More time for "visiting," but do you want to?

[Pellice]

The only thing that's true is that you have more time. There's no obligation to visit more people, or more often, unless that is how you want to spend this extra time.

Outside of close friends and family that you actually want to see more, why would you?

I think the category of close friends and family is included in "visits." I'm actually pondering this issue, as I will be moving closer to family next year. My relatives are extreme extroverts and will generously include me in everything, every activity. But I am an introvert who has lived happily alone for decades. How do I pick and choose my interactions, and am I a monster if I want fewer than they do?

On the other hand, I would like to entertain some, I think, and to explore my social side a bit. (I'm a Libra, the social butterfly of the Zodiac, supposedly, lol!) But I have some trepidation.

 

[NeilDH]

I think the category of close friends and family is included in "visits." I'm actually pondering this issue, as I will be moving closer to family next year. My relatives are extreme extroverts and will generously include me in everything, every activity. But I am an introvert who has lived happily alone for decades. How do I pick and choose my interactions, and am I a monster if I want fewer than they do?

On the other hand, I would like to entertain some, I think, and to explore my social side a bit. (I'm a Libra, the social butterfly of the Zodiac, supposedly, lol!) But I have some trepidation.

Picking and choosing: I spend a lot of mental energy on that, especially with friends or the less close ones, and the family somewhat.

This site can offer helpful advice for introverts: Introvert, Dear: An Award-Winning Community for Introverts

 

[big-papa]

Nothing has really changed much - we have our friend group and we see each other fairly regularly. There are former co-workers that I always liked, and I still meet up for lunch or an after-work beer with them from time to time whether they're still working or retired.

Except for the fact that I live far away from them, I'd really like to do more frequent visits with family members as the relentless aging process is continuing for all of us.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

We are very deliberately investing time to chat/travel to see our kids and elderly parents. The by-product of this is more time with other family as well.

I'm all in on doing something rather than sitting on the sofa.

 

[sengsational]

We have dinner out with friends. One is scheduled weekly, but the rest are set up by DW. She does the cooking, so each of those is a night off for her. Sometimes my introversion makes it a require a little effort to get out, but it's easy to enjoy myself once I get moving.

 

[ProspectiveBum]

I’m still working, but mostly remotely. I’m pretty introverted, but have gotten into pickleball in the last few years. I find that provides all the social interaction I need, and is the right balance between chatting and activity.

 

[sparky08]

Regarding the "visiting more" comment....I find that I stay and chat more if I run into someone on the street, in the grocery store, etc.

Instead of a wave, it might be 5 minutes of small talk. When I was working, I always seemed to be in a rush. But now I try not to fit 24 hours of stuff into every day.

Do I "want to"? I guess it's OK. I seem to feel a bit better afterwards.

 

[Koolau]

Just got back from our "family reunion." The kids and grands were all there including some inlaws and outlaws. A fun time, though I was more than ready to come home. Our eldest's house is more or less a "box" with hard surfaces so the noise level was off the scale of my (now) damaged and delicate ears. We did go outside for a while which was nice except not too comfortable for seating. My aged back was beginning to cry out. SO, a good and glad I did it and glad it's over. (Bah! Humbug!) Just kidding.

 

[gkehrlich]

Too old to travel far. Church activities, family dinners about once a week and that's about it. Husband does most of the shopping for groceries, I have a volunteer job part time for a 501C3 organization. I see as many people as I want to.

 

[FREE866]

Some of these comments have me lol'ing. Yeah, like others I think deep down a big reason I wanted to retire early was deep down I wanted less contact with people, especially in a work environment type setting. I've become more and more of a loner over time and am very comfortable with it. Humans, for the most part, are draining.

 

[Calico]

Some of these comments have me lol'ing. Yeah, like others I think deep down a big reason I wanted to retire early was deep down I wanted less contact with people, especially in a work environment type setting. I've become more and more of a loner over time and am very comfortable with it. Humans, for the most part, are draining.

I was just chatting about this with a friend (via text) this afternoon. I did all my errands today, including grocery shopping, and was gleefully telling her that I won't have to leave my house for three weeks now. I will have to emerge then, because a library book will be due, and the library foolishly allowed someone else to put a hold on it!

Similar to you, I am very much a loner, except in my case it isn't deep down at all - it is right there on the surface. One of the greatest joys of my retirement is the ability to indulge my inner hermit.

 

[David1961]

Introvert here. When I worked, most of my socializing was with co-workers and their families. Now that I am retired, my socializing is less quantity but more quality, mainly because I have more power to choose the people I am around. I am seeing friends who I did not work with. The key for me is to be able to have enough downtime / alone time between socializing to energize me back up.. Even when I enjoy social visits, they drain me and I need time to recover. I have gotten good at predicting the amount of alone time I must have after a certain social visit and plan accordingly. If I get in a bind and need a fast "recovery time" I find listening to music alone builds me back up quickly. In fact, I have a playlist that I created for those situations.

 

[DrRoy]

My wife is an extreme introvert, but it does not apply to her own family. We have had week long and longer trips and cruises with them. On my side, we have had a couple 1 to 3 day visits.

 

[indiajust]

I like planning trips around visiting folks along the way. String of pearls. Previous mechanics, relatives, work friends, college folks. Anyone to catch up with. My journey is the destination.

 

[427Vette]

I live in the north woods in the middle of 100 acres. I have a gate at the end of my driveway with a sign that’s says “Go Away” on it. That pretty much sums up my feelings towards people and visiting. I am not sure what it is but I find people more annoying now than I ever did. I am either getting older and crabbier or people are getting worse. I was self employed my whole life and I think that played a huge part in shaping my thoughts on people and their petty attitudes. Sadly I just don’t find many people interesting at all. The biggest thing is that I just don’t care, so Go Away!

 

[Koolau]

Some of these comments have me lol'ing. Yeah, like others I think deep down a big reason I wanted to retire early was deep down I wanted less contact with people, especially in a work environment type setting. I've become more and more of a loner over time and am very comfortable with it. Humans, for the most part, are draining.

I wonder that about myself. I am an "off the chart" Myers-Briggs introvert.

I do like human company and interaction but I want it on my terms and in the doses I want. I "recharge" with alone time rather than with "interaction." Not sure I'd call myself a loner, but I probably wouldn't deny it either if someone called me a loner.

 

[Koolau]

My wife is an extreme introvert, but it does not apply to her own family. We have had week long and longer trips and cruises with them. On my side, we have had a couple 1 to 3 day visits.

Heh, heh, I love my family but couldn't even spend 1 to 3 days with them. I'm more like a one to three hours with family kinda guy.

 

[427Vette]

Heh, heh, I love my family but couldn't even spend 1 to 3 days with them. I'm more like a one to three hours with family kinda guy.

Same here. I usually try everything I can if possible to find a way to get out of the get together to begin with. If it’s a must go situation I usually get there a little late then excuse myself a little early.

 

[Walt34]

One of the things I liked about my job was that I worked alone....

So retirement is even better.

 

[rodi]

So in FIRE life, we presumably have more time to visit with people, probably even if they work. But do you *want* to visit more with people? This may depend on whether you're an introvert or extrovert. I'm finding that having the flexibility for visits is quite nice, but still, maybe less is still more. Plus, I can visit primarily on weekends when people "normally" do -- which is a plus for me because I had worked nights and a lot of weekends before.

I'm in a mixed marriage. Hubby is an extrovert, I'm not. For social stuff he's usually the instigator while I look for excuses not to go.

I walk my dog at the beach almost every morning... I nod or say hi to the people I see every day but try not to engage deeply. Towards the end of my walk I spend 10 minutes with a group of beach regulars,.... That fulfills my social needs (plus some) for the day. I am happy at home for the rest of the day after that.

One day a week I walk with my sister at another beach... That fulfills the family connection.

I didn't feel the need to visit people nor invite them to my house. Once a year, during the holidays, we host a big 7 fishes Italian dinner, which fulfills any social obligation to host. One and done in one evening.

 

[MarieIG]

My desire to visit people - remained the same after retirement as before. While I do get a certain amount of enjoyment from visiting, I prefer visits to be limited in nature, and I require time to recharge afterwards.

 

[CO-guy]

I wonder that about myself. I am an "off the chart" Myers-Briggs introvert.

I do like human company and interaction but I want it on my terms and in the doses I want. I "recharge" with alone time rather than with "interaction." Not sure I'd call myself a loner, but I probably wouldn't deny it either if someone called me a loner.

Exactly! With my better-half I have a code word at social events that translates to, "Take your time, but I'm going to wanter away and be alone, so text me when you're ready to go." When she texts, I wander back into the event, socialize a bit more, say my goodbyes, and then we head out.

Sometimes I'll take a walk or go sit outside. Worst case, I'll just go sit in the bathroom for a bit. Either way, once I hit my limit, I simply can't be around people anymore.

 

[NeilDH]

Well, I just attended the annual family reunion on one side of the family -- the more working-class side of the family (meaning largely trades, few college-educated), and the side on which I am almost the youngest cousin of my generation. But I'm the only retired cousin (though there was an older one who had retired early, incidentally, but he has recently passed). They're mostly great people, but now it's awkward to talk about not having to work while some talk about having to continue to work. I just have to not talk too much about my situation.

 

[Music Lover]

We do roughly the same amount of socializing since retirement than before. The only difference is that some of it now takes place during the day.

 

[skyking1]

we are looking forward to more visiting on our schedule and not during rush hours to family gatherings engineered to meet the working schedules. The freedom to travel off peak hours is a big bonus.
I like quality time and that includes getting to/from.