Never Count On An Inheritance

[Markola]

My 85 year-old father with health problems let my brother and me know that he needed to sell one of his two condos to fund his care. He was very apologetic, and said several times that he always wanted us to have it. It’s hard to describe the feeling that we both had when we instantly replied, “Thank you, but do not worry about it. Do what you need to do.”

For both my self-sufficient brother and me, one word for the feeling might be “priceless.” Both of us have worked, saved and invested and an inheritance is no part of either of our plans. Not having to depend on the kindness of others is a very worthwhile state to pursue.

 

[Gumby]

I'm sure that, despite his disappointment about having to sell, your father is very proud that you and your brother have been so successful in life.

Just for occasions like this, I have always felt that planning on an inheritance to fund one's retirement is very foolish.

 

[Markola]

I'm sure that, despite his disappointment about having to sell, your father is very proud that you and your brother have been so successful in life.

Thank you, Gumby. I’m so proud of my brother. He had substance abuse problems but has been sober for 30 years, married for decades and became a nurse practitioner. It didn’t have to go that way for him, but he somehow got it together.

 

[Humbooster]

Great to read a post like this. Well done to you and your brother.

 

[Markola]

I appreciate the compliments but the practical aspect is, it’s far better to plan on one not happening.

For example, I have a friend whose father was once a Goldman Sachs partner and vastly wealthy. He got dementia and made a very bad trade, dying penniless. It was the stuff of Southern Gothic novels. My friend, his daughter, is a retired attorney and seems to have shrugged it off. Her brother, who chose the life of an artist in Paris, doesn’t seem to be handling it as well and has become estranged.

 

[Gremlin]

Thank you, Gumby. I’m so proud of my brother. He had substance abuse problems but has been sober for 30 years, married for decades and became a nurse practitioner. It didn’t have to go that way for him, but he somehow got it together.

Posts like these give those of us with loved ones with addiction issues hope. Congrats to your brother!

 

[Markola]

Somehow, with resident therapy at Willing Way in Tampa and the threat of prison from a wise judge otherwise, my brother dug deep and turned himself around.

I’ve read heart wrenching stories here and have experienced it in other family members. Sincere best wishes for yours.

 

[street]

I can feel the hurt that your dad had telling you he had to sell. His love for you and what he wanted to pass on to both of you and now life has changed that. Heart breaking!

A lot of lessens to be learned from this.

 

[Jerry1]

I hope I can give my daughters an inheritance so I can imagine how your dad felt. However, I’ve told myself that my first goal is to never have to burden my daughters financially. I’m sure your dad is proud of you and your brother. Make sure he knows you’re proud of him as well.

 

[Markola]

Yes, he’s in a tough spot. I feel for him, too. He worked hard all his life as an engineer, but just didn’t save much, so his options are now more restricted than necessary. Really smart, curious guy, and good at math, but despite my trying over the years, even sending him John Bogle classics, he could never be bothered to read a book on personal finance. As street said, lots of lessons.

I am proud of him, nonetheless. Up from poverty, Marine Corps, first college graduate in his family, went on to build robotics, and he’s a gentle, kind soul.

 

[Al18]

…that he needed to sell one of his two condos to fund his care

Sounds like he planned well - still owns one condo.

 

[Markola]

Yes, he’s not destitute, fortunately. Honestly, I’m relieved he could sell it quickly in a tough Florida condo market at present.

 

[skipro33]

My wife and I funded her father's care home needs by having him name my wife as beneficiary to a life insurance policy he had. He had two daughters, they both agreed that this was satisfactory to them both.

 

[bonvoyage]

In the years before my mother passed away, my brother and I would beg her to spend more on herself, but after a lifetime of frugality, she simply could not get herself to spend a cent more than necessary. So I wound up inheriting a pretty big sum of money a few years ago at a time when I really did not need it.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

Personally, I find counting on an inheritance to be sick.... especially if it is part of an ER decision to cut off your own support of yourself before reaching FI. Of course, if an inheritance is likely, there should be some consideration in planning so it can be efficiently utilized but IMO that is a contingency/alternate plan.

 

[Dalton]

Yes, he’s in a tough spot. I feel for him, too. He worked hard all his life as an engineer, but just didn’t save much, so his options are now more restricted than necessary. Really smart, curious guy, and good at math, but despite my trying over the years, even sending him John Bogle classics, he could never be bothered to read a book on personal finance. As street said, lots of lessons.

I am proud of him, nonetheless. Up from poverty, Marine Corps, first college graduate in his family, went on to build robotics, and he’s a gentle, kind soul.

Went through the same situation with my dad. Had to tell him, "Dad, this condo is your savings. It's ok, you need it. This was always one of the possibilities when you bought it and made your payments." Unfortunately, he was determined that he wanted to die at home, and was approaching that point when we were going through this, but he needed full time care. Hopefully he didn't resent me for that as much as I feared.

 

[mystang52]

Not quite the same, but we (i.e., my 2 brothers and I) had that proverbial long lost uncle. After my Grandma passed, he relocated across the country. He never married, no kids. About 30 years ago, he passed away, in his apartment. Authorities found my brother's contact info and that's hiw we learned of it. Turned out he had about $90,000 in his cash estate. A couple of weeks later they had found a safe deposit key and inside the safe deposit was......a handwriitten will giving his entire estate to a charity. Oh well.

 

[street]

One of my dreams when I'm gone is that the ranch stays in my immediate family. Son and then on to granddaughters but life does change and who knows. It would be sad if that doesn't happen.

 

[VanWinkle]

This reminds me that life is more than finances. I'm sure your Dad worked hard to afford the condos
and his intentions were to reward you two sons for lives well lived. Your brother is a great success
story having beaten his demons, but you should also be proud of how you handled life. You beat
your demons before they got a hold on your life.

 

[Markola]

I appreciate that, VanWinkle. I probably put too much emphasis on finances, but what can I say? I find it interesting and empowering, which I know folks here can fully relate to. We’re oddballs, though. I’m 59 and my cohort of friends are retired or headed there. What amazes me is that I can count on less than one hand the knowledgeable conversations I’ve ever had with anyone in real life about stocks or personal finance. Somehow, though, everyone muddles through.

 

[Aerides]

"Counting" on inheritance would be gross, not to mention stupid, given the costs of long term care, if needed.

 

[Lorenzo]

I had a wealthy, childless aunt who died relatively comfortably in a fantastic LTC facility with zero left at age 100. Indeed, her last couple of years were funded by her fairly well-off other nephew. (I'm the ne'er-do-well.) I never expected to inherit a dime, but having "the wealthy childless aunt and uncle" was something the family would joke with me about when I was young.

 

[street]

I had a wealthy, childless aunt who died relatively comfortably in a fantastic LTC facility with zero left at age 100. Indeed, her last couple of years were funded by her fairly well-off other nephew. (I'm the ne'er-do-well.) I never expected to inherit a dime, but having "the wealthy childless aunt and uncle" was something the family would joke with me about when I was young.

I also have a living childless aunt that is very wealthy. I was very close to her growing up and considered as a child to her. I have purposely not have talked to her in the last 7 years. I have wrote a few short notes to her but not interested in an inheritance from her. At one time she told me that some of her relatives are after her money. That was the time I disconnected because I never had that intention and never wanted to be accused of such a thing. I do think about her often and I have told her that but as her time is nearing the end at upper 90's I'm out of the picture.

 

[skipro33]

I wonder; do most people discuss with their family the potential of leaving them an inheritance? I plan to leave everything to my two children and I want them to know it now, so they are prepared to manage what I do leave behind. We aren't wealthy, wealthy, but there will be in excess of $2M when we do go, not including paid up life insurance policies and barring any unforeseen medical long term care expenses. I would think they could count on that as much as they could count on their own investments; meaning chit happens, markets crash, unexpected expenses come up. But I'd rather they know that there is at least a potential for an inheritance than not and to plan accordingly.
Neither my or my wife's parents left us anything but their debts to settle when they each passed. My dad lost all of his savings in scams due to his Alzheimer's and my wife's parents lost all theirs in their business with a bad business partner. I'd like to think my wife and I learned something about that and that we would like to leave this earth in the black and without expenses our kids would have to deal with.

 

[Car-Guy]

I keep telling my DD not to depend or expect any inheritance but I don't think she listening. Seriously, maybe I've been giving her too much money for too long every year. Maybe if I start cutting back the amount I give her each year she'll get the idea.