I was curious if others here have had a similar experience and how they handled it. My father moved in with me in late March as he had no better alternative and I was trying to "do the right thing" and help out someone in need. He had been living with an acquaintance, who had decided to sell the house they were living in. Fast forward to today and I have all but 100% decided to kick him out.
To summarize a lifelong story, my parents divorced when I was about 8. As an adult, I can call a spade a spade and say my dad was basically an irresponsible deadbeat, with sporadic visitation and child support. My older half-brother once even bailed him out of jail for not paying child support for me and my two younger brothers. When I was 19, I got to be the one to move him from his long time girlfriend's house as she had kicked him out and he had no where to go. He's had no steady home or job since and needless to say isn't in a very good financial situation ( ZERO savings ). He's lived briefly with my half-brother, his sister, me for a few months a couple years ago, and in the MN Veteran's home. I don't think he can even get a checking account due to bad credit and/or debts. He has no car and I'm not sure he can even legally drive.
I'm now 27 and live in a 1 BR apartment. He has finally started receiving his pension and his Social Security is supposedly in the works. I'm not sure if there is some garnishment going on or what but the wheels seem to be moving slowly on that. He's healthy, but not willing to work except for pipe-dream ideas or infrequent odd-jobs. His wise investments of his little income have recently included $20 in lotto scratch-offs, high-speed internet access, and cable TV. Meanwhile, his teeth are literally falling out because he hasn't seen a dentist in so long.
But, it's not the financial burden or the fact he doesn't take care of himself that really bugs me. The living experience has been like "The Odd Couple" only less funny and more aggravating ( for me ). Just a week after I confronted him about cigarette burns in my carpet, I came home this Sunday to find him smoking in my apartment AGAIN. I have an outdoor deck where he could smoke to his heart's content, but I guess that would be too much work. I take pride in keeping my things nice and that's just not something he does. That's just one example, but representative of his carelessness.
Now, my lease is up at the end of Feb and I'm thinking of moving and not having him come along. That gives him a few months to figure out what to do. He's a veteran so he can always live at the Veteran's home ( which he has for several years before ) even though he doesn't like it there. Otherwise, I figure SS and the pension should allow him to live ok on ~2000/month.
With all the negative things I've said about him, I still love him and it's not easy for me to think of kicking him out ( especially since he's been through it several times before ). I'm kind of a recovered bleeding heart, but also believe people generally sleep in the beds they make for themselves. Plus, sometimes the best way to "help" is to force someone to stand on their own.
The positive thing is his example has definitely cemented FIRE ( and just personal responsibility in general ) in my mind. I'm at roughly 90k in net worth and that's being a single, lifelong renter at age 27. There is NO way my kids ( when I have them ) will go through what I have.
To summarize a lifelong story, my parents divorced when I was about 8. As an adult, I can call a spade a spade and say my dad was basically an irresponsible deadbeat, with sporadic visitation and child support. My older half-brother once even bailed him out of jail for not paying child support for me and my two younger brothers. When I was 19, I got to be the one to move him from his long time girlfriend's house as she had kicked him out and he had no where to go. He's had no steady home or job since and needless to say isn't in a very good financial situation ( ZERO savings ). He's lived briefly with my half-brother, his sister, me for a few months a couple years ago, and in the MN Veteran's home. I don't think he can even get a checking account due to bad credit and/or debts. He has no car and I'm not sure he can even legally drive.
I'm now 27 and live in a 1 BR apartment. He has finally started receiving his pension and his Social Security is supposedly in the works. I'm not sure if there is some garnishment going on or what but the wheels seem to be moving slowly on that. He's healthy, but not willing to work except for pipe-dream ideas or infrequent odd-jobs. His wise investments of his little income have recently included $20 in lotto scratch-offs, high-speed internet access, and cable TV. Meanwhile, his teeth are literally falling out because he hasn't seen a dentist in so long.
But, it's not the financial burden or the fact he doesn't take care of himself that really bugs me. The living experience has been like "The Odd Couple" only less funny and more aggravating ( for me ). Just a week after I confronted him about cigarette burns in my carpet, I came home this Sunday to find him smoking in my apartment AGAIN. I have an outdoor deck where he could smoke to his heart's content, but I guess that would be too much work. I take pride in keeping my things nice and that's just not something he does. That's just one example, but representative of his carelessness.
Now, my lease is up at the end of Feb and I'm thinking of moving and not having him come along. That gives him a few months to figure out what to do. He's a veteran so he can always live at the Veteran's home ( which he has for several years before ) even though he doesn't like it there. Otherwise, I figure SS and the pension should allow him to live ok on ~2000/month.
With all the negative things I've said about him, I still love him and it's not easy for me to think of kicking him out ( especially since he's been through it several times before ). I'm kind of a recovered bleeding heart, but also believe people generally sleep in the beds they make for themselves. Plus, sometimes the best way to "help" is to force someone to stand on their own.
The positive thing is his example has definitely cemented FIRE ( and just personal responsibility in general ) in my mind. I'm at roughly 90k in net worth and that's being a single, lifelong renter at age 27. There is NO way my kids ( when I have them ) will go through what I have.