People that have moved do you really feel at home

[mountainox]

I was born in NC and lived there until about 25 years of age. At nearly 70 now, I've come back and have settled into a CCRC in Burlington, NC. Those interim years were spent in HI, SC, NJ, CA and GA because of my military and contractor experiences.

We've been here about four months now and we both love it. No more lawn work or worry about maintenance items. We downsized from a 2400 sq ft single family home in GA to a spacious 1950 sq ft apartment here with a one car garage in the "basement". No kids to take care of us, so we're counting on the services here.

I don't feel completely at "home" yet, but it gets better each day. Time marches on and I'm just trying to keep up with it.

 

[audreyh1]

People are different. Some have a strong wanderlust. My parents sure did. DM grew up on a multigenerational farm near a small town where just about everyone was related. Yet she was out of there. She met DF in another state and they ended up traveling the world. The kids inherited that strong wanderlust in varying degrees - we all greatly enjoy traveling.

 

[iloveyoga]

That's why I like this board, it makes me think. Not through any plan, but I just checked and I have lived in the same five mile radius all my life. I have been fortunate to travel the US and go to Canada and Mexico, but where I live has not changed much. I have enjoyed reading everyone's stories on this topic.

 

[Music Lover]

I consider the city I grew up in and still live in to be "home", regardless of which house I lived in.

Our cabin 55 minutes away feels like an extension of home, but we've only had it for 4 years.

We snowbird in the same 2 block area in Mazatlán 4 years in a row now and it doesn't feel like home, but I don't think that a 3 month rental each year can really ever feel like home. But it does feel comfortable and we don't look outside of that area when planning for the next year.

 

[Tetto]

And wherever we move, I’ll need a workshop. Doesn’t have to be part of our house. Could be something like this. Toy Barn | Luxury Garage | Scottsdale, Lone Mountain, Chandler

One of my big fears of moving. I need all my tools and my workshop. It’s setup just the way I like it now

 

[robnplunder]

I have many golf buddies who left. One is having a problem making new golf buddies in his new place. He regrets leaving. Another has to move again because it didn't work out for him. Others are having a better time adjusting to their new places. It takes time to adapt to a new place but we all do eventually, some better than others.

 

[martyp]

I retired and 5 years later moved to Thailand. Actually I do feel deep down at home.

 

[Koolau]

Mentioned in these pages many times, I spent the first 60 years of my life no more than 10 miles from where I was born in the Midwest. We moved almost 5000 miles to Hawaii and it felt like home from the first day.

Nothing is perfect and I've mentioned many times also that no one should move simply because they think it will make everything "perfect." You take yourself along where ever you move. If you struggle with emotions or fears, financial or marital problems, changing geography will not make your life better. So, the trick is to get your life in order and then go some place that is (arguably) better.

 

[Out of Steam]

I have many golf buddies who left. One is having a problem making new golf buddies in his new place. He regrets leaving. Another has to move again because it didn't work out for him. Others are having a better time adjusting to their new places. It takes time to adapt to a new place but we all do eventually, some better than others.

My wife and I moved at retirement, in 2019, to a place where I had lived, but she hadn't. Despite the pandemic, I settled in well within three years, but she has struggled. For that reason, and the fact that I would like to live somewhere urban enough that I could stop driving as I get older, we could end up undoing the move.

 

[Scrapr]

My wife & I built our home in 1994. (had to think about that) Bought a vacation home in 2004 about 3 hours away. Both homes were new builds & everyone was getting to know each other. Working together in community. As I was nearing retirement we decided to sell the "big" house & downsize to the vacation home. The sense of "home" for us was the connections in the neighborhood. So we were comfortable in each community

My wife passed away & after a year & a half I moved back to the area where the big house was located. After 5 years I'm feeling good about where I live. The neighborhood is built with alley load garages & we are relatively "packed in". this sort of forces us to see each other & not just pull into the garage & close the door. I love it. Lots of walking trails & natural areas to explore. 2 blocks away is the Urban Growth Boundary so we get wildlife in the neighborhood regularly.

I do miss the city with the vacation home but that city has changed a lot & most of the OG neighbors have moved on.

 

[Scuba]

DH and I both grew up in the South, but we both relocated for jobs and ended up in CA which we thought would be our “forever home.” We also lived in PA and I lived in TX. Now we live in SW FL. When people ask us if this is our “forever home,” we tell people we have no idea. We thought CA was our forever home, but we left it for various reasons and are happy with our FL life so far.

I don’t feel that we have deep connections here yet. Lots of casual friends and a small number of closer friends. We may never develop the deep friendships with people we knew for 25+ years in CA, but several of them have visited us and we make an effort to stay in touch.

Neither of us has a desire to return to our original home states or to CA. For us, wherever we are together is “home.”

 

[Teacher Terry]

I only lived in one house growing up. My first husband was in the military and my second husband and I moved a few times for our careers.

I’ve lived in 5 states and the only two I didn’t like were Texas and Kansas. Both were too conservative and harder to find my tribe.

28 years ago after a divorce I moved to Nevada for my career and it was the best decision I ever made. I have many deep friendships and one of my sons moved here. I also love the weather. I would never move. I still go back to my hometown in Wisconsin to visit family and friends.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I only lived in one house growing up. My first husband was in the military and my second husband and I moved a few times for our careers.

I’ve lived in 5 states and the only two I didn’t like were Texas and Kansas. Both were too conservative and harder to find my tribe.

28 years ago after a divorce I moved to Nevada for my career and it was the best decision I ever made. I have many deep friendships and one of my sons moved here. I also love the weather. I would never move. I still go back to my hometown in Wisconsin to visit family and friends.

Doesn't it get quite cold in the winter? I visited Reno in summer and it's really lovely and peaceful. It is definitely a great place to live and retire.

 

[Out of Steam]

I’ve lived in 5 states and the only two I didn’t like were Texas and Kansas. Both were too conservative and harder to find my tribe.

I think this is my wife's core issue. Also, she has always been someone who met her friends through work, and her only work since retirement has been remote with the company she retired from.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Doesn't it get quite cold in the winter? I visited Reno in summer and it's really lovely and peaceful. It is definitely a great place to live and retire.

No it doesn’t. My winter coat is a thick sweater. I do own one but I rarely wear it. It’s sunny all the time which is great. It has a mild 4 seasons. In 28 years we have only had 5 real winters.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I think this is my wife's core issue. Also, she has always been someone who met her friends through work, and her only work since retirement has been remote with the company she retired from.

I have always made friends easily but it was always through my kids, going to college as an adult or work. I have 3 conservative friends and we never talk politics. But I need friends that I can talk about anything with too. I would never move in retirement. I think it’s too difficult.

 

[Out of Steam]

I have always made friends easily but it was always through my kids, going to college as an adult or work. I have 3 conservative friends and we never talk politics. But I need friends that I can talk about anything with too. I would never move in retirement. I think it’s too difficult.

If we were to move, it would either be a local move to a more urban neighborhood, or near where we lived before retirement--where our daughter currently lives. The beach area that was our second choice has the same limitations that led us not to move there, plus worsening sprawl and traffic.

I can't imagine moving to a completely different place either.

 

[Out of Steam]

No it doesn’t. My winter coat is a thick sweater. I do own one but I rarely wear it. It’s sunny all the time which is great. It has a mild 4 seasons. In 28 years we have only had 5 real winters.

Reno does have the advantage of dry cold. I struggle with the combination of cold and humidity here on the East Coast, including a trip to Tidewater Virginia last winter that felt generally unpleasant.

 

[Koolau]

LUCK

I would have to say that for those who move in retirement there is an element of luck involved. We did our homew*rk before moving (visiting our proposed new state 12 times.) We spent about 6 months total here before committing to the move. I think we spent about 5 weeks in one visit "practicing" what it would be like to live here (where are the best places to shop, where is a good church, what about long-term weather, living on a rock from which the only escape is a 2500 mile flight, etc.).

But with all that preparation and homew*rk there are things you can't know or didn't think too much about or simply got wrong in the knowledge gathering phase.

The things we got wrong (in at least a somewhat negative way) included how to deal with our travels back to the mainland. There are silly things like renewing car tags when you are 5000 miles away. Finding the right person to care for your condo - someone ready to shut it up if a big storm comes along. Dealing with mail. Many financial institutions do not allow forwarding of mail. I could think of more if I put my mind to it. Suffice to say that we have figured ways around most of the idiosyncrasies of keeping one foot on the mainland.

The "good" luck stuff include (what we consider) very good health care. We found good doctors/clinics/hospitals with relatively short wait times with very caring medical professionals and state of the art facilities. Some cancer treatment can require travel to the mainland but usually only for life-extension care.

We thought we had done our due diligence on taxes, but it turns out state taxes are MUCH lower than we had predicted because of our mix of income sources and our status as kupuna (elders.) W*rking in the Islands means high state taxes. Retiring here means much lower taxes. Our overall taxes are significantly lower here than they were on the mainland.

We were concerned about politics. Those who mentioned that they couldn't stand a given state because of conservative politics would love Hawaii. But though we're pretty much "middle of the bird" we find that politics here are more "organic" than say a state like Massachusetts or New York where politics seem a way of life. Here it's just a part of the Aloha spirit and there is very little meanness in disagreement.

Friendships are difficult to develop here because locals have been burned too many times by haole moving in, getting close and then going "back home." We got lucky in finding friends almost right away. That doesn't happen to a lot of haole. For instance, we're often invited to family luaus for holidays.

I think you do make your own luck to a certain extent. We have been willing to adapt to our new homeland and do not insist that people should "do things" like we did them "back home." We embrace being a minority because everyone is a minority. No place is free of prejudice but most people here deal with their prejudices rather than embrace them. We're described as a "melting pot" and within limits, that is very true. A smile goes a very long way here. YMMV

 

[aja8888]

LUCK

I would have to say that for those who move in retirement there is an element of luck involved. We did our homew*rk before moving (visiting our proposed new state 12 times.) We spent about 6 months total here before committing to the move. I think we spent about 5 weeks in one visit "practicing" what it would be like to live here (where are the best places to shop, where is a good church, what about long-term weather, living on a rock from which the only escape is a 2500 mile flight, etc.).

But with all that preparation and homew*rk there are things you can't know or didn't think too much about or simply got wrong in the knowledge gathering phase.

The things we got wrong (in at least a somewhat negative way) included how to deal with our travels back to the mainland. There are silly things like renewing car tags when you are 5000 miles away. Finding the right person to care for your condo - someone ready to shut it up if a big storm comes along. Dealing with mail. Many financial institutions do not allow forwarding of mail. I could think of more if I put my mind to it. Suffice to say that we have figured ways around most of the idiosyncrasies of keeping one foot on the mainland.

The "good" luck stuff include (what we consider) very good health care. We found good doctors/clinics/hospitals with relatively short wait times with very caring medical professionals and state of the art facilities. Some cancer treatment can require travel to the mainland but usually only for life-extension care.

We thought we had done our due diligence on taxes, but it turns out state taxes are MUCH lower than we had predicted because of our mix of income sources and our status as kupuna (elders.) W*rking in the Islands means high state taxes. Retiring here means much lower taxes. Our overall taxes are significantly lower here than they were on the mainland.

We were concerned about politics. Those who mentioned that they couldn't stand a given state because of conservative politics would love Hawaii. But though we're pretty much "middle of the bird" we find that politics here are more "organic" than say a state like Massachusetts or New York where politics seem a way of life. Here it's just a part of the Aloha spirit and there is very little meanness in disagreement.

Friendships are difficult to develop here because locals have been burned too many times by haole moving in, getting close and then going "back home." We got lucky in finding friends almost right away. That doesn't happen to a lot of haole. For instance, we're often invited to family luaus for holidays.

I think you do make your own luck to a certain extent. We have been willing to adapt to our new homeland and do not insist that people should "do things" like we did them "back home." We embrace being a minority because everyone is a minority. No place is free of prejudice but most people here deal with their prejudices rather than embrace them. We're described as a "melting pot" and within limits, that is very true. A smile goes a very long way here. YMMV

You mentioned mail....easy to set up electronic delivery. I get almost no first class mail anymore as it all comes to my email. But you are right about maintaining two residences over long distances and dealing with local stuff.

 

[karen1972]

I'm really happy with our move, been here 10 years, think it was the right choice. My husband and I met after each living 20 years in Chicago, while we loved what the downtown had to offer, we both immediately agreed we didnt' want to live there any longer but it was a nice place to visit from time to time. We did a lot of research to figure out what places met our criteria.

Will we stay here forever, probably not. We want to live a few years on the West coast and explore from a static location.. however I think in the end we will likely come back to live out our final years once hiking is no longer an option for us. I'd never live in my home state again, other than family I have zero interest.

 

[YB88]

My wife and I moved at the very end of December and we've been asking that question (is it 'home' yet?). As has been mentioned before, this has got to vary quite a bit by individual personalities, personal histories, and specific dynamics. We lived in our previous house for 40 years, so there is perhaps a stronger anchoring effect when you raised your children in a place and spent the core part of your life in that place. But our new house and community are wonderful, so we're not second-guessing our choice to move.

For us I think it's a combination of things that increasingly make this home. First, of course, we're both here --- home will always be to a large extent where my wife is. Just 'settling in' is another thing --- getting the right mix of furniture, storage space, working out a myriad of significant and minor changes to the living space, even just "can I find where thing X is when I want it", and adapting my routines in part to the new living space while also adapting the living space to a degree to my desired routine use.

Getting involved in our new community will help too, and where we're at makes this as easy as I was hoping it would be.

For me, at least, doing various projects helps too --- as I learn more aspects of the house and do various DIY things to make it more suitable for us, it sort of feels more "mine" through actually working with and modifying it. Our latest is that we're currently installing a new cabinet and work bench plus some pegboard on one wall of the garage.

I think another factor is that we're retired, so we spend quite a bit of time at home, especially during the winter. If I had a full-time job and was thus spending a lot less of my waking hours at (our new) home, I suspect it would take longer.

I guess I'll know I'm 'there' based on minor things. If someone asks me where I live, I won't hesitate. If I'm out somewhere and feeling tired and ready to 'go home', I will think of this (new) house.

 

[Fermion]

Grew up in south Georgia, moved to Seattle after college, now live in eastern Washington, which feels more like south Georgia (politics and summers). When I go back to Georgia though I do find things I really miss, like boiled peanut stands, southern fried foods. Can't say I miss anything in Seattle except boating on the Puget Sound, but I have never loved larger cities.

 

[kgtest]

I moved and came back to my birth city/area now 4x. DW 2x.

I thrive in unknown or new places. DW did not do so well.

Now that we are back "home" I think we feel great except for dealing with the cold months and subsequent cabin fever.

Different seasons of your life might require home to be in a different spot.

I am fairly outgoing and never seem to have trouble settling in, anywhere...whether that's good or bad, not sure.

As I age, I enjoy coming back home. But am certain I will expend some of our wealth travelling away from home quite often, especially in the colder months. I'll pay to chase that sun around the earth.

 

[Ronstar]

A bill recently filed at the Illinois Statehouse seeks to end property taxes for qualified taxpayers who live in and pay taxes on a residential home for at least 30 years.

This has been introduced in an effort to stop the mass exodus from Illinois.

We’ve lived in our current house and paid taxes on it for 31 years. Even if the bill became law, I wouldn’t let a zero dollar real estate tax bill influence our decision on where to move.