Never Count On An Inheritance

[livingalmostlarge]

I am so glad to hear you told him his money was for him! I totally agree. It's crazy how families try to use trusts and stuff to prevent using their house or money for their care.

 

[scrabbler1]

I wonder; do most people discuss with their family the potential of leaving them an inheritance?

Back in 2008, following the advice of my dad's FA, he, my brother, and I met with a lawyer to prepare several estate documents. One was a Will, another was a Health Care Proxy (HCP). The third was an Irrevocable Asset Management Trust (IAMT). We did this only to protect dad's house, his main asset. Putting other assets into it would have made things rather complicated, especially for tax purposes. Dad still controls the house and pays all the bills on it like before , so there is no day-to-day impact from the IAMT. The HCP got changed slightly a few years later due to changes in our state's (NY) laws.

 

[pjigar]

I never had a slightest possibility of inheritance. In fact, I inherited and paid off my dad's debt when I started working. My dad was stuck in vicious cycle of shark lenders forever and I am glad I was able to pay off the debt. He did everything in his power but you can't win with shark lenders.

As to my kids, I tell them you may get something but don't count on it.

 

[brett]

Both of our children do not know it yet, but they are in line to share a high six figure inheritance that we intend to pass down to them. We do not need it.

I do not want to set expectations since it will take some time for the estate to be finalized, tax clearances obtained, etc. We will say nothing until the estate is settled and the funds are in our account. And....when it comes to estates there is often the unexpected.

 

[marko]

It's been generational joke (sort of) that when someone ticks off a family member they declare: "Don't make me write you out of the will!!"

I first heard it when I was about 6 years old and now it's my line. Conversely, should one of the young ones do something particularly helpful or impressive, it's: "OK, time to change the will!" (in their favor).

All in jest. Sort of.

 

[Koolau]

It's been generational joke (sort of) that when someone ticks off a family member they declare: "Don't make me write you out of the will!!"

I first heard it when I was about 6 years old and now it's my line. Conversely, should one of the young ones do something particularly helpful or impressive, it's: "OK, time to change the will!" (in their favor).

All in jest. Sort of.

"You're so close..." Edward Cole to Mathew aka Thomas in "Bucket List." Wish I could find a Youtube of it.

 

[skipro33]

It's been generational joke (sort of) that when someone ticks off a family member they declare: "Don't make me write you out of the will!!"

I first heard it when I was about 6 years old and now it's my line. Conversely, should one of the young ones do something particularly helpful or impressive, it's: "OK, time to change the will!" (in their favor).

All in jest. Sort of.

My go-to line is, 'that's it, it's all going to the cats.' we have two cats at any given time. I usually use this line when someone uses me as the butt of a joke. Usually a "Jerry Of The Day" Joke. (look it up...) my name is Jerry BTW and I was a ski instructor in a past life. Last year for a Christmas gift, one of my sons gave me a bright green construction vest with reflective tape with lettering on the back that said, CAUTION, Jerry.

Caution Jerry Vest

CAUTION JERRY COMING IN HOT. The ultimate losing bet, don't let anyone on the mountain think you know what you're doing. This vest is a standout choice for any Jerry's safety needs. Its high visibility decreases the chances of on hill collisions while meeting the stringent ANSI/ISEA 107-2015...

jerryoftheday.net

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[user5027]

This thread reminds me of two things;

1) A bumper sticker on a big RV. "We are spending our children's inheritance."

2) A joke. A guy is making a move on the hot blonde sitting at the hotel bar. Trying to impress her, he mentions how his rich widowed father has limited time to live and he'll soon inherit the father's fortune. She seems quite intrigued. A few weeks later the father invites the son to dinner. The father explains he never thought he'd ever find another love interest, but he has, they've already set a date for the wedding and she should be here in a few minutes. The son is shocked and while processing the whole thing, the hot blonde walks in and the father announces, "And here she is!" She plants a kiss on the father, turns to the son, smiles and says, "So nice to meet you!"

Never count on an inheritance.

 

[street]

This thread reminds me of two things;

1) A bumper sticker on a big RV. "We are spending our children's inheritance."

2) A joke. A guy is making a move on the hot blonde sitting at the hotel bar. Trying to impress her, he mentions how his rich widowed father has limited time to live and he'll soon inherit the father's fortune. She seems quite intrigued. A few weeks later the father invites the son to dinner. The father explains he never thought he'd ever find another love interest, but he has, they've already set a date for the wedding and she should be here in a few minutes. The son is shocked and while processing the whole thing, the hot blonde walks in and the father announces, "And here she is!" She plants a kiss on the father, turns to the son, smiles and says, "So nice to meet you?"

Never count on an inheritance.

Lol!!!

 

[CRLLS]

We never planned (expected?) on receiving an inheritance. Planned is a word that is open for interpretation. We did forecast receiving some dollars, It was just some additional thing that was going to happen eventually. We didn't know when or how much. That "placeholder" was not part of the bucket we relied upon when looking for a FIRE number. We used that info looking forward, planning RMD amounts, taxation and other financial strategies.

About a year or so back, we told our 2 kids approximately what they would inherit if we were to die right then and there on the spot and that tomorrow was an unknown. What, if anything they did with that information was on them.

 

[pacergal]

It's been generational joke (sort of) that when someone ticks off a family member they declare: "Don't make me write you out of the will!!"

I first heard it when I was about 6 years old and now it's my line. Conversely, should one of the young ones do something particularly helpful or impressive, it's: "OK, time to change the will!" (in their favor).

All in jest. Sort of.

My Dad used to say that when we all played Spades or Dirty Hearts together, and he got a bad hand.
Thanks for the memory.

 

[Markola]

My go-to line is, 'that's it, it's all going to the cats.' we have two cats at any given time. I usually use this line when someone uses me as the butt of a joke. Usually a "Jerry Of The Day" Joke. (look it up...) my name is Jerry BTW and I was a ski instructor in a past life. Last year for a Christmas gift, one of my sons gave me a bright green construction vest with reflective tape with lettering on the back that said, CAUTION, Jerry.

Caution Jerry Vest

CAUTION JERRY COMING IN HOT. The ultimate losing bet, don't let anyone on the mountain think you know what you're doing. This vest is a standout choice for any Jerry's safety needs. Its high visibility decreases the chances of on hill collisions while meeting the stringent ANSI/ISEA 107-2015...

jerryoftheday.net

View attachment 59102

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Wait a second, that’s how I ski. I never knew there was anything wrong with it until now. So confusing.

 

[brett]

We have never discussed inheritance with our children. Nor have we ever discussed our finances/investments with either of them. They know that we lead a comfortable retirement. That is about it.

Nor is there really a need for them to know. Until some point in the future.

 

[marko]

We have never discussed inheritance with our children. Nor have we ever discussed our finances/investments with either of them. They know that we lead a comfortable retirement. That is about it.

Nor is there really a need for them to know. Until some point in the future.

Depends IMO. How old you are, how old they are, how much money is involved. As you say "until some point in the future".

If their inheritance is five or ten years away and involves several million dollars and property, that's a different set of circumstances than leaving them $100k twenty years from now.

I just think that it's all part of good, responsible money management to not have unskilled or unsuspecting children have to deal with money surprises.

My experience is that it works better when children are brought along at varying stages as they get older. Late teens, you get an inkling, mid-twenties, some better insights and mid-thirties you might start participating either in the business or family level investing. Casual dinner talk about money and investments/business help the younger ones better value money itself rather than it being some big mystery.

It need not be a surprise when adult children have been brought up with mature money management insights and have developed skills to manage it.

YMMV

 

[Markola]

My brother and I built our own stash (he relies on an advisor), but I do think there is something to preparing heirs to receive wealth. Otherwise, it’s winning the lottery, and we know how that ends up rapidly disintegrating a fortune under poor money management skills, demands for support from shirt tail relatives, dumb investments, dumb marriages that end in divorce settlements, feeding addictions, etc. It’s no different with an estate.

Money is like a gas - it wants to escape - so it needs to be contained at all times, and that takes training, skill and discipline.

I also understand wealthy people not wanting their relationships with heirs to be “infected” with the possibility of receiving money from them at one’s death, which is a second unpleasant topic, so they decide to ignore the giant green elephant walking around in the room, and let whatever happens happen. In fact, as discussed here, there might well be nothing happening. No one can predict.

Just my observations. YMMV.

 

[Koolau]

Last year for a Christmas gift, one of my sons gave me a bright green construction vest with reflective tape with lettering on the back that said, CAUTION, Jerry.

Some dastardly technician covered my name on my hard hat with "Stewart J. Pidd." I proudly wore it from then on whenever I went out into the production areas. Too many serious people there, I guess as only a couple of guys really noticed.

Upon my Early Retirement, I "willed" the hat back to the "schnook" who originally made the subtle name change.

All in fun - mostly.

 

[Koolau]

Some dastardly technician covered my name on my hard hat with "Stewart J. Pidd." I proudly wore it from then on whenever I went out into the production areas. Too many serious people there, I guess as only a couple of guys really noticed.

Upon my Early Retirement, I "willed" the hat back to the "schnook" who originally made the subtle name change. How's THAT for an inheritance?

All in fun - mostly.

 

[marko]

My brother and I built our own stash (he relies on an advisor), but I do think there is something to preparing heirs to receive wealth. Otherwise, it’s winning the lottery, and we know how that ends up rapidly disintegrating a fortune under poor money management skills, demands for support from shirt tail relatives, dumb investments, dumb marriages that end in divorce settlements, feeding addictions, etc. It’s no different with an estate.

Money is like a gas - it wants to escape - so it needs to be contained at all times, and that takes training, skill and discipline.

I also understand wealthy people not wanting their relationships with heirs to be “infected” with the possibility of receiving money from them at one’s death, which is a second unpleasant topic, so they decide to ignore the giant green elephant walking around in the room, and let whatever happens happen. In fact, as discussed here, there might well be nothing happening. No one can predict.

Just my observations. YMMV.

Agree 100%, except IMO, the close heirs (children) who are brought up where money, inheritance and expectations are regularly discussed typically do not feel the need for it affecting the relationship. It's just a part of their life.

But here's the thing: with no children, we have several nieces and nephews as heirs. Everyone gets an equal amount.

Most will be ok but we're are truly concerned over one neice, now in her mid-thirties. We just know that when we both pass, her outcome from her inheritance will be an unmitigated disaster.

Our problem is yes, we could mete out payments rather than a lump sum but we're sure that this will create more problems. We're still working on this one on the best course of action, but there is a chance that she'll pass before we do.

 

[Chuckanut]

I had a neighbor whose retirement plan was to be a waiter. That is he was waiting to inherit an uncle’s collection of gold coins. At that time (the 1990’s) it was worth about 50,000 according to him. Retire on $50,000 and SS even in the 90’s? I don’t think so.

My plan is to split my assets evenly between the children. I can’t think a nastier thing to do to my children than favor one over the other. If I had one child who was ‘Special Needs’ or had one who had won many millions of dollars in a lottery, that would be different.

 

[Sunset]

I also have a living childless aunt that is very wealthy. I was very close to her growing up and considered as a child to her. I have purposely not have talked to her in the last 7 years. I have wrote a few short notes to her but not interested in an inheritance from her. At one time she told me that some of her relatives are after her money. That was the time I disconnected because I never had that intention and never wanted to be accused of such a thing. I do think about her often and I have told her that but as her time is nearing the end at upper 90's I'm out of the picture.

I visit an Uncle, we have pretty good conversations about stuff, I help him with some online computer stuff, change light bulbs etc.
He offers me large amounts of $$ now and then, and I turn it down.
I just try to make sure he doesn't get ripped off.

I know I'm destined for nothing from his estate, I've read his trust and helped with TOD/POD settings, and that's relieving in a sense as nobody can suggest I was in it for the $$$$$$$$.

 

[Markola]

Agree 100%, except IMO, the close heirs (children) who are brought up where money, inheritance and expectations are regularly discussed typically do not feel the need for it affecting the relationship. It's just a part of their life.

But here's the thing: with no children, we have several nieces and nephews as heirs. Everyone gets an equal amount.

Most will be ok but we're are truly concerned over one neice, now in her mid-thirties. We just know that when we both pass, her outcome from her inheritance will be an unmitigated disaster.

Our problem is yes, we could mete out payments rather than a lump sum but we're sure that this will create more problems. We're still working on this one on the best course of action, but there is a chance that she'll pass before we do.

We’re in the identical situation with no kids but 3 nieces and nephews. One will earn more than we ever will, one manages a restaurant and will be ok, and the third has no business having lots of money. We think about the choices similarly to you.

 

[Koolau]

But here's the thing: with no children, we have several nieces and nephews as heirs. Everyone gets an equal amount.

Most will be ok but we're are truly concerned over one neice, now in her mid-thirties. We just know that when we both pass, her outcome from her inheritance will be an unmitigated disaster.

Our problem is yes, we could mete out payments rather than a lump sum but we're sure that this will create more problems. We're still working on this one on the best course of action, but there is a chance that she'll pass before we do.

Yeah, it's really tricky. You'd likely need an expensive trust for the "problem-niece" AND a Fiduciary/Lawyer?/Administrator to "check up" on her and dole out funds according to some "document" you would have to come up with before it was needed.

We saw what a rip off a "simple" trust can be. Our kids' grand parents set up to give the kids an inheritance after they reached age 21. The trust did virtually nothing but issue reports and, eventually dole out money upon age verification. For this piddly little bit of "w*rk," they took 4% per year! The conservative yet esoteric funds the trust set up never kept up with the draw down by the fees. Total rip off - and the trust company most here would know by name.

 

[brett]

Our children both know that they will inherit.

They simply have no idea how much they will inherit. Nor do they need to know at this point in time.

We do discuss investments,timing, risk, etc. finance with them.

But never the extent of our respective equity balances or the value of those investments.

We really do not know why on earth they would need to know this at this point in time.

Put it down to my Scottish upbringing. Personal financial information is something we were brought up to keep very private and very close to our vest so to speak lest in be construed as bragging...among other things.

Just not in our gene pool so to speak.

And DW, for some odd reason probably related to her childhood or to some of her ner do well or jealous relatives., seems embarassed by it, almost guilty. So her approach is the same as mine but for different reasons.

And they are both polite enough and smart enough not to ask!

 

[iloveyoga]

Depends IMO. How old you are, how old they are, how much money is involved. As you say "until some point in the future".

If their inheritance is five or ten years away and involves several million dollars and property, that's a different set of circumstances than leaving them $100k twenty years from now.

I just think that it's all part of good, responsible money management to not have unskilled or unsuspecting children have to deal with money surprises.

My experience is that it works better when children are brought along at varying stages as they get older. Late teens, you get an inkling, mid-twenties, some better insights and mid-thirties you might start participating either in the business or family level investing. Casual dinner talk about money and investments/business help the younger ones better value money itself rather than it being some big mystery.

It need not be a surprise when adult children have been brought up with mature money management insights and have developed skills to manage it.

YMMV

My Mom and Dad had me help and keep track of their assets and do their taxes for many years and it helped so much when Dad died. I continue to help my Mom and there should not be any surprises to anyone. One of my brothers is in attorney and he is in the loop too.

 

[marko]

Yeah, it's really tricky. You'd likely need an expensive trust for the "problem-niece" AND a Fiduciary/Lawyer?/Administrator to "check up" on her and dole out funds according to some "document" you would have to come up with before it was needed.

We have a series of trusts to address a series of issues including support and management for my disabled brother. All the heirs are distributed through trusts as well.

By the time I was about 30, I was fully aware of "about" how much I'd receive from my grandfather, my uncle and my mother. It didn't change a thing in our relationships but such discussions over the years were considered a responsible approach to family money management.

Every family is different.