One year to live.

[gwill1010]

1. Get my financial affairs in order - update the will, beneficiaries, etc. Maybe move some money around to minimize taxes and/or maximize flexibility for my heirs.
2. Sell everything of value that my kids wouldn't know what to do with.
3. Clean out and sell my house and move into a rental.
4. Visit a few friends.
5. Die in a controlled environment like a hospital/in-patient hospice.

I've got a little $ to leave my kids. #2 is their problem, my time is limited.

 

[RunningBum]

I won't worry too much about getting everything in perfect order and would instead spend my time enjoying what I enjoy, e.g., simply being outside in nature.

If you have kids, they will remember and cherish a comment like Jerry's:

"Personally, I’d do everything I could to make sure my daughters know that I loved them and am proud of the women they’ve become.",

much more, than how well you've organized of a three-ring binder.

I'm sure my father thought he was doing that. He almost never failed to end a visit or a call with "I love you". My brother and sister carried most of the weight since they were local to him, and he always told me how much he appreciated them. But he drove them nuts being such high maintenance. I'm not going to get into everything but an example is that he would always complain to them about his symptoms, and how late his doctors would be running. Then the doc would come in and he just wanted to tell the doctor stories about his life and when my bro or sis brought them up he'd dismiss them. There were other things he did that showed a lack of respect for their time and efforts. It's got to be more than words and empty actions.

Anyway, for some of us, having things well organized is a sign of love and respect. It's not the only sign, for sure, but don't dismiss it.

 

[rodi]

Sorry to hear your news... Having it be 'real life' vs hypothetical did change my view on this.

My first reaction, when I thought it was hypothetical, was that I'd need to change some of my travel plans and goals - currently planning on spending 2.5 months in Italy later this year, studying the language and taking the language exam necessary for me to get dual citizenship. That goal completely goes away if I only have a year. That's what I was thinking when I thought it was hypothetical.

With the change in perspective I agree that I'd want to update my document I have for DH to pick up the financial pieces when I'm gone. He knows roughly what bills come due, etc... but hasn't done any of it, from a practical standpoint, since we've been married. Same with investments, banking, 529's for the kids, etc. I'd get everything documented and simplified.

I'd make sure that family heirloom type things were distributed to my sister and my kids. Things without a huge amount of value, but sentimental... like my grandfather's Yale beer stein and some paintings done by my grandmother's cousin.

I wouldn't spend a ton of time on decluttering, my time is too limited to take on the huge task.

I'd let the boys know how proud I am of them as they get ready to launch from college this year.

And I'd spend as much time as possible doing fun stuff with husband.

 

[Sunset]

....

Do you really want to spend your last hours sorting through old, nearly worthless crap? I can see selling a very high value item that only you would have the expertise to sell, but even that is questionable. What fraction of your net worth is this thing?

I think most of us have the basic estate stuff aligned already. You could hire a consultant and get that sorted in a few days, if not. But what will consume the next 360 days? I certainly wouldn't want to slog through estate details for my few remaining months.

......

Making peace with everyone and everything would come first, I think. The material and organizational stuff would be a distant second.

+1

Even if I didn't have estate stuff done, I'd just put TOD on accounts, visit a lawyer for a simple Will.
Not bother with house contents, except to gift some items, rest someone can sort through or trash.

Then I'd do what I desired, that I thought I'd have time to do. Maybe it's just sitting watching the sunsets. Everyone is different.

 

[tulak]

Sorry to hear this news. I wish all the best for you.

I wouldn't spend a ton of time on decluttering, my time is too limited to take on the huge task.

+1. I would focus on what’s important and let kids/family deal with the rest.

I remember visiting my mom about a month before she passed. She looked around her place and said, sorry, you’re going to have a lot of working going through all this stuff. My response was, don’t worry, we’ll take care of it. In the end, it was a good bonding experience for my sister and me and let us have some closure too.

I’m happy she didn’t worry about decluttering. I’ll let my kids sort through my stuff too, but I will make sure the important stuff is taken care of, such as wills, paperwork, etc.

As for what I would do, I would immediately quit my job and spend it with family and friends, traveling, inviting them along, etc. It would be a true BTD year.

 

[MuirWannabe]

If you have faith in God already that’s great. If not, then I’d spend considerable priority time trying to answer the question of what comes ‘next’. In addition to spending meaningful time with loved ones.
I’m sorry for your serious diagnosis and wish you peace with the time ahead.

 

[Rianne]

I just googled GBM. OP, very sad you were diagnosed with that condition and hope your symptoms are subtle and not painful. Do you have family support and good friends? I hope they're kind to you.

A dear friend has multiple myeloma. The treatments are painful and last months, then treatments all over again. Some friends and family found it hard to communicate with her, did not know what to say, or how to deal with it. I'm in touch with her often, just a text or send a music video I like. Share life with her. I understand it is uncomfortable to know someone close is dying. The last thing she wants is sympathy. NO one is getting out of here alive. Some people keep serious diagnosis a secret and I understand why. It changes everything in relationships.

I have a severe kidney disease and feel lucky. I get to turn down treatment. I refuse to live on dialysis. That's kind of satisfying. I have no idea how long I will live. My body will keep going until it stops. That's ok with me.

 

[Koolau]

Shoot. Didn’t mean for MY condition to hijack the thread. While I appreciate all the thoughts about my condition, I should have waited or not mentioned it, as I think this is an interesting topic on its own, while of particular interest to me.

But, Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. It helps. And it is inspiring to hear stories of others who went through similar struggles and how they dealt with, and came through it.

Somehow, our theoretical musings about the original subject pale in comparison to your true-life concerns. I'm glad you mentioned your diagnosis. It puts things in perspective for the rest of us. God bless.

 

[1242Vintage]

If I had only one more year, I’d keep doing exactly what I’m doing now.

Spending time with family, getting out on my bicycle, and exploring the world with my lovely bride.

 

[Dash man]

If you have faith in God already that’s great. If not, then I’d spend considerable priority time trying to answer the question of what comes ‘next’. In addition to spending meaningful time with loved ones.
I’m sorry for your serious diagnosis and wish you peace with the time ahead.

^^^^This!
I’d spend as much time with family as possible.
I’m currently reading a book called “Imagine Heaven” by John Burke. Very interesting reading that I’d recommend.

 

[Global Wizzo]

If you knew you only had one year to live, what would you do?

Assume that your health will be ok, but go down rapidly at the end of the year.

Others have mentioned the book. Ours is 90% updated and reviewed regularly.
Likely wife and I would do one last 30-45 day around the world trip to enjoy our favorite places together and say farewell to friends.

Spend some time with the grand kids

Simplify the Tech in the house so wife can manage it. Sell of or donate all my radio and shop equipment.

Smile and enjoy every day.

 

[jgrdarrash]

Sorry to hear this news. I wish all the best for you.



+1. I would focus on what’s important and let kids/family deal with the rest.

I remember visiting my mom about a month before she passed. She looked around her place and said, sorry, you’re going to have a lot of working going through all this stuff. My response was, don’t worry, we’ll take care of it. In the end, it was a good bonding experience for my sister and me and let us have some closure too.

I’m happy she didn’t worry about decluttering. I’ll let my kids sort through my stuff too, but I will make sure the important stuff is taken care of, such as wills, paperwork, etc.

As for what I would do, I would immediately quit my job and spend it with family and friends, traveling, inviting them along, etc. It would be a true BTD year.

There are estate clean out companies that will come and clear out everything. Even the pickles in the fridge and shampoo in the shower. We didn't know they existed until Mom died. It took 4 adults a week of 8 hour days just to go through her papers and pictures and what we wanted to keep. If we'd had to clean everything out would have taken a month. So glad the real estate agent told us about them.

 

[Retired Expat]

So am I the only one who thinks about getting rid of embarrassing or incriminating stuff? Old love letters, porn, sex toys, junk food, trashy novels?

 

[target2019]

So am I the only one who thinks about getting rid of embarrassing or incriminating stuff? Old love letters, porn, sex toys, junk food, trashy novels?

Done.

 

[razztazz]

So am I the only one who thinks about getting rid of embarrassing or incriminating stuff? Old love letters, porn, sex toys, junk food, trashy novels?

I would put that under my Item #2-
Close out as much stuff as I can myself in the mean time. There's more to closing-out than just credit cards and the Amazon account etc. Yes, sort of sterilize the data trail

 

[meleana]

I have my affairs in order and I downsized 4 years ago. I have traveled everywhere I have wanted to go. I would spend the time enjoying my kids and friends.

Same. I love the lakes/mountains region where I live also. I’m mostly content and thankful.

 

[Allytx]

Spend as much time as possible with family.

 

[skyking1]

OP, I am sorry you are facing this. My sister went through that process, and two years ago almost to the day she took her leave. Please send me a message if you have any questions or just want to talk.
We cared for her to the very end.
thread about GBM

What would I do?
I started a house for my wife and I. I would get as much help as needed and finish it, and she could decide what to do after I am gone. I would not leave her a flustercluck of an unfinished house.
My family is near and would help, and in doing so I would have quality times with them.
If I had any gas left in the tank we would do a little bucket list traveling.
I would not obsess about that, just do what felt right and reasonable.

 

[Theophrastus Bombastus]

Don't wake up one day with regrets that you missed the boat.

Before giving up and conceding to the great equalizer, I would recommend a data search on the NIH website and contacting M. D. Anderson in Houston.

They do not perform miracles, but try their best. It is head and shoulders above any other US cancer center and the world.

Sadly, I know this for a fact.

I went down the same path with my DW six years ago.

 

[ImaCheesehead]

My husband of 41 years was diagnosed with GBM at the end of August 2023 and passed 10 months later in June 2024.

We really didn’t do anything different than what we had been doing before diagnosis. Although he had immediate surgery to remove both brain tumors he was never remotely the same when he came out. So, in his case, it wasn’t a matter of doing well until he wasn’t. Thankfully, we’d done a lot in our lives because he had only two years retirement before he got sick. If he hadn’t been retired, that would’ve been the first thing to do.

I had to manage all his doctor appointments and medicines, and I made sure that accounts were set up to come to me upon death.

In hindsight, in his specific case, it would’ve been better to have not tried the surgery and he would’ve been able to do more for longer, although his life would’ve been shorter. You just never know though.

It’s an awful thing to have to navigate, I hope you have family and friends to help you.

 

[RunningBum]

So am I the only one who thinks about getting rid of embarrassing or incriminating stuff? Old love letters, porn, sex toys, junk food, trashy novels?

Kind of a funny story about that. When my ex- and I were going through our divorce, we were looking through the spare closet as part of deciding what was clearly hers, mine, and to be negotiated. I got a box off the top shelf and she snatched it from me. She finally admitted they were old letters, including love letters. I got a little upset that she had kept them, but better judgement kicked in since we were having a very productive and peaceful separation of property, and it wasn't worth upsetting that. Besides, it didn't matter at that point.

 

[Koolau]

So am I the only one who thinks about getting rid of embarrassing or incriminating stuff? Old love letters, porn, sex toys, junk food, trashy novels?

ratty underwear, leisure suits, T-shirts with holes, old text books (back when there were only 4 elements).

 

[CindyBlue]

Shoot. Didn’t mean for MY condition to hijack the thread. While I appreciate all the thoughts about my condition, I should have waited or not mentioned it, as I think this is an interesting topic on its own, while of particular interest to me.

But, Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. It helps. And it is inspiring to hear stories of others who went through similar struggles and how they dealt with, and came through it.

gcgang, I'm so sorry to hear it. I hope you are finding your path in a way that works for you...know we are all here for you any time...