Opening up the dialog to give money to my kids

I think it makes sense to help your (grown) children while they are still young and it can make more of a difference in their lives. One of our sons has some issues and as a result makes poor choices more than most and is horrible at managing money. To avoid conflicts we moved him out when he was 18 and although we helped, he struggled. We wound up buying a low cost (it was 2015) 1 bedroom Condo for him and it has brought some stability to his life. He still struggles financially but when he lost his job last spring at least he wasn't facing homelessness.

I know it is often argued to let them fail, and they learn from it ... but he has failed, and he doesn't learn. Though we help him more than we would like we don't solve all his problems for him and he is doing well considering his past.

We have two other children and we bought them Condo's as well, more recently. The Condo's are in our name but go to the children on our death. All the children pay the carrying costs (HOA, insurance, taxes) but no rent and we estimate this reduces their spending on housing by around $10k per year. The first son just spends it all but he gets to do more travel and adventure than he would otherwise. The other two are both savers and while they may do more they also save more and maybe they will be in a position to FIRE themselves someday.
 
When I bought my first house, in my 20s, my parents lent me money as a third mortgage, with interest on the same terms as my second mortgage. Repayment was to be flexible. At the end of the first year, I scraped together 20% of the principal to start repaying it and mailed them a cheque. (This was a long time ago.) I was really proud if myself for being able to do that.

They returned the cheque and forgave the mortgage.

I think that felt better for all of us than an outright gift.
 
When I bought my first house, in my 20s, my parents lent me money as a third mortgage, with interest on the same terms as my second mortgage. Repayment was to be flexible. At the end of the first year, I scraped together 20% of the principal to start repaying it and mailed them a cheque. (This was a long time ago.) I was really proud if myself for being able to do that.

They returned the cheque and forgave the mortgage.

I think that felt better for all of us than an outright gift.
We've done that with daughter. She needed loan for masters program. I shared a loan sheet with her, and asked for monthly payments back to the checking account. She took more money for loan in the final year, always depositing the payment on time. Somewhere along the line I completed the process, and when she saw that, learned a thing of two.
 
No gifting on any regular basis but 3 years ago we did a 100k 709 form for help in a new home my son bought before he got married.
He had a home, but the home didn't fit for them after marriage.

So, with a home and buying a different one we did help him. He eventually sold his old home which he had built, and made a great profit, so he did well.

We have been there for him on a few other occasions with some high cost purchases but he has always paid us back.

He knows we always will have his/family back and will be there for any financial need that they may need. He also knows he needs to pay his own way, and we stay out of his business. He does know someday he will get it all.

The other reason no gifting they don't need the money so very fortunate for that.
 
My parents give us $25,000 every Christmas to spend as we wish. Because of this I was able to retire at 57 with no debt and 3 homes paid for! Plus we put 2 kids through college so they have no debt.

I am doing the same for my 3 kids so they can have some money/enjoyment while they are younger. We also plan to do a family trip to Alaska that we will pay for.
That's a very nice family tradition. Hope your kids can carry it on as they raise their families.
 
Her husband is quickly moving to full disability due to deterioration of his brain from Hydrocephalus onset (took 7 years).
Very sorry to hear this. Both of my daughters were diagnosed at the same time with this, in their late teens. Happily they've been able to control it, now in their early 20s.
 
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