Moving past the fear

[bobbfrommn]

Ok where are my worrywarts at? How did you get past the fear and pull the trigger, or did you just close your eyes and jump?

I’m 56, and planning to give my notice after labor day. I guess after all of these years of saving and planning I was expecting it to be more joy and less fear. I’m sure my plan is good, I’ve gone through it hundreds of times, my Advisor has gone over it multiple times and says I’m good. I’ve got it heavily padded, I mean 40% of the spending I have allocated is discretionary fun money, vacations home improvement, plenty to trim if something happens. I’ve planned for several large unexpected expenses $20ish-k each, for things like roofs, cars, medical. I’ve added a yearly medical fund based on Fidelity’s healthcare cost studies. I've even stress tested it against one of us needing 10 years of memory care. I’ve got both the wife and myself living to 100 (her family averages about 90, mine 80) so lots of padding there. At a conservative 3% return (I should be twice that at 60/40) we’re still dying at 100 with almost 1M. I’ve run every calculator I can find, they all say good. FiCalc gives 100% with a median of $7m, NewRetirment, emoney, fcalc all have me finishing with way more than I need.

Even after all of that, the thought of talking to my boss on Tuesday freaks me out. I’ve found plenty of excuses all month to delay doing it. I don’t hate my job, it’s not horrible, but it’s never been my focus and I'm not going to miss it. I've built plenty of hobbies and am trying some volunteer work for a local dog rescue to keep me busy. My goal is to give notice Tuesday morning in my 1 on 1 and it's all I can think about. So how did you push past that fear and truly enjoy making the change?

Huh, just typing this was helpful. Even if you don’t respond, thanks for listening!

 

[REWahoo]

It's clear you have everything necessary financially for a successful retirement, so all you are lacking is the will/courage to make the jump. No one posting here can provide you with what you need to make that decision, it has to come from you.

I will provide this advice from someone who retired almost 20 years ago at age 58: don't wait another day to pull the plug. Looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

 

[Fermion]

Every day I read about someone getting cancer and dying at age 52, like Shannen Doherty, who was our age when we watched her on 90210, I fear we waited too long to retire.

 

[MichaelB]

It's clear you have everything necessary financially for a successful retirement, so all you are lacking is the will/courage to make the jump. No one posting here can provide you with what you need to make that decision, it has to come from you.

I will provide this advice from someone who retired almost 20 years ago at age 58: don't wait another day to pull the plug. Looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

+1

To quote a line in the song “Dust in the Wind”,

All your money won’t another minute buy

 

[cathy63]

You do just have to push past the fear (well I did anyway). You know it's an irrational fear, but the options are to either get over it or keep working. So if you don't want to keep working, that leaves only one alternative.

Also, you don't actually have to go on a wild spending spree immediately. You've budgeted for lots of fun money, but there's no rule that says you have to spend your full budget every year. It's o.k. to ease into it and spend less than you planned the first year. It's your retirement, so you get to do it at whatever pace you're comfortable with.

 

[pb4uski]

I was similiarly positioned. The way I framed it was that I told them that I was leaving but said that I was flexible on the timing and that I wanted to leave in a way that we could all feel good about... that I wanted to leave on good terms (but I made it clear that I wasn't coming back).

My boss was great (as I expected that he would be) and said ok, work out something with the practice leaders and HR and a day later we had it all worked out. I actually could have left earlier... the last month or so I was twiddling my thumbs without much to do be was still getting paid handsomely.

 

[Markola]

Hey bobfrommn, I’m Markfrommn.

It helped me to give notice at 54 in the midst of the pandemic by listing all of the levers I could pull should the shtf. A few big ones were:

- Sell the house and move to a cheaper locale or even country.
- Both just make it to age 70 before claiming SS.
- Do some consulting or part time w*rk. Full time, if necessary.
- Dial back travel in downturns or go lower budget.
- Keep cars longer, and put off expenses a while.

Stuff like that. You can do it! And you probably should. I’ve read about people who don’t follow through with their retirement plan and get depressed, because they are out of alignment with themselves.

 

[38Chevy454]

I've said it before, yours is an emotional issue, not a logical issue. Your emotional side of your brain is overtaking your logical side. The logical, and your advisor, and all the retirement calculators tell you that you are good shape. Just let the logical side be stronger than your emotional side. Have confidence in your decision and move ahead with your plans.

Yes it will be a big change and step in your life. The retirement life is great, you will adjust soon. Having hobbies and activities to keep busy is important. Another well used saying is you have a job to retire from, but you need something to retire to.

 

[brett]

It was all about moving forward for us. That was our entire focus in the retirment decision making process. I had a great employer and I loved my job. The financials were there to retire early while our health was good. Re working the financials time and time again would not have changed the numbers. It was time to move on, move forward.

We planned to spend a few months getting our home ready to sell.

After that a major downsize and then placing what we kept in a Pods wharehouse.

And deciding where we planned to travel internationally for seven months. Then finding a short term furnished rental for three months when we returned home. After that finding a condo to rent for six months that turned into four years. And more travel.

We never really had any time to worry about retiring early. There were too many other things to consume our time and our thoughts.

It may have been different for us if we stopped working and made no changes in our lifestyle. Don't really know.

In our pre retirement lives we were always about moving forward and embracing change so this may have made the transition more seamless for us. Working in an industry going through constant change may also have helped. A few relos and lots of business travel.

 

[Gumby]

We almost certainly could have retired a year and a half before we actually did and maybe as many as five years, but that's something you can only recognize in hindsight. You will never be 100% comfortable, so I would just think about all the things you'd rather spend your remaining days doing (and they are limited for all of us).

 

[gutterman]

Just say you are going to resign and give two weeks notice. Let them ask why and if they do say you are retiring. I think in these situations we feel we have to do all the talking but we really don't. Answer questions with short answers and let them do the talking. Anymore than two weeks notice may be painful for you as the changes made to replace you may not go as you wish. You may also find yourself marginalized and no longer part of the group. I gave three months notice and it was one of the most difficult three months of my life.

 

[Focus]

Yes, it's a leap of faith. Others have already chimed in with good advice, so there's not much to add. All I can say is that I retired early almost exactly a decade ago, and never since, not for a single moment, have I regretted it, financially or emotionally.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

I'd suggest you run one last calculator:

Rich, Broke or Dead

Rich, Broke or Dead? Post-Retirement FIRE Calculator: Visualizing Early Retirement Success and Longevity Risk - Engaging Data

A FI/RE early retirement calculator visualizing longevity risk in early retirement and enables you to compare the probability success, failure and mortality.

engaging-data.com

I find this calculator focuses the mind a bit.

It plugs life expectancy data into the financial retirement model and gives you the chance of being rich, broke or dead at any given age. Actuarial tables are brutal things.

Bad news: the odds of being dead sooner rather than later are not low.

Related news: the odds of developing medical conditions that hamper your ability to do/enjoy all the things you want to do are even higher.

Last year I decided that I was not going to spend my 50s driving through rush hour traffic to attend meetings I didn't want to be in, with people I didn't want to be with, in order to earn money that I didn't need. Instead, I would spend my 50s finding out who I am when I'm not buried in corporate stress.

I've been pondering starting a company, potentially as a JV with my former employer. When I told my daughter this, she said "I think its a bad idea. I've never known this version of Dad before. I like this version of Dad."

If you've got the money, pull the trigger.

My $0.02.

 

[Aerides]

Even after all of that, the thought of talking to my boss on Tuesday freaks me out.

Rehearse this part. Even practice in front of a mirror. Know what you plan to say beyond the announcement. What if he's a jerk? What if he pushes back and asks for months instead of weeks (easy out - "Sorry, I've promised my wife")
If you have a specific plan, it will be easier.

And remember, if you were resigning to go to a new job, it would not be any big deal. Just because your personal reasons are different, doesn't make any difference to your company or your boss, or anyone else. The day after you leave, you are replaced and their stuff goes on, no matter when or why.

 

[bobbfrommn]

I'd suggest you run one last calculator:

Rich, Broke or Dead

Rich, Broke or Dead? Post-Retirement FIRE Calculator: Visualizing Early Retirement Success and Longevity Risk - Engaging Data

A FI/RE early retirement calculator visualizing longevity risk in early retirement and enables you to compare the probability success, failure and mortality.

engaging-data.com

I find this calculator focuses the mind a bit.

It plugs life expectancy data into the financial retirement model and gives you the chance of being rich, broke or dead at any given age. Actuarial tables are brutal things.

Bad news: the odds of being dead sooner rather than later are not low.

Related news: the odds of developing medical conditions that hamper your ability to do/enjoy all the things you want to do are even higher.

Last year I decided that I was not going to spend my 50s driving through rush hour traffic to attend meetings I didn't want to be in, with people I didn't want to be with, in order to earn money that I didn't need. Instead, I would spend my 50s finding out who I am when I'm not buried in corporate stress.

I've been pondering starting a company, potentially as a JV with my former employer. When I told my daughter this, she said "I think its a bad idea. I've never known this version of Dad before. I like this version of Dad."

If you've got the money, pull the trigger.

My $0.02.

Forgot about this calc although I used it in the past. .1% chance I end up broke at age 100 and 99.3% I'll be dead haha. It does open the eyes though, thanks for the suggestion.

 

[joesxm3]

To quote Tom Cruise's buddy in the movie "Risky Business".

" Sometimes you just have to say WTF."

 

[Kings over Queens]

Even after all of that, the thought of talking to my boss on Tuesday freaks me out.

I'll ask a question first, and then tell you my story.

What about the conversation freaks you out? Are you afraid he'll be angry? Disappointed? screw that. If you were getting married, you'd share the good news, right? If you were about to become a grand parent, you'd share the good news, right? Retiring is good news, its a mission accomplished.

I had a conversation in February with one of my partners who I suppose is my boss. we're restructuring and his name is above mine on the org chart we just created, so I'll say he's my boss. the purpose of the conversation was to discuss 2024 objectives, goals, expectations, revenue marks, blah blah blah. He knew from a similar conversation in Nov 2023 that I've mentally checked out, and as we're going through this discussion I kept telling him "you aren't hearing me." Must have said it 4 or 5 times until it resonated, and he asked me to confirm I wanted my accounts reassigned. He then congratulated me. it was that simple.

I walked out of that building like I had just shed the weight of the world. something did change and I agreed to OMY, but zero regrets for the initial "hey bud, I'm out" discussion.

You can do it. We're rooting for you.

 

[healthyandfun]

I had made my plan and crunched the numbers many, many times over the years. I did set aside more in cash than I would need as a just in chase. I looked at the first year as a transition and I would trust in my plan. If things popped up, then I had the resources to deal with them. As things fell into place, the worries went away. I still revisit things every quarter to make sure everything is running smoothly. I’m in year 11 and have more $$$$$$$ than when I retired.

Your plan sounds awesome. Take the plunge and enjoy!

 

[Lorenzo]

Does the anxiety come from a feeling you'll be missed or that the company needs you, or is it more like you don't know what you'll do to occupy your time? You mention hobbies and possible volunteer work, so it doesn't sound like the latter.

I'm not fully retired yet, so I can't answer your specific question for that reason. But is it really such a shock to one's superiors at work that a person wants to retire a bit early? I have to believe they already know it's in the cards. We don't have much of a hierarchy where I work, so I don't really have a boss per se, but the person who best fits the description said to me several years ago when I was in my mid-50s, "If I were you (no dependents, always planning the next adventure), I wouldn't work past 60."

 

[brett]

You somehow seem to forget that YOU are in control of this situation..not your boss.

What on earth are you waiting for?

Seems to me that you are about to have a miserable long weekend of worry for absolutely nothing. Really...what will your boss do? Fire you?

Speak to you boss or call this week and get this over before the weekend. Give him or her a heads up prior to your meeting next week.

Surely you will feel better to get this done and dusted. Then you can move forward with your retirement plans. And it will make next weeks meeting much more enjoyable!

 

[bobbfrommn]

I'll ask a question first, and then tell you my story.

What about the conversation freaks you out? Are you afraid he'll be angry? Disappointed? screw that. If you were getting married, you'd share the good news, right? If you were about to become a grand parent, you'd share the good news, right? Retiring is good news, its a mission accomplished.

I had a conversation in February with one of my partners who I suppose is my boss. we're restructuring and his name is above mine on the org chart we just created, so I'll say he's my boss. the purpose of the conversation was to discuss 2024 objectives, goals, expectations, revenue marks, blah blah blah. He knew from a similar conversation in Nov 2023 that I've mentally checked out, and as we're going through this discussion I kept telling him "you aren't hearing me." Must have said it 4 or 5 times until it resonated, and he asked me to confirm I wanted my accounts reassigned. He then congratulated me. it was that simple.

I walked out of that building like I had just shed the weight of the world. something did change and I agreed to OMY, but zero regrets for the initial "hey bud, I'm out" discussion.

You can do it. We're rooting for you.

I'm sure my boss will be happy for me. The freak out is mostly, that's it, it's the point of no return I'm doing this thing. It's one thing to tell your buddy you are retiring but soon as notice is given I'm all in. Thanks for sharing!

 

[tutan]

Even after all of that, the thought of talking to my boss on Tuesday freaks me out. I’ve found plenty of excuses all month to delay doing it. I don’t hate my job, it’s not horrible, but it’s never been my focus and I'm not going to miss it. I've built plenty of hobbies and am trying some volunteer work for a local dog rescue to keep me busy. My goal is to give notice Tuesday morning in my 1 on 1 and it's all I can think about. So how did you push past that fear and truly enjoy making the change?

Huh, just typing this was helpful. Even if you don’t respond, thanks for listening!

Same for me. I looked at it as starting a new chapter in life.. a new adventure hopefully. Once I did it, I never looked back.

 

[MC Rider]

Pull up your big boy pants, go in there, and quit.

 

[Dtail]

Time to move on in life. Search through any post on the forum and tell me how many do you find where folks wish they had worked longer?
OTOH, there are/were plenty of folks here who were afraid yes afraid to retire, but they got over it.

 

[brett]

I'm sure my boss will be happy for me. The freak out is mostly, that's it, it's the point of no return I'm doing this thing. It's one thing to tell your buddy you are retiring but soon as notice is given I'm all in. Thanks for sharing!

Enough already. Just get on with it!

Starting to sound to me that you might not be so sure or you do not really want to retire.

Just make a decison and move forward. Or not.