Secret Money. Do you hide money from your spouse?

Enuff2Eat

Full time employment: Posting here.
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Oct 27, 2005
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I tried not to poke into my co-workers personal life but I do get the feeling many of them dont really trust their spouse with the finance. Some tend to hide money by way of seperate account or just plain hiding.

is this a common things in the US? don't trust their spouse with their money. Personally I pay everything for the operation of the household. My wife keep her own money but when i do needed it. she got no problem to "share" . she does things for her family eventhough i know but i just dont say anything.

keep the peace and try to avoid sleeping on the couch...
 
I am not married.  However, I have read a large percentage of marriages end due to finances.

It would seem that this would be an important issue to share and communicate about.

I guess the married folks will know better then I.  But that is my take. 
 
Marketneutral said:
I am not married.  However, I have read a large percentage of marriages end due to finances.

It would seem that this would be an important issue to share and communicate about.

I guess the married folks will know better then I.  But that is my take. 

Trust, Sense of Humor, and good supply of wheat bread are essential. (At least 2 out of three). ;)
 
Marketneutral said:
I am not married. However, I have read a large percentage of marriages end due to finances.

It would seem that this would be an important issue to share and communicate about.

I guess the married folks will know better then I. But that is my take.

If you do not have absolute trust in your spouce you have no reason to be married. It's about two becoming one. Corny but true.
 
I think trust with money as well as many other things... ... is essential.
(I don't think trouble with finances is the only thing that ends marriages...)

Anyway, luckily I do trust DW, so we are very open (AFAIK) with the money and
have joint accounts, etc.

Of course, there are at least 2 potential issues with the joint method:
1. Identity theft. Though probably rare, a SSN stolen could wreak havoc on both credit scores.
2. Spousal insanity and/or divorce where each tries to "one up" the other by buying needless stuff.

Oh wait, #2 could happen regardless of joint account status.

Then there are prenups.

But I think in general, most marriages are trusting.
 
Lazarus said:
If you do not have absolute trust in your spouce you have no reason to be married. It's about two becoming one. Corny but true.

Hello young lovers whoever you are
I hope your troubles are few...
All my good wishes go with you tonight..
I've been in love like you..

Part of the reason life often is bittersweet, and not just sweet.

Ha
 
marketneutral

i somewhat disagree with you. personally i know many couple stay married for many many year even without completely trust their spouse. they might not completely happy but they do stay together. trusting about finance alone sometime don't really kill the marriage. many people feels either put up with it or live alone. For some, stay together is better.
 
Enuff2Eat said:
marketneutral

i somewhat disagree with you. personally i know many couple stay married for many many year even without completely trust their spouse. they might not completely happy but they do stay together. trusting about finance alone sometime don't really kill the marriage. many people feels either put up with it or live alone. For some, stay together is better.

I would personally be miserable in that situation.

But I respect your point. :D
 
Lazarus said:
If you do not have absolute trust in your spouce you have no reason to be married. It's about two becoming one. Corny but true.

I could not agree more. We have no secrets and share everything; we could not imagine not doing so.
 
Trust my DW with the finances? ? ?

Absolutely and completely. . .

Now, the remote is another issue.

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
 
lazy, ex-jar and sg who would have thought that a topic about trusting your spouse with money would have elicited responses that had me laughing out loud at 5:45 in the morning (or is it just my second cup of coffee)

I trust my wife with every penny we have (she has most of 'em and promises to tell me where they are when I need to know)
 
My financial affairs are so complicated, I don't need to "hide".
Trust but verify. :)

JG
 
HaHa said:
Hello young lovers whoever you are
I hope your troubles are few...
All my good wishes go with you tonight..
I've been in love like you..

Part of the reason life often is bittersweet, and not just sweet.

Ha

I just read that if you really got to know someone completely,
hardly anyone would ever marry. Anyway, life can also be just plain
bitter.

JG
 
I don't hide money from my spouse, he knows everything about the finances he just chooses to let me handle it. I'd trust him with the money if he felt he wanted to get more involved because everything we do is a joint decision.

But there is a man I work with that has a secret bank account, the statement comes to the office and my assistant opened it by mistake. He admitted to me it was something his wife didn't know about, I just shook my head and asked him to make sure I was sent an invitation to the divorce party.
 
No financial secrets here. My problem is getting DW to take enough interest in our finances to know what's where in case something happens to me. That's why I keep an an updated "In Case of My Death or Incapacitation" instruction letter for her.

I suspect a lot of spouses do hide money from each other. At my old job, one very big complaint we got was not allowing the option of getting annual bonus payments via check rather than direct deposit...... :-*
 
REWahoo! said:
No financial secrets here.  My problem is getting DW to take enough interest in our finances to know what's where in case something happens to me.  That's why I keep an an updated "In Case of My Death or Incapacitation" instruction letter for her.

I've always suspected that DW has her own instruction letter
which covers what she would do upon my "Death or Incapacitation."
Not sure. I sometimes wish I had a "taster" though. :)

JG
 
JG, four posts in a row before. No wonder your post count is so high!

I hide my spouse from my money.

Seriously, I have the same problem as a few others here - spouse doesn't take much interest in where all the different funds and accounts are. Luckily we're still young, so there aren't too many pots-o-money (and none of them are too full ;) ). I need to write a "in the event I'm not around" letter. As it is now, I told her where the directory is on the computer that containts all of our financial spreadsheets - mainly the net worth balance sheet (lists all account names, not numbers though).

I don't really have a reason to hide money from her. I trust her, and she trusts me. Trust is key.
 
MRGALT2U said:
I've always suspected that DW has her own instruction letter
which covers what she would do upon my "Death or Incapacitation."
Not sure. I sometimes wish I had a "taster" though. :)

JG

OK, here's a "taste"... ;)
 

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Same wife, same kid, same pack of worthless cats for last 20 years. Our paychecks go into one accout, I write checks for the monthly bills and mutual funds, after that its all spendable. She balances the checkbook. I trust her with money, but not near a box of free kittens.
 
rmark said:
Same wife, same kid, same pack of worthless cats for last 20 years. Our paychecks go into one accout, I write checks for the monthly bills and mutual funds, after that its all spendable. She balances the checkbook. I trust her with money, but not near a box of free kittens.

Can I have your wife's email address? I need to unload my pack of worthless cats onto some sucker caring, animal loving person. :D
 
We've finally gotten down to 2 cats (after assorted accidents and diseases), who absolutely despise each other - we're entertained by the occasional cat fight across our bed when they've run into each other by accident. I don't need more.

A few years ago we had the front door propped open for the cats to go in and out and a opossum walked and settled down to eat at the cat food bowl by the door. I guess he saw all those well fed cats and thought he would fit right in. My wife wanted to but it a collar and keep it.
 
There are two separate issues here--separate accounts and hiding money.

When DH and I first married, we tried a his/her/ours approach to checking accounts. All I can say is, it made sense at the time--NOT. Within a year or so, we combined it all into joint accounts.

That said, I've heard that many women especially want the "freedom" of a separate account--so they can spend it on whatever they please, without a spouse looking over their shoulder. If that works for them, then fine. It just didn't feel right to us.

Hiding money, OTOH--that's a sure sign that there's something wrong in the marriage (outside of short-term things like surprise presents; I can see that hiding money could be necessary in that instance).

I've shown DH where the binders and statements are that contain all of our financial information. He generally lets me handle it, though I consult him on most issues, and we have periodic chats about what to do next or where we are in relation to our goals.
 
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