Retiring at 43, how do you find retired friends in the same age group?

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earlyasheville

Confused about dryer sheets
Joined
Aug 22, 2024
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3
Location
asheville nc
Hello! New to this forum :) I am now 41 years old and planning on selling my business in 2 to 3 years to retire with my husband. We have no kids and are planning on downsizing and then having an interest only retirement funded by the sale of our business.

I do actually already have one retired friend, who lives close by. We’ve actually considered not moving specifically to be close to our one retired friend Couple lol. It’s already been hard enough to find friends that I have anything in common with being a business owner… And I am afraid that being an early retiree will make this even more awkward.

So my question is if you have retired early, how did you navigate making friends with similar circumstances/ free time lol
 
What are your hobbies? Join a Sports and Social Club (membership based). In our case, we moved after we retired and joined a country club within the community. We become good friends with other golfers. Most of us are retired and there are probably 5% of the membership who still work at some level.
 
I didn't. I considered it a price to pay to retire early. I figured I could work, stay connected, and be "normal", or I could retire early with all the potential abnormalities that came with it and just accept that as my new life.
 
Not quite there but we go on vacation and visit friends we have made throughout the years. Living in different places keeps you on the dl too. We have lived in CA, Mexico and TX & have friends who travel extensively & live all over the world. Just got back from Germany and last year was Italy.

We also have people over often for dinner and games. I was asked to golf by some new guys recently but I don't play, so doesn't work all the time.
 
Work was never intended (for me) to be the only connection to people. I RE'd 1.7 years ago. I've been umpiring baseball (140 games/yr) and officiating volleyball (30+ matches/yr) for over a decade. I golf 1 or 2 times per week. DW still works. DGD is 20 miles away. I'm soooo busy. Barely have time to read this forum. LOL
 
You may need to look for older friends if you need them to be as "fancy free" as you are. Most people have not/will not do the (very) early retirement that many of us here did or have dreamed about.

Most silver linings (like very early retirement) have a dark cloud someplace. You'll adapt as most here have done. You may find you need fewer "full time" friends (like traveling companions) and more week-end or 2-week travel friends.

Heh, heh, unfortunately, you WILL age out of this "problem" eventually. :cool:


Welcome to the FIRE Forums. Tell us more about your self if you're comfortable and also be sure to check back often in your FIRE journey. We look forward to it.
 
earlyasheville said:
...We have no kids and are planning on downsizing and then having an interest only retirement funded by the sale of our business. ...

So my question is if you have retired early, how did you navigate making friends with similar circumstances/ free time lol
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It's a profound problem. Most American adults interact with other adults through their children or their workplace. Child-free people have a particular burden and challenge, in finding means for socializing. It might be cool and hip in modern America to not (yet) have children at 35, but try it at 45 or 50... OK, I'm being a bit facetious, but the very serious point, is that for persons of a certain age, without children, the quest to build a social life will be fraught and dicey... even more so, if retired. I'm about a decade older than you, OP, and speak from bitter experience.
 
Diogenes said:
It's a profound problem. Most American adults interact with other adults through their children or their workplace. Child-free people have a particular burden and challenge, in finding means for socializing. It might be cool and hip in modern America to not (yet) have children at 35, but try it at 45 or 50... OK, I'm being a bit facetious, but the very serious point, is that for persons of a certain age, without children, the quest to build a social life will be fraught and dicey... even more so, if retired. I'm about a decade older than you, OP, and speak from bitter experience.
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Yeah, we had our kids very late and I know exactly what you mean. When our "young" friends started having their kids, they suddenly found friends with kids and we were an after-thought. When we DID get together, they talked about kids and kids and kids. No big surprise as kids are a very specific time of life and focus within families.

We have current friends who kids are long gone - married with kids and our friends now "live their lives" through their grand kids. Go figure! :cool:
 
Diogenes said:
It's a profound problem. Most American adults interact with other adults through their children or their workplace. Child-free people have a particular burden and challenge, in finding means for socializing. It might be cool and hip in modern America to not (yet) have children at 35, but try it at 45 or 50... OK, I'm being a bit facetious, but the very serious point, is that for persons of a certain age, without children, the quest to build a social life will be fraught and dicey... even more so, if retired. I'm about a decade older than you, OP, and speak from bitter experience.
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Haha- yea you’re completely correct on this. Many of my friends dropped off when they had kids (which I completely understand as kids keep you busy!) I guess we probably need to start joining more groups - I am super resistant to move because I don’t want to lose the small social circle I do have that I built in my 20’s and 30’s in our search for a more affordable place to live (homes in Florida are half price compared to Asheville and that’s with a pool! 😂)
 
audreyh1 said:
We never worried about age and whether friends were retired.
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It can make a big difference depending on your hobbies. For example, we like to kayak. It's best done on weekdays because rivers get crowded on weekends. Most people our age have to work on the days we want to be out doing things. We also like to take camping/hiking trips that last 1-2 weeks which is difficult for people who are working. This means that pretty much all of the friends we do things with are older than us. But several of them are aging out of the ability to do the active things we like. Finding friends who both have the free time that retirement gives and the health to enjoy active hobbies is difficult.
 
We would go kayaking without friends and likely meet new people to kayak with. you can still do some weekend activities with old friends in addition. I think you are putting too many constraints on your options. Just go out and do what you enjoy and you’ll meet more like minded people. Don’t worry about their age. If some “age out” others show up.

When we were full time RVing and spending time in state parks we met tons of people. Most were older. Some became good friends over the years. Didn’t matter we enjoyed them.
 
I think age matters less than interests and ability (which can correlate with age but I have a 65 y/o friend that gives me a run for my money!). There are plenty of groups for various interests around me. Age definitely skews older for events during working hours but there are plenty of people that are free or work odd schedules (I have working friends/acquaintances that have varying weekdays off -retail and medical fields).
 
There aren't going to be many others retired at age 43, so they are going to be very hard to find. I retired at 57 and it was a problem. So I forced myself to join everything even remotely interesting (where I wouldn't have while working), and there are other ways online already mentioned above. Some people don't mind have much older friends, but that never really appealed to me - unless they were still healthy and active, not usually the case IME. YMMV
 
Once you retire you can travel far and wide doing things you enjoy. Kayaking trips, etc. Traveling with small groups on these activities can be quite fun. We did a lot of this the first few years after retiring.
 
I retired at 50 and absolutely could not find anyone close to my age to regularly socialize. All my friends were still working. I am very active dancing, hiking, traveling, playing Pickeball, etc and all the people who I can socialize regularly with are older. In fact much older, some in their 80s. There are many active people in their 70s and 80s. Most people under 65/70 can’t afford or don’t want to completely retire.
 
Letj said:
I retired at 50 and absolutely could not find anyone close to my age to regularly socialize. All my friends were still working. I am very active dancing, hiking, traveling, playing Pickeball, etc and all the people who I can socialize regularly with are older. In fact much older, some in their 80s. There are many active people in their 70s and 80s. Most people under 65/70 can’t afford or don’t want to completely retire.
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This very much comports with what I've also observed. 65-year-olds remain working, even if they can easily afford retirement. They'd rather spend more money, get a second house, support their adult children, spoil their grandchildren, etc. Others were unsuccessful at savings/investment, and find themselves still working, less from choice than from necessity. The last thing that folks are inclined to do, is to ratchet-down their lifestyle, to enable retirement.

The situation is self-perpetuating. If 65-year-olds remain in the office, then the 50-year-olds right behind them, are left waiting-around, for a slot to open up, to get promoted. Careers stretch out. It takes these 50-year-olds longer to reach their desired level... so that once they do reach it, they themselves cling to it, for longer... and so on, into the next generation. Meanwhile, longevity stretches.

Early retirement was more popular 30+ years ago, before the managerial revolution that glamorized sedulous white-collar work, and when defined-benefit pensions were more common. Just as FIRE has become more popularized as a thematic movement, its practice among the general public, seems to have waned. Those who do successfully retire early, will find themselves in rarified circumstances.

We used to retire at 55 or 60, have a healthy decade or so, then die at 70. Now we work until 70, stay healthy though 85, and die at 90. The rubber-band of life, from adolescence and young adulthood, into middle age, eventual retirement and senescence and death, has been stretched and stretched.
 
Senior living communities often allow up to 20% of the residents to be under age 55, if you're in the market for a second home. Not everyone is retired, but many are and quite social. Plenty of activities and people around.
 
I retired at 56. I never had friends who were near my age or retired. I'm now 65 and my two best friends are 45 (married with kids) and 51 (single), and they both work. I do things with them mainly in the evenings and on weekends, which is perfectly fine with me. We have a circle of friends whom we do things with - like concerts, theatres, volleyball, pickleball, bowling, potlucks, 2-hour lunches mid-week, etc. We're planning a holiday travel together at the end of this year, and I'm going to Japan with one of them next spring. I had a chance to hang around with some retired folks in another town for a while, and that was good too, but I don't particularly try to find people my age or in similar circumstances to socialize with. I think I tend to gravitate toward people with similar interests regardless of age. Since I'm retired, I can easily accommodate my friend's busy work schedules to get together.
 
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tmm99 said:
I retired at 56. I never had friends who were near my age or retired. I'm now 65 and my two best friends are 45 (married with kids) and 51 (single), and they both work. I do things with them mainly in the evenings and on weekends, which is perfectly fine with me. We have a circle of friends whom we do things with - like concerts, theatres, volleyball, pickleball, bowling, potlucks, 2-hour lunches mid-week, etc. We're planning a holiday travel together at the end of this year, and I'm going to Japan with one of them next spring. I had a chance to hang around with some retired folks in another town for a while, and that was good too, but I don't particularly try to find people my age or in similar circumstances to socialize with. I think I tend to gravitate toward people with similar interests regardless of age. Since I'm retired, I can easily accommodate my friend's busy work schedules to get together.
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How did you meet the best friends?
 
teej1985 said:
How did you meet the best friends?
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I met them through playing volleyball which is one of my hobbies and theirs as well. I played with one of them at local community centers for a few seasons. I met the other one when another friend invite me to play at some gym, and I asked her to join my league team and we played on the same team for a few seasons. Then I invited her to join the volleyball group the other woman was convening and they became friends too. Now we do other things together as well.
 
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I’m living a version of this. Retired 8 months ago at 53.

We got married quite young, had kids pretty young, and retired early. 95% of our friends are still going. Good opportunities to say connected with people on weekends but we are so clearly out of sync with our social network. Even weekend catch up chats can be a bit weird.

How was your week: “Meetings, budget cuts, stress for a big presentation.”

How was your week: “Golf, exercise, worked on the house, peeked at the finances, re-watched season 6 of Game of Thrones, bought a new VR game, and washed my truck.”

Hmmm.

I’m now actively leaning into these questions of social networks and purpose (per the other thread we have going).
 
Meetup was much more active when I retired at 43 and we moved across country.

We joined hiking groups and cooking groups. We moved into a new construction subdivision which tends to have more social startup as "everyone is new" and wanting to make friends with neighbors. Thru those we met tons of retired people, some of them were younger due to having govt jobs. We met lots of medical people who have very random schedules so are desperately also looking for people to do something on a Tuesday afternoon. Lastly I made a lot of friends with people that worked in retail whos schedule switches week to week.

Lastly I started volunteering with a variety of organizations and met people who shared similar passion and its something you do routinely so you are seeing the same people over and over thus making it a lot easier to move from casual acquaintance to actual friends.
 
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