, and a career. The traveling doesn't bother me, so it's just nice that they're able to set aside a weekend to relax with an old friend.

I'm a bit confused by your post CO-guy. You identify as an extreme introvert but your description of your activities, in my view, puts you more of a middle-of-the-road guy. Other posts in this thread have the same tendency identifying themselves as extreme introverts but then describing a lifestyle and activities which have some introverted tendencies but are far from "extreme."

I guess it's just definitions.........

 

[tmm99]

It seems it takes me years to warm up to people. I'm okay in a small group, but if there are a lot of people I don't know, it makes me feel awkward, stressed, and bored. I avoided every company-wide Xmas party but attended parties for just my department as I spend a lot of time with the people in my department and I was used to them and felt comfortable with them.

I have two friends living nearby and if they're holding a get-together, I will go if there are other people I know will be there. I just go out with those two friends mostly.

We don't entertain people at home except for DH's kids.

I call myself an introvert. People wouldn't know me as an introvert. I can fake it pretty good, but being among people I barely know and trying to engage them and engage myself is utterly exhausting, and I'd rather not do it.

 

[Diogenes]

Not an introvert here, by any means... but endemically forced to live like one, especially after [largely involuntary] early retirement. In my age cohort, seemingly everyone has some combination of...

1. Conventional full-time employment.
2. Parenting of teenagers, college kids or "boomerang" young "adults".
3. Tending to elderly parents.
4. Busy playing with the grand-babies.

I have none of the above.

After, ahem, leaving the formal workforce, my social life collapsed. Former coworkers have shunned me, and the small network of "friends" regards my position in life, as bizarre, unprincipled and sometimes even contemptible. Makes for great social lubricants, right? Meanwhile, longstanding friends whom I do write or call, have an awful time between having to renew their driver's license at the DMV, taking the car to the mechanic, repairing the lawnmower, touching-up the paint on the kitchen cabinets, picking up their meds at the pharmacy, or maybe it was that book from the library that's overdue and they still want to finish the last chapter. Oh, and did I mention clearing that brush from the back yard, to prepare for wildfire season? And here's the best part: I volunteer to come over, to clear that brush for them... they don't even have to be there. The answer: "Hey man, that's awfully generous of you, but that's OK, no worries, I'll pay the [insert socio-ethnic slur here] guy to do it."

 

[marko]

Not an introvert here, by any means... but endemically forced to live like one, especially after [largely involuntary] early retirement. In my age cohort, seemingly everyone has some combination of...

1. Conventional full-time employment.
2. Parenting of teenagers, college kids or "boomerang" young "adults".
3. Tending to elderly parents.
4. Busy playing with the grand-babies.

I have none of the above.

After, ahem, leaving the formal workforce, my social life collapsed. Former coworkers have shunned me, and the small network of "friends" regards my position in life, as bizarre, unprincipled and sometimes even contemptible.
Oh, and did I mention clearing that brush from the back yard, to prepare for wildfire season? And here's the best part: I volunteer to come over, to clear that brush for them... they don't even have to be there. The answer: "Hey man, that's awfully generous of you, but that's OK, no worries, I'll pay the [insert socio-ethnic slur here] guy to do it."

Retiring early is bizarre and contemptible?

You might want to think about redefining your word for "friends". With friends like these.......

I'd head myself in another direction and lose this crowd.

 

[CO-guy]

I'm a bit confused by your post CO-guy. You identify as an extreme introvert but your description of your activities, in my view, puts you more of a middle-of-the-road guy. Other posts in this thread have the same tendency identifying themselves as extreme introverts but then describing a lifestyle and activities which have some introverted tendencies but are far from "extreme."

I guess it's just definitions.........

I'm an introvert because being around people feels like my life-force is draining out of me. If instead I'm doing something alone, away from people, then I feel recharged. Since I prefer feeling recharged, most of my activities are done solo. I hike by myself, though usually with dogs and I prefer to ski, mountain bike, road bike, Nordic ski, backcountry ski, etc. alone. However, knowing this about myself, I volunteer in ways where I'm interacting with people and seek out other opportunities to be around people in ways that are more comfortable, though no less draining.

I'm better one-on-one or with small groups, which is why I'm enjoying the opportunity to spend a few days with just one friend. I'll suck it up for some gathering of family/friends, and it's great to see people, but it's much less enjoyable.

 

[street]

I'm kinda in the same school of thought. I'm off the scale introvert though I do like to visit with people. I just want to limit visiting and keep it to a small group for the most part. I don't consider myself antisocial and I like people. I just prefer small doses to large. YMMV

^ this is me exactly.

 

[NeilDH]

Yep, same, and same as CO-guy.

 

[rk911]

I'm in the camp of visits based around events, rather than sitting and talking -- including with relatives .

Especially with relatives.

 

[martyp]

I have a small group of best friends from college that I visit once per year. We are now spread around the country. We pick a home or city for our reunions. Last June we returned to Connecticut where we originally met at UConn. It was also my 50th high school reunion.

 

[NeilDH]

Now that you mention it, I meet a group of friends once, maybe twice a year, for weeklong bike tours. I have another set of "teammates" based on a charity bike ride; I might see a few of them a few times a year -- but I have to be careful because one of them has hourslong gatherings at his house. There's a balance to be struck, which perhaps I'm having to work on more now that I actually have time.