Our Grandchildren's Generation - Back to the Future?

[Route246]

Been musing about the mental health crisis hitting baby boomers' grandchildrens' generation. As a young baby boomer I don't recall teen suicide, depression, ADHD and other mental conditions being so visible or common when I was growing up. I only know personally of one suicide during my K-12 years and none in my collegiate years. Next to where I grew up it was a common occurrence for Gunn HS (Palo Alto) to have students jumping in front of a CalTrain commuter train on the other side of town.

Did we just "suck it up" and deal with it or did some generational change happen? It is easy to say the helicopter parenting, overindulgent and privileged upbringing with little or no life adversity presented to these children is a root cause but is it?

I had a talk with my nephew a few months ago and he and his sister are two that went through therapy, took meds and lived a privileged life (compared to how our family lived). He told me his son is not going to have anything easy, he will have to work and earn his own money and will not be able to participate in sports the way that his father and auntie did just because his parents can afford it. If he wants to play golf he is going to have to earn money for clubs, range buckets and green fees. If he wants to play hockey, tennis or baseball he is going to have to earn money to at least pay for his equipment. He won't have the benefit of a country club membership, either.

On a side note, an engineer on my team grew up tough on the streets, had brothers who were shot and did prison time. Somehow he avoided all of that, avoided getting arrested and managed to make a nice white-collar career for himself without distancing or taking the street cred from himself. He was pretty good at baseball but not good enough for the pros. We were talking about the depression, teen suicide and all of the mental health issues happening today. He shook his head and pointed blame squarely on the parents, claiming that the kids who group in rough neighborhoods are no different physiologically from those who grew up privileged in the suburbs. He said where he grew up you just learned to survive or not, no real choices other than those two. He said nobody in his neighborhood had time to be depressed, did not have access to great mental health care and if you did show any kind of mental weakness the environment would take care of fixing that. Tough life but he said the concept of mental health issues among his friends is really not there, he believed much of it is contrived and a product of over-protecting a child which he understands is a human instinct, but it just was not available in the low-income environment he grew up in. Harsh words but it made sense.

My nephew seems to realize this and is making an attempt with his son to make sure he sees some adversity, to see that life is not so easy and to work and earn money to be able to afford things. I hold out hope that the next generations will do better in this regard.

 

[GrayHare]

Several studies have linked an increase in depression to an increased use of social media. Makes sense to me that a reduction in face-to-face human interaction can make someone feel less comfortably human.

 

[HFWR]

We went out to play. I rode my bike all over hell’s half acre, including to the swimming pool and Little League. Granted it was a small town and rural setting.

We got ourselves ready for school, and caught the bus, without parental supervision, as both of my parents were already headed to w*rk.

We mowed lawns or pitched hay.

Of course there was no social media.

Kids need independence of movement, and unsupervised “play”. Harder in a city, as biking around to school or sports is less safe than a mostly rural highway or country road.

Even us adults can benefit from logging off for some unsupervised play.

 

[marko]

Almost 30% of my highly privileged high school graduating class (1970) were dead before their 35th birthday. A few more might as well be. There were only 74 of us.

No suicides, just what we now call "poor life choices". Same result, just takes longer.

Some trust fund kiddies can have a hard time. Others went on to be pillars of their communities; doctors, lawyers, running a foundation, saving the whales. Genuinely good people.

Saw the dichotomy even in siblings who had identical ease, opportunity and upbringing. Is it down to how each individual handles challenges?

 

[Koolau]

Wow. There are whole books on this subject and I don't think anyone has all the answers.

When I was growing up, most kids - even in our relatively impoverished neighborhood had a SAHM, a w*rking dad, probably one car, eventually a TV with 3 channels, good teachers for the most part, lots of kids to play with (first of the Boomer generation), a church and a gas station on every block. We walked to school - despite the weather. We had loving discipline (from teachers as well as parents). Our parents had expectations from and for us. Hey, it was the 50s. Ike was President and we worried about the Bomb and Polio but not much else.

I have my own thoughts on "what went wrong" but even mentioning them would stray into forbidden subjects. YMMV

 

[HFWR]

We seem to forget that humans are basically apes with a larger frontal cortex, and the associated dysfunctions, phobias, biases, and paranoia.

 

[Texas Proud]

Just might be me but just because it was not staring us in the face did not mean it was not there back when we were young...

But in a way I agree with you... remember we had peanut butter... now it is horrible to have it because SOME kid MIGHT have an allergy... there are many others like this that have gone too far IMO..

 

[Route246]

We went out to play. I rode my bike all over hell’s half acre, including to the swimming pool and Little League. Granted it was a small town and rural setting.

We got ourselves ready for school, and caught the bus, without parental supervision, as both of my parents were already headed to w*rk.

We mowed lawns or pitched hay.

Of course there was no social media.

Kids need independence of movement, and unsupervised “play”. Harder in a city, as biking around to school or sports is less safe than a mostly rural highway or country road.

Even us adults can benefit from logging off for some unsupervised play.

Same here, we just went out on our bikes and went places, did stuff and hung out at the bowling alley, pool hall, pinball parlor or public swimming pool. Don't recall any depression although there were cliques but people just avoided conflict. I guess social network makes it harder to avoid that sort of stuff.

Almost 30% of my highly privileged high school graduating class (1970) were dead before their 35th birthday. A few more might as well be. There were only 74 of us.

No suicides, just what we now call "poor life choices". Same result, just takes longer.

Some trust fund kiddies can have a hard time. Others went on to be pillars of their communities; doctors, lawyers, running a foundation, saving the whales. Genuinely good people.

Saw the dichotomy even in siblings who had identical ease, opportunity and upbringing. Is it down to how each individual handles challenges?

That's harsh. My class (1975) had a few leave us early but nothing like that. I found out that many just didn't do very well which is sad considering it was an upscale upbringing. I would guess that my outcome professionally, financially and socially compared to where I came from is probably near the top in terms of achievement, even beyond the financial aspect. Many of my classmates were born on third base and ended up being thrown out at second base. That's unfortunate. I always try to analyze "what if" scenarios and I'm guessing that if I was one of those privileged classmates I would have possibly severely underachieved compared to where I came from.

 

[Gumby]

I, and others, have written in these pages that "comparison is the thief of joy." When I was young, my family was poor, but so were all the families who lived around us, which is all we knew. Sure, it annoyed me to no end that we couldn't get what we wanted in the grocery, but none of the people we knew could do it either, so I felt normal, even if disappointed. Sadly, modern social media gives young people (and, oddly, some older people) a chance to compare themselves to a much wider variety of others, including people whose lives actually are substantially materially better than theirs. And that doesn't even account for the "influencers" who present a false front to the world full of fictitious wealth and opportunity. Everywhere young people look today, they see others their age living fabulous lives, doing fun things and having no cares. Then they look at their own lives, lives of scarcity, deprivation, worries and lack of opportunities, and they feel inadequate. Can it be any surprise that this might result in mental health issues?

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Wow. There are whole books on this subject and I don't think anyone has all the answers.

When I was growing up, most kids - even in our relatively impoverished neighborhood had a SAHM, a w*rking dad, probably one car, eventually a TV with 3 channels, good teachers for the most part, lots of kids to play with (first of the Boomer generation), a church and a gas station on every block. We walked to school - despite the weather. We had loving discipline (from teachers as well as parents). Our parents had expectations from and for us. Hey, it was the 50s. Ike was President and we worried about the Bomb and Polio but not much else.

I have my own thoughts on "what went wrong" but even mentioning them would stray into forbidden subjects. YMMV

I grew up on a farm, So did DW. Our parents darn near starved in the great depression, then went on to a better job when they were in the service during WW 2 and Korea. During the 60's and 70's I was always happy to be fed and sleep inside. I watched my older friends go off and fight in Viet Nam. They all made it home. I just missed it by a few years. I didn't get to go to college, no money. I went to work, my standard of living was the same til I bought a house with central air when I was 30. 1995.

After I found steady work, I saved half my income for 30 years and here I am. My standard of living is the same, but I can quietly help others now and not worry about paying my own bills. I am fortunate. Neighbors around me think I am poor...

 

[audreyh1]

Late baby boomer. I remember some suicides and parents fears about suicide when I was a teenager. It was definitely a concern back in the 1970s.

 

[Montecfo]

2 things we did not experience: helicopter parenting and social media.

What we did learn was independence and resilience. In some ways this was out of self defense.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Late baby boomer. I remember some suicides and parents fears about suicide when I was a teenager. It was definitely a concern back in the 1970s.

Yes. I knew several in the 1970's when I was growing up. Some were veterans who didn't get the help they needed, others were farmers with financial troubles. A couple others were well off financially with (what we all thought was a good home life) and nobody knew why.... 20 or 30 years later it was my generation going through the same thing.

I would do anything I could to help someone in need. The trouble was I didn't know they were in need until it was too late.

 

[audreyh1]

Yes. I knew several in the 1970's when I was growing up. Some were veterans who didn't get the help they needed, others were farmers with financial troubles. A couple others were well off financially with (what we all thought was a good home life) and nobody knew why.... 20 or 30 years later it was my generation going through the same thing.

I would do anything I could to help someone in need. The trouble was I didn't know they were in need until it was too late.

That’s interesting. All I knew about were teenagers.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I, and others, have written in these pages that "comparison is the thief of joy." When I was young, my family was poor, but so were all the families who lived around us, which is all we knew. Sure, it annoyed me to no end that we couldn't get what we wanted in the grocery, but none of the people we knew could do it either, so I felt normal, even if disappointed. Sadly, modern social media gives young people (and, oddly, some older people) a chance to compare themselves to a much wider variety of others, including people whose lives actually are substantially materially better than theirs. And that doesn't even account for the "influencers" who present a false front to the world full of fictitious wealth and opportunity. Everywhere young people look today, they see others their age living fabulous lives, doing fun things and having no cares. Then they look at their own lives, lives of scarcity, deprivation, worries and lack of opportunities, and they feel inadequate. Can it be any surprise that this might result in mental health issues?

Good post. I grew up in the 1960's and 70's. We weren't poor, our parents who lived through the depression told us that.. We just had what we needed and nothing more. The same as our friends and neighbors. We looked out for our families and neighbors, and people we didn't even know.
We didn't watch the news or care what church other people went to (or didn't go to). I still try to live like that.

 

[jazz4cash]

Several studies have linked an increase in depression to an increased use of social media. Makes sense to me that a reduction in face-to-face human interaction can make someone feel less comfortably human.

The example I read about is the ability to scroll constantly and view expensive lifestyles can result in insecurities and debt. Influencer is an occupation that pays individuals for showing off. We didn’t grow up that way. I remember the thrill of seeing a fancy car drive down the street every now and then. It wasn‘t a constant image in your face.

 

[jollystomper]

... Sadly, modern social media gives young people (and, oddly, some older people) a chance to compare themselves to a much wider variety of others, including people whose lives actually are substantially materially better than theirs. And that doesn't even account for the "influencers" who present a false front to the world full of fictitious wealth and opportunity. Everywhere young people look today, they see others their age living fabulous lives, doing fun things and having no cares. Then they look at their own lives, lives of scarcity, deprivation, worries and lack of opportunities, and they feel inadequate. Can it be any surprise that this might result in mental health issues?

I would also add that, in addition to thinking "everyone else is having fun, why can't I", the other things social media does:

1) it greatly magnifies ones social missteps. If you made some awkward social mistake, it would be limited to your friends, maybe a small group at school or in your neighborhood, at worse many people in your neighborhood or school. And there would be no "replay", just words. But now, your misstep can be captured and sent around the world, for strangers to see and comment on... and there can be no escape from it. It can be perceived that the entire world is making fun of you. How mentally "solid" would many of us boomers be if our awkward moments were captured, replayed, and would never disappear?

2) It has greatly enabled things like pornography, suicide promotion, and exposure to a wider world of predators to younger ages. As a teen, if interested, you had to seek it out, it was not cheap, and you would find few adults to enable you. Now, it is thrown in your face for free (do not think those parental controls are preventing anything) in pre-teen years, presenting situations that one is just , and sadly more than a few adults wanting to encourage you to find it.. then you hit the teenage years and passing around nudes (or someone -peers or "strangers on the internet" convincing you to sending out nudes of yourself) is a danger - another thing that never goes away.

In sum, social media is introducing stuff to younger and younger ages that in the past, many adults would have a difficult time handling. But someone one expect kids to handle it... or one does not care as the focus is on "clicks" and "likes".

 

[robnplunder]

Did we just "suck it up" and deal with it or did some generational change happen? It is easy to say the helicopter parenting, overindulgent and privileged upbringing with little or no life adversity presented to these children is a root cause but is it?

I think life was much simpler in our time. We didn't have to deal with what the young kids face today.

Growing up, I was focused on surviving so much that I didn't have time to be depressed. Heck, I wasn't even aware I was having a hard life then. Years later, I met a few Vietnamese co-workers who escaped from Vietnam after it fell (1975). They likely had a harder time growing up than I did. But, they seem alright. Perhaps, the younger generations lack a stronger purpose in life, something to divert them from being stressed out.

(I certainly don't want to be born now. I'd rather be a child of the '70s than the 2030s.)

 

[HFWR]

I can look back with a certain fondness, though I don’t have to dig to deep to see the poverty, the drop outs, the reputations of a couple of local bars known for fights and assorted other mayhem, the alcoholic church elder or the English teacher who sneaked a sip during breaks, the teacher who might have been a little too close to some students…

I don’t want to overstate having an idyllic childhood. I guess the independence was “character building”, but there was also 4-H, Cub, Boy, and Explorer Scouting, church and youth group, church and Scout camps, and various school activities, to gain skills and experiences, and keep me mostly out of trouble. Plus, pretty much everyone knew each other, so if you were caught misbehaving, your folks knew it before you got home.

 

[Koolau]

Our school had a fairly successful athletics department and won a couple of championships while I was attending.

The kids I felt sorry for were the "stars" (football, basketball, baseball) as High School was the end of their c@reers. Chances of going beyond HS in your chosen sport were exceedingly slim to none. Those were the kids I would have guessed would be suicide victims.

Oddly the only suicide victim I was "sure" of in our class had dated DW for a short while. A few years later he "lost" at Russian Roulette in the rest room of a local sleazy bar. Fortunately, DW wasn't phased over the incident. She'd never really gotten close.

 

[aja8888]

I walk my dog at 6:15 AM near a high school bus stop where there are 8 - 10 kids waiting for the bus. It's dark out, but I can count the kids from the light coming from their phones which they are all staring at. 6:15 AM

 

[CaptTom]

The bus just picked up the high-schooler across the street. Second day in a row the driver waited for a while outside the house, then beeped and waited some more until the kid came running out. There was a line of cars behind the bus.

I hate sounding crotchety, but the bus wouldn't have even slowed down if we weren't at the bus stop waiting when it got there, back when I took a bus to high school.

 

[Cassius King]

Some of it has to stem from the "Everyone Gets a Trophy" ideology. A generation of kids that can do no wrong and are rewarded for no skill or effort.

 

[walkinwood]

I think every generation wonders what's wrong with the next one. Your grandparents were probably aghast at the liberal use of drugs, high divorce rates, obesity and consumerism of the next generation.

Things change - constantly and at an ever increasing rate.

They didn't have first-hand experience of what the next generation was going through, and nor do we.

Of course, that doesn't mean we give up our right to be righteous about ourselves.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I walk my dog at 6:15 AM near a high school bus stop where there are 8 - 10 kids waiting for the bus. It's dark out, but I can count the kids from the light coming from their phones which they are all staring at. 6:15 AM

Maybe their school has a "no phones" policy and they're trying to get their last dose before classes start?