Our Retiree Holiday Dilemma

[Palmtree]

We have a upcoming predicament. We are both in our 60’s and have no children of our own. For over 30 years my wife and I have spent Christmas at her parents’ home, in the tiny southern town that she grew up in. My father-in-law was the town doctor. He was well loved and everyone knew him and of course my wife so to us it was like a second home. Even though it as just the four of us, it was always a holiday rich in fun, laughter and family traditions. We knew that one day they would not be with us, so a home town Christmas with them was something we treasured every single year. Tragically they have both passed away. Now Christmas is definitely not the same. After all those years at my in-laws, Christmas morning by ourselves, in our own home seems lacking…… and a bit sad.

So now we are left exploring options on what to do during the holiday season. Both this year and in the future. Christmas markets in Europe? Skiing in Colorado? Palm trees and white sand? Who knows. But I’m sure we are not the only childless retirees who are facing this situation. Christmas is months away but I would like to start collecting ideas and making plans now. If you are in a similar situation or have suggestions, we would sincerely appreciate if you would share your plans or what you do to make the holidays special.

 

[athena53]

Only the two of you know whether a "Christmas-y" Christmas (decorations, traditional meal, ugly holiday sweaters, exchanging gifts) or a complete change of scenery (palm trees and white sand) would feel better. And while the Christmas markets in Europe would be festive, many places (including restaurants) will be closed down on Christmas day. If you stayed local, would there be people you could invite for an open house- maybe Boxing Day (12/26) when they're not with their own families? Would it be meaningful to attend a church service?

Some places may book quickly around Christmas. People who don't celebrate Christmas for whatever reason like to travel then.

 

[Cassius King]

Depending on where you live, there could be college students that can't get home for Christmas that would love to get together.

 

[athena53]

A friend who lived in San Antonio near a military base used to open her home to soldiers who couldn't be with family on Christmas.

 

[Teacher Terry]

In my 40’s I moved across the country for my career and had no family locally. For thanksgiving and Christmas I invited everyone that I knew was going to be alone. Eventually it bloomed to 25 people. It was always lots of fun.

 

[target2019]

What is preventing you from going to the small town this year? You could explore other local attractions, participate in community events, etc.

 

[Aerides]

We don't have kids, but I host a christmas eve (or the day before, depending on schedules) with my sister, her family and my parents. This past year my niece brought her long time boyfriend, and I expect nephew to do the same down the road. We're still juggling fitting parents and inlaws and the whole thing feels like having 3 or 4 things in a week and it's a lot more than we'd like tbh.

We sometimes get together with some friends earlier in december and do a gift party where everybody brings one thing, and you swap it around.

Both are simple to host, just finger foods and drinks mostly, and people bring stuff too.

So, even if you don't have other family locally, perhaps a hold pot luck party with friends either before or in the period from christmas to new years?

Other than that, if going away, many nicer hotels and resorts dress up and do things like tree lighting or other events for their guests during the holiday period.

 

[RetiredHappy]

We always spend Christmas with other childless couples. This year we are going to Newport Coast in a 2BR timeshare over Christmas and our close friends are joining us. The following week, we are going to be in Palm Desert for New Year and another couple is joining us.

 

[5Miler]

DGF has no children and both of my sons live 12 hours away so definitely not local. DGF does have a lot of family local including her two sisters and their extended family. Every year we host two parties for family and friends, one on Christmas Eve and one for July 4 as my birthday is July 1, DGF's is July 2 and one BIL is July 4.

Both usually have a large turnout and the nieces and nephews look forward to them with their own kids as it is a rare opportunity for all to get together. We enjoy having everyone over and it's another excuse to fire up the smoker. Typically have 20 to 30 people since we do invite some close friends.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

We are on our own also. We actually like the quiet of holiday time. Xmas, 4th of July, NY and Birthdays. Our dear next-door neighbors have a lot of family and at every holiday ask us to join them. We are good friends. However, we feel that they should spend the time with THEIR family not us. They often are very insistent, and we do give in on occasion, never at Xmas and NY though.

 

[gattara]

Childless DH and I had our first Christmas vacation a couple of years ago and it remains one of my favorite vacation memories ever. We went to Banff and Lake Louise, Canada. On Christmas Eve, we hiked in the snow, had a lovely dinner at the Fairmont (where we stayed for a few nights) and enjoyed the carolers in the evening. On Christmas Day, we took a carriage ride around Lake Louise, sledded down some hills, and my husband went skiing. The 2 hotels we stayed at had many fun activities available, including snow shoeing at night, high tea, yoga, crafts, etc. For us, this trip was an unusual luxury (definitely a BTD experience) that I would repeat in a heartbeat. Loved being away at Christmas so much that we've decided to spend Christmas 2024 in Patagonia with OAT, a tour group.

 

[pacergal]

My condolences on the loss of your in laws.
Many of the suggestions given so far are excellent.
Do you want to travel or do you want to have celebrations with other friends/family?

If you are looking for really "Christmas-y" types of travel, the Christmas river cruises in Europe are good. My brother and sister in law have gone to two of them and loved it.
Leavenworth, WA also is a great place to be during the holiday time.

DH and I went to Hawaii a few years ago during Christmas. It was an interesting change to be someplace warm and see all of the decorations!
DH and DD went to New York once a week before Christmas. They said it was wonderful holiday feeling.

Staying home and having open house type get togethers with neighbors or others who are without family is a good option.
Serving a meal in a homeless shelter warms the heart. DH has done that several years. It was the place he worked in while in college, so always went back.

Lots of options, you will find new traditions and ways to celebrate over time.

 

[athena53]

Loved being away at Christmas so much that we've decided to spend Christmas 2024 in Patagonia with OAT, a tour group.

OT again but I LOVE OAT! I've done 6 trips with the and have 2 more scheduled.

 

[OldShooter]

I have noticed that Road Scholar offers trips over the Christmas holiday period. Not sure what the target market might be but my assumption has been that it was people who did not celebrate Christmas.

Educational Holiday Travels and Trips | Road Scholar

Make the most of the end of the year with educational holiday travel and tips. Experience local traditions and stunning landscapes by booking today.

www.roadscholar.org

 

[pacergal]

Another thought would be to "adopt" a local family in need. Purchase gifts for them, provide food, etc.
Many churches, food banks, etc have such lists.

 

[audreyh1]

Finally parental obligations went away as well as the associated family get together over the holidays. We thankfully have had the winter holidays to ourselves.

But we haven’t traveled anywhere for Thanksgiving or Xmas/New Years. The weather where we live is the absolute best then plus great wildlife so we enjoy home.

We did do one Christmas trip over 20 years ago to Oaxaca Mexico. Went with a small (birding) group. It was a fantastic place to visit over Christmas with some unique festivals and impressive ancient Zapotec buildings. Also it’s the culinary haute cuisine of Mexico - land of the seven moles. Delicious!

 

[rk911]

These days we prefer to spend Christmas Eve/Day with just ourselves. We have no kids, my wife is an 'orphan' having lost both parents and both brothers. My folks are long gone. I have one sister who does not celebrate Christmas. When our parents were alive we'd spend Christmas Eve with my mom and Christmas Day with her family. Christmas Day for us is sleeping late then I make breakfast and we do a small Turkey breast for dinner. We stopped exchanging gifts with each other a long time ago.

 

[brett]

Difficult to say. DW comes from a large family with big Xmas get togethers. For my family it was Christmas but New Years eve/day (Hogmanay) was as big or bigger.

We moved thousands of miles away when we married and spend a number of Xmas's by ourselves. I am OK with it, DW not so much. We did a cruise one year because both children we going to their other side of the family. It was OK.

For a few years we traveled with our children for Christmas with relatives. By air. We soon gave that up. Far too much hassle.

Only you can solve this. Even then, you may feel very differently after your first Christmas doing an alternate activity/tour/travel.

 

[Jerry1]

I think I would try to do something simple and wouldn’t even worry if it ended up just being me and DW. Just to see how that goes. A few simple decorations around the house just to ensure that you’re in the spirit of the season might be helpful.

This year might be somewhat of a farewell/memorial to the parents and the past traditions. Maybe get something special, like a bottle of wine that you wouldn’t normally get and toast to the old and plan the new.

Some of the things I like to do around Christmas:
- Adopt a family (a local charity helps families in need fill out a list of needs and wants and we select a family and go shopping).
- Buy a Toys for Tots gift (I like to include the Hess Truck of the year).
- Go to a Christmas/Holiday concert
- Decorate the house - Outside lights and inside poinsettias are my tradition. DW does the tree but last year we lost her mom just after Thanksgiving and ended up with just a small tree (which I preferred).
- Dinner with family, which of course doesn’t apply to OP.
- Trying to go lighter and lighter each year on the gifts for family because we don’t need anything and give to the family, including grand kids, during the year.

Whatever you do, be thankful you have each other. I think it would be very hard to be singularity alone on Christmas.

 

[Palmtree]

What is preventing you from going to the small town this year? You could explore other local attractions, participate in community events, etc.

It was considered but their home has been sold. I know my wife and sadly, everything would just remind her of them. We need a fresh start.

 

[Palmtree]

Childless DH and I had our first Christmas vacation a couple of years ago and it remains one of my favorite vacation memories ever. We went to Banff and Lake Louise, Canada. On Christmas Eve, we hiked in the snow, had a lovely dinner at the Fairmont (where we stayed for a few nights) and enjoyed the carolers in the evening. On Christmas Day, we took a carriage ride around Lake Louise, sledded down some hills, and my husband went skiing. The 2 hotels we stayed at had many fun activities available, including snow shoeing at night, high tea, yoga, crafts, etc. For us, this trip was an unusual luxury (definitely a BTD experience) that I would repeat in a heartbeat. Loved being away at Christmas so much that we've decided to spend Christmas 2024 in Patagonia with OAT, a tour group.

That sounds like a lot of fun. We've not been skiing in quite sometime so I think I'll keep that as an option.

 

[Palmtree]

Another thought would be to "adopt" a local family in need. Purchase gifts for them, provide food, etc.
Many churches, food banks, etc have such lists.

Thank you. Adopting a family each year through a local charity is something we do every year and very much enjoy.

 

[Jenna]

We have a upcoming predicament. We are both in our 60’s and have no children of our own. For over 30 years my wife and I have spent Christmas at her parents’ home, in the tiny southern town that she grew up in. My father-in-law was the town doctor. He was well loved and everyone knew him and of course my wife so to us it was like a second home. Even though it as just the four of us, it was always a holiday rich in fun, laughter and family traditions. We knew that one day they would not be with us, so a home town Christmas with them was something we treasured every single year. Tragically they have both passed away. Now Christmas is definitely not the same. After all those years at my in-laws, Christmas morning by ourselves, in our own home seems lacking…… and a bit sad.

So now we are left exploring options on what to do during the holiday season. Both this year and in the future. Christmas markets in Europe? Skiing in Colorado? Palm trees and white sand? Who knows. But I’m sure we are not the only childless retirees who are facing this situation. Christmas is months away but I would like to start collecting ideas and making plans now. If you are in a similar situation or have suggestions, we would sincerely appreciate if you would share your plans or what you do to make the holidays special.

We spent Christmas in Europe last year! It was so much fun and while we had a minute of sadness (we weren't with family), it was so memorable. We did Christmas with the grands when we got home.

 

[Palmtree]

We spent Christmas in Europe last year! It was so much fun and while we had a minute of sadness (we weren't with family), it was so memorable. We did Christmas with the grands when we got home.

Would you care to say where in Europe you spent Christmas? Cruise, skiing, etc.

 

[gattara]

OT again but I LOVE OAT! I've done 6 trips with the and have 2 more scheduled.

I remember reading your posts and you were one of the people who sold me on OAT! We did their Sicily trip over Thanksgiving last year and Peru last month. We're thrilled with their tours - so, a much belated thank you for your positive words about OAT - my FIL used to travel with them as well. No complaints, just fun adventures to look forward to!