Retirement and the arrival fallacy

[Diogenes]

It involves understanding that the capacity for happiness is something that gets built through intentional daily practice, not delivered when the circumstances finally align. (…)

This is both pablum and profundity. Some of us escape from the fundamentals, or at least obscure them, by robotic focus on the daily minutiae. Picking the kids up from school, making dinner, taking notes in an office-meeting. Retirement strips away the minutiae.

I must be in the minority and maybe it comes from the fact that my retirement decision was made quickly - over a weekend - so it came on suddenly and I hadn’t planned any particular pursuit....

It may have been a sheer surprise tactically, but likely you were mulling the concept for years, maybe decades. The tactical surprise didn't defeat the strategic preparation.

I find this discussion of retirement similar to the one about moving - especially long distances. No one escapes their problems by moving - they take their problems with them.

If one is a zombie employee, one is going to be a zombie retiree. But with work, we conveniently have The Man to blame. In retirement, there's only ourselves to blame.

 

[TickTock]

What is the actual work of living? As best I can tell at seventy, having failed to do it for quite a long time, it involves being genuinely present to the day you are actually having rather than the day you are waiting to arrive. It involves investing in the process, not banking on the outcome. It involves understanding that the capacity for happiness is something that gets built through intentional daily practice, not delivered when the circumstances finally align. (…)

AI or not, sounds like Buddhist philosophy. (That's a compliment.)

 

[Ronstar]

The author has personal problems that I cannot begin to understand.

 

[walkinwood]

Thanks for sharing the article. Beautifully written.

 

[Koolau]

It's not just a retirement phenomenon. Throughout my life I've known people who were absolutely certain that they would be happy if only they just ... lived in this place, got this job, saved this much money, etc. Many, if not most of them, having finally achieved the objects of their desire, found themselves no happier at all. Because happiness is how you live your life along the way and in the moment, not some idealized destination.

Hear, hear!

 

[Koolau]

I don't define my retirement as what I do. I define retirement as doing what I want, when I want, and how I want. Most days I am fairly busy doing something, going places, and enjoying the productivity. But some days it is just not doing much, which is also OK not to have a big productive day. I am not in comparison to anyone and what they do in a day.

I will admit that I STILL have a certain level of structure and "required" behavior in retirement. You are never truly free of other's demands and restraints. I still have doctor appointments/treatments, I still have gummint intrusion and requirements (and costs - such as tax prep and payments, DL and tags renewal and car inspection, etc.), HOA requirements (Clean your darn screens!, Paint your rusty iron gate!), heh, heh, DW has her demands on me (and I have my demands on her), etc., etc.

In short, we are never fully free. But freedom from w*rk goes a long way toward making one "feel" free - even if there are still some restraints.

 

[zangbao]

I felt the feeling of freedom, relief and happiness increased dramatically the day I left the office for the last time three years ago. I no longer had to trade my time for money.

 

[old medic]

My career taught me that life can Change/end in an instant, and to enjoy every available second possible. Since I retired, I have done my best to continue with that mindset. We enjoy camping and even during working years we averaged 60 days away a year.

 

[sengsational]

If one is a zombie employee, one is going to be a zombie retiree. But with work, we conveniently have The Man to blame. In retirement, there's only ourselves to blame.

I can identify with that. Not the zombie extreme, but I thought it would be much easier to be happy after retirement. If you asked me while I was working "will it be easier to be happy after you retire", I might have said "no", but deep down might have felt that it HAS to be somewhat easier! But it's not. What is available is time, most obviously. And with that, you can pay close attention to everything happening in the "now", no matter how mundane. This was also available when working, but blaming The Man was easier.

"Doing retirement" takes skill that we are not necessarily equipped to manage without at least a little practice. I know that for me, the first portion (of my 12 years) was bumpier than the later portion. Still learning.

 

[Koolau]

I think my first indication (or perhaps, my first validation) that I was "doing" FIRE right was (wait for it): No more dreading Mondays! I never worried too much about enjoying FIRE, but there was just a little bit of nagging doubt. Will it be all I hoped/expected? Well, there have been some things that haven't met expectations but, for the most part, FIRE has been very positive and much better than when I was w*rking.

Having said that, I also realize that things which irritated me at w*rk or those things for which I felt inadequate can still affect me. Biggest "evil" that I carried over from university days to w*rk days to FIRE days: Procrastination!

 

[griffithee]

My realization came when I started forgetting what day it was. Which is fine unless you still have a school age child that needs to wake up and go to school. God blessed me with his mother. She’s retired as well but still very structured.

 

[ImaCheesehead]

“Marlene” also includes a paragraph that describes how she felt as a young man.

“I also thought I would feel interested in things again. Not briefly interested, the way you can be interested in a documentary on a Tuesday evening before the Wednesday alarm reasserts itself, but genuinely, sustainedly interested. Absorbed. The way I remember feeling as a young man before the accumulated sediment of a practical life filled in over whatever that was.”

If AI is going to write it for you, can’t you at least proof read it??

 

[Teacher Terry]

I think most people have been guilty of thinking that their happiness lies in the future or accomplishing a certain goal that you’re working towards, etc. My mom once said to me, be careful not to wish your life away. I no longer project my happiness to the future, but at times I was guilty of doing that.

Some people have no trouble finding things they enjoy to do in retirement because they have so many hobbies they enjoy. I’ve never really been a hobby type of person.

I have done numerous things in retirement such as helping my friends through serious illnesses, volunteering at organizations, I taught a college class for eight years, and I have been consulting part-time in my past field for all but three years of my 14 years of retirement. Now that I no longer need the money, I seriously considered not doing that but decided against it because it’s one of the ways I fill my time and I still enjoy it.

One thing I really enjoy about being retired is that my oldest son and I have become so much closer. Since I have more free time, I see either him alone or him and his wife together at least once a week. We do live in the same town, which makes it easy. We are close in age only being separated by 19 years and I think that has also helped to bring us closer together as we both are aging.

For me personally, the hardest thing about is retirement is losing all the people that you love. While you expect to lose your parents, it came as a bit of surprise to me how many people I would lose during my late 50s and my 60s. I guess I never realized how many people die during those years. I do find that slightly depressing.

I have lost three of the people that I was closest to in the past six months. One of them we had been friends since we were in kindergarten. A friend of mine that I hadn’t seen or talked to in nearly 30 years called me the other night and we talked for hours. There were decades where we were close and I really enjoyed the conversation.

 

[FlyingCircus]

Claude tells me:

Overly Polished, Rhythmic Prose
Generic "Relatable" Persona
Heavy Reliance on Named Research
Signature AI Phrases
Mismatch with the Publication

More explanation here: https://www.perplexity.ai/search/summarize-https-vegoutmag-com-ToWRJlXAT9SWS7SjXK3uIw#2

It's probably true that in the not-so-distant future we'll just be reading artificially constructed content on social media outlets.

Possibly Jeannette Brown at Vegout given the focus of her page long bio. Maybe a few of them. Sad they wouldn't edit it enough to attribute it.

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[Koolau]

My realization came when I started forgetting what day it was. Which is fine unless you still have a school age child that needs to wake up and go to school. God blessed me with his mother. She’s retired as well but still very structured.

So far (after 20 years) I always know the day of the week (just, not always the exact date). I have also learned to depend upon the calendar so I don't forget planned activities and appointments.

 

[Aerides]

Possibly Jeannette Brown at Vegout given the focus of her page long bio. Maybe a few of them. Sad they wouldn't edit it enough to attribute it.

Writers Archive

Get to know the wonderful people committed to creating high quality content on VegOut Magazine.

vegoutmag.com

The OP's "author" has pumped out 8 new long form pieces in the last two days alone. They are really getting their money's worth from someone who never wrote before now.

 

[tenant13]

I didn’t think this was AI written when I was posting it. TBH - it doesn’t matter, the points made are valid.

I’m not sure about you guys but I find AI particularly well suited for giving therapy-like advice. All it does is using the existing knowledge to address questions you might have. If they are precise and you feed it enough information, it works.

While I would never blindly rely on AI, it did help me to focus on some problematic areas of my mental health and I found the advice useful and free of bias or judgement (unlike the sessions with my real life dumb ass therapist who was getting paid for “asking pointed questions” instead of providing answers).

 

[Teacher Terry]

I didn’t think this was AI written when I was posting it. TBH - it doesn’t matter, the points made are valid.

I’m not sure about you guys but I find AI particularly well suited for giving therapy-like advice. All it does is using the existing knowledge to address questions you might have. If they are precise and you feed it enough information, it works.

While I would never blindly rely on AI, it did help me to focus on some problematic areas of my mental health and I found the advice useful and free of bias or judgement (unlike the sessions with my real life dumb ass therapist who was getting paid for “asking pointed questions” instead of providing answers).

A therapist is not supposed to give answers. A good therapist helps each client find their own individual answer by asking probing questions that gets the client to think in a different way in order to find their own answer.

The same therapist could have 50 clients with the exact same problem and the answer for each client might be 50 different answers. AI is trained and is designed to agree with you. It has told people to kill themselves. AI should never be used for therapy.

 

[tenant13]

A therapist is not supposed to give answers. A good therapist helps each client find their own individual answer by asking probing questions that gets the client to think in a different way in order to find their own answer.

The same therapist could have 50 clients with the exact same problem and the answer for each client might be 50 different answers. AI is trained and is designed to agree with you. It has told people to kill themselves. AI should never be used for therapy.

I found my therapist to be as useless as my financial advisor - they were more interested in how to bill me than how to help me. Both were promptly fired as soon as they overstayed their welcome.

I’m not saying that today’s AI is the answer to our problems. It certainly lies a lot and is way too eager to please but it can be useful if used judiciously.

 

[Aerides]

I didn’t think this was AI written when I was posting it. TBH - it doesn’t matter, the points made are valid.

I’m not sure about you guys but I find AI particularly well suited for giving therapy-like advice. All it does is using the existing knowledge to address questions you might have. If they are precise and you feed it enough information, it works.

While I would never blindly rely on AI, it did help me to focus on some problematic areas of my mental health and I found the advice useful and free of bias or judgement (unlike the sessions with my real life dumb ass therapist who was getting paid for “asking pointed questions” instead of providing answers).

But when an article is presented as being written by a person, without the disclosure that it's a bot, I find it off-putting. That's content farming for clicks and cash with a false pretense.

 

[target2019]

Google Search

Try to count how many articles this AI persona has cranked out in a month or two.

Clicks for money...

 

[Gumby]

Google Search

Try to count how many articles this AI persona has cranked out in a month or two.

Clicks for money...

I counted 366 articles in 3 days. That's one article every 11.8 minutes.

 

[target2019]

I counted 366 articles in 3 days. That's one article every 11.8 minutes.

There must be a browser extension by now that flags AI-generated articles posing as human-written.

 

[DrRoy]

I found this quite interesting, even though not my experience. I never thought about it in the terms from in the article, but I must have found my way of living in the present quite some time back. For example, after our kids were out of the house, DW and I got into a quest to visit the National Parks and similar scenic places and do a lot of photography there. We also got to like taking cruises with her sisters. RE was about 7 years later, and for me, my job was my only ‘weight’. When it was over, the biggest constraint on my time was gone. I did not have a formally designed plan for what retirement would be like, but basically we just had so much more available time to do the things that we already liked to do. More travel and photography, reading on the back porch, listening to music, and whatever. I write this now on a month’s sojourn in (very scenic) southern Utah.

I have also read that many retirees, following a honeymoon period, go through a phase of feeling lost, until they establish a new normal. That did not happen to DW or me either.

 

[Markola]

I counted 366 articles in 3 days. That's one article every 11.8 minutes.

Someone alert the Retirement Police.