On the edge ... help!!!

[albireo13]

I am 5 working days from retiring.
Gave my notice and have a ton on my plate at work to finish but ...

Anyway, my wife is very worked up over what I am going to do each day.
Will I fritter the day away? Will I do something productive?
What about volunteer work? What about doing part time work?
What about ... (fill in the blank)??

She is 4 yrs younger and still working.
.....

Maybe it will be less stressful to keep on working and not retire?

 

[OldShooter]

... Will I fritter the day away? Will I do something productive?...

Yes. It's glorious. Enjoy.

 

[CaliKid]

I am 5 working days from retiring.
Gave my notice and have a ton on my plate at work to finish but ...

Anyway, my wife is very worked up over what I am going to do each day.
Will I fritter the day away? Will I do something productive?
What about volunteer work? What about doing part time work?
What about ... (fill in the blank)??

She is 4 yrs younger and still working.
.....

Maybe it will be less stressful to keep on working and not retire?

It sounds like your wife is jealous of you. She'll get over it... or she'll retire.

 

[Car-Guy]

Need a lot more info, but it sounds to me like maybe "you and/or your wife" just may not be ready,,,, at least mentally....

 

[RunningBum]

I did a quick search of recent posts by you and found the last 3 posts (other than in this thread) about hiking in the woods, stargazing, and using a tent. Sounds like you have some prospects for keeping yourself occupied, and I didn't look very hard.

 

[2017ish]

In our situation, there was no way that either of us was going to retire without the other. But, we are only a year apart and our retirement plans/goals were spending a ****ton more time with each other to make up for lost years.

situations are different between/among couples at the verge of retirement, but one thing is the same--communication is the key.

 

[travelover]

There is no such thing as frittering the day away. You will be RETIRED and unless you are not living up to your duties as a husband, there is nothing more required. Relax, enjoy yourself and make your wife's life easier, too. She will come to appreciate it.

 

[CoolRich59]

There is no such thing as frittering the day away. You will be RETIRED and unless you are not living up to your duties as a husband, there is nothing more required. Relax, enjoy yourself and make your wife's life easier, too. She will come to appreciate it.

Agree 100%

I worked hard for a lot of years to be able to retire early. At first, I felt guilty as well about not being "productive" - especially when friends or family members asked me "What do you do all day?"

Then it dawned on me that I should be able to enjoy my retirement anyway I wanted. Now, when someone asks me what I do all day I respond "As little as possible".

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, keep working, much less stressful than not working.

 

[njhowie]

... and have a ton on my plate at work to finish

So what? And if it doesn't get done?

 

[DrRoy]

If you like stargazing, get a camera and learn to do night photography of the sky.

 

[Dtail]

There are enough folks in retirement who state how did they get all the things done while they were working.
You have earned the right to do nothing on a given day, plus you will find plenty to do.
Wife could be jealous a bit, or perhaps lives through her work?

 

[DayDreaming]

.....
Maybe it will be less stressful to keep on working and not retire?

Less stressful for you, or for your wife?!

 

[jollystomper]

Will I fritter the day away? Will I do something productive?
What about volunteer work? What about doing part time work?
What about ... (fill in the blank)??

The nice thing about retirement - You get to decide what is productive. You get to choose when to fritter the day away because it does not impact anything. If you can choose to volunteer or do part-time, but on your own terms, not what others (including your wife) think you should be doing).

Your wife might be envious, or think you have too much work related "skills" to waste them. She might also be concerned that, now being the only one with work income, you are dependent on that for your retirement to work. I do not know. My DW continued to work several days a week as a college professor when I retired, but after seeing what fun I had in my first year of retirement, and my repeated reminders that we did not need the money she was earning, she put in her notice and stopped teaching at the end of the spring semester.

Perhaps the main thing you can do is to show your wife that your retirement does not bring any additional burdens on her, and in fact lessens any burdens she perceives. I do know of spouses that complain that once their spouse retired they got in the way more, caused them more work at home, etc. If you can avoid that, and be a benefit to her, that might help.

 

[Markola]

+1. I recommend you think of some ways that your retirement will benefit her, whether making great meals, cleaning the house, doing pet or kid chores, tackling yard or home improvement projects, doing all shopping, handling all the finances or relieving her of things that she does for the household. Maybe you could tell her it’s a trial period and ask patience. Good luck.

 

[pacergal]

My spouse retired 5 months before I did.
He took over the housework, had dinner ready every night when I got home, and was up every morning with me while I got ready for work.
I really enjoyed no housework and no cooking for those months!

OP- it sounds like maybe you and DW have some communication to do. What are her fears really all about? What can you do to help her with those?
Is she frustrated you will be home, while she goes off to work? Can she retire too?

 

[JoeWras]

Yeah, keep working, much less stressful than not working.

Ha ha!

I keep track of my blood pressure primarily because I give blood or platelets regularly, so I have a good handle on it. I was borderline for 25 years (130 to 140). Since I retired, I am now solidly between 110 and 120. My doctor is so pleased.

I actually didn't figure out why it went so much lower until one day the lightbulb went off. Retirement!

OP: save your health. Do it. You'll find something to do. I won't sugar coat it -- in our case it took 6 months for me and DW to find our rhythm. We had to try some things. We occasionally got in each other's way. But as someone else said, we communicated. We tried things and found plenty of purpose in life. And may I say, more meaningful purpose than work.

I find a lot of purpose in helping people: neighbors, friends, volunteer agencies. Here's the best part. I don't have to do it. I want to do it. If one of my activities turns sour, I move on. No boss to keep my nose to the grindstone.

Oh, and then there's time play and exercise. And then there's days to do nothing.

It is all good.

Joe - retired at 55

 

[mystang52]

+1. I recommend you think of some ways that your retirement will benefit her, whether making great meals, cleaning the house, doing pet or kid chores, tackling yard or home improvement projects, doing all shopping, handling all the finances or relieving her of things that she does for the household. Maybe you could tell her it’s a trial period and ask patience. Good luck.

I disagree with the penultimate sentence, "Maybe....." but otherwise agree with the suggestions. My DW w*rked for 7 years after I ER'd, and she's older than I ! She was fully supportive of me, though. Here's one more suggestion that I practiced at first: I made it a point to not be home when DW got back from w*rk. I only did this the first few days, but notwithstanding her support I didn't want to be blatant about me being at home when she first came home from her j*b.
We also did another thing: she would just leave an empty container, or an internet picture, of something we needed. I'd make sure that was bought before she got home.

 

[Sanstar]

Agree with Markola and Mustang52. There should be something for DW in your retirement. Since your quality of life will improve exponentially, how will her’s change? Will it be better, same or worse. Maybe ask her for her ideas about your successful transition to retirement as a couple. Plan, do, check, adjust. Rinse and repeat.

I retired first and am not embarrassed to report the first year I slept 10 -12 hours straight, every night. Until you’re actually not working, it’s hard to predict what kind of time and energy you’ll have to fill your day.

Good luck and what a nice situation to be in!

 

[Pellice]

Greet her with a nice, cool drink and have a handle on dinner that first night. If you can do it outdoors, so much the better. It will be great!

And it's too late now to stop .... so check back and let us know how it went, how you are spending the day, and how much your wife is enjoying having you take on some (not all) of the chores. If you REALLY want to score points, bring up some repair or modification you've been putting off, and say it's going to happen.

But, take the time to really bask in retirement too - plan some walk or hike that first day.

 

[L Carlisle]

Yea it seems crazy. We work our a--es off for 30 - 40 years to get to retirement and our wives are not content just allowing us to decide what we want to do at least for awhile. I am in the same boat. I just retired and my wife asks me everyday what I am going to do. My EXTERNAL answer is I don't know. My INTERNAL answer is what ever I want I am done with anyone controlling my life, at least for awhile. Let me enjoy just doing whatever I want for awhile... We all need a chance to download and recuperate from many many years of working too much.

 

[travelover]

+1. I recommend you think of some ways that your retirement will benefit her, whether making great meals, cleaning the house, doing pet or kid chores, tackling yard or home improvement projects, doing all shopping, handling all the finances or relieving her of things that she does for the household. Maybe you could tell her it’s a trial period and ask patience. Good luck.

This is exactly what I did for 9 years. Dinner on the table when she got home, nothing fancy but hot and healthy, did the shopping and house and yard work, paid the bills, also handled the investments and taxes. And, once you have a system, it is an hour or so of work a day. The rest of the time I goofed off. She was happy, I was happy. It was actually a bigger adjustment when she finally retired, too. We have since reshuffled the chores deck and have found a balance.

 

[davebarnes]

Relax. Smoke a J.

 

[RobbieB]

Smoke two joints.

 

[street]

Yeah, keep working, much less stressful than not working.

Bobbie you need to get out and get more fresh air. Lol